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Jealous of ex-gf's friend. Advice please

I know it’s not my place anymore but I still feel jealous when I see my ex-girlfriend interacting with this specific friend she has in social media. When we were still together, she would barely post anything about me and us. She didn’t even post about our Ukraine ski trip saying she just wants to keep things private. Now she’s posting screenshot of their conversations, video of her cheering for her friend during this marathon they joined.


Said friend also posted a screenshot of my ex-girlfriend’s motivational messages during the run. A part of me is jealous that the friend can spend time with her than me but another part of me is jealous of them in general. Like wow she’s posting things now when she kind of hid us before?! I really hate the feeling. Is she doing this on purpose to make me feel jealous? Does she really hate me that much? Advice please


Comments

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Noob
    Welcome to our boards. I hope you stick around to receive support and help for the asking. I have been enormously helped on the boards. People here care.

    Now, whatever your ex feels like posting on her social media, it really has nothing to do with you since the both of you broke up. She deserves privacy. You wouldn't like it if she came stalking your social media would you? Think on that.

    Jealousy eats a person inside. Jealousy destroys what could have been friendship after breaking up but instead you made rancour. Jealousy makes the heart bitter. Jealousy wrecks lives. Your ex has her own life now, happy to be leading her life on a path of her own without you. Please, if you have any decency, kindly leave her alone and get on with enjoying life without her.

    Mandy


    I'm driven by self doubt.
  • AzzimanAzziman The Mix convert Posts: 525 Extreme Poster
    Hi anthonenvy,

    Let them live their life, and you live yours. Whatever they are doing together isn't to do with you any more, so don't let it worry you. Every second you waste scrolling through their photos, you're ignoring what's important in your life! Time to hit the reset button, and focus on what truly matters to youx

    Much love <3
    [Deleted User]peachysoo
  • Candlestick56Candlestick56 Posts: 90 Miniposter
    Hey anthonenvy, 

    I just wanted to chip in here to say it's completely normal to feel jealous when you see someone you were very close to being close to someone else, especially when it's an ex! 

    There's always the temptation to check in on an ex and see what they're up to, even if you know it's not your place. Partly it's because you probably still care about them and want to see that they're doing ok. Unfortunately it can also hurt to see an ex happy. That's just part of being human. You would hope that you could have been the one to make them most happy, but if it seems someone else is doing that better, it can have a knock on your self-esteem.

    Just remember though that social media doesn't always show the reality of how things really are. I know that when I am most content and happy, I post a lot less on social media. Try not to read into what she's doing in relation to you, because it's unlikely that she is doing it to be spiteful. Probably her self-esteem is low at the moment too, and maybe the constant posting on social media is her way of making herself feel better? If you don't mind me asking, when did you break up? 

    Azziman and Floxy are right, the best thing to do is to try to resist the temptation to go on her profile, but at the same time it's good to allow yourself to feel what you're feeling and accept that it's normal to feel that way. 
    peachysoo
  • peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 151 The Mix convert
    Hi anthonenvy,

    I'm sorry to hear about how you're feeling. Jealousy is never a nice emotion, but it's completely normal. I just want to remind you that your feelings are valid regardless. You can't control how you feel, so acknowledge your feelings.

    What you can control, on the other hand, are your actions in response to these feelings. Like everyone else on here has said, I agree it would be best to try resist the temptation to keep checking up on your ex. While it can be difficult in the short term, you even recognise that it's not really in your place to act as you are, and time will eventually heal you (as cliché as it sounds) and you will get over them. I agree so much with Azziman - don't waste your time mulling over their life, and try to enjoy yours. Life is too short to spend endlessly scrolling at what could be an idealised image of a relationship.

    Although at different rates, people do change. I can't declare anything definitively, and we can't assume that your ex is posting more openly now just to spite you - in actuality, I doubt this would be the case, but, if it is, then it is your ex's own problem and reflects more on them than on you. Again, you can't control the actions or words of others, but what you can control is YOUR response to this. I personally would think that maybe your ex has moved on, and grown as a person to become more comfortable being more open with their relationships.

    Whatever her motive, please try to remember that you are your own person, and they are theirs. Even if you feel your emotions aren't appropriate, they are just as real and important as any other and you can't control them, but you can control your actions. It could be worthwhile picking up something, like journal writing, or any other hobby, to help you, and you can always come to The Mix for someone to talk to!

    -peachysoo
  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 6,427 The Mix Elder

    You needa focus on your own life not hers.

    Easier said than done. But As clique as it sounds - time and space will help you. Understandably really hard atm though

    “If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care” Marvin J. Ashton
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