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TW- sh/ I don’t know what I’m doing anymore
Keira
Posts: 6 Confirmed not a robot
I feel a bit uneasy writing this but I’m realty struggling just now and wanted to offload. I hope thats okay!
I’ve been struggling a lot recently with my mental health in general but it’s just getting worse. I feel like I’m being a burden to everyone if I talk about it and like I’m annoying everyone.
My mum doesn’t keep well so I look after her and am practically her carer. But she doesn’t appreciate what I do for her. It’s never enough. She always tells me what I do wrong but never takes notice to what I’m doing right. And I’ve heard her talking about me recently about how hard it is to live with me etc. I’m also trying to juggle this with college and I’m so behind in college but I really don’t want to have to drop out. Honestly I’m just so lost right now and struggling to see the point of anything.
I feel like people think I’m just being crazy and I’m just making everything up. I don’t even feel worthy of writing this and think I’m annoying you all so I’m sorry.
I’ve been struggling a lot recently with my mental health in general but it’s just getting worse. I feel like I’m being a burden to everyone if I talk about it and like I’m annoying everyone.
My mum doesn’t keep well so I look after her and am practically her carer. But she doesn’t appreciate what I do for her. It’s never enough. She always tells me what I do wrong but never takes notice to what I’m doing right. And I’ve heard her talking about me recently about how hard it is to live with me etc. I’m also trying to juggle this with college and I’m so behind in college but I really don’t want to have to drop out. Honestly I’m just so lost right now and struggling to see the point of anything.
I relapsed again with sh and I just feel so guilty for being like this. I wish I could just be normal
I feel like people think I’m just being crazy and I’m just making everything up. I don’t even feel worthy of writing this and think I’m annoying you all so I’m sorry.
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Comments
first of all, i just want to say i’m really glad you reached out. you’re absolutely not annoying anyone here, and you’re definitely not a burden. i can see how much you’ve been carrying on your own, and im really sorry things have been so overwhelming for you lately. you don’t deserve to feel this way, and you definitely don’t have to go through it alone.
it sounds like you’ve been trying so hard to manage everything, taking care of your mum, keeping up with college, and just trying to get through each day. that’s a lot, and the fact that you’re still pushing through, even while feeling this low, shows how strong you actually are, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now. i know it must be painful to not feel appreciated for everything you do, especially when you’re already struggling yourself. that doesn’t mean your efforts don’t matter, though. you’re doing more than enough, even if others don’t always acknowledge it.
i know that relapsing has probably brought up a lot of guilt, but i hope you can be kind to yourself about it. you’re not failing, and you’re not broken, you’re just going through something really difficult, and self-harm was your way of coping in that moment. that doesn’t mean you can’t find other ways to get through this. you deserve support and understanding, just like anyone else would in your situation.
i know it’s hard to see the point of things when you’re feeling this low, but i promise you that you matter. this feeling isn’t permanent, and you’re not alone in it. we’re all here, and we all care about you. you don’t have to pretend you’re okay or keep everything bottled up. you’re allowed to feel how you feel, and you deserve to be supported through it.
please don’t apologise for reaching out. we would rather you shared your feelings here (if you’re comfy with that ofc) than struggle in silence.
i’m so proud of you for sharing how you’re feeling and for managing so much! you’ve got this, we believe in you
She has her own struggles and I try my best for her but it should be my brothers 30th birthday tomorrow and it’s getting to us both so I’m trying not to take things she says too seriously but I can’t help it.
I appreciate your reply a lot. I feel like I’m just annoying everyone when I open up. I know I’ve got to keep trying to get through this but I’m just so tired of fighting but I am trying my best
i also can very much so relate to feeling like i annoy everybody, even whenever it’s someone’s job eg the doctors, i still feel like im just being annoying - you’re definitely not alone with that feeling but i promise you that sharing how you feel wont be annoying anybody here for sure, and in the wider world, shouldn’t be annoying anybody - you deserve to be heard and to be able to share your feelings!
do you have any support with how you’re feeling at all? no pressure to answer - only if you’re comfy sharing
I just don’t feel I deserve it and there’s other people who deserve the help more than me tbh.
I see a mental health team but they aren’t doing anything and they keep telling me they’re going to do things for me and then don’t do them so I’m just getting let down and maybe it’s just a sign to stop asking for help. It’s too tiring waiting around and begging for help when I’m not getting any
i get why you feel like giving up on asking for help. when you keep being let down, it just reinforces the feeling that you’re not worth the effort, but that’s not true. you shouldn’t have to beg for help, and i hate that the mh team isn’t following through on what they’ve said. that’s not a reflection of you or what you deserve, it’s a failure on their part. you’re not asking for too much, and you’re not less deserving than anyone else.
i know you’re exhausted, and i don’t blame you for feeling this way, but i don’t think it’s a sign to stop asking for help, i think it’s proof that the system needs to do better for you, and i really hope you don’t let their failings convince you that you’re not worth the support, because you are.
i’m here, always. you don’t have to go through this alone - you’ve got this
I can hear how it's upsetting to hear what your mum says about you. You're putting in a lot of effort to help, and hearing in return that you're difficult to live with and constantly criticised. It's completely valid to feel upset and frustrated in that situation, and I'm sorry to hear that you're in that position. You're doing a really selfless thing by acting as a carer - it takes a very kind person to step up and help in that way, so in case you don't hear it elsewhere, thank you for doing everything that you do.
Please do be kind to yourself! You're taking so much on your shoulders, and you absolutely deserve to be heard and supported, whether things are okay or getting tough to manage. There's no limit to the amount of support to go around, and you are definitely worth being supported! I'm sorry that the mental health team aren't being very helpful. I can hear how tiring it can be to have to keep asking for help, especially if you're being let down - it's not a nice experience at all.
As you mention being a carer while at college, there's a couple of support links I'm listing below. It might be helpful if you can get extra support to juggle what you've currently got on your place:
https://www.themix.org.uk/young-carers
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-care-and-support-guide/support-and-benefits-for-carers/being-a-young-carer-your-rights/
You deserve to be supported, please keep fighting for that! We're here to support you and listen to you too
If so, I am wondering if you would like to share more with us about how this went for you. We hope it went well but we are here to listen to you. How are you feeling now it is the weekend?