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pronoun questions
BenMa
Moderator, Staff Posts: 143 Helping Hand
Hello,
I have a question! If somebody says they go by 'she/they' or 'he/they' is that another way of saying 'I go by she/her and they/them' / 'I go by he/him and they/them'
The clarification would be awesome!
Thanks
Ben
I have a question! If somebody says they go by 'she/they' or 'he/they' is that another way of saying 'I go by she/her and they/them' / 'I go by he/him and they/them'
The clarification would be awesome!
Thanks
Ben
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For me, when I say 'she/they' I mean just what you have said 'she/her and they/them' and I am cool with either being used for me. I know this is the case for a fair number of people who use 'she/they and/or he/they' pronouns, but ofc each person is different, so the safest bet with people in person/online, who you are talking to directly, is just to check in and ask. Most people prefer this check in to being inadvertently (and unintended harm) misgendered. So, in conclusion, a general rule is yes, such people usually mean what you have interpreted it as, but it's always good to check, because I also know a lot of people who have a preference for one pronoun over the other generally or depending on the day in it (e.g., they prefer they/them on a given day over he/him). Moreover, some people might use 'she/they or he/they' if they are not out to everyone and may prefer you using just 'he or she' in front of others.
A final note would be that a lot of non-binary, trans and gender non-conforming folks who use she/they and/or he/they can feel like people default to the 'binary' pronoun of 'she or he' (like most people call me she and never use they). Most of us appreciate it when people 'make the effort' to remember both pronouns are to be used. Also some people might indicate their preference for one of these pronouns by capitalising it, like I see in people's bios 'she/THEY' a lot too
I do hope this response was not too wordy or confusing and if anyone else has more advice please do weigh in
Slightly related to this, but you should also ask people about their preference for gendered nicknames/titles! Examples include: girl, queen, king, dude, guy, woman, man etc. I personally don't like being called a girl or woman even though I use "she" pronouns, and it's different for every person.
— Thích Nhất Hạnh
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