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I can't be straight-what am I? :'(
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I dont know what sexuality I am.Please please help me.It is horrible and very very confusing.I am 17 and want to try to work it out,or at least have an idea,before I turn 18.
I know that I am not straight.I watch a LOT of porn,so much so that it feels like an addiction.I have constant sexual dream involving girls,occassionally boys.I have been attracted to girls and their bodies.In the dreams I have,I see myself licking,fingering and having real sex.
The porn videos turn me on and are really painful for me,is that normal?Can anyone help me with the confusion I am suffering from?Its horrible and i feel so ashamed and embarrased
Thanks everyone.
I know that I am not straight.I watch a LOT of porn,so much so that it feels like an addiction.I have constant sexual dream involving girls,occassionally boys.I have been attracted to girls and their bodies.In the dreams I have,I see myself licking,fingering and having real sex.
The porn videos turn me on and are really painful for me,is that normal?Can anyone help me with the confusion I am suffering from?Its horrible and i feel so ashamed and embarrased
Thanks everyone.
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Comments
If you dream and fantasize about girls then you can be sure that you are not completely heterosexual (I assume you are a girl). You are just somewhere in between the two polar opposites and it seems like you are a bit more on the gayer side of bisexuality. You don't need to find a label "I am X" or "I am Y", it does not matter, you just date and have sex with who you are attracted to, regardless of genitalia. All you do is put pressure on yourself to find what corner you should stand in, while you should just date/get near/have sex/love what makes you feel tingly in your panties.
Also, why figuring that out before you turn 18? What's then? Some people really only find out they don't wanna be in a opposite sex relationship, months or years in being in their twenties.
There should be no feelings of shame or embarrassment. It's just a preference. Some people like pears, some people like apples. Stand up for what you want/prefer and nobody can shame you. If someone says "haha you are gay." then you should think, "what a brilliant observation of that person." instead of being upset. You just like that better and the other person doesn't. Big deal.
Just thought I'd drop in this link, loads of great articles there that might be worth a read.
You really shouldn't feel ashamed or embarrassed, how you feel does not change who you are as a person. You can't help who you fall for and it's perfectly okay to like someone of the same sex. If people don't like it then they're the ones that should feel embarrassed.
Keep us posted *hug*
I feel like once I have found that label though,then I can get on with exploring the sexuality properly.At the moment,I am really struggling to deal with this horrible sexuality confusion,which is no good on top of everything else I have going on.I feel tingly watching lesbian sex but not man-woman(straight)sex.Is that normal?I also get turned on a lot and suffer a lot of pain down below when I watch porn.I watch it so often and it feels shameful etc,again.
I want to figure it out before I turn 18 as a personal thing.I want to sort out life and feelings I have(all)before I turn 18.I understand that completely though.
Thats a good example?How can I deal with this level of confusion?I havent got a clue.
I have never had sex with anyone before but want the first time to be with a girl.
Heck, like I said, sexuality is endless, you could also like to do everything with girls, but just want to give boys blow jobs without them touching you. There is no "right" or "wrong".
Don't ask questions like "is this normal?". This is a question, which the answer to does not make you any smarter. Statistically speaking, heterosexual is "normal", because more people are heterosexual, but that does not make it superior to other forms of love. So asking if the kind of porn you watch is "normal" is non-sensical. Just watch what you enjoy and don't worry if it's normal or weird. (As long as it's legal! No child porn!)
It sounds like you pretty much have a good hypothesis of what you like. Girls over boys. What else is there to know?
What do you mean with painful? Like physical pain? Of masturbating too much or something out of your control?
I want to finger girls.I want to lick and suck their boobs.I want to lick all over.I want to have sex with girls.Just blow jobs with boys,even though i highly doubt thered be any love or emotional attraction.I want to explore it more when I am this young rather than past the age of 18(sorry,it is really hard to explain my reasonings for that part).I want to know of other girls who are lesbians or gay etc too so I can try with them.I only know one bi sexual...but she is my best friend.Im not so sure.
I love watching porn and feel a large addiction to it but it does cause me pain down below and on my legs.
Is sexual arousal alone causing the pain or masturbation/insertion? Because this is something that is not normal and something you might wanna check up on with a doctor. Do you have pain when inserting something in a non-sexual way, like a tampon? Also what kind of pain are we speaking? Just an aching or real, honest pain?
I am very clueless with this kind of stuff!x
Of course you can go to the doctor about it. This is something every young woman is supposed to do anyway, get a check-up about the reproductive health. I mean, I am no expert on that matter, but I am sure both my sisters and also girl friends back in our teenage years had yearly ob-gyn visits. This is ESPECIALLY true if you have a painful condition. I mean, if sexual arousal alone is painful, I can't imagine that sexual activity can be any fun that way. I mean it's your call, but believe me. Gynecologists see dozens of vaginas daily or all age, you certainly would not be the first to feel anxious about the prospect, but it's a very normal and usual experience.
If i went to the doctors though then my parents would more than likely find out(long story).
Thank you for the help.
So? Aren't your parents concerned with your well-being? If you said you experience pain aren't they more prone to let you go to the doctor instead of forbidding it?
I am with camhs but even parents get told most things there too,if not all.
Its really hard.
By the way,i did take the advice and i had a conversation with her about it.It turns out that she feels the same way about me amd said she has done since september last year!She asked me to be her girlfriend and i said yes!Not sure if that was the right or best thing to do though.xx
Have you spoken to your girlfriend about how you're feeling about it, as in you're confused feelings towards this particular relationship?
She knows that I feel very confused excited and nervous but thats it.
How am i meant to deal with this?
This.
She's your girlfriend now, talk to her about it, especially if it's feelings concerning the relationship.
It sounds like you have taken some big steps and lot's of time to think about your sexuality over this weekend.
It's great that you chatted to your friend and discovered she had similar feelings to you, it is completely understandable that you are feeling excited and also confused. the support on this thread has been fantastic so do continue to reach out for advice and support here.
I just thought I would also let you know about LLGS (London lesbian and Gay switchboard). They provide free & confidential support & information to lesbian, gay, bisexual & transgendered communities throughout the UK. Their helpline is open 10am-11pm daily 0300 330 0630, so if you don't feel like you want to discuss these feelings or questions with parents, doctors or your girlfriend it is a good number to keep hold of.
LLGS have a huge amount of experience and can help with questions or support around coming out, relationship issues, family problems, safer sex and sexual health, having sex for the first time, LGBT social and support groups, Issues at school, college or work and feelings of isolation.
Keep sharing and reaching out for support here!
I have also had very intimate dreams about having a very sexual relationship with her but then again the videos dont help with that either.
Thank you foe that information.I will bear it in mind.
I can tell you that gynecologists have seen it all, from old to young, to large and small, etc. Also it is pretty common for girls your age to have their regular check ups on their reproductive health. I know my sisters and female friends - when they were your age (and even younger) - have been to the ObGyn. As soon as you stop stubbornly telling yourself I CAN'T I CAN'T I CAN'T, just because you are anxious about the prospect of someone seeing your vagina in a non-sexual context, the sooner you will go. Maybe you can convince your girlfriend to go with you and either wait in the waiting room or maybe even go with you inside to hold your hand. You are not helping yourself by digging in your heels and should start asking yourself, "Can I, actually?". Yes, we all dread it. I was very uncomfortable going to the urologist about a health issue I had, but it was no big deal at all, as I came to realize afterwards and I was glad I came to know it was nothing to worry about.
How are things progressing with your girlfriend? Are you now more accepting of your sexuality?
Hi AngelFace97,
I kinda know the feeling, I can't give myself a sexuality label either so I wouldn't worry about that but just go with the flow I suppose as who you are and are not attracted to is very much a personal thing. Too many people in this world want everyone to conform to stereotypes which I think is wrong.
I think I had my first sexual 'stirrings' when I was 13 and showering with the other boys at my secondary school back in the mid 80's. There was this naked boy bending over finding his undies and I couldn't help but stare it his mooning bumcheeks - only trouble was one of the other boys saw me staring and told him, lol. Anyways I've always fancied girls and find celebrities like Maria Sharapova hot and although I don't generally find men attractive, I am currently 'in lurve' with a 19 year old boy (mentioned in another post of mine). At first I tried to dismiss the feelings I had for him but they were very strong and we have started a relationship which just feels so good and so natural.
Well, I'm afraid I can't help you with the physical pain you have down below, I'm sorry. I'm sure a doctor will be able to help and it's probably nothing too much to be concerned about but best get them to check anyway. I think your first time should be special and it doesn't matter if it is with a boy or girl - just as long as you have strong enough feelings for each other then that is all that matters.
Good luck.
David
Thank you for your very helpful reply.And for sharing your experiences with me.I hope all goes well with your relationship and that you feel happy with it.
I am unable to send a proper reply at the moment as my internet connection is quite low Even though i badly wish it wasnt!
Speak soon xx
I understand that but i highly doubt id be able to go even though i know that i ought to xx Thanks for all your help so far xx
Suit yourself.