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Overload at volunteering, talking about this? Conflicting adjustments?
Invisible_me Posts: 287
The Mix Regular
Hi .
So I went volunteering on weekend ended up getting really sensory bothered from my clothes unexpectedly and new people around, change that I managed to took myself away for break but cried cried massively! Wrapped myself up in the sensory blanket but couldn't let go so it took me half an hour to go back in no one checked in on me to see where I was, how o was, still obviously unsettled once getting in byt tridd to carry on and self stim as went alobg. But kept crying at intervals in the end got to the point where I was having sh urges and scratched myself in discreet, slapped rubber bands across my wrist whethet they saw this dunno?
I was umming and arghng going home but that would break by routine and made me feel a failure, which makes me worse
I didn't approach the 1 familiar staff whose aware of me because she was busy doibgv her jobs and felt scares to drop a teams message.
So plundered through. Other volunteers knew there was something ip and I dobt think the staff were oblivious to it either but they didn't check in. Thought ill speak to her during brief but was unfamiliar staff so shut down.
Came home sebt a text to gather number asking if either my allocated supervisor or previous supervisor could call me. Got a text immediately to say yes of course but now I'm scared to actually talk it throuugh. My current supervisor has said before she doesn't know if there's anything more thry can do the previous supervisor however says there is (now a semi manager think) and I'd rather talk to her but she's only supposed to be point of contact when my supervisor is on leave. I've not heard from either supervisor yet.
Should I talk it throuugh, hsve talked through previous shifts I've struggled. And genuinely they are understanding. Is there a polite way of speaking to my previous supervisor instead. In October I emailed her to talj through difficulti shifts byt my supervisor was in leave and she said she'll let me supervisor know and for her to catch-up with me on it but she didn't.
So I went volunteering on weekend ended up getting really sensory bothered from my clothes unexpectedly and new people around, change that I managed to took myself away for break but cried cried massively! Wrapped myself up in the sensory blanket but couldn't let go so it took me half an hour to go back in no one checked in on me to see where I was, how o was, still obviously unsettled once getting in byt tridd to carry on and self stim as went alobg. But kept crying at intervals in the end got to the point where I was having sh urges and scratched myself in discreet, slapped rubber bands across my wrist whethet they saw this dunno?
I was umming and arghng going home but that would break by routine and made me feel a failure, which makes me worse
I didn't approach the 1 familiar staff whose aware of me because she was busy doibgv her jobs and felt scares to drop a teams message.
So plundered through. Other volunteers knew there was something ip and I dobt think the staff were oblivious to it either but they didn't check in. Thought ill speak to her during brief but was unfamiliar staff so shut down.
Came home sebt a text to gather number asking if either my allocated supervisor or previous supervisor could call me. Got a text immediately to say yes of course but now I'm scared to actually talk it throuugh. My current supervisor has said before she doesn't know if there's anything more thry can do the previous supervisor however says there is (now a semi manager think) and I'd rather talk to her but she's only supposed to be point of contact when my supervisor is on leave. I've not heard from either supervisor yet.
Should I talk it throuugh, hsve talked through previous shifts I've struggled. And genuinely they are understanding. Is there a polite way of speaking to my previous supervisor instead. In October I emailed her to talj through difficulti shifts byt my supervisor was in leave and she said she'll let me supervisor know and for her to catch-up with me on it but she didn't.
Spoiler
links with other thread of talking ans being open to supervisor on this thread, links with autism and clothes and follow on from work thread
4
Comments
Posts: 3,373
Boards Guru
Posts: 287
The Mix Regular
Thank you for reply. My current supervisor called me today, I did pick it up but I said I was at work so she said she'll phone me tomorrow... im really scared foe it now. Today when she phoned I was like just before in floods of tears.
If I don't feel comfortable with it, how can I politely ask to spwak to the other one?
It's also awkward because she's phoning me at 3pm and that's such an awkward time everyone will be at home then. Thank you.
Posts: 3,373
Boards Guru
If you’re not comfortable speaking with your current supervisor, you could politely ask to speak with the other supervisor instead. You could say something like, "Would it be possible to speak with (other supervisor’s name) instead? I feel more comfortable discussing this with them."
For the timing, if 3 PM isn’t ideal, you could also ask if there’s a better time that works for both of you. Hope it goes okay.
Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 2,218
Boards Champion
Agree with @TheNightmare, I think it's okay to politely ask if you can speak to the previous supervisor. It's not certain if they'll allow it, but no harm in asking if that's what's more helpful to you. It sounds like 3pm is an awkward time to call - again echoing above, asking if you can move the call to another time (and suggesting a time that you can do) sounds like a sensible approach. I hope that you're able to speak to someone, and that you receive the support you deserve. We're here to listen to you through this too
Posts: 287
The Mix Regular
Moderator Posts: 5,437
Part of The Furniture
Unfortunately, there is not as much legal priority on places to provide reasonable adjustments to volunteers, as they would with employees. However, they still have a legal duty to ensure you are protected (under a duty of care) and are not treated any less favourably.
Some places also have things like one-page support documents where you can put your strengths, what you would need help with and the types of help you might find useful! It just generally depends on their morals as well as what they can afford to resource. Do you have a volunteer manager or team you may be able to talk to? They may not be the same people as within the department.
Some place high value on volunteers because you are kindly giving up your time for free! We are listening to you and here with you
Posts: 287
The Mix Regular
Hi @Laura_tigger82
Thanks for reply!
Yes so we get allocated a supervisor ans there's a volunteer coordinator who you can talk to. We have a new volunteer cordinator and I havebt been introduced to her dont know who she is so I dont contay her but cobtavy my supervsor. Back in sept I had a meeting with my previous supervisor about the volunteer and wider changes that were happening and then had an email exhavhse with her in Dec. But otherwise my supervsor has been in contavy with me.
I've been there 5 yrs and she has been my supervsor for nearly 2 years now. She's nice and is aware of my autism but she just doesn't seem to fully understand. She's mostly now like I shouldn't come in if I'm getting unsettled there. I feel im unsettled there but then I usually calm down afterwards (which is what I'm like at work etc as well). Judt last shift I had I was constantly crying so I asked for someone to check in with me so I could talk it throuugh. She phoned me and said not to come in im lot emotionally resilient enough especially if I'm crying but I was crying because I was very sensory with my clothes, there was new people on shift and I fet the need to pace up amd down but felt embarrassed to do so after my manager at the other work place told me to stop pacing up and down. Also I think the wider changes which were implemented in November meaning there's no consistent shift pattern has made it even more unsettling for me. .
Posts: 287
The Mix Regular
.my supervsor said she's also in tomorrow so she'll let me be in.
Thing is that was the place I didnt feel the need to mask and now it feels like I'll have to, it's exhausting making everywhere and having that judgement fear, I mighty only he volunteering 4hrs, 2 out of 3 weeks but it used to hold a special place and used to, guess still does hold a important big thing in my life!
Community Champion Posts: 1,292
Wise Owl
that sounds like a lot to process. i get why it feels frustrating, having to be aware of how you’re presenting yourself in a place that used to feel safe and natural. it makes sense that you would want to hold on to that feeling of it being a special space for you.
i really hope that the shift goes well for you - you’ve got this
Posts: 287
The Mix Regular
She showed me an email she sent to all staff to highlight to them that shift has been noticeably stressful but it's been agreed that I remain coming in with the 'see how go' approach and to remind them of my seat allocation, my self calming methods and that if I am on edge them to point ne in the direction of side room and to check in with me if I dont return after 15mins. I ain't got a clue where she got all this room none of this was discussed she was saying to me not to come in. Even like at end she sent me a message to say ill do debrief with you and she just checked if shift was OK and then i said like I can't come in next werk because I can't meet the shift time and she said that'd fine I cam come in my times I want and she'll let whose on shift know of this and like I said I'm finding these new times and rotas difficult. She never said anything to help me manage this but she was like I understand but its not too bad. It appeared ad if she unserstood for me coming in is important and so is routine. I reckon she's ended up having chat with my previous supervisor whose then told her to do this. But yeah today was goid, hope it stays thay way 🤞