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Anyone else in the I'm not sure I want kids/I do not want kids club?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm sure I can't be the only one. I'm never saying never but I'm not entirely sure motherhood is for me and I've felt this way for as long as I can remember. I remember being about 8 and my parents asking me if I wanted kids and I immediately said no - when they asked me why I said 'Because they make a mess'. Of course that's not my reasoning now :P But since I've been past childhood I haven't really liked kids or felt an affinity with them. I don't coo over babies or get that rush of maternal wanting, I also remember a woman bringing her baby in to school to talk about motherhood when I was about 6 or 7 and I happened to be sat closest and I kept edging away to the point she actually turned to me and said 'She won't hurt you you know'. I just didn't want to be near this baby and I don't even know why. I've tried a couple of times to trigger my liking for kids, I did work experience in a primary school and also spent 6 weeks in America caring for some 18 month old twins and sometimes their 3 year old brother too - and if anything the latter decreased my wanting for kids. Don't get me wrong they were great kids and I enjoyed entertaining them and teaching them things, but my patience was often stretched to it's limits and I'm really not sure I'd have the energy or patience to care for a child full time. I'm also not sure I want to put someone else first for a good portion of my life. Maybe that's selfish, I'm not sure. I'd like to hear opinions/experiences!
Anyway - is anyone else in this boat and if so, what are your reasons?
Anyway - is anyone else in this boat and if so, what are your reasons?
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I never say never to things.
Sorry my reply isnt helpful.
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I work with quite a few women who have decided not to have kids. one is 34, a few others 36. one of the women has dogs instead ha. iv always wanted children. iv known it ever since I was little. I wonder if some women are just born with a massive maternal instinct? interesting.
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Nowadays the reasons I'm not sure I ever want kids are mainly the responsibility -I don't want to take care of a pet or plant either- and the fact that although I like babies, older kids annoy me.
Jo7 and I were saying just the other day that we need a high five emoticon.
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Like Ballerina said, energy and patience....don't think i have enough of either. The idea of cleaning up someone elses puke/**** for them also doesn't appeal!
Almost every woman in my office has had a baby since i've been there and I am routinely made to feel like a monster for just not being interested....
"Oh look another baby" is my attitiude.
p.s every newborn baby looks the same.
I think it's selfish to have kids knowing you don't really want them. Not having them at all is just a lifestyle choice. It's bloody hard work at the best of times, so if your heart wasn't in it, I think it'd be thoroughly shit - for you and for your kids.
You might change your mind when you get older/settled, I know a lot of people who did. But then I know a few people who didn't, and they still thoroughly enjoy their childless lives!
out of interest. Why??
*(sorry, listened to George Orwell's radio adaptation of Animal farm yesterday)
I don't know. With all the children that I am close with (my nieces and nephews, and the children I look after), I have to work harder to love the boys than the girls. Maybe that's just because of their personalities, rather than their genders, and if he were mine I would love him as much as his sister, but I have a horrible feeling that I'd be somehow disappointed if I had a boy, and that he'd know I was. It's based on feelings, rather than rationality - boys are in no way worse than girls and I know that, but I just can't shake it off and I don't know why.
This
I thought you might also be reassured by an excerpt from Caitlin Moran's Book - How to Be a Woman:
I'd recommend tracking down the whole chapter on this topic if you haven't already - it made me smile a lot.
a few now want to try in their 40s but ill be surprised if it happens now
:yes: Same.
It's shitty hard work when you do want them, never mind when your heart's not really in it
first off, i've never liked them in general (i'm not against them,) i just find them to be extremely annoying sometimes. loud and everything
the second reason (and probably more importantly) because of my mental/ physical health. i can't look after myself and most days don't make it out of bed.. so i figured it would be unfair on the kid- i couldn't give them the time and attention they needed.
That's a really mature decision. I think too often people have children to fill a 'void' in hope that it will fix mental health problems. It may help those that just take to it and enjoy it but that certainly isn't everyone and then it's just a bad situation for both parent and child.