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Hating/Regretting my job 😕

Lottie5433Lottie5433 Posts: 523 Incredible Poster
I'm starting to hate my job and I dont want to, I like where I work we are like a family. But each time I go there it takes me so much energy not to up and leave. As well as not to breakdown each shift - and we haven't even started doing proper shifts.

Like recently I was promoted to a supervisor, which I loved the idea of and was very much up for the role. However this last week it's taken a toll on me and I'm finding myself breaking down basically every shift. I'm not sure if its because my mental health has been bad and declining or if the pressure is too much.

I only started to notice it affected me and causing me to break down when the assistant general manager (AGM) made a remark about how I dont see I'm the headspace or like i want the job anymore. This just set me off on a spiral in my head, solidifying my internal beliefs that im not good enough and that im a failure. What made it worse was on that same shift at the end he asked of a little chat and he said how im not very motivated or as enthusiastic as I was last week with everything, how he has so much pressure from the general manager (GM) to get things up and ready for opening, he also asked if he had annoyed me. All this and the previous comment again sent me spiralling and I was holding back alot of tears because I didnt want him to see me crying over nothing basically.

Then today the AGM has emailed me whilst cc-ing the GM in about handing my keys in to the place. I now just feel i should be there and ive made everything worse and this is there polite way of saying im not cut out for this job role.

I dont know what to do.

I'm not due to work till Monday- the day we open but part of me is say to just leave and find a new place and not turn up to work.

I want to speak to my GM about everything becuase i feel like the AGM has told her things and I want to clear things up becuase she knows about my mental health and the journey it's been on. Where as the AGM knows nothing and doesn't understand how much energy and mental power it has taken me to come in for shifts
TW: mentions of SI and SH
when the nights before I've been so suicidal i didn't think I'd make it to the morning and feeling so guilty and ashamed for trying to take the easy way out. As well as fighting the daily urges not to hurt myself or to open up healing wounds (as this is what i had to stop myself doing on my thursday shift).
It just takes so much out of me and I feel like im just a failure and I shouldn't have this job 😕

Comments

  • shannon_164shannon_164 Community Champion Posts: 1,046 Wise Owl
    hey @Lottie5433 🙂

    i’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. it sounds like you’ve been carrying so much, both with work and your mental health, and that’s an exhausting place to be. i promise you that you are most definitely not a failure, even if it feels that way right now - you’ve been showing up and pushing through so much, and that takes an incredible amount of strength!

    it makes sense that the agm’s comments hit you so hard, especially when they don’t know what you’ve been dealing with, but that doesn’t mean you’re not cut out for the job. it sounds like you do care about your role, and it’s understandable that the pressure and expectations are weighing on you. maybe talking to your GM could help clear things up, especially since they already know about your mental health journey. you deserve to have your side of things heard.

    i know it’s tempting to just walk away, especially when everything feels overwhelming, but i also think it’s important, as i’ve learnt from experience to not make decisions solely based on when you’re in a bad headspace. if leaving is the right choice for you, that is 100% okay, it’s important you put yourself first, but you deserve to make that choice on your terms, not because you feel like you’ve failed (because you haven’t).

    remember, you’re not alone in this. you’ve been fighting through so much, and that’s not easy. we’re always here for you, no matter what happens next - i’m so so proud of you <3
  • AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 2,203 Boards Champion
    Hey @Lottie5433 - thank you for sharing your experience with us.To start with, can I just check that you're safe? I can understand the impact this situation has been having on you, but just want to make sure that we're supporting you in the right manner. At the end of this post, I'll include some support links in case you feel you need them <3

    It sounds like a really difficult situation to be in - you were really looking forward to stepping up to your new role, but it sounds like it has been taking its toll on you. When we feel like that, it's important that we get supported, but it sounds like the AGM has been doing the opposite here. They may have a lot of pressure on them, but so do you, so your feelings shouldn't be invalidated.

    I'd agree with @shannon_164 - it's best not to take a decision yet if you're not feeling in the right headspace, and perhaps talking to the GM is a good idea as they understand you better. Perhaps walking away is a good idea; perhaps you'd like to stay in your current role; or perhaps you could step down into your old role again. There are options for you on a practical level, but right now it seems like the emotional support and understanding is more important for you. I really hope that you get the support you're looking for from your GM. We're here to listen to you and support you too through this <3
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  • Lottie5433Lottie5433 Posts: 523 Incredible Poster
    Thank you @shannon_164 for the rely i appreciate you taking the time to do this ❀

    Tbh I have been carrying alot of this for a while. I'm just scared to talk to my GM about this i don't want to cause any hassle or drama at work - im the only one that seems to be having an issue with the AGM 😕

    I am considering just walking out my job but I dont want to let anyone down 😔 maybe ill just push through and push all these thoughts down.

    Thanks again
  • Lottie5433Lottie5433 Posts: 523 Incredible Poster
    edited March 1
    Azziman wrote: »
    Hey @Lottie5433 - thank you for sharing your experience with us.To start with, can I just check that you're safe? I can understand the impact this situation has been having on you, but just want to make sure that we're supporting you in the right manner. At the end of this post, I'll include some support links in case you feel you need them <3

    It sounds like a really difficult situation to be in - you were really looking forward to stepping up to your new role, but it sounds like it has been taking its toll on you. When we feel like that, it's important that we get supported, but it sounds like the AGM has been doing the opposite here. They may have a lot of pressure on them, but so do you, so your feelings shouldn't be invalidated.

    I'd agree with @shannon_164 - it's best not to take a decision yet if you're not feeling in the right headspace, and perhaps talking to the GM is a good idea as they understand you better. Perhaps walking away is a good idea; perhaps you'd like to stay in your current role; or perhaps you could step down into your old role again. There are options for you on a practical level, but right now it seems like the emotional support and understanding is more important for you. I really hope that you get the support you're looking for from your GM. We're here to listen to you and support you too through this <3
    Crisis Messenger (24/7) | text THEMIX to 85258
    Samaritans (24/7) | call 116 123 | email jo@samaritans.org
    Papyrus (2pm-midnight) | call 0800 068 41 41 | text 07786 209 697 | email pat@payrus-uk.org
    Supportline (hours vary) | call 01708 765 200
    Childline | call 0800 11 11

    Hi @Azziman , I am kinda feeling safe tbh: just finished talking to SHOUT and have contacted CMHT about some support 😕 as I have just been discharged from them anyway.

    It has been a difficult situation to manage and I was really looking forward to this new role, yeah AGM hasn't been too supportive or anything. When I was talking to them, they seemed like they were trying to validate my feelings but he kept turning it back on himself and then comparing my struggles to his daughter.

    I dont even know what my options are at this point. Like I proably could step down to my old role - but then ive failed. If I leave then ive failed again.

    I'm gonna try and talk to my GM on Monday after my shift but I dont want to cause any hassle or drama at work
  • shannon_164shannon_164 Community Champion Posts: 1,046 Wise Owl
    hey @Lottie5433 🙂

    it really does sound like you’re in a tough spot, and i really feel for you. you shouldn’t have to just “push everything down”, your feelings and experiences are SO valid. just because others aren’t speaking up about the agm doesn’t mean your concerns aren’t real or important - they are real and they are important!

    i know walking out might feel like an easy escape, but if you still care about the job and the people you work with, it might be worth at least considering a conversation with your gm? i totally get how you’re feeling though, ive been in a super similar position. you don’t have to frame it as drama or causing trouble, just an open and honest talk about how things are affecting you.

    at the end of the day, your mental health is what matters and needs to be the priority! if this job is making you miserable, it’s totally okay to prioritise yourself. do you have any support at work, like a trusted colleague, who might help you navigate this? i know sometimes it can be helpful to talk to someone who knows the workplace / staff too - ofc i know it’s not always an option people feel comfy with and that is ok too.

    always here for you - you’ve got this <3
  • Lottie5433Lottie5433 Posts: 523 Incredible Poster
    Looks like im going into work tomorrow now 😒
    Idk if im ready to go in, im praying AGM isn't there i can't be dealing with him. Also means I can try and talk to GM tomorrow if she's in with out him being there or within listing distance.

    Turns out he's not only annoying me he's also annoying my Sister who works at the same place too.

    I'm hoping I won't have to go in till 12 noon coz im looking forward to going to dance with my friend to decompress as ive had to miss the last 2 weeks of it because of work.

    Fingers crossed I won't breakdown again and I can mask for my shift.

    If I can speak to GM tomorrow I'm gonna look at talking to her on Monday after my shift or message her to arrange a meeting. Coz I really don't know how much more I can take of the job or the AGM.
  • shannon_164shannon_164 Community Champion Posts: 1,046 Wise Owl
    hey @Lottie5433 🙂

    aw, that sounds so stressful for you. i really hope the agm isn’t there tomorrow so you can get through the shift without dealing with him. at least if the gm is in, you’ll have a chance to talk without him hovering hopefully. it’s so frustrating that he’s annoying not just you but your sister too, clearly it’s not just you feeling this way!

    fingers crossed you don’t have to go in till noon so you can get to dance! you definitely deserve that time to decompress after everything. i really hope tomorrow goes okay for you - you’ve got this! if you do end up talking to the gm, i hope she actually listens and takes it seriously <3
  • Lottie5433Lottie5433 Posts: 523 Incredible Poster
    I ended up not going into work today.

    I wasnt needed in anyway, but even if i was i wouldn't have gone as AGM was in and I wasn't in the headspace to deal with him. Bad enough he's working with me tomorrow - "supervising" me in a job I've been doing for 3 years and know well 🙄

    Ive drafted a message to my GM incase I can't see and talk to her tomorrow - also wrote a couple notes down for things that I want to tell her but feel like I can.

    Worried about going to work tomorrow anyway
    TW: mention of SH
    i relapsedwith my self harm again 😔
    But i cant hide it due to the type of uniform
    Im worried if the GM sees it she will pull me in for a meeting
    Also worried that the AGM will see and make things worse for me

    I'm just trying to look at it that I only have to work 3hrs and I'm hoping either side of it i can go to the gym coz that helps me. But also I might be seeing my friend after as well.
  • Orchid059Orchid059 Moderator Posts: 379 Listening Ear
    I’m really sorry to hear you're feeling this way, and I can understand why you would want to avoid going in, especially when your headspace feels off and you’re dealing with that pressure from your AGM. It sounds like you’ve been under a lot of stress, and it's okay to take the step to protect your mental health by not going in when you feel like you’re not ready for that environment.

    It’s good that you’ve already drafted a message to your general manager—being proactive about communicating when you're feeling off is a step in the right direction. It shows that you’re trying to take control of the situation, even when things feel uncertain. Plus, having notes written down can help you feel more prepared and ensure you don’t forget anything important when you do talk to her. If you’re feeling worried about tomorrow, maybe you could send the message now or early in the morning, just so you’ve got that bit of relief, knowing it’s out there, and you can go into the conversation with less pressure.

    You deserve to feel competent and trusted, and maybe a conversation with your manager could help adjust things so you're not feeling like you're under constant scrutiny. You’re there to work, and your experience and knowledge are valuable. It might be worth reminding yourself of that when you step in tomorrow.

    Do you think you could find a way to ground yourself before going in tomorrow? Maybe taking some time tonight to unwind or practicing some calming techniques could help lower the anxiety a bit, so you're not heading in feeling too tense.

    Mind
    Phone: 0300 123 3393 (Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm)
    Text: 86463
    Website: mind.org.uk"
    Mind provides support and resources for people who self-harm, including how to manage urges and find help.

    YoungMinds (For under 25s)
    Text Line: 85258 (Free, 24/7 text support)
    Website: youngminds.org.uk
    YoungMinds offers support specifically for young people and information on self-harm, including strategies and advice.

    The Calming Kit (Self-harm recovery resources)
    Website: youngminds.org.uk
    This is an online resource offering support, advice, and information about self-harm and mental health.

    Calm Harm App
    Website & Download: calmharm.co.uk
  • Lottie5433Lottie5433 Posts: 523 Incredible Poster
    I just finished my shift, it went okay for the most part. I spoke to my GM when I handed in my key (only need to give in the complex key, not my actual work key), it was a fairly positive conversation, I didnt mention anything about the AGM though. However she did think his way of leading did impact alot of my behaviours and feelings.
    I was right though, my GM did pull me in to have a chat about my SH - which I knew she would anyway. She also mentioned how she heard i had a bit of a wobble last week (clearly AGM or retail manager said something to her which made her worried anyway). She was concerned that she shouldn't have given me the promotion and that she made the wrong choice, she also said if i worked anywhere else and what happened last week occured my contract would have been terminated - which is fair to be honest.
    I explained that I think I put too much pressure on myself with everything happening outside of work and work that I kinda just crumbled. Also the fact I'm not currently on my medication which probably contributed to this wobble last week. But I reassured her that I wasnt sure what I needed to do last week coz its all new but now that ive started working its all making sense and that i know what im doing.
    Additionally GM spoke to one of my line manager who im closer with. She asked them if I was okay (not needing to know full details), to which my line manager said she was concerned with my behaviour and some of my thoughts that I let out. So again I put my GM at ease and said im fine.

    I get these people care and don't want to see anything bad happen to me, but its kinda wish they left me alone.
    My GM the had a serious conversation with me about my meds and how long ive been off them etc. She used the analogy of if I broke my leg and needed cruches I would use them, so I need to treat my meds like that. But if I want to come off them to see the GP about it and taper them down instead, because I clearly need them and am not okay without them - referring to my SH

    We made the agreement that I'll start taking then again from tomorrow and will take to either her, AGM (no thanks) or my line manager about anything.

    Tbh I kinda now want to tell her everything but am scared what she'll say if I tell her exactly what ive been battling daily with my thoughts etc

    Maybe I can do that tomorrow

    But im also kinda holding a grudge against my line manager coz she didn't have to say anything and in my head it's made things worse 😔

    Just gonna try not to cry and breakdown at home now 🙃
  • AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 2,203 Boards Champion
    Hey @Lottie5433, we hear you. Well done for getting through today, it sounds like it's not been an easy one, but you've opened the conversation with your GM as you wanted.

    If I've understood it right, you didn't raise the issue with the AGM with your GM, but the latter recognised that the former's leadership style is impacting you. That in itself seems reassuring, as you're not alone in recognising the problems caused by the GM's approach. If you and the GM notice it, I'd imagine that there'll be others who sympathise with your point of view too. How did you feel after the GM mentioned this?

    The AGM then spoke to you about your SH, and was concerned that giving the promotion might have been the wrong choice. You've reassured them about acknowledging the pressure you put on yourself, and about your behaviour. How did you feel when you discussed your SH and the promotion? It sounds like the line manager noticed and raised concern about your behaviour. I can understand that can be frustrating. It's possible that they were looking out for your wellbeing and wanted the GM to be aware of the situation due to being concerned. That being said, I can hear how it's frustrating when you want some space and several people are asking about you.

    You had a chat about your medication, agreed that you'll start taking them again, and that you'll communicate with the GM or line manager about things. It sounds like you've made an action plan, and that you have a couple of viable choices to talk to someone about how you're getting on. How did you feel after being given those options? I think there's a choice to make around what you disclose as well. What are your thoughts around talking to your GM about how you're feeling? And also, around the issue of the AGM?

    Please be kind to yourself! You've been through a difficult time recently, and it sounds like you have supportive people who are looking out for you and concerned about your wellbeing. You're doing the best you can, and we're here to support you through this <3
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
  • Lottie5433Lottie5433 Posts: 523 Incredible Poster
    I’m really sorry to hear you're feeling this way, and I can understand why you would want to avoid going in, especially when your headspace feels off and you’re dealing with that pressure from your AGM. It sounds like you’ve been under a lot of stress, and it's okay to take the step to protect your mental health by not going in when you feel like you’re not ready for that environment.

    It’s good that you’ve already drafted a message to your general manager—being proactive about communicating when you're feeling off is a step in the right direction. It shows that you’re trying to take control of the situation, even when things feel uncertain. Plus, having notes written down can help you feel more prepared and ensure you don’t forget anything important when you do talk to her. If you’re feeling worried about tomorrow, maybe you could send the message now or early in the morning, just so you’ve got that bit of relief, knowing it’s out there, and you can go into the conversation with less pressure.

    You deserve to feel competent and trusted, and maybe a conversation with your manager could help adjust things so you're not feeling like you're under constant scrutiny. You’re there to work, and your experience and knowledge are valuable. It might be worth reminding yourself of that when you step in tomorrow.

    Do you think you could find a way to ground yourself before going in tomorrow? Maybe taking some time tonight to unwind or practicing some calming techniques could help lower the anxiety a bit, so you're not heading in feeling too tense.

    Mind
    Phone: 0300 123 3393 (Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm)
    Text: 86463
    Website: mind.org.uk"
    Mind provides support and resources for people who self-harm, including how to manage urges and find help.

    YoungMinds (For under 25s)
    Text Line: 85258 (Free, 24/7 text support)
    Website: youngminds.org.uk
    YoungMinds offers support specifically for young people and information on self-harm, including strategies and advice.

    The Calming Kit (Self-harm recovery resources)
    Website: youngminds.org.uk
    This is an online resource offering support, advice, and information about self-harm and mental health.

    Calm Harm App
    Website & Download: calmharm.co.uk

    Sorry for the late response @Orchid059 😔
    i did really want to avoid going in mainly on the Sunday (if i was needed) but also on today's shift tbh. see i would take the step out away from the environment to protect my MH, however that hasnt been possible coz theres only 1 other person that could work instead of me, but GM and AGM wanted me to be the one to do the first few shift since weve opened up and im now the supervisor and i can iron out any worries or concerns but also help manage expectations given the chaoticness of the new premises.
    i would have sent the message to my GM before my shift but i didnt know if she would be in but i also didnt want to seem like i was worrying about nothing or causing issues for no reason.
    last night i didnt really do anything to ground myself, i webchatted with Samaritains coz i couldnt really cope and knew they couldnt do anything if i concerned them as they had none of my information.

    but yeah ive had my shift now, and it was okayish

    Thank you for the response <3
  • shannon_164shannon_164 Community Champion Posts: 1,046 Wise Owl
    hey @Lottie5433 🙂

    i’m really sorry you’re feeling like this right now. It sounds like a lot to process, and i can see why you’re feeling conflicted. on one hand, it’s good that your gm genuinely seems to care and wants to support you, but i get why it also feels overwhelming - especially when you just want to be left alone to figure things out.

    i think it’s a positive step that you’re planning to start your meds again, even if it’s frustrating to have those conversations. your gm’s analogy makes sense, but i know it’s not always that simple. if you do feel like opening up to her more, maybe it would help to get some of that weight off your chest, but only when you’re ready, and only if it feels right for you.

    as for your line manager, i totally understand why you’re upset. maybe when you feel up to it, you could have a chat with them and see where they were coming from? only if you feel able to do that and want to do that!

    for now, just try to be kind to yourself. you’ve been dealing with so much, and it’s okay to feel the way you do. if you need to cry, let it out, but also know you’re not alone in this. we’re always here for you <3
  • TheNightmareTheNightmare Posts: 3,162 Boards Guru
    edited March 4
    @Lottie5433 I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. It sounds like you’re carrying a lot right now, and it makes sense that the job pressure is getting to you. The comments from the AGM were tough, but they don’t mean you're not doing your best. You’re doing what you can, and that’s more than enough.

    Here's some support places
    This one don't open to 7pm sadly
    https://www.myblackdog.co/

    This one don't open till 5pm unfortunately but it's open every day from then until midnight
    https://www.thecalmzone.net/

    There's Kooth here too which open at 12pm so about 2 hours when posting this
    https://www.kooth.com/


    Please care of yourself. You deserve support, and you’re not a failure.
  • Lottie5433Lottie5433 Posts: 523 Incredible Poster
    Hey @Azziman
    It wasnt an easy shift, but im glad I did it and had the conversation with my GM.
    If I've understood it right, you didn't raise the issue with the AGM with your GM, but the latter recognised that the former's leadership style is impacting you
    that is correct i didnt talk to my GM about the AGM's behaviour or anything - but she did recognise it coz it's not just impacting me but others like my sister (who works here as well) . I kinda felt reassured that it had been recognised and gave me the chance to open up if I wanted to - the GM has told me to let her know if this has affected me etc but I'm not sure about it 😕.
    The AGM then spoke to you about your SH, and was concerned that giving the promotion might have been the wrong choice.
    so it my GM that spoke to me about my SH and concerned she made the wrong choice with a promotion.
    Tbh I knew she'd ask about my SH as she's always shown concern for it and like when she came to see me that morning she had noticed I'd bandaged my wrist up, so when I had the conversation she asked if I was okay - I said i was, and she looked down at my wrist and said "clearly that says otherwise" which just opened it up that I can talk to her if I want to about it.

    I wasnt given too many options - but the ones I was given that I could talk to GM or line manager, made me feel supported and that i can open up even if I don't want to. But also GM said this coz she knows I'm closed with my line manager but again they both know about my mental health journey and know when somethings wrong.
    I'm unsure about talking to my GM coz I don't want her view of me to change like it probably has already from last week. But I have since made notes about what's happened and I do want to give it to her and start that conversation but again im unsure.
    I'm not sure about approaching the conversation about my AGM - im thinking about it, like yesterday was an okay day with him so I'm hoping in a way I can just block it out and forget about it.

    Thank you again ❀
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