(TW suicide) rock bottom

bignosegirly0 · February 16

I’m not able to kill myself now since I’m with my family

I’m not intending to kill myself in the future to avoid upsetting my family

I’m speaking to a professional from the NHS well-being services on Tuesday

I am able to keep myself safe

I’m gonna be very fucking depressed for the next few days. I’m gonna have low energy. I’m gonna lose sleep. I’m gonna eat very little. I won’t have motivation to do anything or find joy in any activity. And there’s nothing I can do to get myself out of this depressive episode. All I can do is let whatever happen, happen, and just be patient, even if it takes days for me to feel better.

I’m writing this post because I need someone to vent to. I won’t feel better afterwards, but atleast I can get my pent up emotions out.

With that all being said….

I feel as if I hit rock bottom. I don’t see a bright future ahead of me. I’m stuck in a workplace where everyone hates me (and understandably due to my stupid decisions). I keep getting job rejections. I don’t have a lover to help fill that void. I am nothing in this world.

Orchid059 · February 16

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way right now, and I want to honor how hard and overwhelming everything must be for you. It sounds like you’re carrying a lot of pain, and feeling stuck in this place of depression can make everything seem so much harder. I’m really glad you’re going to be speaking with someone from the NHS on Tuesday- that’s a good step, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. It’s okay to feel like you need to vent, and I want you to know that your feelings matter and you don’t have to carry them alone.

Even though it feels impossible to feel better right now, just taking things one day at a time and being patient with yourself, like you said, is really important. I hear that you're in a very tough place right now, feeling isolated and overwhelmed, and I want you to know that these feelings, while real and valid, don’t define your whole life. You’re not “nothing” in this world, even though it may feel like that in the darkest moments. Your life is valuable, and even if it’s hard to see, there are people who care about you and want you to be here, whether you can see it or not.

The things you're experiencing are not your fault, and you're not alone in how you're feeling. It might not feel like it right now, but there is always hope for things to get better. You’re allowed to feel these emotions, but I really hope you can find the strength to keep holding on and reaching out for support, even when it feels like it’s just too much.

You are worthy of compassion, and I really hope you keep showing up for yourself, even if it’s just little bits at a time. Is there anything that has helped you in the past that has worked for you when you are experiencing these low moments? Have you considered journalling to express your emotions visually onto paper?

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Orchid059 · February 16

@bignosegirly0 I've also added a spoiler or removed any triggering language in your post so it does not trigger anyone in the community

Matthew_04 · February 19

Hey @bignosegirly0
How are you feeling now?

bignosegirly0 · February 19

@Matthew_04 Unfortunely, I’m still feeling rock bottom. But I’m trying to make myself feel better by reminding myself that my family and I are going to one of my favourite places on the weekend. So atleast it’s something nice to look forward to 🫶

Laura_tigger82 · February 23

You have been really brave in acknowledging and sharing you are still feeling rock bottom @bignosegirly0. Would you like to talk more about this?

It sounds really positive that you have been to one of your favourite places this weekend! How has this gone for you? I often find having something nice to look forward to really uplifting

bignosegirly0 · February 23

@Laura_tigger82 hello, there’s not a lot for me to discuss at the moment. When I feel down in the future, I’ll continue to make posts for support. Thank you for your kindness.

bignosegirly0 · February 23

@Laura_tigger82 also, I’m sorry for the extra response. I forgot to respond to your other questions 😵‍💫😵‍💫 I’m currently at my favourite place. I still feel midly down and worrying about my future. But atleast I’m with the people I love. So that does make me feel better.

Orchid059 · February 23

@bignosegirly0 you're doing so well to reach out. The future can be anxiety provoking and it sounds like you're doing your best to plan and prepare, but I know it can still feel really uncertain and hard to navigate. It's good to hear that you are surrounded by loved ones currently and that it is making you feel better. I hope you manage to enjoy your time while you are there

Laura_tigger82 · March 2

Please don't apologise @bignosegirly0. This space is yours and we all really care about you. We are also here for you if you would like to talk about general chit-chat or any recent hobbies etc as well though!

Would you like to share more about your favourite place? It sounds positive that you have this space you feel able to go to with the people you love, especially when you are mildly down and worrying about your future. Is there anything, in particular, about your future which is causing you to worry the most at the moment?

bignosegirly0 · March 2

@Laura_tigger82 Sure, it's a creative city filled with people who have their own unique fashion sense. This is most likely because there's a few art universities, so obviously, you would get late teens (18,19) and young adults (20+) who have the freedom to express themselves with quirky outfits. In addition, there's more artistic shops and creative job careers in this city.

I live in a small town which mostly consists of chavs who only wear gym wear (Nike, Adidas, etc) It wouldn't be a problem but a lot of them would harass those who dress differently just for laughs. Not to mention, there isn't a lot of creative opportunities in my area. I would love to live there one day. The only issue is that it's almost two hours away. But even living outside the city would be nice.

I can't remember what it was that I was worrying about during my visit. I think I was worrying about whether I would be happy in life, or whether I have a bright future ahead of me.

But thankfully, I am feeling better.

Laura_tigger82 · March 2

I can really hear your passion about art and expression @bignosegirly0! Especially the opportunity to dress differently and be differently - just more diversity in general. Do you have many opportunities to visit the city, even whilst living outside of the city?

We believe in you and your future! But we recognise how difficult it can often be to have faith in ourselves, especially all of the time. What would 'happy' and 'bright' look like for you? I am just wondering how you can ensure these elements remain.

It is super positive to hear you are feeling better and more hopeful though

bignosegirly0 · March 2

@Laura_tigger82 i don’t have a car to travel to the city. I could take the bus, but my family wouldn’t like me going alone. And most of the time, my family won’t be available to go with me. Neither do I have any friends to go with.

My family and I only visit this city when we need to do shopping for special occasions (birthdays, Father’s Day, etc)

My idea of a bright and happy future is a future where I am happy with my job, get along with my coworkers and have a partner to go home to.

(TW suicide) rock bottom

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