ASD "trait" (overthinking)

BensonE · January 7

All those of you with ASD (austism spectrum disorder) how do you cope and tackle your over thinking regarding everything

If any of yous have trauma from toxic friendships how do deal with the overthinking caused by someone whom reminds you of that toxic friend

indieviolet · January 10

Hi Benson,

I hope you're doing alright

Dealing with overthinking and toxic friendships sounds tough, I also have ASD and have dealt with similar issues.

One thing that helps me break out of overthinking is distraction. Something like listening to my favourite music, watching a film, or taking part in hobbies can help occupy my mind. Sometimes going outside for a walk for a change of scenery, also helps ground me when I'm overthinking.

Regarding trauma surrounding toxic friendships, you may find it useful to talk to a professional about it and explore and process your feelings. I believe The Mix offers a free counseling service that may be useful

https://www.themix.org.uk/get-support/speak-to-our-team/the-mix-counselling-service

Everyone is different so what works for me may not work for you, but I hope you can at least feel less alone in this

Maisy · January 11

When I notice myself thinking a lot, particularly if I'm stuck on a certain 'topic', I'll ask myself, "is this thinking actually helping me?".

Sometimes it can be helpful to think about things...I can make plans to help me cope with upcoming situations that might make me anxious, or I can think about what a friend might've said or did and how best to respond to it in the future (as in, if the friend is vague and might be hinting and I've not picked up on it in the moment, but I'll go away and do some thinking and then I'll notice it might be a hint and then I can think about how to properly respond).

Other times, I might think my overthinking is helpful, but it turns out it really was just overthinking. I think it's also important to check in with myself in general, as my overthinking might be unhelpful if it turns out I haven't slept well recently, or I have a headache, or have had a few stressful days recently etc. I remind myself of these things and try to find something relaxing to do and I tell myself I will think about things when I feel better, but not at the moment.

If I notice that I'm spending a lot of time thinking and dwelling on my emotions, but haven't come up with a productive way to move forward. I'll try and reassure myself that whatever happens, I'll deal with it. It might not be as bad as what I'm making it out to be in my mind (I often have a habit of thinking about worst case scenarios). Instead, I'll try to take my mind off whatever is bothering me by engaging in something that really interests me.

These are all things I do to cope with my over thinking (might not work for you though). But in the longer term, I have also found it helpful to talk to a friend or family member about whatever is bothering me. Or to remind myself of previous times when I have overthought something and it turned out to be not as bad as what I imagined. I also think that addressing whatever might be behind certain overthinking habits helps too. For example, it sounds like you have previous trauma from a toxic friendship and unfortunately you find yourself overthinking because someone reminds you of your previous toxic friend. It might be that the trauma has knocked your self-esteem or confidence, which may be part of why you find yourself overthinking. When we are have a normal level of self-esteem or are in confident in ourselves, we might not spend so much time doubting and overthinking.

Do you want to talk more about why you are overthinking about the person who reminds you of a toxic friend? Overthinking about people can be a bit tricky because we may never fully know what the other person's thoughts, feelings and intentions are. So it might be that a person wants to be friends with you, and they remind you of a toxic friend, and if they aren't actually toxic, then you'll need to learn to trust them and remind yourself that even if they share similarities with a toxic friend, they are not the same as them. On the other hand, they might remind you of a toxic friend because they share the same traits as your toxic friend (so in essence, they too could be 'toxic'). In this case, it would be good to be a bit cautious regarding this person. Sometimes people reveal themselves over time...it may well be that there is nothing to worry about or perhaps your feelings were right. It might just be a matter of being patient, cautious while also trusting them a little and seeing what happens. For common types of bad friends and what to do about them, you might want to check out our article here: https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/friendship/bad-friends-3315.html

Hope this helps a bit

BensonE · April 14

Maisy wrote: »

When I notice myself thinking a lot, particularly if I'm stuck on a certain 'topic', I'll ask myself, "is this thinking actually helping me?".

Sometimes it can be helpful to think about things...I can make plans to help me cope with upcoming situations that might make me anxious, or I can think about what a friend might've said or did and how best to respond to it in the future (as in, if the friend is vague and might be hinting and I've not picked up on it in the moment, but I'll go away and do some thinking and then I'll notice it might be a hint and then I can think about how to properly respond).

Other times, I might think my overthinking is helpful, but it turns out it really was just overthinking. I think it's also important to check in with myself in general, as my overthinking might be unhelpful if it turns out I haven't slept well recently, or I have a headache, or have had a few stressful days recently etc. I remind myself of these things and try to find something relaxing to do and I tell myself I will think about things when I feel better, but not at the moment.

If I notice that I'm spending a lot of time thinking and dwelling on my emotions, but haven't come up with a productive way to move forward. I'll try and reassure myself that whatever happens, I'll deal with it. It might not be as bad as what I'm making it out to be in my mind (I often have a habit of thinking about worst case scenarios). Instead, I'll try to take my mind off whatever is bothering me by engaging in something that really interests me.

These are all things I do to cope with my over thinking (might not work for you though). But in the longer term, I have also found it helpful to talk to a friend or family member about whatever is bothering me. Or to remind myself of previous times when I have overthought something and it turned out to be not as bad as what I imagined. I also think that addressing whatever might be behind certain overthinking habits helps too. For example, it sounds like you have previous trauma from a toxic friendship and unfortunately you find yourself overthinking because someone reminds you of your previous toxic friend. It might be that the trauma has knocked your self-esteem or confidence, which may be part of why you find yourself overthinking. When we are have a normal level of self-esteem or are in confident in ourselves, we might not spend so much time doubting and overthinking.

Do you want to talk more about why you are overthinking about the person who reminds you of a toxic friend? Overthinking about people can be a bit tricky because we may never fully know what the other person's thoughts, feelings and intentions are. So it might be that a person wants to be friends with you, and they remind you of a toxic friend, and if they aren't actually toxic, then you'll need to learn to trust them and remind yourself that even if they share similarities with a toxic friend, they are not the same as them. On the other hand, they might remind you of a toxic friend because they share the same traits as your toxic friend (so in essence, they too could be 'toxic'). In this case, it would be good to be a bit cautious regarding this person. Sometimes people reveal themselves over time...it may well be that there is nothing to worry about or perhaps your feelings were right. It might just be a matter of being patient, cautious while also trusting them a little and seeing what happens. For common types of bad friends and what to do about them, you might want to check out our article here: https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/friendship/bad-friends-3315.html

Hope this helps a bit

I've just seen you replied I'm soo sorry

ASD "trait" (overthinking)

Comments