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How do I stop being asexual???
AnonymousToe
Posts: 1,018 Wise Owl
I’m pretty sure I’m asexual. I’m 18 and I’ve never felt attracted to anyone, I’ve never had a crush and I don’t understand ‘relationships’ at all. It’s just weird. Like there must be something wrong with me. I’ve seen stuff online saying asexuality doesn’t exist. So what the hell am I? I don’t know, and I just wanna be normal. As I get older it’ll be more and more obvious when I’m probably never in a relationship. That’s not normal. I wish it was. I just want to be normal, and I don’t want people to judge me for things I can’t help, you know? So my question is, how do I start feeling attracted to people and start dating and all that when I don’t want to? And why don’t I exist?? 
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Comments
First of all, you do exist! I highly doubt this post was written by a bot.
Second of all, if you don't want to date (which you said you dont) then simply don't date. Nobody should be forcing you, or judging you if you're not dating. And honestly, good for you! That way you can spend that time on stuff that you do want to do.
And finally. Whether asexuality does or doesnt exist shouldn't matter to you. I wouldnt assign labels like that to yourself cause that is what makes you feel less "normal". Look at it more like 'am I attracted to this person or not?' and whether you are or aren't attracted, that's okay.
That is all just my opinions tho, I could be wrong. Maybe it could be you suppressing certain emotions, maybe asexuality is a thing, or maybe you're just being surrounded by crappy people idk. None of these being your fault btw.
You're not weird @AnonymousToe
Sending hugs
That’s helped me, thank you so much
Hi @AnonymousToe it's completely normal to feel like this, there's lots of people in your situation and there's absolutely nothing wrong with you! Firstly asexuality absolutely exists, there is just unfortunately an extra layer of exclusion the community faces, even in the LGBT community. I would try to ignore it as best as you can as these people just aren't educated on the topic and you know yourself best. I'm hearing that you're struggling with your identity a bit as a whole because of suspecting you're asexual, which is understandable as these realisations can feel overwhelming at first, and like a bit of a curve ball.
I'm not sure if you're interested but if you are asexuals can definitely be in relationships, even if they look a bit different. You might want to look into queer platonic relationships if you're interested, which is sort of a relationship that has stronger emotional bonds than a friendship but some aspects of a committed relationship, it varies from person to person. You are normal, it's just you experience the world in a different way.
Unfortunately I can't really answer what your identity or sexuality is for you, but I can definitely provide you with some more information and resources to help you. It's not something you have to label but if it gives you peace of mind then go for it, it can be really helpful to find a community of people that share similar experiences to you! It can be difficult to come to terms with in a world that values love and relationships as an overarching theme in society, but asexuality can help people see things in a different light and appreciate the smaller things. Additionally, asexuality is a spectrum and is defined by the community as little to no sexual attraction to individuals. Having the realisation that you may be asexual opens up many avenues to understand yourself, for example there are many different types of attraction, not just limited to sexual attraction - there's sensual, emotional, aesthetic etc.
I also want to touch on aromanticism is a bit in case you aren't aware of it. Aromanticism is having little to no romantic attraction to other individuals. This sounds like what you're experiencing with crushes so it may be an area worth looking into. I just wanted to mention it as it isn't very well known but it might help explain or even understand your experiences.
Asexuality and aromanticism can be separate orientations, but they can also co exist. There are some people that are only asexual, there are some people that are just aromantic, but there are also some people that are both (aroace)! It may be worth looking into the a-spec community, everyone would be more than happy to provide information and insights.
Unfortunately attraction is something individuals don't have a control over whether it happens, when it happens if it does, or who the person is attracted to, it's just not something that works like that.
In answer to how to start dating when you don't want to, this is something that is completely up to you, but if it's not something that feels right for you, then you simply don't have to! It's okay not to want to date people and despite societal pressures, you don't have to!
I also want to give you some reassurance that you do exist! These feelings can be quite distressing and overwhelming, and it may have just taken you by surprise a bit. You are definitely real. These emotions are important to recognise but it may be worth talking to someone either on here like how you've reached out or in person with a friend or family member. I know it can be scary so take your time and go at your own pace. I also jsut want to say don't be too hard on yourself, navigating this world is a very complicated thing to do, and it does get easier.
In my experience the a-spec community has been so tight-knit and welcoming and it feels lovely to be a part of that. I would highly recommend reading Loveless by Alice Oseman which looks at themes of asexuality and aromanticism through the main protagonist Georgia.
I'm going to add in some resources below but I hope this has helped you, and maybe anyone else on here that is feeling the same way, because I can guarantee you are not alone
https://lgbtqia.fandom.com/wiki/Queerplatonic_relationship
https://oulgbtq.org/acearo-resources.html
https://aromanticism.org/en/resources-1
https://stonewall.org.uk/our-work/campaigns/ace-hub
https://asexuality.org/
Don't let people pressure you into dating, sex, relationships etc. you don't want. You'll feel unusual & many people will tell you to be typical & you'll want to be, but you can't make yourself sexual. My situation is significantly different to yours in that I'm heterosexual & have had short-term relationships, but I can empathise with you. I don't want another relationship & many wrongly people tell me that I'm obliged to be half of a couple, berate me for not having had a LTR & tell me that being single isn't a valid option.