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Struggling so much

starfish_17starfish_17 The Mix convertPosts: 219 Trailblazer
I have been really struggling recently with a whole mix of things and i dont know what to do to make anything better. 

I really really miss home right now and have just over 8 weeks until i go back for a few weeks at Christmas. I was not expecting to miss home this much as it really sucks. Its weekends and Wednesdays (my days off) where i really miss home mainly. I think another thing that isnt helping me is that its my sisters birthday soon and then events where we always do things as a family which i wont be there for this year such as bonfire night and i feel so distant from them. 

Then there was also a friendship issue with a few girls at uni and i feel right in the middle of it and dont know who to be friends with or sit with in lectures and thats making me stressed on top of the stress of having an exam worth 25% in about 5 days time which i am not ready for and cant revise. im so bad at exams and haven't has one in nearly 4 years now so i have no clue how to get through my exams especially my January ones. 

I also found out that my nan has been in hospital for 10 days and is still there now. my family went to see her a couple days ago but i couldn't go down to see her and im worried about her. 

Everything just seems to be building up now and im panicking so much over it all.


  • JawfaceJawface Posts: 23 Boards Initiate
    Hey, I'm really sorry you're going through this.

    Might it be possible for you to take a weekend trip home before Christmas? I'm a student and I normally go back home for a couple of days every term, because I just miss home. Even better you might be able to go back around bonfire night or your sister's birthday?

    Whoever you sit with in lectures, the issue with your friends will eventually sort itself out. You didn't give very much detail so I'd just say you should sit with who you want to sit with, that'll make you feel less stressed out during lectures. Are there alternatives e.g. recorded lectures/textbooks you can read? 

    If you worked hard for your exam, then even if you got a bad mark you'd have nothing to regret, because you did the best you could, and no one can fault that. Just bear that in mind next time you're worried about your exam. I see it's been a long time since you last sat an exam, but either way if you do the best you can then you haven't done anything wrong!

    I'm sorry to hear about your nan. I completely understand that it's really bad timing for all of this to happen, and I hope she gets better. If you feel like it's impacting your ability to work then you can talk to your tutor / personal tutor / supervisor and I hope they will understand and be able to help.

    Good luck with everything!
  • starfish_17starfish_17 The Mix convert Posts: 219 Trailblazer
    Hey @Jawface.

    I really wish i could go home but train tickets home are over £100 return and thats just too much money for me and its too far to get my dad to drive up to collect me and then drop me back up again a couple days later as well. 

    The lecture slides are always put online and a few of then are also recorded too which is good because at the moment i cant concentrate much in lectures so being able to watch and listen to them again afterwards is so so helpful. 

    I get what you say that i can only try my best and thats all i can do but then i also feel that if im this stressed over one exam, what will i be like when it comes to all the other in January when i will have loads and loads of them! 

    I have a meeting with my academic mentor on tuesday and so i hope that that will give me a chance to explain things to her but i also feel already that i will wimp out and not talk to her about it. 

  • JawfaceJawface Posts: 23 Boards Initiate
    edited October 2018
    Aww that's really expensive :/ have you tried train fare splitting to make it cheaper (not sure if I can post links here so you can just google it) or seeing if there are coach routes available? If you're really missing home then I hope you can talk to your dad and sister on the phone/through messaging, that might make things easier.

    If you're able to learn properly without having to go to lectures then doing that could make things easier for you! It can take a while to figure out what the best way for you to learn is, and there's nothing wrong with that.

    At the moment it's probably best to just think about one thing at a time - you have plenty of time until your January exams, so if you can, just focus on your exam next week for now. No one gets exams right the first time, it can take a while before you know how exactly to revise and perform on the day but again there's nothing wrong with that! It took me ages to figure out how to approach revising and answering exam questions; in my first year I got a 2:2 but in my second year I got a high 1st! Even if this exam does go badly, you'll be able to find out how exactly you can improve, and put that effort towards your January exams :)

    It's great that you're meeting your academic mentor. It might help if you could make a list of the things you'd like to say before you meet her, you don't need to memorise exactly how you're going to phrase things but if you prepare for your meeting then you might find it easier to talk to her. I'm sure that if you just started by telling her that you're having some issues, she would be able to ask you questions to find out what exactly is going on. Also even if you don't manage to tell her what's going on, you could still email her afterwards or arrange another meeting. I'm impressed that you managed to articulate your situation through writing so I have faith that you'll be able to do the same in your meeting too!

    I'm always happy to discuss any of this further! I've had quite a lot of issues at uni both academic and non-academic, and I can tell you that things can get better :)
  • LaineLaine Fruit loop Gone for gooPosts: 2,766 Account Deactivated
    Really sorry to hear what you're going through right now,  I can empathise on missing home,  have you had a look at whether coaches or megabuses stop there?  It takes longer but much cheaper,  I use them a lot for going on my weeks off, coach cards make them even cheaper.

    Would it help to write all this down?  Then you can know what you're telling your mentor or show them if you don't want to talk :)

    Are your family keeping you updated on your Nanas health?  Sounds scary but the good thing is she is in hospital right now x

    Can you Skype for birthdays and bonfire night?  I know it seems silly but I did that for chrismas and it really helped x

    Sending hugs 💕

    🌈Positive thoughts🌈

    "This is my family. I found it, all on my own.
    It's little, and Broken, but still good. Yeah. Still good." ~ Stitch

    "Lately, I've been struggling with all the simple things in my life" ~ Cian Ducrot

    "I don't know if it's because my heart hurts or I'm insecure" ~ Juice Wrld
  • starfish_17starfish_17 The Mix convert Posts: 219 Trailblazer
    edited October 2018
    @Jawface @Laine Thanks for the messages. It means a lot to know i have some people i can talk to!!

    It sucks hoe expensive it is! That was the cheapest i could find it and there are no coaches going down to where i live from where i am because i live in the middle of no where. The coach stops about 2 hours from my house. There are some lectures i dont go to because it is literally all put up online including her voice of what she is saying but then others i have to go to to be able to understand everything. I quite like going to the lectures sometimes cause it takes my mind of things.

    What kind of revision things worked for you and helped you?

    I have in my mind what i want to say to her but i dont really know what way the conversation will go so if i will be able to say what i want or not or if ill even be able to say it!! 

    I can get a train to the coach for about £30 and then the coach which is about 4 hours to the next train which would cost me £60 so there isnt much price difference in it really. Like its almost worth spending the extra money and just doing it all on trains if i was going to do it. 

    I was actually thinking yesterday to write it down and give it to her when i see her. I did that once at college to my tutor over something and it was helpful but i dont want to sit there when she reads it and not sure i will be ready for questions asked. I might write an email to her because at least then i can answer in my own time. 

    I have been kept informed a little bit. I didnt find out that she was in hospital until she had been in there for about a week already and i dont really know what their plans for her are yet but i dont think my mum really knows that either and so they cant really tell me if they arent too sure themselves. 

    Yeah i will facetime my sister on her birthday for a bit but the thing about firework night is that its the people i want to be around and everything. Bonfire night was always my granddads favourite thing ever and ever since i remember he would always put on a display at their farm and all friends and family would go and watch and eat etc. Then when he went into a care home, my dad and uncle took over running the display and we would get him out the home for a night to come watch and be with everyone. This year is the first one without him because he died in spring and everyone is still meeting and doing the same as normal in memory of him but i wont be able to be there which is going to be so so hard. A friend up here knows and he has brought tickets to a display up here and so ill still do something and try and take my mind off it. 

    Hope you two are both good?  <3<3
  • JawfaceJawface Posts: 23 Boards Initiate
    Ah that sucks :( so your parents won't help you cover the cost of travel?

    In terms of revision, I'm a science student so I'm not sure to what extent this would apply to you. My mistake in first year was trying a bunch of practice papers before actually revising the content, which made me frustrated because there were obviously loads of things I didn't know so I did badly on them and that damaged my confidence which meant I revised less. 

    It really depends what subject you do, but broadly speaking the exam content should be related to the lectures. So you could re-read your lecture notes and make sure you understand everything on them. You might find it helpful to make more notes to help you remember things. If there's a quick fact you need to remember, you could write on a post it note and stick it on your wall. 

    When exams get a bit closer, you should start doing practice past exam papers / practice essays / it really depends what subject you do! But generally speaking your department will probably have published some of the previous years' exam papers online (some university departments are even nice enough to give you example solutions). I'd suggest first just taking a look, then doing some untimed attempts, and then closer to the exam do them under timed conditions. If it doesn't go well, then it doesn't mean you're not good at your subject, it just means you need to revise a few things more. 

    The best people to ask about this are people on your course! Particularly people who've taken the exams before you (people in upper years). 

    As for your meeting on Tuesday, I think it'd be a great idea to write an email to her, or bring along a written version of what you would like to say. She's there to help you, and I hope you're confident that she won't judge you, she will just do her best.
  • starfish_17starfish_17 The Mix convert Posts: 219 Trailblazer
    Nahh they dont have the money to help cover the travel costs really. My dad is going to drive up and collect me for Christmas and take me back after but any extra travel, i have to fund myself. 

    i do sport science so there is a lot of information to know. Especially for anatomy and psychology modules so that might really help me! Im going to re read the slides and my notes and then write important things on flashcards i think. i hope that will work!! 
    Thats really helpful advice for revising, Thanks so much!

  • AzzimanAzziman The Mix convert Posts: 1,240 Wise Owl
    Hi Esme,

    Awh, sorry to hear that things haven't started so well :( It's so tough living away from home, and having that free time means you can start to miss them a lot. I guess you can keep in touch with calling/texting, but I know it's not the same. Just know that you're giving it up for a while, so that you can come back with a degree that will help your future so much - of course it's tough to give up family time, but in the long run it'll be worth it :)

    About the exam, I'd really recommend getting in touch with your lecturer about anything you're not sure about, as well as your mentor/tutor within the department if you're having trouble with revision. They can be so helpful in understanding the content - since they know it inside out, they can help you break it down and get your head around things. If you have any study skills sessions, then that's something that can be a big help. Lots of different choices of support - take your pick! :)

    Really sorry to hear about your nan. I know you care about her, but trust that your family are able to look after her while you're not there. I'm sure she'll appreciate you coming when you can! :)

    And about friends, that's an awful situation to be in so early in :( If you're not sure about sitting with any of them because of the situation, then maybe it's an opportunity to meet some new people and sit with them. As it is, you're all in the same year group for the next 3 years, so you're bound to meet most people throughout that time! Let the situation defuse while meeting some new faces - who knows, maybe that person you've never met could be your closest friend going forwards! :)

    Hope that things improve soon - you're doing well to keep it together so far despite what's happened, so keep it up! :)

    Much love <3
  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Miniposter Posts: 138 The Mix Convert

    Hi @Esme17,

    Aww bless, That's so hard... and I feel for you. It is hard situation to be in, but I know you'll get through it.  Living away can be hard as it is, and everything else is just pilling up making things worse. Look after yourself!

    With regards to the exams, it seems like you've got an meeting with your academic mentor, explain things to them there are usually things they can do eg: help you, and sometimes offer extensions or deferals etc... if felt needed. It's understandable your finding it hard to revise. Do what you can.... and if it doesn't work oiut it's ok- we don't get things right first time... they'se always an opportunity to better it.... Just think that you did the best you could at that time and situation.

    I'm wondering if you've spoken to the university student support services, they may be able to help as well....Though there can be a wait for it.I

    I wish you all the very best. Take care

  • starfish_17starfish_17 The Mix convert Posts: 219 Trailblazer


    Thanks for the message! Things are getting slightly better now but still not amazing.

    I did message the well-being people the other day but they haven't got back to me yet. I kind of regret messaging them now though and dont know what to do when they reply cause i dont think i want to talk to them anymore. 

    Take care! 
  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Miniposter Posts: 138 The Mix Convert
    Esme17 said:


    Thanks for the message! Things are getting slightly better now but still not amazing.

    I did message the well-being people the other day but they haven't got back to me yet. I kind of regret messaging them now though and dont know what to do when they reply cause i dont think i want to talk to them anymore. 

    Take care! 

    Hey @Esme17,

    It's ok. GOod to hear you feel things have slightly got better- that's a good start.

    OK that's good as well...move in the right direction. Yeah it can be a nervous wait, and to be fair I think its normal to doubt your move in theat waiting I know I do... But once that contact has been made you should be fine. No I would go! It's only natural to feel a bit nervous.

    We often feel nervous and doubtful while waiting because we are like "oh, why haven't they replied yet?- did I do the right thing etc..." when actually in other things, we probably wouldn't think much of it... The more we worry about it the more we get tricked into it's the wrong thing.  It's worth remembering there's no right or wrong thing to do it's whatever we feel is right/helpful at that time... and in this situation it's a helpful situation so a right thing.

    Take care.

  • starfish_17starfish_17 The Mix convert Posts: 219 Trailblazer
    They got back to me but i have to call them to arrange an appointment and i really dont know if i can. 
  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Miniposter Posts: 138 The Mix Convert

    Really?? That's weird- You should be able to do it via email/online system, face-to-face and phone...

    It can be hard making that phonecall but it's a step forward isn't it? Just see how it goes...

    It's better going once than not going- that way you can "you know what, I tried and went than I just left it"

    Take it small steps.... Remmeber they are there to help you! and support you....

  • starfish_17starfish_17 The Mix convert Posts: 219 Trailblazer
    @Invisible_me Yeah i emailed first and they sent an email back telling me to call a certain number and they can arrange an appointment for me. I called a few days ago but then appointment isnt until 12th December which seems like ages away and whats bothering me now might not be the same in a months time!
  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Miniposter Posts: 138 The Mix Convert


    I am ever so sorry for my late reply! Hope your OK!

    OK!... Unfortunately, with a lot of services there are long waits- which doesn't help? Yeah , I know things change and it could be completely different picture... You might actually find keeping a diary on 'what's bothering you' and you'll be able to see differences?

    What might help in the meatime?


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