Home Health & Wellbeing
Come and join our Support Circle, every Tuesday, 8 - 9:30pm! Limited spaces available! Sign up here

Imposter Syndrome.

LaineLaine Fruit loopGone for gooPosts: 2,767 Account Deactivated
edited November 2020 in Health & Wellbeing
Hey folks i was recently getting support and someone brought up this up and I'm thinking I'm a sufferer haha
Here's a little definition 
"You feel as though at any moment you are going to be found out as a fraud—like you don't belong where you are, and you only got there through dumb luck"

(Me feeling bit sorry for meself, no need to read i like writing these things down ❤️)
I noticed this as far back as college but I think its been longer, 
Even then I was too "dumb" to do anything. 
Even when I got my distinction for my course it wasn't a victory I just felt like my lecturer marked too nicely lol

I'm applying for jobs thinking what do I do if one actually takes me? Why would they trust me to do anything for them you know. 

Truth be told I'm faking my way through adulthood and I just want to crawl in bed and hide. I need a job I need to sign up at gps but it's all scary stuff I want to pretend it's not there, wish it were that easy 😂 

I just feel bad for anyone who has to talk to me, be with me, feel like a bit of a let down in my life really, like a big phoney.

I know this all sounds silly coming from me but it's there at the back of mind. 
I think home was my safety blanket, that's why I miss it, that's why things have gotten a lil harder, so much in my life I never tell anyone about.

I don't want this post to get too big so I will wrap up. I just wanted to share it in case it helps any of you in your journey or even to encourage you to reach out on the travels ! X have a read if you wish 

And remember you're awesome and I care about all of you ❤️

And as always, here's a flower crown doggo!


🌈Positive thoughts🌈

"This is my family. I found it, all on my own.
It's little, and Broken, but still good. Yeah. Still good." ~ Stitch

"Lately, I've been struggling with all the simple things in my life" ~ Cian Ducrot

"I don't know if it's because my heart hurts or I'm insecure" ~ Juice Wrld
AidanDandelionPast User_Tech_Addict_GirlAnch0r33

Comments

  • AidanAidan Clever idiot Posts: 3,029 Boards Guru
    Hey @Laine am sorry you go through this, you've made some massive achievements since I've known you and you deserve to know they all happened 100% because of you <3

    I've had similar feelings to this myself, reading you article you linked I feel like an 'expert' or a 'soloist'- I feel like I can't progress at something til I know EVERYTHING, and I feel like I have to do it alone. Reading the article, was there anything you identified with personally?

    You said you felt like home was your safety blanket, are there any aspects of home you could apply to where you are now to help you feel better? It's great to get out of your comfort zone, but there's actually an optimal level of uncomfortable-ness you grow at, and if you're too uncomfortable you still won't grow. Think of it as like a plant that's being overwatered, it needs water (like everyone needs uncomfortable experiences) in moderation, not too much or too little or it won't grow.

    With the lockdowns and it nearly being Christmas, did you want to talk about missing home a bit more?

    Thanks for sharing that article, I'll be sure to read through it good n proper later and that'll it'll help lots of people here too!

    Take care of yersen, and know we're always here for you <3
    but idk tho
    LaineAnch0r33
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 1,998 Extreme Poster
    Hey @Laine :) Just wanted to get on and send some love <3 

    I don't have much advice or any at all really but I did want to say that it's great you had some support from someone. It's really important to open up when things are feeling a little heavy.

    I just had a read through that imposter syndrome link you popped up and I found it really interesting. I might be wrong but a lot of what was mentioned might also be down to a lack of self-worth and perhaps low self-esteem?

    I found some definitions of those two terms, ill put them below.

    Self-worth is defined as a feeling that you are a good person who deserves to be treated with respect. Self-esteem is what we think and feel and believe about ourselves. Self-worth is recognizing ‘I am greater than all of those things.’ It is a deep knowing that I am of value, that I am loveable, necessary to this life, and of incomprehensible worth.”

    I found this great website here if you'd like to check it out. It's about self-esteem and self-worth/self-value, why they're important etc etc.

    At the end of your link re. imposter syndrome, there are also some tips on how to deal with it. Perhaps you could give some of those tips a shot and then hopefully, within the time you'll start to feel like you deserve all of the good things in your life.. because you do.

    Truth be told I'm faking my way through adulthood

    I'm pretty sure that most adults are just winging their way through adulthood and life in general. I like to think of life as a game with no instructions on how to play. We're all just figuring it out as we go along and it seems to just work out. I don't think that you're faking anything but what I do think is that you should be kinder to yourself, you're always so kind to others... you deserve kindness too. <3

    I just feel bad for anyone who has to talk to me, be with me
    I also wanted to reply to this wee bit. Please DON'T feel bad for people who have to talk to you. I promise that talking to you is an absolute pleasure and I find it sad that you don't realize how amazing you are.

    Thanks for sharing all that you did Laine, you're great. <3



    independent_LaineAnch0r33
  • MaisyMaisy The Mix convert CymruPosts: 351 Moderator
    Thank you for creating this thread and sharing that link!

    I think I might struggle with imposter syndrome. It feels that way for most of my life. I honestly felt like my achievements don't actually count or I didn't get them the same way as others- I was convinced my teachers somehow bribed the exam board for my maths gcse or even now with a distinction in my Masters, it just feels that they were being generous. All throughout my Masters I felt like I shouldn't really be on the course or that I was going to fail an essay but I came out with top marks. This extends into other areas of my life as well like friendships, relationships, work etc. and it's difficult to figure out when I'm underselling myself because of my low self-esteem or if I should aim for better things- basically knowing my worth. 

    I'm trying to be more confident in myself though :) 
    LaineAnch0r33
  • LaineLaine Fruit loop Gone for gooPosts: 2,767 Account Deactivated
    Thanks for the replies everyone! 

    This will be a wall of text for everyone so i'll give my replies in spoilers :)

    @Aidan
    Thank you for the very sweet reply! <3 reading it I defo feel like a bit of an expert and certainly a superwoman! I need to know everything prior to starting something or learning, if i miss maybe one or two things for a job there's no bother applying. And I push myself certainly the hardest when i was in college.
    As for home I have been thinking about what I could do, I have the obvious which is talk to people home. I ring my dad sometimes and I'm always texting my oldest brother. Funny enough I always considered another brother and my sister the closest but they don't talk to me. I get they are probably busy but so is my oldest bro and he can talk to me sometimes.

    Back onto home stuff, i did bring my pillow. I can also think of things from home like lifeboat tea lol and incense sticks(Dads a buddhist so everything smelt of amber lol) I sometimes look at pictures, and i once visited a place that felt like home did, I might go back if we lower tiers lol.
    I know you asked if I wanted to share more about missing home and I don't want to make your section huge so i'll do that lower down :) 

    @Liam
    Thanks for the reply! I've not sought support since my first proper year of college so I'm still getting feel for it. I'm planning on getting some kind of counselling for myself :)
    Self esteem and self worth is a big thing for me and i agree its a big factor, its all cliche but I never felt pretty(i'm bit happier with where I am now but eh got work to do) I used to be worse, I believe i got diagnosed with BDD(where someone focuses on their flaws) I always avoid mirrors then i don't have to see me lol thanks for the link i'll check it out <3 I'll get onto the tips the link mentions too :)
    Very true about all of us winging it actually when it comes to adulting! Re the last bit of your reply, its really sweet and I defo appreciate it <3 I know I try my best I just wonder sometimes if its enough you know x
    @Maisy
    Thanks for sharing your experience I'm really sorry to hear your struggles but I for one think you are an amazing Mod! and the time you spend helping others is amazing :)
    I'm glad you're working on being more confident I'm trying too its a process for sure x
    Re missing home and Christmas.

    It's always been tough, I guess I didn't miss it as much this year, its like when i was visiting it was fine. Now I've moved its harder. Its silly cause I know I can visit home, I just miss where everything was set up, and all our family Christmas traditions you know, everyone is so kind where I am but until you settle, it doesn't really feel like your family so you feel a bit left out(not because I am!) but because I don't want to intrude x
    I always do my best to get the things I would have at home, and my oldest brother will always ring me or record Christmas morning for me lol 

    Thanks again everyone <3 

    🌈Positive thoughts🌈

    "This is my family. I found it, all on my own.
    It's little, and Broken, but still good. Yeah. Still good." ~ Stitch

    "Lately, I've been struggling with all the simple things in my life" ~ Cian Ducrot

    "I don't know if it's because my heart hurts or I'm insecure" ~ Juice Wrld
    Past UserAidanMaisy
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 1,998 Extreme Poster
    BIG HUGS <3
    LaineAidan
Sign In or Register to comment.