Mental health short stories 2025

So i have decided at i think im ready to share my stories with the community, its been on my mind d for a while whether I share them or not just because each story highlight aspects of my life that i have go through and ultimately lead to me being where I am currently.
Although I have hidden these struggles for years from people and may not have been honest with those who have supported me - i think I just needed the time and space to actually be ready to figure out and work on these issues.

Each story shares an aspect of my life that ive hidden for so long. But I feel the time has come to share my story..
I chose to do it this way, giving each part its own piece so I myself can come to terms with what happened and so i don't feel so attached or controlled by the past.
I want to be in control of my future life and not be guided by my past. Its time to release the grip and let each of my demons that have ruled my life for too long now. It's time to take the wheel and steer my life to where I want to be !

ps i just want to make all aware that I am safe, and these depict past events that have happened in my life

I hope this highlights to others you can make it through tricky and tough paths, it may not happen instantly it may be a long exhausting battle until you find peace and the past no longer bares the hurt it once did.

If anyone ever need to chat I'm always available on boards if needed 💛

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Anxiety, OCD and Phobias

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Mental Health Treatments

Self-Harm

suicidal feelings

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Lottie5433

"A Ray of Hope"

TW: depression, anxiety, isolation, emotional distress, disordered eating, social withdrawal, and hopelessness

Mira sat at the edge of her bed, staring at the pale gray walls of her apartment. The room felt like it was shrinking. She wanted to open the window for air, but there were no windows. Not anymore.

Three weeks ago, she had stopped drawing the curtains. The world outside felt too overwhelming—too loud, too bright, too much. So she’d taped blankets over the glass, muting the sunlight and muffling the sounds of cars and people. At first, it felt like safety. Now, it felt like a cage.

Her phone buzzed on the nightstand, the sharp vibration breaking the heavy silence. She glanced at it but didn’t reach for it. Another missed text from her best friend, Nadia.

Hey, just checking in. Wanna grab coffee? No pressure.

Mira sighed and let the phone go dark again. She didn’t have the energy to explain why she couldn’t face a coffee shop full of strangers. Why she couldn’t even face herself.

The shadows in the room grew longer, and the weight on her chest heavier. It wasn’t like she hadn’t tried to fight this thing—this relentless fog that pulled her under. She’d gone to therapy, tried journaling, even bought one of those plants people swore would make you feel alive again. The plant sat wilting on her kitchen counter now, another silent witness to her failure.

Her stomach growled, but she ignored it. Hunger had become just another dull ache, blending in with all the others.

Suddenly, there was a knock at her door. Mira froze. She wasn’t expecting anyone.

“Mira, it’s me,” a voice called softly. Nadia.

Mira clenched her fists. Why couldn’t she just leave her alone?

“I know you’re in there,” Nadia continued. Her voice was calm, but firm, the way you’d talk to a frightened animal. “You don’t have to open the door, but… I brought you something. It’s on the step.”

There was a pause, then the sound of footsteps retreating down the hallway. Mira didn’t move for a long time, her heart thudding in her chest. Finally, curiosity—or maybe guilt—pushed her off the bed.
She cracked the door open just enough to see a small package on the floor: a brown paper bag with a sticky note attached.

“For the days that feel impossible. Love, N.”

Inside the bag was a warm container of soup, a slice of bread, and a tiny potted cactus. Mira stared at the cactus for a long time. It was small and spiky, but somehow… alive.

She set the bag on the kitchen counter, next to the dying plant. For the first time in weeks, she poured herself a bowl of soup.

As she ate, she kept glancing at the cactus. It didn’t need much to survive—just a little water and sunlight. Maybe she could manage that.

Maybe, tomorrow, she could pull the blanket off the window.

Lottie5433

Outlasting the Storm

TW: depression, loneliness, sadness, isolation, anxiety, self-doubt, implied suicidal ideation, and emotional distress

The rain beat against the window as if it were trying to break through. Riley sat on the edge of her bed, knees pulled up to her chest, staring at the water streaming down the glass. The world outside seemed so relentless, so alive. Meanwhile, she felt empty—like a hollowed-out shell that couldn’t keep pace anymore.

At 27, Riley was tired. Not the kind of tired you fix with sleep or coffee, but the deep weariness that settles in the bones when every day feels like a battle. She had struggled with her mental health for years: the unshakable weight of depression, the anxiety that turned her thoughts into blizzards of what-ifs, and the sharp loneliness that followed. Life had become a series of half-finished attempts and friends who, despite their love, didn’t quite understand.

She used to have more of them—friends who laughed with her in college, stayed up late watching movies, and swore they’d all grow old together. But over time, their lives moved forward while Riley’s felt like it was folding in on itself. They got jobs and promotions. They fell in love, got married, and had babies. Whenever she saw their pictures online—smiling faces, milestones reached—she felt both happy for them and utterly left behind.

“I’m so sorry I’ve been distant,” she had texted Jenna a month ago, her last remaining close friend. Jenna responded warmly, as always, but it was hard to ignore the gap growing between them. Riley canceled plans more often than not, her excuses varying but her reasons the same: the energy to leave the house just wasn’t there. After enough cancellations, the invitations dwindled.

Today marked her fifth day without speaking to anyone. The silence felt like it might consume her. She’d scrolled through her phone earlier, hovering over contacts she hadn’t messaged in months. “I should call someone,” she whispered to herself. But what would she even say? The truth? That every time she tried to explain her struggle, the words came out wrong? That despite people telling her to “reach out,” she couldn’t shake the guilt that she was a burden?

Instead, she stayed quiet. Quiet had become safe. Quiet didn’t ask questions she couldn’t answer.
Outside, the sky darkened, and the rain picked up. Riley could hear the faint sound of cars splashing through puddles on the street below. In some distant part of her mind, she imagined people heading home to warm houses, to dinners with family or movie nights with friends. That life felt a universe away, untouchable.

As the evening wore on, she grabbed her journal—a battered notebook that had become her only confidante. The pages were already filled with tear-streaked entries and half-formed thoughts. She opened to a fresh page and, with trembling hands, began to write:

“I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this—watching everyone else move forward while I’m stuck here. I feel like I’m standing in the middle of a storm, screaming for someone to hear me, but no one turns around. Maybe they’ve given up on me. Maybe I’m not worth saving.”

She stopped, pen hovering above the paper as tears spilled onto her cheeks. She hated feeling this way—resentful, hopeless, invisible—but she didn’t know how to stop it. The isolation only made it worse. She’d convinced herself that everyone else had outlasted her—that she was the friend they once loved but now quietly mourned.

But then, a notification lit up her phone. A text. Jenna.

“Hey. I know we haven’t talked in a while, but I just wanted to let you know I’m here. No judgment, no pressure. I miss you, Riley. And I’m not going anywhere.”

Riley stared at the message, her vision blurring with tears. She re-read it a dozen times, trying to absorb it. It wasn’t a grand gesture, but it was enough. Enough to remind her that not everyone had left. That maybe, even if she couldn’t see it, someone was still standing in the storm with her.

She picked up her phone and, after a long pause, typed back:

“I miss you too. I’m not okay, but I’m glad you’re here.”

It felt small, fragile even, but it was a start. And sometimes, when you feel abandoned and outlasted, the smallest step can feel like a victory. Riley didn’t know if she could outrun the storm, but tonight, she’d decided not to let it drown her.

eylah

love this lottie hugs 🫂

Lottie5433

Silent Storms

[TW: depression, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, bullying, emotional abuse, implied childhood abuse, domestic struggles (Family conflict, financial hardship, and lack of emotional support at home.), isolation, suppressed emotions, Anxiety, and hopelessness]

The girl’s name was Kara. At seventeen, she had mastered the art of disappearing in plain sight. Each morning, she rose with the sun, her face meticulously arranged into an expression of calm that betrayed none of the chaos within. Her family would see her bright smile as she floated through the house, effortlessly engaging in small talk. No one noticed how her hands trembled when she reached for her coffee cup.

Kara’s days were a battlefield. Not one fought with swords or guns, but with the unrelenting voices in her mind. They whispered cruel things, accusations born from years of bullying in school, where she was the quiet, awkward girl too shy to fight back. Words like freak and worthless had sunk deep into her skin, scars invisible to the world. Even at home, there was no escape. Money was tight, arguments frequent, and love scarce. Her father’s angry voice and her mother’s defeated silence had taught her long ago that she was on her own.

And then there was the abuse—a secret so heavy it left her gasping for air when she was alone at night. She tried to push it down, to forget it ever happened, but the memories came unbidden, sharp and unforgiving.

She had become a master of pretending. She laughed at jokes she didn’t find funny. She said "I'm fine" even when her throat tightened around the words. Kara didn’t want her family or friends to worry. They had their own struggles, and she didn’t want to be a burden. So she carried her pain alone, her fake smile a fragile mask that hid the cracks in her soul.

But inside, the storm raged. The thoughts of self-harm came in waves, uninvited but persistent. They told her she didn’t deserve to be here, that the pain would stop if she just let go. She hated how seductive those thoughts were, how they whispered promises of peace. But Kara fought them every day, clutching to a thread of hope so thin it sometimes felt imaginary.

There were moments, though, that pulled her back from the edge. A kind word from a stranger. The way sunlight painted the world gold just before sunset. The laughter of a little girl she saw at the park one afternoon. These small, fleeting moments reminded her that the world could still hold beauty, even if she couldn’t feel it fully.

One night, as the weight of everything threatened to crush her, Kara did something she’d never done before. She picked up a pen and began to write. She wrote about the bullying, the abuse, the financial struggles, and the relentless fight against her own mind. The words poured out of her, raw and unfiltered, filling page after page. For the first time, she wasn’t pretending. She was honest—brutally, painfully honest.

When she finished, Kara sat back and stared at the notebook. It was the first time she’d ever given her pain a voice. It didn’t fix everything. The storm inside her still raged. But there was something different now—a small spark of release, a tiny sliver of relief.
Kara didn’t wake up the next day miraculously healed. She still had to fight the same battles. But she kept writing, pouring her thoughts onto the page every night. She began to consider that maybe, just maybe, she didn’t have to fight alone. She thought about reaching out—not with her practiced smile and hollow "I’m fines," but with the truth. The idea terrified her, but it also felt like the only way forward.

As she walked to school that morning, her mask firmly in place, she passed a tree with delicate, pale blossoms. She stopped and stared at it, mesmerized. It was the middle of winter—far too cold for flowers. But there it was, blooming anyway, defying the season.

Kara took a deep breath, letting the cold air fill her lungs. She didn’t know what tomorrow would bring, or if she could keep fighting. But for now, she would try. She owed herself that much.
For the first time in years, Kara allowed a real smile to touch her lips. It wasn’t big, and it wasn’t bright. But it was real.

Lottie5433

Silent Nights: A Holiday Struggle

[TW: eating disorders, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety, family struggles]

The house was filled with the smell of cinnamon, pine, and something too sweet—like sugar cookies that had spent too much time in the oven. Sarah sat in the corner of the living room, pretending to scroll on her phone as her younger siblings decorated the Christmas tree. Their laughter punctuated the air, light and carefree, in stark contrast to the oppressive heaviness sitting in her chest.
Christmas was supposed to be the happiest time of the year, but for Sarah, it was the loneliest. With school on break and therapy sessions paused for the holidays, the fragile structure she’d built to keep herself afloat had crumbled. At school, she could hide in the library, sink into her journal, or reach out to her counselor when the pressure built too high. But here—at home—there were no escapes. Just endless days of family cheer and bright lights that felt like they were mocking her darkness.
Meals were the hardest. Every evening, her mom would place a plate heaped with holiday foods in front of her, coaxing, “You’ve got to eat more, sweetheart. It’s Christmas!” Sarah could feel the stares of her family as she pushed food around her plate, her stomach a tangled knot of shame and fear. They didn’t understand how loud the voice in her head was—the one that told her eating would make her worthless, unlovable. That same voice whispered cruel reminders of every imperfection when she caught her reflection in the glass ornaments on the tree.
When the pressure became too much, Sarah would slip away to the bathroom and lock the door. Her trembling fingers would find the razor hidden behind the sink. For a few moments, the sharp sting on her skin drowned out the screaming in her mind. It was a release, a way to silence the relentless self-loathing. But afterward, guilt would flood her like a wave, and she’d wrap her arms around her knees, feeling small and hollow.
The nights were the worst. In the silence of her room, the weight of everything—her eating disorder, the scars on her arms, the unshakable feeling that she didn’t belong—pressed down on her chest. She thought about the bottles of pills in the cabinet downstairs and wondered if the pain would finally stop if she just… stopped.
Her family didn’t notice, or maybe they just didn’t know how to. They saw the surface—a tired girl who didn’t smile much, who stayed in bed too long and barely ate. But they didn’t see the storm inside her. Even when her mom would knock gently and ask, “Are you okay, honey?” Sarah would force a tight smile and say, “I’m fine,” because it was easier than explaining why she wasn’t.
One afternoon, a week before Christmas, Sarah sat by the window watching the snow fall. It was quiet, except for the hum of the heater. She clutched her journal to her chest, feeling the pull to write down everything she was too scared to say out loud. But instead, she opened it to a blank page and stared, her pen hovering over the paper. The words wouldn’t come. What was the point? Who would care?
And then her phone buzzed. It was a text from Mia, a friend she hadn’t seen since school let out.
“Hey, just checking in. How are you holding up?”
Sarah’s fingers hovered over the keyboard. She wanted to lie, to say she was fine, to shut Mia out like she did everyone else. But something in the warmth of that small gesture cracked her resolve. She typed back, slowly.
“Not great. Can we talk?”
The response came almost instantly. “Of course. Call me.”
For the first time in weeks, Sarah felt a flicker of connection, like a tiny light in the vast darkness. She hesitated, staring at the screen, then hit the call button. As Mia’s voice came through the phone, gentle and concerned, Sarah felt her chest tighten—not with despair this time, but with the weight of the words she had been holding back.
“I don’t know how to get through this,” she admitted, her voice trembling. “I feel so… broken.”
Mia didn’t try to fix her or offer platitudes. She just listened. And for the first time, Sarah let herself cry—not in secret, but where someone could hear.
The holidays didn’t magically get easier after that call. Sarah still struggled with the family dinners, still fought the urge to harm herself late at night. But Mia’s daily texts became a lifeline, a reminder that someone saw her pain and cared enough to stay.
On Christmas morning, as her family opened presents around the tree, Sarah sat quietly, a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. She wasn’t okay—not yet. But she wasn’t alone. And for now, that was enough.

Sian321

Ah, @Lottie5433 these are so, so moving. Gosh, thank you so much for trusting us with these parts of yourself.

You mentioned:

And this feels so moving. Like a manifesto almost. I can hear the determination in your voice. You are re-authoring your own story

Lottie5433

Thank you @eylah and @Sian321
Means alot to me - was kinda scared to start posting then tbh ❤️

Lottie5433

The Weight of the Invisible

[TW: social anxiety & Avoidance, Athsma & medical anxiety, self neglect, suicidal thoughts, mental health struggles, Anxiety & Panic attacks, emotional exhaustion]

Her name was Mia, and she wore her anxiety like a second skin—unseen, but impossible to shed. At twenty, she had lived with it for so long that she no longer remembered a time before the heavy weight in her chest and the constant hum of dread in her mind.

Her anxiety was unpredictable, striking like lightning out of a clear sky. It didn’t need a reason; sometimes, she could be sitting in her room, scrolling through her phone or folding laundry, when the familiar tightness would begin to coil around her lungs. Her heart would race, pounding so loudly she could hear it in her ears. Her hands would shake as her breath came faster and faster, shallow and panicked.

In those moments, her brain betrayed her, convincing her it wasn’t anxiety at all. It had to be asthma, didn’t it? She’d been diagnosed as a child, and panic attacks felt so similar. Her lungs would scream for air, her throat would tighten, and she’d fumble for her inhaler. The cold mist in her throat offered her no relief, but she clung to the routine as if it were a lifeline. Slowly, as the minutes crawled by, the storm would pass. She would sit there, trembling and exhausted, convincing herself the inhaler had worked.

But deep down, she knew the truth. It wasn’t asthma—it was her mind.

Mia’s anxiety was a thief. It had stolen her social life, turning conversations with friends into minefields of overthinking and self-doubt. She wanted to go out, to have fun like everyone else her age, but the thought of crowds or unfamiliar settings made her stomach twist. It had stolen her extracurriculars, too. She loved to draw, but every time she picked up a pencil, the voice in her head told her she wasn’t good enough, that she’d never make anything worthwhile.

The worst theft, though, was how it kept her isolated. Mia longed to tell someone—her family, her friends, anyone—how much she was struggling. But the anxiety twisted her thoughts, telling her they wouldn’t understand, that they’d think she was weak, that she was a burden. She thought about calling a hotline once, when the darkness felt unbearable, but the idea of speaking to a stranger left her frozen in fear.

Instead, she threw herself into helping others. Her friends came to her with their problems, and Mia was always ready with kind words and advice. She was the first to offer help when someone needed it, the shoulder to cry on when things got hard. She loved being there for people, but it left her drained, a shell of herself, because no one knew she was running on empty.

There were nights when Mia lay awake, staring at the ceiling, wondering if things would ever get better. She didn’t know how to fix herself. She didn’t know where to start. She didn’t even know if she wanted to keep trying.

But then, one day, something shifted. She was sitting in the campus library when she noticed a flyer on the bulletin board: “Struggling with anxiety? You’re not alone. Free support group every Wednesday.”

Her first instinct was to tear her eyes away and pretend she hadn’t seen it. The thought of sitting in a room full of strangers, opening up about her deepest fears, was terrifying. But something in her hesitated. Maybe it was the word alone. She didn’t want to feel alone anymore.

It took her three weeks to work up the courage to go. Even then, she nearly turned around at the door. Her heart was racing, her palms were slick with sweat, and she was sure everyone inside would think she didn’t belong. But she forced herself to step inside.

The first meeting was hard. She didn’t say much, just listened as others shared their stories. But as she heard them speak about their struggles—panic attacks, isolation, self-doubt—something inside her shifted. For the first time, she felt seen.

Over time, Mia began to open up. Slowly, cautiously, she let herself be honest. And as she did, she started to realize that asking for help wasn’t a weakness. It was a strength.

It didn’t fix everything overnight. She still had bad days, still struggled with panic attacks and self-doubt. But now, she wasn’t alone. She had people who understood, who supported her, and who reminded her that it was okay to take up space, to feel what she felt, and to ask for help when she needed it.

And for the first time in years, Mia began to believe that maybe, just maybe, she could find a way forward.

Lottie5433

The Weight of Silence

[TW: childhood trauma, emotional sepression and isolation, severe emotional disregulation, self-harm, suicide attempts, suicidal thoughts and ideation, hopelessness and worthlessness feeling, lack of support/neglect, depression, dissociation and emotional distress]

Elliot had always been good at hiding things. Their whole life was built around keeping secrets, burying the past so deeply that even they could almost pretend it wasn’t real. Almost. But the past never truly stayed hidden—it lingered in shadows, whispered in quiet moments, and tightened its grip whenever they let their guard down.

No one knew what happened to Elliot when they were younger. They made sure of that. The memories of the trauma were locked away, never spoken about, never acknowledged. They had learned early on that speaking up could mean trouble, that admitting pain might lead to being dismissed, punished, or ridiculed. So they learned to swallow it. Push it down. Pretend.

But the weight never went away.

It clung to them through the years, shaping them in ways they couldn’t control. Emotions became a battlefield—anger flared too quickly, sadness crashed down like a tidal wave, and numbness swallowed everything whole when it all became too much. The world felt too loud, too unpredictable, too unsafe. And whenever the memories surged up, threatening to consume them, they only knew one way to cope.
Pain was easier to understand. It was tangible, something they could control. A blade, a burn, a bruise—physical pain drowned out the chaos inside. It gave them something to focus on, something real. And when the emotions became unbearable, when the past wrapped its fingers around their throat and whispered that they would never escape it, the thoughts always followed.

They had a plan. They always did.

It wasn’t about wanting to die, not exactly. It was about wanting to stop hurting. The exhaustion of carrying everything alone was crushing. It didn’t feel like a choice anymore—just a fact, an inevitable end that hovered over them like a shadow. They had tried before, and when they survived, they told no one. There was no one to tell. The thought of being scolded, dismissed, or told they were overreacting was worse than the pain itself. So they faced it all alone, again and again.

Every day was a battle between survival and surrender. Some days, they fought harder than others. Some days, they almost lost. And some days, they weren’t sure if they wanted to win anymore.
No one knew. No one noticed.

And that was the part that hurt the most.

They screamed in silence, hoping someone—anyone—would hear them. But the world kept moving, oblivious. So they kept pretending. Kept smiling when they needed to. Kept saying, “I’m fine,” when they weren’t. Kept walking through life carrying the unbearable weight of a past they couldn’t escape, a pain they couldn’t name, and a future they weren’t sure they would ever see.

Because when no one knows you’re drowning, they never think to throw you a lifeline

eylah

hugs lottie 🫂

Lottie5433

Silent Sorms

Lottie5433

Invisible Scars

Emotional and Psychological Abuse, Gaslighting and Manipulation, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts and Ideation, Suicide Attempts, Depression and Hopelessness, Internalized Guilt and Shame, Social Withdrawal and Isolation

She sat in the quiet, her fingers tracing over old scars, faded but never forgotten. The new ones still stung, fresh reminders of battles fought in silence. The pain wasn’t the worst part—it was the weight of it all. The way it sat on her chest, making it hard to breathe, hard to think, hard to be.

For as long as she could remember, she had been told that everything wrong in her life was her fault. Every panic attack, every sleepless night, every moment of despair—it was all because she was weak, dramatic, attention-seeking. That’s what they told her. And eventually, she started believing it.

She learned to hide it well. The mask of “I’m fine” was one she had perfected. When asked if she felt safe, she always gave the answer they wanted to hear. “Yes.” But the truth was, she didn’t know what safety felt like. She only knew the exhaustion of existing, the endless cycle of thoughts whispering that it would be easier to just disappear.

There were nights where the darkness felt unbearable. Nights where she made a plan. Nights where she followed through. But she never sought help—why would she? She didn’t deserve it. That’s what they had made her believe. And she couldn’t be a burden, not again.

She knew people worried. She saw it in their eyes when they asked, in the hesitation before they accepted her words. But she had spent years making sure they never saw too much, never knew too much. If they did, they might try to fix her. And she wasn’t worth fixing.

The truth was, she didn’t want intervention. Not because she wanted to die—though, sometimes, she thought that might be easier—but because she didn’t want to make anyone else carry the weight of her pain. It was hers to bear, hers to carry.

So she continued as she always had. With silence. With a smile that never reached her eyes. With scars no one asked about and pain no one saw.

Because it was easier that way.

Because she wasn’t a burden.

Right?

Lottie5433

The Weight of Pretending

Depression and Suicidal thoughts, Self-harm, EatingDisorder, Medication Misuse, Medical Neglect/Dismissal, Isolation and Loneliness

The mirror reflected a version of Alex they barely recognized—sunken eyes, a dull complexion, and the weight of exhaustion pressing into every crevice of their face. But no one saw that version. No, they saw the smile, the jokes, the “I’m just tired” responses whenever concern flickered in someone’s eyes. It was easier that way. No one worried. No one asked questions Alex wasn’t ready to answer.

Inside, though, it was war.

Every morning was a fight to get out of bed, every meal a battle against the voice that told them they didn’t deserve it.

The urge to drag a blade across their skin whispered constantly, promising relief, promising control.

And then there was the stockpile—small orange bottles hidden in the drawer, filled with the medication that was supposed to help. But it didn’t. It made them feel robotic, stripped of every ounce of who they were, so they stopped taking it. Told themselves they didn’t need it. And yet, they couldn’t let it go. The pills sat there, a silent promise, an escape plan they didn’t want to think about but couldn’t bring themselves to throw away.

Alex had reached out before—too many times to count. They had sat in sterile rooms, staring at blank walls while doctors barely looked at them. "Try this medication," they’d say, as if that alone could fix the storm inside. No questions. No real concern. Just a prescription, a pat on the back, and a reminder to book another appointment in six weeks. But Alex didn’t go back. What was the point?

Family and friends tried to understand, but how could they? How could they possibly grasp the suffocating weight of waking up every day wishing they hadn’t? How could they understand the exhaustion of constantly pretending to be okay because the truth would only make them uncomfortable?

So Alex carried it alone. The loneliness gnawed at them, an ache that never faded. The more they fought, the more they resented the fight. Was this really life? Was this really all there was?

One night, as they sat in bed, knees drawn to their chest, the drawer called to them. The pills. The easy way out. No more pretending. No more pain. Just silence.

But then—something else. A flicker of something deep inside, something fragile yet stubborn.

Maybe—just maybe—they could try one more time.

Not for the doctors who had failed them. Not for the friends who didn’t understand. But for themselves.

For the tiny part of them that still wanted to believe life could be more than just surviving.

Sian321

Hey @Lottie5433 , just revisiting some of your stories this morning. It feels such an honour that you're sharing these with us, and letting us into your experience like this.

You write so vividly - so we can feel right alongside you.

No one asked questions Alex wasn’t ready to answer.

This line really stood out to me. That dilemma. The pain and the relief of no one noticing.

The loneliness gnawed at them, an ache that never faded.

This line too - the description of how loneliness 'gnaws'. That feels so visceral and accurate.Feels extreamly hard and sad too.

But then—something else. A flicker of something deep inside, something fragile yet stubbor

And this line. This feels so powerful. That un-nameable 'flicker'. A will to discover if life can be more than survival. It felt like a candle was lit at the end of your story. Hope. Fragile yet stubborn.

Thank you so much for continuing to share these, Lottie.

Lottie5433

Thank you for that.
Kinda given up with them now - have a block of what to say

Lottie5433

The Echo of Silence

[spoiler]TW// Suicidal ideation, Suicide plans/attempts, Self-harm, Hopelessness and worthlessness, Dismissive treatment from crisis services, Isolation and abandonment, Depression and despair [/spoiler]

There once was a person named Alex, who carried an invisible weight heavier than any mountain.

At first, they tried reaching out — to friends, to family, to the strangers who sat on the other end of helplines. Sometimes they cried into the phone, sometimes they whispered barely audible pleas for help. And too often, the response was cold — a well-rehearsed line that felt like a dismissal, "Maybe now is a good time to reflect and look at the resources we gave you."

Each word was a knife. It wasn't just being turned away — it was the confirmation of the dark whisper in Alex’s mind: "You're a waste of time. You're too broken. You're beyond fixing."
Even as the thoughts of self-destruction grew sharper, even as the plans formed with terrifying clarity, the world around Alex stayed distant. Detached. Passive.

It taught Alex not to trust their own pain. To believe that even when they were drowning, it wasn’t serious enough. Others said "this is crisis," but inside, Alex whispered, "it's not that bad."
Because if it were bad enough, wouldn’t someone, anyone, have cared?

In the silent corners of their room, Alex remembered being 10, carving pain into their skin because it was the only thing they could control. They remembered 16, the first serious attempt — when the world shrugged. 20, when death came close, and still, the world looked away.

So now, Alex sat at the edge of everything. Feeling that life was a house on fire, and they were locked outside, screaming for help no one wanted to give.

And yet, here’s the truth that Alex couldn’t see:
The system failed them. The people failed them.
But Alex was never a failure.

It wasn’t that they were too broken. It was that the world was too distracted, too fearful, too quick to wash its hands of things it didn’t understand.

And sometimes the strongest thing a person can do isn’t reaching out to a helpline that doesn’t listen — it’s staying.

It’s existing another second, another breath, when the world has done nothing to deserve it.

Alex didn’t need to be "fixed."
They needed to be seen.
They needed the world to say, "I believe you. You are not a burden. Your pain matters."

Even if the world couldn’t say it, even if it never would, Alex’s pain was still valid. Still real. Still worthy.

In the dark, Alex wasn't alone. There were others, silent too, aching too, misunderstood too.

And together, even without words, even without perfect support, there was a kind of quiet solidarity:
You are not a waste. You are not too much. You are not alone.

Maybe it’s time to finally accept the truth: I’ve given up.
The end feels closer now than it ever has, a heavy certainty pressing against my chest. No one will notice if I vanish; no one will ache if my life ends. Disappearing wouldn’t cause ripples — only a brief pause before the world moves on without me. I’ve fought longer than I should have for a life that no one asked me to keep living. Maybe it’s time to stop fighting. Maybe it’s time to try again — only this time, to make sure it works. To let the silence I’ve been met with finally consume me, and to be nothing at all.

Lottie5433

Final Goodbye

To everyone I have ever loved,
To everyone who ever cared,

I'm so sorry.

I have tried — I truly have. I fought with everything I had left, even when it felt like I was battling invisible storms no one else could see. I held on for longer than I thought I could, hoping for a change, hoping for peace. But nothing has changed. And the weight of fighting every day has worn me down to nothing.

I’m tired. Tired in ways that sleep can't fix. Tired of hurting, tired of hoping, tired of feeling like a burden even when people said otherwise.
I know you tried, and I’m sorry that I wasn’t strong enough. Please know this: you didn’t fail me. I failed myself.I'm not writing this to blame anyone. I’m writing this because I need you to know that this choice is not because of you. It’s because I can’t carry this anymore. My heart hurts too much, my mind is too tired, and my soul just wants peace.

Permanently leaving this world feels like the only kindness I can give myself — and maybe, in some way, it will be better for those who loved me too. I won't be a burden anymore. I won't be a shadow lingering in your lives.

Please don't hate me for this.
Please remember the parts of me that smiled, that cared, that loved you fiercely even when I couldn't show it anymore.
Please forgive me for leaving.

I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry.Thank you for every moment you gave me — even when I couldn't give anything back.

Goodbye.
With all the love I have left,

Lottie5433

Goodbye

I’ve been thinking about leaving this community for a long time. I’ve taken breaks before, but this isn’t like those times. This isn’t just about logging off—it’s about letting go. Possibly for good.

I’ve been struggling with certain thoights and its not easy to admit, but it’s been quietly growing inside me for a while now. It feels like I’ve run out of ways to fight it, and even though I know people care, it doesn’t change how hollow everything feels.

I’m not writing this for attention or pity. I just wanted to say goodbye in a way that’s honest. There are reasons for where I’m at, but they live inside me—deep and tangled—and nothing anyone says can really undo them.Still, I need to say thank you. This community, and some of the people here, have helped me through moments I didn’t think I’d survive. I felt seen, even if just briefly.

But I don’t have it in me to keep going anymore. I wish I did.

To those of you still fighting your own battles—please keep going. You might not realize it, but your presence matters. You matter. You’re not as alone as you think, even if it feels that way.

As for me… this is goodbye.

Redemption

Lottie5433 wrote: »

Goodbye

I’ve been thinking about leaving this community for a long time. I’ve taken breaks before, but this isn’t like those times. This isn’t just about logging off—it’s about letting go. Possibly for good.

I’ve been struggling with certain thoights and its not easy to admit, but it’s been quietly growing inside me for a while now. It feels like I’ve run out of ways to fight it, and even though I know people care, it doesn’t change how hollow everything feels.

I’m not writing this for attention or pity. I just wanted to say goodbye in a way that’s honest. There are reasons for where I’m at, but they live inside me—deep and tangled—and nothing anyone says can really undo them.Still, I need to say thank you. This community, and some of the people here, have helped me through moments I didn’t think I’d survive. I felt seen, even if just briefly.

But I don’t have it in me to keep going anymore. I wish I did.

To those of you still fighting your own battles—please keep going. You might not realize it, but your presence matters. You matter. You’re not as alone as you think, even if it feels that way.

As for me… this is goodbye.

@Lottie5433 it's really sad to see go but if this is what's best for you then I respect your decision. Youll always be welcome to come back I'm sure you're going to be missed by all of us. Good luck with everything ❤️. We're always here if you want to return ❤️ but do what's best you. I hope you're ok.

Matthew_04

Hi @Lottie5433
I can hear how hard things have been for you lately, it sounds like things have been building up to the point where now they're completely exhausting and it feels impossible to keep going. You're not alone in this feeling.
I'm wondering if you have people you can reach out to that can support you through this?

I'm really glad that this community could make you feel seen and help you through some tough times. Its great to hear that even in the darkest times, with the right support, you were able to keep going despite how heavy and tiring everything felt.

Before you leave the community, I'm just wondering what you meant by 'letting go - possibly for good'?

Remember that this community will always be here to support you if you ever do decide to come back.

I've added some resources in here in case you need them.

Crisis Messenger (24/7) | text THEMIX to 85258
Samaritans (24/7) | call 116 123 | email jo@samaritans.org
Papyrus (2pm-midnight) | call 0800 068 41 41 | text 07786 209 697 | email pat@payrus-uk.org
Supportline (hours vary) | call 01708 765 200
Childline | call 0800 11 11

Lottie5433

Redemption wrote: »

@Lottie5433 it's really sad to see go but if this is what's best for you then I respect your decision. Youll always be welcome to come back I'm sure you're going to be missed by all of us. Good luck with everything ❤️. We're always here if you want to return ❤️ but do what's best you. I hope you're ok.

Thank you @Redemption I appreciate 🙂
I dont really know what to say anymore. I dont think i will be missed but thats fine anyways.
Im fine for the most part 🫠
Thank you again ❤️

Lottie5433

Matthew_04 wrote: »

Hi @Lottie5433
I can hear how hard things have been for you lately, it sounds like things have been building up to the point where now they're completely exhausting and it feels impossible to keep going. You're not alone in this feeling.
I'm wondering if you have people you can reach out to that can support you through this?

I'm really glad that this community could make you feel seen and help you through some tough times. Its great to hear that even in the darkest times, with the right support, you were able to keep going despite how heavy and tiring everything felt.

Before you leave the community, I'm just wondering what you meant by 'letting go - possibly for good'?

Remember that this community will always be here to support you if you ever do decide to come back.

I've added some resources in here in case you need them.

Crisis Messenger (24/7) | text THEMIX to 85258
Samaritans (24/7) | call 116 123 | email jo@samaritans.org
Papyrus (2pm-midnight) | call 0800 068 41 41 | text 07786 209 697 | email pat@payrus-uk.org
Supportline (hours vary) | call 01708 765 200
Childline | call 0800 11 11

Thank you @Matthew_04 I appreciate your response.
Things have been more exhaustive lately and it feels really impossible to carry on. I dont have anyone I could reach out too - no-one actually cares and I dont want to burden then anyways.

I'm really glad that this community could make you feel seen and help you through some tough times. Its great to hear that even in the darkest times, with the right support, you were able to keep going despite how heavy and tiring everything felt.

Yeah its nice that the community made me feel seen and could help - at times anyways.

Before you leave the community, I'm just wondering what you meant by 'letting go - possibly for good'?

I dont really feel i can answer that question - not without raising concern.

Thanks for the resources - im greatful for it but i don't need them, they havent ever been helpful 🫠

Thanks again

Redemption

Lottie5433 wrote: »

Redemption wrote: »

@Lottie5433 it's really sad to see go but if this is what's best for you then I respect your decision. Youll always be welcome to come back I'm sure you're going to be missed by all of us. Good luck with everything ❤️. We're always here if you want to return ❤️ but do what's best you. I hope you're ok.

Thank you @Redemption I appreciate 🙂
I dont really know what to say anymore. I dont think i will be missed but thats fine anyways.
Im fine for the most part 🫠
Thank you again ❤️

@Lottie5433 no problem, but you'll definitely be missed by I'm sure all of us, please don't think otherwise. I was sad to see you're leaving and still am, I wish you can stay but I as well as everyone wants what's best for you so if you think leaving is the best for you then I respect that and if you want to come back you'll be always welcome or if you did want to stay you'll be always welcome to stay too. You know where we are if you need anything whatever decision you make ❤️. You're a great person, remember if you ever struggle you're never alone ❤️.

Azziman

Hey @Lottie5433, sorry to hear that you're thinking of leaving. I can hear how you're feeling exhausted and that it's difficult to carry on. Thank you for sharing how you feel with us - your words and emotions matter, and we're here to listen. Just to check in, how are you feeling at the moment? Please know that you're always welcome to come back if you'd like - we'll be here to support you!

Amy22

Lottie5433 wrote: »

Goodbye

I’ve been thinking about leaving this community for a long time. I’ve taken breaks before, but this isn’t like those times. This isn’t just about logging off—it’s about letting go. Possibly for good.

I’ve been struggling with certain thoights and its not easy to admit, but it’s been quietly growing inside me for a while now. It feels like I’ve run out of ways to fight it, and even though I know people care, it doesn’t change how hollow everything feels.

I’m not writing this for attention or pity. I just wanted to say goodbye in a way that’s honest. There are reasons for where I’m at, but they live inside me—deep and tangled—and nothing anyone says can really undo them.Still, I need to say thank you. This community, and some of the people here, have helped me through moments I didn’t think I’d survive. I felt seen, even if just briefly.

But I don’t have it in me to keep going anymore. I wish I did.

To those of you still fighting your own battles—please keep going. You might not realize it, but your presence matters. You matter. You’re not as alone as you think, even if it feels that way.

As for me… this is goodbye.

I am going to miss you lots on here. I have read a lot of your stories and I find them beautifully written, you have a lovely way with words and I can see a person who uses writing as a way of getting how they feel onto the page and to escape their thoughts, this is what I'm hearing from these stories. I'm glad your being honest in a way about how you feel and I can tell you are being authentic and feel like you need time away from here, which I totally understand and respect, because ultimately it is your own choice and how you feel in the moment.

I hear that you have been struggling with inner thoughts lately and that internal battle feels hard to win over. That must be quite difficulty for you right now and also tiring to have lots of internal clutter inside. I know this may probably come across as cheesy what I write but sometimes when we feel like we lost our inner battles, I still believe sometimes there is still a glimmer of light in there amid the darkness. Life can be a big long tunnel if darkness and sometimes its hard to find that light. Find the things that bring you joy is what I'm saying and the things that don't bring you joy you don't need in a way. As someone who also struggles with an internal battle, I tend to try and find small things that bring me joy in the moment.

You have been such a lovely person to meet and know on here. I know you are leaving properly this time but I just want to echo that if you still need support in the meantime I am always here and up for a chat and to lend a listening ear. Never feel like you have to face this battle alone eventhough it may feel like it at times and I'd get that a lot actually. You know where I am if you need anything.

All the best,

Sending hugs,

Amy22

Lottie5433

Azziman wrote: »

Hey @Lottie5433, sorry to hear that you're thinking of leaving. I can hear how you're feeling exhausted and that it's difficult to carry on. Thank you for sharing how you feel with us - your words and emotions matter, and we're here to listen. Just to check in, how are you feeling at the moment? Please know that you're always welcome to come back if you'd like - we'll be here to support you!

Thank you @Azziman i appreciate it.
At the moment im not doing too well - just to put it lightly 🫠 but its fine.
At the moment it doesnt look like ill be coming back after this week
thank you anyways

Redemption

Lottie5433 wrote: »

Azziman wrote: »

Hey @Lottie5433, sorry to hear that you're thinking of leaving. I can hear how you're feeling exhausted and that it's difficult to carry on. Thank you for sharing how you feel with us - your words and emotions matter, and we're here to listen. Just to check in, how are you feeling at the moment? Please know that you're always welcome to come back if you'd like - we'll be here to support you!

Thank you i appreciate it.
At the moment im not doing too well - just to put it lightly 🫠 but its fine.
At the moment it doesnt look like ill be coming back after this week
thank you anyways

Big hugs ❤️ @Lottie5433 it will get better, remember you know where I am if you think I can help. I'm so so sorry you aren't doing well, it will get better though I promise ❤️.

Lottie5433

Amy22 wrote: »

I am going to miss you lots on here. I have read a lot of your stories and I find them beautifully written, you have a lovely way with words and I can see a person who uses writing as a way of getting how they feel onto the page and to escape their thoughts, this is what I'm hearing from these stories. I'm glad your being honest in a way about how you feel and I can tell you are being authentic and feel like you need time away from here, which I totally understand and respect, because ultimately it is your own choice and how you feel in the moment.

I hear that you have been struggling with inner thoughts lately and that internal battle feels hard to win over. That must be quite difficulty for you right now and also tiring to have lots of internal clutter inside. I know this may probably come across as cheesy what I write but sometimes when we feel like we lost our inner battles, I still believe sometimes there is still a glimmer of light in there amid the darkness. Life can be a big long tunnel if darkness and sometimes its hard to find that light. Find the things that bring you joy is what I'm saying and the things that don't bring you joy you don't need in a way. As someone who also struggles with an internal battle, I tend to try and find small things that bring me joy in the moment.

You have been such a lovely person to meet and know on here. I know you are leaving properly this time but I just want to echo that if you still need support in the meantime I am always here and up for a chat and to lend a listening ear. Never feel like you have to face this battle alone eventhough it may feel like it at times and I'd get that a lot actually. You know where I am if you need anything.

All the best,

Sending hugs,

Amy22

Hi @Amy22 i appreciate your response and the thought behind it. i do use writing as a way to get out how i feel about everything and to try and escape (doesnt work always though).
I get what your saying about finding the little pieces of joy in my life but they dont come round - its like once in a blue moon type thing.
Thank you for the offer of being there if i want a chat, i really do appreciate it.

Lottie5433

Redemption wrote: »

Big hugs ❤️ @Lottie5433 it will get better, remember you know where I am if you think I can help. I'm so so sorry you aren't doing well, it will get better though I promise ❤️.

Thank You again @Redemption, i appreciate it

Lottie5433

"The Quietest Room"

TW//:

Childhood abuse (emotional, verbal, implied physical), Suicidal ideation, suicide attempts, and death by suicide, Self-harm, Disordered eating / eating disorders, Mental illness / depression / isolation, Gaslighting and emotional neglect by caregivers, Themes of hopelessness, invisibility, and trauma, Lack of support systems / failed disclosures, Graphic emotional distress (non-physical violence)

From the outside, the house was all golden light and warm laughter. A manicured lawn. Wind chimes. Holiday cards with smiling faces on the fridge. And a child—always giggling, always dancing through hallways with glitter in their voice. Neighbors said they were the “sunshine kid,” the one who made others feel like spring had come early.

But the walls knew the truth.

Inside that quiet house, behind the closed doors, words turned into knives. Not the kind that bled on the outside—no, these sliced deeper, cleaner, leaving scars only the soul could trace. "You're too sensitive," they'd say. Or, "Don't be dramatic," as something shattered nearby. Their laughter was studied, their tears memorized by the silence, buried quickly with the kind of panic that only children know—the kind that teaches them to hide everything, even from themselves.

The mask was learned early. Smile, say thank you, never flinch. That mask kept them safe. Not just from the ones who raised them, but from the truth of how broken they felt inside.

But the performance had an expiry date.

Around fourteen, the cracks began to show. The smiles no longer reached their eyes. The sparkle turned to silence. They began to retreat—bit by bit—like the tide pulling back before a storm. Friends drifted away. Meals were skipped. Sleeves got longer. The world turned to grayscale.

Pain became currency: a way to feel something, anything. The sting of a hidden blade, the emptiness of hunger, the whisper of thoughts that said maybe you’d be better off gone. And in those dark moments, control became their god. Every skipped meal, every scar, every plan—each one a desperate grip on a reality that made no sense.

They wrote the letter on a Tuesday. Folded neatly, hidden in the drawer beneath their socks. That night, they said goodbye in ways no one noticed—a longer hug, an extra glance. They had a plan. And they followed through. But the world, in its strange, indifferent way, interrupted.

They woke up. Angry. Ashamed. Disappointed.

And then they tried again.

Until one day, tired of carrying it all alone, they whispered the truth to someone who had once been kind. For a moment, there was relief. Then regret. Because that someone told someone else. And suddenly the house wasn’t quiet anymore. It was chaos. Their parents, once masters of silence and appearance, became volcanoes behind closed doors. They didn’t ask “Are you okay?” They asked, “What will people think?”

The crater grew wider.

Even now, years later, they carry it. Some days are better. Most aren't. They still make plans. They still hope to disappear. Not out of hatred for life, but from exhaustion—an ache that never sleeps.

They live in the quietest room of their mind, hoping someone might still find them there—not to fix, not to judge—but to simply sit with them in the dark and say, “You don’t have to carry this alone.”