pronoun questions

Former Member

Hello,

I have a question! If somebody says they go by 'she/they' or 'he/they' is that another way of saying 'I go by she/her and they/them' / 'I go by he/him and they/them'

The clarification would be awesome!

Thanks

Ben

AislingDM

Heya Ben, this is an amazing and very important question, so very glad that you're asking it

For me, when I say 'she/they' I mean just what you have said 'she/her and they/them' and I am cool with either being used for me. I know this is the case for a fair number of people who use 'she/they and/or he/they' pronouns, but ofc each person is different, so the safest bet with people in person/online, who you are talking to directly, is just to check in and ask. Most people prefer this check in to being inadvertently (and unintended harm) misgendered. So, in conclusion, a general rule is yes, such people usually mean what you have interpreted it as, but it's always good to check, because I also know a lot of people who have a preference for one pronoun over the other generally or depending on the day in it (e.g., they prefer they/them on a given day over he/him). Moreover, some people might use 'she/they or he/they' if they are not out to everyone and may prefer you using just 'he or she' in front of others.

A final note would be that a lot of non-binary, trans and gender non-conforming folks who use she/they and/or he/they can feel like people default to the 'binary' pronoun of 'she or he' (like most people call me she and never use they). Most of us appreciate it when people 'make the effort' to remember both pronouns are to be used. Also some people might indicate their preference for one of these pronouns by capitalising it, like I see in people's bios 'she/THEY' a lot too

I do hope this response was not too wordy or confusing and if anyone else has more advice please do weigh in Abso love u for asking this question in the first place @BenMa , learning is so important! x

Former Member

Hiya! My pronouns are "she/they" and I don't really mind people using either. However as Aisling said above, just asking doesn't cause any harm and each person's relationship with their pronouns is different! I also agree with the fact that my "she" pronouns are used much more often than my "they" pronouns because I'm afab (assigned female at birth), so when people use my "they" pronouns I feel really happy

Slightly related to this, but you should also ask people about their preference for gendered nicknames/titles! Examples include: girl, queen, king, dude, guy, woman, man etc. I personally don't like being called a girl or woman even though I use "she" pronouns, and it's different for every person.

Former Member

Thank you both for the very insightful and informative responses! I appreciate you taking the time to respond

Happy Pride!

AislingDM

Abso no worries @BenMa !! It's truly wonderful to see people getting keen on asking questions and trying to learn more, after all we all want this world to be a happier place for all and asking is the best route to this