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Tw: fantasies n feelings
ellie2000
Posts: 3,986 Community Veteran
I used to ask ppl 'can u r_pe me' coz I was feeling bad about myself, I'm goin out with a freind and I thinking about asking them. I felt like dying at that time. I been feeling rough in my head for a while. Wat tips to b happy? Bcoz I don't think ppl support
Crazy mad insane
1
Comments
You have mentioned asking people this when you are feeling bad about yourself. It sounds like you are experiencing a difficult time at the moment, especially with feeling like dying at that time and feeling rough in your head for a while.
We are here for you and listening to you if you would like to share a little more with us. Are there any particular types of support you are hoping for the most? Generally, different things make different people happy.
I know from past conversations with you though on here, some things that can make you happy include games, videos and TV. Do you think any of these things might help you at the moment?
Please feel free to keep us in the loop with how you are doing. We are all here for you
im alright on holiday
ppl mess with my head in my current location
Secondly, being brave enough to come online to discuss your worries about this is amazing and really important to show others that they are not alone.
Finally, it may be helpful to try to think about what makes you want to ask that question of your friend? I know it can be a tough one to answer, but working out what your emotions are when you ask something like that can be useful. Here, if you'd like to talk some more about that
I'm also hearing that you wish you felt how you did when you were happy. What made you feel happy before? is there anything you can do know to make you feel like that again?
Firstly, wanting your emotions to be similar to what you went through at the time of the assault is completely understandable, and not strange at all. It is important to remember that no two people who have experienced assault will react the same way, and people can cope, emotionally, in vastly different ways. Sometimes, feeling 'destroyed' again helps people to feel in control over their own lives after losing it so horribly through the trauma. This can be what leads some people to be hyper-sexual and reflect upon this as partially being motivated by wanting to regain control in their lives.
Secondly, there definitely seems to be some generational differences in how consent is perceived, especially in terms of what makes someone 'old enough' to have sex with. Some people firmly believe that 18 might be the legal age, yet we should not have huge age gaps with such young people. I think a lot of it is about vulnerability and how much power each person has in a relationship, often an 18-year old does not have the same power as a 30 year-old. What are your thoughts on ages of consent?
Finally, there are so many different reasons why perpetrators say they sexually assaulted someone, ranging from blaming answers like "she wanted it" to "I thought it was consensual". The bottom line is, sexual harm and violence are wrong no matter the perspective of the perpetrator. Many people say they do not know they have caused harm until they are confronted with it, but if a person is left traumatised by their actions, their intent is hardly relevant. Wanting to understand the rationale of a rapist is completely understandable, Ellie, so long as you remember that no answer of theirs is an excuse for the hurt they have caused
This article gives a lot of insight into the types of questions you are asking, and also gives advice on how to cope after experiencing this kind of trauma:
https://www.thehavens.org.uk/media/Self-Help-Guide-for-Survivors-of-Sexual-Assault-v.2-March-2019.pdf