done with life - tw// suicidal thoughts & self harm.

struggling0_0 · March 12

tw// suicidal thoughts. i genuinely want nothing more than to not be here anymore. i am honestly beyond drained from life. everything is so so pointless. no matter what, everything just feels worse and worse every single day.

i feel the worst i’ve ever felt. i don’t know what to do anymore. i’m tired. i can’t explain how i feel. i have no words. i constantly feel like i am about to cry. i want to tell someone but i can’t, i don’t know how to explain any of what i feel, or even have any words. i’m really struggling though. i don’t think ive ever been in as bad a headspace as this:(

college is draining. work is draining. life is draining. i don’t know what to do anymore. i’m sat in college now literally in tears. i don’t even think i can face my classes today. i don’t want to be here. i just want to be alone. i can’t even speak to wellbeing either as i just get passed onto anyone else. i feel so alone.

tw// self harm. i can’t even go a day without it anymore. every single day i do it again. i’m so pathetic.

i am safe. i promise. i don’t need nobody involved.

struggling0_0 · March 12

i just reached out to shout. i had to wait ages, it wasn’t even worth waiting. the person i spoke to was awful. i wouldn’t mind waiting so long if i actually was supported whenever i got through, but waiting so long for nothing but a disappointment is frustrating. i feel even worse now than what i did before i reached out.

the conversation didn’t even last 30 minutes. she accused me of not being open to support - ive been more than open to support, it’s not my fault ive had the experience of being dismissed by most services and professionals. she then really abruptly ended the conversation. i’m so so annoyed about it.

i just want to go speak to the wellbeing officer but she won’t deal with me anymore:( i seen her too (from a distance) and it’s made me want to talk to her even more.

i hate myself sm.

eylah · March 12

im sry shout were shit i understand where your coming from bc ive never had a gd experience with shout

. hru now? i hope your ok

. you matter so much

Azziman · March 12

Hey @struggling0_0, I'm really sorry to hear how you're feeling. I can hear how you're feeling bad, drained, and struggling. It sounds like you're going through a lot at the moment, and that there's a lot on your plate. I'm sorry to hear that speaking to Shout wasn't helpful, especially given the wait. You deserve to be supported and heard, and being accused for not being open to support isn't fair.

I can hear how you're feeling dismissed by services and professionals too, and being passed from person to person without being helped is frustrating. Put all together, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate, struggling to get through each day, and not being supported well enough to help you. I think that combination would be difficult for anyone to manage, and you absolutely deserve to be heard and supported. You matter, your feelings matter, and what you have to say matters.

I know that you've mentioned poor support from services so far, but I'm going to include some support services below who might be helpful to talk to. I can only hope that if you feel like you need support and want to use them, that they can be helpful and supportive:

Crisis Messenger (24/7) | text THEMIX to 85258
Samaritans (24/7) | call 116 123 | email jo@samaritans.org
Papyrus (2pm-midnight) | call 0800 068 41 41 | text 07786 209 697 | email pat@payrus-uk.org
Supportline (hours vary) | call 01708 765 200
Childline | call 0800 11 11

We're here to listen to you and support you. Please do let us know how you're doing. We really love having you as part of this community

struggling0_0 · March 13

thank you @eylah

it’s really frustrating when you reach out to shout as often it is a long wait and it’s rare to actually have someone who is even helpful:( they really abruptly decided they were ending the conversation and i responded saying “i hate how use really abruptly end the conversations” and she replied with “ok” like sorry…? its sooo frustrating:(

i don’t really feel any better to be honest:/ other than the unhelpful conversation with shout, i haven’t talked to anybody about how im feeling because i have no one and then college was really hard too.

thank you for checking in

struggling0_0 · March 13

thank you @Azziman i appreciate your reply a lot! shout operate the crisis messenger, i would be better of talking to a wall realistically… papyrus refuse to offer me any support for some reason now:( i cant use childline as im over 19. i struggle with samaritans as i dont like phone calls and their webchat isn’t available in all areas yet, and as for their emails, they take forever to reply. supportline is really limited hours and take forever to answer emails too. i’m sorry.

thank you though

Loz · March 13

Hey,

Sending hugs and I'm sorry you're not doing great at the moment.

I just wanted to say if you're in crisis that if you call 111 and press option 2 you can get through to a mental health practitioner relatively quickly. I've tried all the crisis lines and found them not to be the greatest but this one I've had the best experience with.

It's worth a shot

struggling0_0 · March 13

@Loz thank you for the suggestion, i really appreciate it! unfortunately in northern ireland, we don’t actually have nhs111, we don’t actually have the nhs as such either; we are slightly different to the rest of the uk, and it’s hsc here as opposed to the nhs but thank you anyway!

eylah · March 13

im sending you so many hugs if ok. i know your going through a lot rn and im sry your dealing with this alone but pls remember you have us at the mix to turn to if your struggling.

yeah the mix crisis messenger is responded to by shout which doesnt help bc like you said shout try ending convos and arent supportive.

im always here if you need anything your not alone

never give up bc you deserve to feel happy you rly do

Sian321 · March 15

Hey @struggling0_0 , how are you today? I just wanted to check in off the back of your post here simply to say I hear you

i feel the worst i’ve ever felt. i don’t know what to do anymore. i’m tired. i can’t explain how i feel. i have no words. i constantly feel like i am about to cry. i want to tell someone but i can’t, i don’t know how to explain any of what i feel, or even have any words. i’m really struggling though. i don’t think ive ever been in as bad a headspace as this:(

What you describe here sounds like such mental agony. The exhaustion of it all. The overwhelm of feeling like you're always about to cry. It's the worst its ever felt, and it's beyond words.

Please do reach out to us via DM for further support when and where you wish, and I can see Azziman has shared some further helplines too. May I ask, what reasonings did your wellbeing officer give for no longer supporting you?

I know that my post here can't even begin to lift the weight of what you're carrying, though I hope that in some small way we can be alongside you and say that we see you. We notice. We hear just how incredibly heavy this time is. What it's like to be living day-to-day this way. We're besides you, and we're here to hold any and all posts you wish to make.

There's also no pressure or rush here to reply, @struggling0_0 .

done with life - tw// suicidal thoughts & self harm.

Comments