Trying to find a kind, caring and loving long - term relationship in your 20's is difficult in 2023.

I think since the pandemic and being in 3 lockdowns, we all find it so difficult now to date and chat to new people and even finding new friends who are male or female to talk to is very difficult. I finished in my relationship of 3 years with my bf in early 2021 and unfortunately, i wasn't treated very well which caused me to feel very upset and hurt emotionally and physically. Since that time though, i was able to try and find the help for my mental health and start taking care of myself and trying to get back to doing the hobbies i had not done in a very long time. But now, i feel that i would be ready to speak to new people again and i would love to be in a kind, caring and loving relationship with a guy. I have been using some dating apps and tbh, they can be really awful and i have had some really nice conversations with guys on there but, some men have stated that they would only like something like a one night stand which is not what i am looking for at all and some men who i have spoken to and have been really nice and friendly etc, have then decided to ghost me out of the blue with no direct reason as to why and left me feeling quite upset as the conversation was going really well and they seemed really interested in me.

I would say that i'm quite a vanilla girl and i quite like the simple joys in life of being creative and going on walks and being around nature and colouring etc and i don't really like being forced out of my comfort zone to do anything physically challenging or wild and i don't like and never will go to a nightclub and I'm not someone who drinks a lot and i just generally enjoy being at home with my parents reading or colouring or plating my Xbox or switch etc, but i do also suffer from being quite lonely as i don't have many friends and my friends are quite far from where i am as i haven't decided to go to uni and study and i prefer to be the at home girl who doesn't necessarily like to travel far alone.

I do feel like i am alone sometimes in not being very adventurous and feeling like I'm the only girl who is 21 who doesn't want to party and go clubbing etc but I'm interested to know if there is anyone who doesn't like to do the same? And who else is struggling to make new friends and having long term relationships?

I feel i am having to use dating apps to find new males and females to talk to and it would be better to have more social get - together's for young people of our age ranges and especially in a place like Cornwall where i am from, it's very limited to what you can do in your 20's and how your able to meet anyone new and do activities with new people and just hang out!

But i am very happy to chat with anyone who would feel like they would like to chat and to have some company

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Comments

Emma_

Welcome @Dance100A , we're really happy to have you join us here!

Making friends and having relationships in your 20' is hard and no one really talks about it!
I feel like we've all been hit even harder with Covid and the subsequent lockdowns and restrictions like you mentioned. And now with a cost of living crisis it feels like we have the possibility to go out but restricted funds to do so!

You're definitely not alone when it comes to preferring to stay in rather than go out clubbing, I'd prefer a movie night in than a night out every weekend!

I've found making friends tricky, but social media has helped. It's really easy to find communities of people who like the same things as you, and I found the more people I came across, the more of them lived locally to me too! It can be really hard when most of your friends are online and far away, but there's about meeting up with them that feels extra special!

Our community is here too! We're a friendly bunch I promise

You mentioned you loved dancing - what kind?!

MatchaMia

Hi @Dance100A

I can totally relate to what you're talking about! I think there's definitely a culture around your 20's where you're expected to be out partying and drinking etc. I, myself, prefer to do more quiet activities or surround myself with my closest friends if I were to attend a 'wild' event. I suppose the weight of that expectation depends on the atmosphere that the people around you create- I saw this video the other day which said something like "you'll only feel boring / less than, if you continue to surround yourself with others who don't understand the adventure that you're creating" - and so I'd like to give you props because it's quite easy to let others define you, just because you're different to them. Please don't lose hope in finding your type of people as I feel like your 20's especially challenge you to explore yourself and your external, and that could mean meeting people who don't necessarily serve you, but coming across them only teaches you what you want and need in a friendship. That makes your future friendships much more fulfilling! I also think that when we hit 20's, we're in a rush to find the best friends and be in the best relationship, I think that there's still so much room to grow, and so many people we'll love and who'll love us that we are yet to meet. I know people who didn't meet 'their' people until their 30's. I know it may seem like a long way to go but I do believe that if something's / someone is meant for you, it'll come, just not the way you expect it to? I understand that it can be lonely at times, even if you tend to enjoy your own company, but I hope to reassure you that you're not alone feeling that way.

I also agree that distance makes meeting your friends much more special and you learn to appreciate their presence more! I personally made a lot of my uni friends by engaging with classmates before / after classes or asking to sit with them etc. I understand that it takes courage sometimes to initiate a conversation, but it's funny how an awkward first conversation can turn into a wonderful friendship. I also connected with people through social media - following people with the same beliefs as me and people that I could relate to- listening to their stories made me feel less lonely.

Do you have any neighbours who also go to university or is there any societies you could join, like maybe a book club?

Former Member

Hello. I’ve had the same issues. Ive only got four friends from college that I’m still friends with and I only speak to one person from school.

Ive found that people don’t really get me as I would rather got to a pub for a quiet pint than go out clubbing mainly as I hate them but more recently I just keep feeling like I don’t fit in.

I see all the other people that are my age going out with groups of friends and having good times and then I’ll see other people my age going out with their boyfriends/girlfriends and I’m like why not me why can’t I be that person.

I know there’s a lot more to life but it does get you when your going into town for a walk around and doing it alone or going for a coffee and not meeting with friends.

Yeah I do have some friends but we are always busy so we don’t get to talk that much.

It’s lonely sometimes but there will be people out there.

Former Member

@Dance100A i think it is seen that ppl in their 20s r expected to always be out clubbing and drinking and partying, but thats not always the case, i think u should do whatever u feel comfortsble doing and i get u abt feeling alone i was lonely for abt 3 years in school like no friends no company and that was damaging af

Azziman

Hey @Dance100A, I hear you. I don't think you're alone - many people have found that relationships, and even connecting to other people, has felt different since the pandemic. That being said, I've also seen some great initiatives for people to reconnect and engage together, and I think the pandemic made us all really think about connection and friendships a lot more.

I can understand the experience on dating apps was frustrating for you at times. Ghosting is an unfortunately common occurrence, and it can really feel hurtful especially when you feel a conversation is going well. There will be people on the apps that are looking for something serious and will follow up on their interest too - I've heard that some apps are better than others for this, so it might be worth looking at the different ones on offer.

You're completely fine as you are! There's plenty of people that will like what you like - a simpler life, being creative, loving nature. Don't feel like you have to significantly change who you are just to find someone. That being said, it's worth exploring these apps and nearby events to see how you could meet the people you want to find. It might involve you having to try a new community, or to go a bit further afield than you're comfortable with, but it'll be worth a shot if what's around you isn't working.

Former Member

Glad to know i'm not crazy! I'm alot like you but i'm a guy. I had my first drink at 22 at a nightclub. Trust me you aren't missing much. Just a bunch of drunk morons falling down or trying to yell over the defaningly loud ass music. plus when it's only you on your own with no gang of friends people just look at you like your some kind of pharah.

Former Member

Emma_ wrote: »

Welcome @Dance100A , we're really happy to have you join us here!

Making friends and having relationships in your 20' is hard and no one really talks about it!
I feel like we've all been hit even harder with Covid and the subsequent lockdowns and restrictions like you mentioned. And now with a cost of living crisis it feels like we have the possibility to go out but restricted funds to do so!

You're definitely not alone when it comes to preferring to stay in rather than go out clubbing, I'd prefer a movie night in than a night out every weekend!

I've found making friends tricky, but social media has helped. It's really easy to find communities of people who like the same things as you, and I found the more people I came across, the more of them lived locally to me too! It can be really hard when most of your friends are online and far away, but there's about meeting up with them that feels extra special!

Our community is here too! We're a friendly bunch I promise You mentioned you loved dancing - what kind?!

Response - Yes, it is very hard indeed and i've been suffering from feeling lonely for a long time because of not having many friends and i think covid did create a huge impact on friendships and being able to meet up with people in person, i think a lot of us had lost our confidence to be able to do this! And ah, that's good to hear that i am not alone in wanting to stay in then go out! I hope you enjoy your nights in watching movies? And yes it is and ah nice, what would you recommend to being able to find friends on social media? I have tried to use a find friends in the UK facebook page but many of the people my age range were not local so i have struggled with this

I live in Cornwall and find that many people aren't living here.

And that's great to hear! I'm not sure what button i press to reply to everyone comments back to mine easily? Do you know what button i need to press? And yes i do! I have actually been dancing since i was in yr5/6 in primary school and i started to do ballet, morden and tap and then i have also done street dance, commercial and zumba dancing! It has been very fun to do and learn different styles of dance and i have done shows and been in carnivals too which has been fun!

mod edit: fixed formatting

Former Member

@Dance100A Hello welcome to the mix we are all friendly here and you can also make friends ❤️I understand when you say it’s hard to make friends when you don’t put yourself out there. Your not the only one on dating apps I am also on dating apps since my ex went. It is also difficult for me to find a long term relationship I feel like it’s because I have a wheelchair but I could be wrong. I’ve seen people in wheelchairs who are with people who isn’t in wheelchairs and my ex wasn’t in a wheelchair but I feel like that kind of love won’t happen for me again so yes it is horrible and you can feel lonely most of the time. You can DM me to talk if you want 😊

Amy22

@Dance100A I totally feel you there especially as there is the stigma of people in their 20's going to nightclubs, drinking and going out. But personally I am also not a huge fan of nightclubs either too as I tend to be more introverted. I know the feeling of feeling like you are alone and the need to be in a relationship. As someone who was in a previous relationship I know that relationship's are like rollercoaster's, there are some up's and there are some down's. Personally there is plenty of time to find the one and you don't have to feel the need to do things that everyone else is doing either. I also find that I'm more creative too and I prefer knitting than going out and drinking ish.

Feeling lonely though can be a hard thing to feel especially if you find it hard making friends. I think friendships are the most complex things to have even trying to socialise as well can be very hard too. I'm always here if you need someone to vent or talk to anytime

.

Sending hugs,

Amy22