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Hating/Regretting my job đ
Lottie5433
Posts: 525 Incredible Poster
in Work & Study
I'm starting to hate my job and I dont want to, I like where I work we are like a family. But each time I go there it takes me so much energy not to up and leave. As well as not to breakdown each shift - and we haven't even started doing proper shifts.
Like recently I was promoted to a supervisor, which I loved the idea of and was very much up for the role. However this last week it's taken a toll on me and I'm finding myself breaking down basically every shift. I'm not sure if its because my mental health has been bad and declining or if the pressure is too much.
I only started to notice it affected me and causing me to break down when the assistant general manager (AGM) made a remark about how I dont see I'm the headspace or like i want the job anymore. This just set me off on a spiral in my head, solidifying my internal beliefs that im not good enough and that im a failure. What made it worse was on that same shift at the end he asked of a little chat and he said how im not very motivated or as enthusiastic as I was last week with everything, how he has so much pressure from the general manager (GM) to get things up and ready for opening, he also asked if he had annoyed me. All this and the previous comment again sent me spiralling and I was holding back alot of tears because I didnt want him to see me crying over nothing basically.
Then today the AGM has emailed me whilst cc-ing the GM in about handing my keys in to the place. I now just feel i should be there and ive made everything worse and this is there polite way of saying im not cut out for this job role.
I dont know what to do.
I'm not due to work till Monday- the day we open but part of me is say to just leave and find a new place and not turn up to work.
I want to speak to my GM about everything becuase i feel like the AGM has told her things and I want to clear things up becuase she knows about my mental health and the journey it's been on. Where as the AGM knows nothing and doesn't understand how much energy and mental power it has taken me to come in for shifts
TW: mentions of SI and SH
Like recently I was promoted to a supervisor, which I loved the idea of and was very much up for the role. However this last week it's taken a toll on me and I'm finding myself breaking down basically every shift. I'm not sure if its because my mental health has been bad and declining or if the pressure is too much.
I only started to notice it affected me and causing me to break down when the assistant general manager (AGM) made a remark about how I dont see I'm the headspace or like i want the job anymore. This just set me off on a spiral in my head, solidifying my internal beliefs that im not good enough and that im a failure. What made it worse was on that same shift at the end he asked of a little chat and he said how im not very motivated or as enthusiastic as I was last week with everything, how he has so much pressure from the general manager (GM) to get things up and ready for opening, he also asked if he had annoyed me. All this and the previous comment again sent me spiralling and I was holding back alot of tears because I didnt want him to see me crying over nothing basically.
Then today the AGM has emailed me whilst cc-ing the GM in about handing my keys in to the place. I now just feel i should be there and ive made everything worse and this is there polite way of saying im not cut out for this job role.
I dont know what to do.
I'm not due to work till Monday- the day we open but part of me is say to just leave and find a new place and not turn up to work.
I want to speak to my GM about everything becuase i feel like the AGM has told her things and I want to clear things up becuase she knows about my mental health and the journey it's been on. Where as the AGM knows nothing and doesn't understand how much energy and mental power it has taken me to come in for shifts
TW: mentions of SI and SH
when the nights before I've been so suicidal i didn't think I'd make it to the morning and feeling so guilty and ashamed for trying to take the easy way out. As well as fighting the daily urges not to hurt myself or to open up healing wounds (as this is what i had to stop myself doing on my thursday shift).
It just takes so much out of me and I feel like im just a failure and I shouldn't have this job đ
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iâm really sorry youâre feeling this way. it sounds like youâve been carrying so much, both with work and your mental health, and thatâs an exhausting place to be. i promise you that you are most definitely not a failure, even if it feels that way right now - youâve been showing up and pushing through so much, and that takes an incredible amount of strength!
it makes sense that the agmâs comments hit you so hard, especially when they donât know what youâve been dealing with, but that doesnât mean youâre not cut out for the job. it sounds like you do care about your role, and itâs understandable that the pressure and expectations are weighing on you. maybe talking to your GM could help clear things up, especially since they already know about your mental health journey. you deserve to have your side of things heard.
i know itâs tempting to just walk away, especially when everything feels overwhelming, but i also think itâs important, as iâve learnt from experience to not make decisions solely based on when youâre in a bad headspace. if leaving is the right choice for you, that is 100% okay, itâs important you put yourself first, but you deserve to make that choice on your terms, not because you feel like youâve failed (because you havenât).
remember, youâre not alone in this. youâve been fighting through so much, and thatâs not easy. weâre always here for you, no matter what happens next - iâm so so proud of you
It sounds like a really difficult situation to be in - you were really looking forward to stepping up to your new role, but it sounds like it has been taking its toll on you. When we feel like that, it's important that we get supported, but it sounds like the AGM has been doing the opposite here. They may have a lot of pressure on them, but so do you, so your feelings shouldn't be invalidated.
I'd agree with @shannon_164 - it's best not to take a decision yet if you're not feeling in the right headspace, and perhaps talking to the GM is a good idea as they understand you better. Perhaps walking away is a good idea; perhaps you'd like to stay in your current role; or perhaps you could step down into your old role again. There are options for you on a practical level, but right now it seems like the emotional support and understanding is more important for you. I really hope that you get the support you're looking for from your GM. We're here to listen to you and support you too through this
Tbh I have been carrying alot of this for a while. I'm just scared to talk to my GM about this i don't want to cause any hassle or drama at work - im the only one that seems to be having an issue with the AGM đ
I am considering just walking out my job but I dont want to let anyone down đ maybe ill just push through and push all these thoughts down.
Thanks again
Hi @Azziman , I am kinda feeling safe tbh: just finished talking to SHOUT and have contacted CMHT about some support đ as I have just been discharged from them anyway.
It has been a difficult situation to manage and I was really looking forward to this new role, yeah AGM hasn't been too supportive or anything. When I was talking to them, they seemed like they were trying to validate my feelings but he kept turning it back on himself and then comparing my struggles to his daughter.
I dont even know what my options are at this point. Like I proably could step down to my old role - but then ive failed. If I leave then ive failed again.
I'm gonna try and talk to my GM on Monday after my shift but I dont want to cause any hassle or drama at work
it really does sound like youâre in a tough spot, and i really feel for you. you shouldnât have to just âpush everything downâ, your feelings and experiences are SO valid. just because others arenât speaking up about the agm doesnât mean your concerns arenât real or important - they are real and they are important!
i know walking out might feel like an easy escape, but if you still care about the job and the people you work with, it might be worth at least considering a conversation with your gm? i totally get how youâre feeling though, ive been in a super similar position. you donât have to frame it as drama or causing trouble, just an open and honest talk about how things are affecting you.
at the end of the day, your mental health is what matters and needs to be the priority! if this job is making you miserable, itâs totally okay to prioritise yourself. do you have any support at work, like a trusted colleague, who might help you navigate this? i know sometimes it can be helpful to talk to someone who knows the workplace / staff too - ofc i know itâs not always an option people feel comfy with and that is ok too.
always here for you - youâve got this
Idk if im ready to go in, im praying AGM isn't there i can't be dealing with him. Also means I can try and talk to GM tomorrow if she's in with out him being there or within listing distance.
Turns out he's not only annoying me he's also annoying my Sister who works at the same place too.
I'm hoping I won't have to go in till 12 noon coz im looking forward to going to dance with my friend to decompress as ive had to miss the last 2 weeks of it because of work.
Fingers crossed I won't breakdown again and I can mask for my shift.
If I can speak to GM tomorrow I'm gonna look at talking to her on Monday after my shift or message her to arrange a meeting. Coz I really don't know how much more I can take of the job or the AGM.
aw, that sounds so stressful for you. i really hope the agm isnât there tomorrow so you can get through the shift without dealing with him. at least if the gm is in, youâll have a chance to talk without him hovering hopefully. itâs so frustrating that heâs annoying not just you but your sister too, clearly itâs not just you feeling this way!
fingers crossed you donât have to go in till noon so you can get to dance! you definitely deserve that time to decompress after everything. i really hope tomorrow goes okay for you - youâve got this! if you do end up talking to the gm, i hope she actually listens and takes it seriously
I wasnt needed in anyway, but even if i was i wouldn't have gone as AGM was in and I wasn't in the headspace to deal with him. Bad enough he's working with me tomorrow - "supervising" me in a job I've been doing for 3 years and know well đ
Ive drafted a message to my GM incase I can't see and talk to her tomorrow - also wrote a couple notes down for things that I want to tell her but feel like I can.
Worried about going to work tomorrow anyway
TW: mention of SH
But i cant hide it due to the type of uniform
Im worried if the GM sees it she will pull me in for a meeting
Also worried that the AGM will see and make things worse for me
I'm just trying to look at it that I only have to work 3hrs and I'm hoping either side of it i can go to the gym coz that helps me. But also I might be seeing my friend after as well.
Itâs good that youâve already drafted a message to your general managerâbeing proactive about communicating when you're feeling off is a step in the right direction. It shows that youâre trying to take control of the situation, even when things feel uncertain. Plus, having notes written down can help you feel more prepared and ensure you donât forget anything important when you do talk to her. If youâre feeling worried about tomorrow, maybe you could send the message now or early in the morning, just so youâve got that bit of relief, knowing itâs out there, and you can go into the conversation with less pressure.
You deserve to feel competent and trusted, and maybe a conversation with your manager could help adjust things so you're not feeling like you're under constant scrutiny. Youâre there to work, and your experience and knowledge are valuable. It might be worth reminding yourself of that when you step in tomorrow.
Do you think you could find a way to ground yourself before going in tomorrow? Maybe taking some time tonight to unwind or practicing some calming techniques could help lower the anxiety a bit, so you're not heading in feeling too tense.
Mind
Phone: 0300 123 3393 (Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm)
Text: 86463
Website: mind.org.uk"
Mind provides support and resources for people who self-harm, including how to manage urges and find help.
YoungMinds (For under 25s)
Text Line: 85258 (Free, 24/7 text support)
Website: youngminds.org.uk
YoungMinds offers support specifically for young people and information on self-harm, including strategies and advice.
The Calming Kit (Self-harm recovery resources)
Website: youngminds.org.uk
This is an online resource offering support, advice, and information about self-harm and mental health.
Calm Harm App
Website & Download: calmharm.co.uk
I was right though, my GM did pull me in to have a chat about my SH - which I knew she would anyway. She also mentioned how she heard i had a bit of a wobble last week (clearly AGM or retail manager said something to her which made her worried anyway). She was concerned that she shouldn't have given me the promotion and that she made the wrong choice, she also said if i worked anywhere else and what happened last week occured my contract would have been terminated - which is fair to be honest.
I explained that I think I put too much pressure on myself with everything happening outside of work and work that I kinda just crumbled. Also the fact I'm not currently on my medication which probably contributed to this wobble last week. But I reassured her that I wasnt sure what I needed to do last week coz its all new but now that ive started working its all making sense and that i know what im doing.
Additionally GM spoke to one of my line manager who im closer with. She asked them if I was okay (not needing to know full details), to which my line manager said she was concerned with my behaviour and some of my thoughts that I let out. So again I put my GM at ease and said im fine.
I get these people care and don't want to see anything bad happen to me, but its kinda wish they left me alone.
My GM the had a serious conversation with me about my meds and how long ive been off them etc. She used the analogy of if I broke my leg and needed cruches I would use them, so I need to treat my meds like that. But if I want to come off them to see the GP about it and taper them down instead, because I clearly need them and am not okay without them - referring to my SH
We made the agreement that I'll start taking then again from tomorrow and will take to either her, AGM (no thanks) or my line manager about anything.
Tbh I kinda now want to tell her everything but am scared what she'll say if I tell her exactly what ive been battling daily with my thoughts etc
Maybe I can do that tomorrow
But im also kinda holding a grudge against my line manager coz she didn't have to say anything and in my head it's made things worse đ
Just gonna try not to cry and breakdown at home now đ
If I've understood it right, you didn't raise the issue with the AGM with your GM, but the latter recognised that the former's leadership style is impacting you. That in itself seems reassuring, as you're not alone in recognising the problems caused by the GM's approach. If you and the GM notice it, I'd imagine that there'll be others who sympathise with your point of view too. How did you feel after the GM mentioned this?
The AGM then spoke to you about your SH, and was concerned that giving the promotion might have been the wrong choice. You've reassured them about acknowledging the pressure you put on yourself, and about your behaviour. How did you feel when you discussed your SH and the promotion? It sounds like the line manager noticed and raised concern about your behaviour. I can understand that can be frustrating. It's possible that they were looking out for your wellbeing and wanted the GM to be aware of the situation due to being concerned. That being said, I can hear how it's frustrating when you want some space and several people are asking about you.
You had a chat about your medication, agreed that you'll start taking them again, and that you'll communicate with the GM or line manager about things. It sounds like you've made an action plan, and that you have a couple of viable choices to talk to someone about how you're getting on. How did you feel after being given those options? I think there's a choice to make around what you disclose as well. What are your thoughts around talking to your GM about how you're feeling? And also, around the issue of the AGM?
Please be kind to yourself! You've been through a difficult time recently, and it sounds like you have supportive people who are looking out for you and concerned about your wellbeing. You're doing the best you can, and we're here to support you through this
Sorry for the late response @Orchid059 đ
i did really want to avoid going in mainly on the Sunday (if i was needed) but also on today's shift tbh. see i would take the step out away from the environment to protect my MH, however that hasnt been possible coz theres only 1 other person that could work instead of me, but GM and AGM wanted me to be the one to do the first few shift since weve opened up and im now the supervisor and i can iron out any worries or concerns but also help manage expectations given the chaoticness of the new premises.
i would have sent the message to my GM before my shift but i didnt know if she would be in but i also didnt want to seem like i was worrying about nothing or causing issues for no reason.
last night i didnt really do anything to ground myself, i webchatted with Samaritains coz i couldnt really cope and knew they couldnt do anything if i concerned them as they had none of my information.
but yeah ive had my shift now, and it was okayish
Thank you for the response
iâm really sorry youâre feeling like this right now. It sounds like a lot to process, and i can see why youâre feeling conflicted. on one hand, itâs good that your gm genuinely seems to care and wants to support you, but i get why it also feels overwhelming - especially when you just want to be left alone to figure things out.
i think itâs a positive step that youâre planning to start your meds again, even if itâs frustrating to have those conversations. your gmâs analogy makes sense, but i know itâs not always that simple. if you do feel like opening up to her more, maybe it would help to get some of that weight off your chest, but only when youâre ready, and only if it feels right for you.
as for your line manager, i totally understand why youâre upset. maybe when you feel up to it, you could have a chat with them and see where they were coming from? only if you feel able to do that and want to do that!
for now, just try to be kind to yourself. youâve been dealing with so much, and itâs okay to feel the way you do. if you need to cry, let it out, but also know youâre not alone in this. weâre always here for you
Here's some support places
https://www.myblackdog.co/
This one don't open till 5pm unfortunately but it's open every day from then until midnight
https://www.thecalmzone.net/
There's Kooth here too which open at 12pm so about 2 hours when posting this
https://www.kooth.com/
Please care of yourself. You deserve support, and youâre not a failure.
It wasnt an easy shift, but im glad I did it and had the conversation with my GM.
that is correct i didnt talk to my GM about the AGM's behaviour or anything - but she did recognise it coz it's not just impacting me but others like my sister (who works here as well) . I kinda felt reassured that it had been recognised and gave me the chance to open up if I wanted to - the GM has told me to let her know if this has affected me etc but I'm not sure about it đ.
so it my GM that spoke to me about my SH and concerned she made the wrong choice with a promotion.
Tbh I knew she'd ask about my SH as she's always shown concern for it and like when she came to see me that morning she had noticed I'd bandaged my wrist up, so when I had the conversation she asked if I was okay - I said i was, and she looked down at my wrist and said "clearly that says otherwise" which just opened it up that I can talk to her if I want to about it.
I wasnt given too many options - but the ones I was given that I could talk to GM or line manager, made me feel supported and that i can open up even if I don't want to. But also GM said this coz she knows I'm closed with my line manager but again they both know about my mental health journey and know when somethings wrong.
I'm unsure about talking to my GM coz I don't want her view of me to change like it probably has already from last week. But I have since made notes about what's happened and I do want to give it to her and start that conversation but again im unsure.
I'm not sure about approaching the conversation about my AGM - im thinking about it, like yesterday was an okay day with him so I'm hoping in a way I can just block it out and forget about it.
Thank you again â€ïž