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How do you get a social worker that you dont feel safe
charlieboyz
Posts: 178 Helping Hand
Okay so @Shaunie reccomended that I start my own discussion about this and I'm really grateful for that cause I really need to vent. Quick warning though some of the subjects I'll be talking about are quite triggering.
I'm going to start at the very begining I think then work form there. Imagine you're a four year old kid right who's just done something wrong but you're not sure what it was. Your adoptive parents are mad at you and you just want to make them happy but you never can. They smack you or threaten to kick you out. That kid was me and that was the age I was when all the abuse started.
At the age of 10, your brother starts doing things that you don't like. You think that cause he's nine maybe he doesn't uderstand that that's wrong and he's grown up around parents who tell you that if you do things wrong you deserve to be hit. So you tell him that it's never right to hit someone especially a child. You forgive until it's happened six times and you realise he really does want to hurt you. So you defend yourself by hurting him back even though that's really hypocritical of you. Your parents turn a blind eye to all the abuse that he's doing to you.
At the age of 11, you're brave enough to open up about your parents hitting you to the school. Your parents stop but your brother doesn't. By then he's started to show you things you don't like. You again tell him that it's not right, that it's scaring you. But he doesn't stop. He keeps going.
On your 12th birthday your brother tries to kiss you. You push him off frightened that he'll do it again. You know he will do it again. So you stop playing with him but that makes him worse and more angry. You begin trying to hide in your room but then he keeps knocking on your bedroom wall. You don't know why but that's scary.
At the age of 14, you've had enough cause the lockdowns have worsened the situation, and report everything you feel comfortable sharing to the school who get social services involved. Except there's one detail you leave out. You leave out the detail about your parents threatening to kick you out. Your parents then ban you from going anywhere in the house without permission. You can't even go to your room without permission. It feels like you're a prisoner.
At 15, you start to wonder what's the point. the social worker tells you you're safe but you never feel safe. Your Mum begins saying she'll call the police if you get angry. She does on countless times. When the police are around she acts like she loves you but you know she'll be really angry after they have left cause you tell the police most of what's happened to you. You still leave out the part of her threatening to kick you out. Yet when the police are there, you feel safe. When they leave you are terrified. And your social worker still doesn't listen.
And that's it we've reached where I am now. I've only very recently told the school that my parents used to kick me out. Sorry I used the you form. It made it easier opening up. So what do I do, how do I get my social worker to stop siding with my parents?
Thanks
I'm going to start at the very begining I think then work form there. Imagine you're a four year old kid right who's just done something wrong but you're not sure what it was. Your adoptive parents are mad at you and you just want to make them happy but you never can. They smack you or threaten to kick you out. That kid was me and that was the age I was when all the abuse started.
At the age of 10, your brother starts doing things that you don't like. You think that cause he's nine maybe he doesn't uderstand that that's wrong and he's grown up around parents who tell you that if you do things wrong you deserve to be hit. So you tell him that it's never right to hit someone especially a child. You forgive until it's happened six times and you realise he really does want to hurt you. So you defend yourself by hurting him back even though that's really hypocritical of you. Your parents turn a blind eye to all the abuse that he's doing to you.
At the age of 11, you're brave enough to open up about your parents hitting you to the school. Your parents stop but your brother doesn't. By then he's started to show you things you don't like. You again tell him that it's not right, that it's scaring you. But he doesn't stop. He keeps going.
On your 12th birthday your brother tries to kiss you. You push him off frightened that he'll do it again. You know he will do it again. So you stop playing with him but that makes him worse and more angry. You begin trying to hide in your room but then he keeps knocking on your bedroom wall. You don't know why but that's scary.
At the age of 14, you've had enough cause the lockdowns have worsened the situation, and report everything you feel comfortable sharing to the school who get social services involved. Except there's one detail you leave out. You leave out the detail about your parents threatening to kick you out. Your parents then ban you from going anywhere in the house without permission. You can't even go to your room without permission. It feels like you're a prisoner.
At 15, you start to wonder what's the point. the social worker tells you you're safe but you never feel safe. Your Mum begins saying she'll call the police if you get angry. She does on countless times. When the police are around she acts like she loves you but you know she'll be really angry after they have left cause you tell the police most of what's happened to you. You still leave out the part of her threatening to kick you out. Yet when the police are there, you feel safe. When they leave you are terrified. And your social worker still doesn't listen.
And that's it we've reached where I am now. I've only very recently told the school that my parents used to kick me out. Sorry I used the you form. It made it easier opening up. So what do I do, how do I get my social worker to stop siding with my parents?
Thanks
1
Comments
You've done all the right things to try and get attention.
Is there any way you can refuse to go home at school? Like at the end of the day point blank refuse to leave? Because trust me when I say they'll be forced to take action.
There's also youth hostels that may be an option. Not a good option but possibly better than you have. Reach out to Shelter UK or Barnardo's and see if you can get placed in one of their children's homes until you're able to join the navy.
I know most people will say it's better to stay and work things out but I know what it's like. I know what it's like when things at home are always going wrong and you don't know what to do.
I'm here for you
(_) | ()---|---() | | __ | __ |\ /^\ /| '..-' '-..' `-._ _.-` `I am really sorry. You have been through hell and back and seen things that most adults haven't.
I am proud of you for reporting this. It is so brave of you.
Make sure you keep social services and the police updated.
Social services have a legal duty to take care of you so I would think they would to ensure you have everything you need but you would need to talk to youth hostel/shelter to know for sure
I encourage filtering by price for everything!
@charlieboyz did @zaynab_5 help to clarify the answer for you?
Really glad to hear it!