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Really struggling to cope with life

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Comments

  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,166 The Mix Elder
    Sending you hugs, what is your plans for tonight?

    Keep posting we are here for you
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sending you hugs, what is your plans for tonight?

    Keep posting we are here for you

    We've got some family friends coming over and two of my friends are coming too but right now all I would rather do is curl up in bed and harm. I am fed up pretending that I am happy and everything is fine. Going to be lots of fake smiles tonight
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,166 The Mix Elder
    Sorry to hear how your feeling, pretending you are fine must be very draining.

    I know it doesn't sound like something you want to do but maybe being around others is that distraction you need, I know sometimes when I feel rubbish and don't want to be around people I just do it anyway cos being around others helps, in a weird sort of way, and it will keep you safe.

    Hope your okay x
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lauren92 wrote: »
    We've got some family friends coming over and two of my friends are coming too but right now all I would rather do is curl up in bed and harm. I am fed up pretending that I am happy and everything is fine. Going to be lots of fake smiles tonight


    Bonjour LC,

    I just wanted to point out that you did it, you got through the year! You had a tough year, there were a few times when you felt like giving up completely, but you didn't! You did it, my brave bestest, and I am proud of you.

    New year now, focus on the good things that have come out of 2013. Keep working so hard to get better, be happy in your new relationship, keep working hard to get the job you want. You're nearly there.

    Our trip! A hug off moi, I suppose I'll buy you a coffee ;) your belated Christmas present, because it's too big to post... my bad... :D

    I guess my point is you've done amazingly well, you are doing amazingly well. So, remember all the shitty things you have got through, and try not to let anything get you down too much this year. Okay, things might happen that you might not like, but if that's the case just think 'well I could let it get me down, but no, because I know I can do this'. I know this Loz, because you are so brave and so strong, and you've proved this. Also, if something shitty does get you down this year, think of all the good things. One thing could be getting you down, but you could have three great things going on, so that shitty thing would be like a little loner and eventually it'll go away.

    Big hugs m'lovely *hug* lots of love :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you lovely. Today I am feeling good. I think with it being 2014 and one of my friends who I haven't spoken to for a while send me a really lovely message this morning and is being really lovely. I really do have amazing friends and you are one of them.

    I'm going to try and stay focussed this year and get everything back on track again. We will plan and book our trip to London. Just wish there was a way I could work at the moment so I had more money.

    Got my follow up with the GP tomorrow which I am a little bit worried about as my psychologist sent a letter to them explaining how low I really do get. I know this is for my own help as when I go to the GP I say I am fine and not feeling suicidal at all etc. I don't get low as often but when I do get low things are a lot worse. But even though I have been suicidal more and was so close to ending things I didn't and I haven't cut in quite a while.

    Lets hope 2014 is better than 2012 and 2013! *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm glad you're feeling good today :heart:

    We don't need loads of money for London, we're not there for long so we won't have much time to do loads of things anyway. To be honest, I'm just more excited about actually having a hot drink and a natter with you! :)

    You're right, the letter was sent to your gp because people want to help you, just make sure you try to be really honest tomorrow. You know where I am *hug*

    Again, really well done for not harming yourself. Do you realise how strong you are? It takes a strong person to fight urges like that, that's you. I'm very proud of you :yes:

    Love and hugs.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm just playing xbox at the moment so we will book it today!! :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Am completely exhausted today. Hardly slept at all. Tried to go to sleep at 10.30 but only eventually fell asleep at 02.30 and kept waking up. Got physio now so may even need a nap this afternoon as I struggle with fatigue from my stroke. Everything is so hard. I think I was worrying about my GP appointment later. Fingers crossed today gets better
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fingers crossed for you, hon.

    Hope everything goes okay for you, thinking of you :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lauren92 wrote: »
    Am completely exhausted today. Hardly slept at all. Tried to go to sleep at 10.30 but only eventually fell asleep at 02.30 and kept waking up. Got physio now so may even need a nap this afternoon as I struggle with fatigue from my stroke. Everything is so hard. I think I was worrying about my GP appointment later. Fingers crossed today gets better

    Bonjour :heart:

    I'm sorry to hear you didn't sleep well *hug* a nap sounds like a good idea LC.

    Let us know how your appointments go, remember it's all to help you.

    How are you feeling now?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Things are not good :(. Physio was okay and my physio is really lovely but it constantly reminds me how far I still have to go and how weak my left leg still really is. I then had to go to the gym to speak to someone as my physio has referred me for whats called exercise on prescription. Its where I get a gym membership with a personal trainer who has qualifications to help with dealing with the effects of my stroke. This is good but whilst I was there I could see people running and that is all I want to be able to do again. I want to run and play hockey but still have such a long way to go. Its so hard :( I got so angry at myself and the situation that I punched a wall. I can't hide my hand so this is going to be a fun conversation with my family
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't know what to say..

    You'll get there one day Loz, it'll take time, but you will.

    What are you going to say to your parents about your hand?

    Big hugs, and lots of love *hug* :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't know. Its not too bad I guess. will probably say i tripped over or something
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It is a little bad.. I guess you could get away with saying you tripped.. maybe you could blame something at the gym? Hmm..

    Let us know how it goes anyway, lovely :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I didn't actually use the gym though it was just talking to them. I guess I could get my GP to have a look at it later. Thank you :heart:
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,166 The Mix Elder
    Hey Lauren

    How are you feeling today? Hows your hand?

    Sending you hugs
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Lauren

    How are you feeling today? Hows your hand?

    Sending you hugs

    Today I realised how bad I have let things get. My hand is pretty sore but I am sure its just bruised so put some ice on it and going to keep an eye and see if it gets worse. I had my psychology appointment and was in there for 2 and a half hours. This is mainly because I got angry in there and was shaking and couldn't control it so she didn't want me to leave until I had calmed down.

    She was doing that on purpose as she has never seen me get like that so I am glad she saw but at the same time hate how I couldn't control it.

    We were talking a lot about the flashbacks so it brought back memories so caused me to get angry at myself as I have a lot of blame. I have calmed down a bit now but still feel really on edge so thankfully nobody is at home for me to let my anger out on. But the bad thing is that means I will take it out on myself.

    I did tell her that I managed to call samaritans when things got so bad that I sat in the woods at night with all my medication and nearly took them. I just find each day such a struggle and am battling to see the light at the end of what seems to be a neverending tunnel
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm glad you're feeling a little calmer.

    When are your family home LC?

    If you're feeling on edge do you think you could ring the Samaritans again now?

    Please remember I/ we are here for you, keep posting *hug* :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm glad you're feeling a little calmer.

    When are your family home LC?

    If you're feeling on edge do you think you could ring the Samaritans again now?

    Please remember I/ we are here for you, keep posting *hug* :heart:

    I don't know when my sister is home but my mum will be home about 6 when she finishes work. I am okay. I am glad that I spoke about things they were just really hard but the more she understands what I am going through then the more she can help me. I think she knew that I was going to come home and cut but I did try other things. I held ice against my arm and threw a ball against a wall. I am struggling to come with my anger and frustration
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well done on trying other things, did the ice and throwing a ball help at all? I think it's great that you're trying to find other ways to relieve your feelings, keep trying different things and one day you might find a new method that works for you. I can help you think of a few if you want LC.

    It's understandable that you're feeling so angry and frustrated at the moment. It's great that you feel you can be so honest about everything with your psychologist, you'll get the help you need one day if you keep being so honest, and everything will be okay, if you keep trying to fight. You're doing so well bestest.

    :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I just hate how I get myself so angry and worked up. I now feel really bad for letting her see me when I was like that. I was doing well in the session and had got upset but that is normal for me. Shaking uncontrollably and clenching my fists and scratching at a cut on my arm was something she hadn't seen before. She always said I was good at hiding things but guess I am not getting so good or things are getting so bad they are impossible to hide.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey,

    How are you doing m'lovely?

    Bug hugs *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey,

    How are you doing m'lovely?

    Bug hugs *hug*

    I'm okay thank you lovely. Just feel a bit like my life is controlled by one hospital appointment after another. Today I was at the hospital at 8.30 and didn't leave until 11 and have been told that I have to go back to them on Thursday and again next Monday. Just this week I have 6 appointments in 4 days. My life actually does revolve around them. Oh and I still have to be on the injections daily for a bit longer and because of my cutting on my stomach and legs its hard to find a place to inject where it isn't really painful.

    But I am writing a blog post so that will cheer me up.

    Hope your okay *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've just realised I put 'bug' instead of 'big'! Bug hugs haha.

    Anyway. Sounds like a long day, sounds like it's going to be a long week actually. I guess there's nothing I could say that may make you feel a bit better, but I want to point out all of these appointments and blood tests and injections are to help you get better LC. They won't be forever, even though it may feel like that now, they won't, and if you keep fighting then one day you may be able to look back at this time in your life and be proud of yourself for getting through such a difficult time. You're doing well, you should give yourself more credit.

    Can you not inject where you usually inject, or do you have to switch places? Sorry, I'm sure I've asked you this before.

    Well done on writing a blog post :yes: let me know when you've done Loz?

    *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    As they are quite long injections I have to inject into a fatty area. There isn't really much to me so I can only inject into my stomach or thighs and my stomach is really bruised and cut and my thighs are sore too.

    I know its all to help and is all getting there. Each day is a step closer to the day I am happy and am enjoying all the things I want to in my life.

    I will do and will post it on facebook for you to see :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lauren92 wrote: »
    I know its all to help and is all getting there. Each day is a step closer to the day I am happy and am enjoying all the things I want to in my life.

    This is a great attitude to have LC, try to keep looking at it like this :heart:

    I hope you find somewhere to inject that isn't too sore *hug*

    Okie dokie artechoke, can't wait to read it :)
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