Tw: fantasies n feelings

ellie2000

I used to ask ppl 'can u r_pe me' coz I was feeling bad about myself, I'm goin out with a freind and I thinking about asking them. I felt like dying at that time. I been feeling rough in my head for a while. Wat tips to b happy? Bcoz I don't think ppl support

Laura_tigger82

You have been really brave in not only acknowledging this @ellie2000 but talking to us about it too.

You have mentioned asking people this when you are feeling bad about yourself. It sounds like you are experiencing a difficult time at the moment, especially with feeling like dying at that time and feeling rough in your head for a while.

We are here for you and listening to you if you would like to share a little more with us. Are there any particular types of support you are hoping for the most? Generally, different things make different people happy.

I know from past conversations with you though on here, some things that can make you happy include games, videos and TV. Do you think any of these things might help you at the moment?

Please feel free to keep us in the loop with how you are doing. We are all here for you

ellie2000

i moving soon and going on holiday, will i not b sad anymore? or will i carry the atmosphere with me.
im alright on holiday
ppl mess with my head in my current location

Former Member

i hope you can relax on holiday. where are you going?

ellie2000

O_L_ its put like hangman just coz

Former Member

oman?

ellie2000

norway

Former Member

oh! it's nice there I always wanted to vist iceland

ellie2000

sigrid is Norwegian who played at iow festival this year

Former Member

oh wow shes a awesome singe

ellie2000

iceland has many waterfalls, stone trolls in the seA, hellishly expensive

Former Member

i love water falls do u?

ellie2000

i like waterfalls but i been to niagra in the organised boat trip n i didnt enjoy it

ellie2000

but from a distance niagra looks fantastic, must've taken thousands of buckets haha

AislingDM

That sounds like a really complex situation to be in @ellie2000 Firstly, I want you to know that having a fantasy like that does not make you a bad person in anyway, and it is all the more understandable when we think of the things that have happened to you in the past.

Secondly, being brave enough to come online to discuss your worries about this is amazing and really important to show others that they are not alone.

Finally, it may be helpful to try to think about what makes you want to ask that question of your friend? I know it can be a tough one to answer, but working out what your emotions are when you ask something like that can be useful. Here, if you'd like to talk some more about that

ellie2000

i was 'destoyed' b4 n i sometimes think tht if such a event hpns again tht i feel how i was before, like a relief, is tht true? can u see wat i am meaning

ellie2000

wat is it with boomers n they alter the age of consent?

ellie2000

do ppl sexual assualt coz they fancy u? or wat is it?

ellie2000

wish i was how i felt wen i was happy

Former Member

Hi @ellie2000 how are you today? Sexual assault is never okay, if a person has feelings for someone else they should always ask for consent. I don't know the reason why people assault others and I'm not sure if anyone really does, it's just important to remember that assault under any circumstances isn't okay.

I'm also hearing that you wish you felt how you did when you were happy. What made you feel happy before? is there anything you can do know to make you feel like that again?

Former Member

I think that this is very brave of you to share this. It's definetly a hard thing to go through. I understand those feelings as I'm personally trying to learn how to not feel them. As a person who was exposed to sex at a very young age it became hard for me to enjoy it without being hurt during it as a self proclaimed form of penance for the guilt I felt. But sex should be enjoyable not just through pain. There are safe ways to engage in that type of sex (bdsm) just as long as you and your partner are clear on how you feel about it. I would encourage you to find happiness through hobbies not just through sex, because while it is great our bodies even slow down on how much we want it.

AislingDM

Thank you for asking so many insightful questions @ellie2000 After experiencing such an immense trauma, it's no wonder you'd start to question a lot of things in your life, like why do people sexually assault others, and why are your emotional responses so complex and confusing. Trying to work this all out is extremely brave! Nevertheless, i know doing this alone can be a real challenge, especially when you hear conflicting information from different people.

Firstly, wanting your emotions to be similar to what you went through at the time of the assault is completely understandable, and not strange at all. It is important to remember that no two people who have experienced assault will react the same way, and people can cope, emotionally, in vastly different ways. Sometimes, feeling 'destroyed' again helps people to feel in control over their own lives after losing it so horribly through the trauma. This can be what leads some people to be hyper-sexual and reflect upon this as partially being motivated by wanting to regain control in their lives.

Secondly, there definitely seems to be some generational differences in how consent is perceived, especially in terms of what makes someone 'old enough' to have sex with. Some people firmly believe that 18 might be the legal age, yet we should not have huge age gaps with such young people. I think a lot of it is about vulnerability and how much power each person has in a relationship, often an 18-year old does not have the same power as a 30 year-old. What are your thoughts on ages of consent?

Finally, there are so many different reasons why perpetrators say they sexually assaulted someone, ranging from blaming answers like "she wanted it" to "I thought it was consensual". The bottom line is, sexual harm and violence are wrong no matter the perspective of the perpetrator. Many people say they do not know they have caused harm until they are confronted with it, but if a person is left traumatised by their actions, their intent is hardly relevant. Wanting to understand the rationale of a rapist is completely understandable, Ellie, so long as you remember that no answer of theirs is an excuse for the hurt they have caused

This article gives a lot of insight into the types of questions you are asking, and also gives advice on how to cope after experiencing this kind of trauma:

https://www.thehavens.org.uk/media/Self-Help-Guide-for-Survivors-of-Sexual-Assault-v.2-March-2019.pdf