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Anyone else in the I'm not sure I want kids/I do not want kids club?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm sure I can't be the only one. I'm never saying never but I'm not entirely sure motherhood is for me and I've felt this way for as long as I can remember. I remember being about 8 and my parents asking me if I wanted kids and I immediately said no - when they asked me why I said 'Because they make a mess'. Of course that's not my reasoning now :P But since I've been past childhood I haven't really liked kids or felt an affinity with them. I don't coo over babies or get that rush of maternal wanting, I also remember a woman bringing her baby in to school to talk about motherhood when I was about 6 or 7 and I happened to be sat closest and I kept edging away to the point she actually turned to me and said 'She won't hurt you you know'. I just didn't want to be near this baby and I don't even know why. I've tried a couple of times to trigger my liking for kids, I did work experience in a primary school and also spent 6 weeks in America caring for some 18 month old twins and sometimes their 3 year old brother too - and if anything the latter decreased my wanting for kids. Don't get me wrong they were great kids and I enjoyed entertaining them and teaching them things, but my patience was often stretched to it's limits and I'm really not sure I'd have the energy or patience to care for a child full time. I'm also not sure I want to put someone else first for a good portion of my life. Maybe that's selfish, I'm not sure. I'd like to hear opinions/experiences!

Anyway - is anyone else in this boat and if so, what are your reasons?
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am. But i work with children so I think thats why I dont want a child myself. But obv things could change in the future. Who knows.
    I never say never to things.
    Sorry my reply isnt helpful.

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    how old are you ballerina? I'm not going to be one of those annoying people that say oh, when you get older it'll happen, but sometimes it just does. my cousin was always very anti-children in her early twenties. swore she wouldn't have one, didn't know what to do with one. when she got into an amazing settled relationship at the age of 29 she just changed her mind. nobody could believe it and neither could she really. she just said that she'd met this amazing person and wanted to create a little life with him and fill their home. that sounds awfully cheesy but it's true!

    I work with quite a few women who have decided not to have kids. one is 34, a few others 36. one of the women has dogs instead ha. iv always wanted children. iv known it ever since I was little. I wonder if some women are just born with a massive maternal instinct? interesting.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't think I want kids, and what's awesome is neither does Picc really. So we can be rich lesbians that go on holiday during term time.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi5 Fiend

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Currently I have no interest. Not saying never, as I know I'm fickle but currently definitely not.
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    Having little siblings cured me of my broodiness years ago :p
    Nowadays the reasons I'm not sure I ever want kids are mainly the responsibility -I don't want to take care of a pet or plant either- and the fact that although I like babies, older kids annoy me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi5 Fiend

    Jo7 and I were saying just the other day that we need a high five emoticon.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Weee so do :)

    Sent from my GT-S5830 using Tapatalk 2
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nope no interest here....but i'm not sure if that's because i can't connect with children or because i can't connect with any human being!

    Like Ballerina said, energy and patience....don't think i have enough of either. The idea of cleaning up someone elses puke/**** for them also doesn't appeal!

    Almost every woman in my office has had a baby since i've been there and I am routinely made to feel like a monster for just not being interested....

    "Oh look another baby" is my attitiude.

    p.s every newborn baby looks the same.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm 23. And I can see myself getting dogs rather than kids - I just love dogs. Some of my friends want kids though, one wants to start a family in the next couple of years so I'd be pretty happy being a cool auntie. I know I could change my mind later once I'm settled but I don't want to have a baby because I think it's what I should do and not what I want to do. It'll be difficult if I don't change my mind and I have a partner that does want kids. I wanted kids when I was loved up in a serious relationship a few years back and knew I eventually wanted to marry him and have a family, so maybe that feeling will be triggered when it happens again. My friend who's a psychic says I'll end up with 2 kids so who knows :P
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i dont want any tbh, but they all keep hassling me and calling me mum :|
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm 29, I used to think I wanted them but now I REALLY DO NOT want them. The turning point was becoming an auntie and seeing how much work my sister has to put in to keeping my nephew.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't fit into that camp. (obviously, duh). But I've always. always hated the assumption that every female past puberty must be longing for a baby. I think there is a lot of pressure that goes with it. I always recall being at a boyfriend's family event and the newest baby being passed along to me despite saying I didn't actually want to hold the baby. Then everyone looks, coos and of course judges your suitability for adding to the family brood. It's weird and kinda gross.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote: »
    Maybe that's selfish, I'm not sure.

    I think it's selfish to have kids knowing you don't really want them. Not having them at all is just a lifestyle choice. It's bloody hard work at the best of times, so if your heart wasn't in it, I think it'd be thoroughly shit - for you and for your kids.

    You might change your mind when you get older/settled, I know a lot of people who did. But then I know a few people who didn't, and they still thoroughly enjoy their childless lives!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Atm I don't want kids, though I suppose it might change. I think I'm too selfish to put someone in front of me all the time. Also I'm not sure I could love a boy as much as a girl.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    grace wrote: »
    . Also I'm not sure I could love a boy as much as a girl.

    out of interest. Why??
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I work with children and i'm a doting aunt to my nephew (3) and niece (5 months) and I tend to get *twinges* of broodiness. At the start of both my previous relationships this broodiness feeling was overwhelming at times but my last relationship ended really badly and the thought of bringing a child into that abusive world filled me with dread. I absolutely love babies, their smell, their size, watching them smile, learn new things. Toddlers seem to be really hard work and I just don't think I'd be strong enough to discipline. Also how would I afford it!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Donkeys live a long time*. Everyone I know in a heterosexual long term relationship that have said they don't want kids has gone on to have them - with the exception of an uncle and his wife, but they've always lived in separate houses.

    *(sorry, listened to George Orwell's radio adaptation of Animal farm yesterday)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    out of interest. Why??

    I don't know. With all the children that I am close with (my nieces and nephews, and the children I look after), I have to work harder to love the boys than the girls. Maybe that's just because of their personalities, rather than their genders, and if he were mine I would love him as much as his sister, but I have a horrible feeling that I'd be somehow disappointed if I had a boy, and that he'd know I was. It's based on feelings, rather than rationality - boys are in no way worse than girls and I know that, but I just can't shake it off and I don't know why.
  • Annaarrr!!Annaarrr!! Posts: 876 Part of The Mix Family
    Nope, dreamt about my own kids for as long as I can remember :P And I get broody other the smallest baby-related things :P Suppose that could change in the same way some of y'all could..
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Kaff wrote: »
    I think it's selfish to have kids knowing you don't really want them. Not having them at all is just a lifestyle choice. It's bloody hard work at the best of times, so if your heart wasn't in it, I think it'd be thoroughly shit - for you and for your kids.

    You might change your mind when you get older/settled, I know a lot of people who did. But then I know a few people who didn't, and they still thoroughly enjoy their childless lives!

    This :)

    I thought you might also be reassured by an excerpt from Caitlin Moran's Book - How to Be a Woman:
    Every woman who chooses - joyfully, thoughtfully, calmly, of their own free will and desire - not to have a child does womankind a massive favour in the long term. We need more women who are allowed to prove their worth as people; rather than being assessed merely for their potential to create new people. After all, half those new people we go on to create are women - presumably themselves to be judged, in their futures, for not making new people. And so it will go on, and on...

    Whilst motherhood is an incredible vocation, it has no more inherent worth than a childless woman being simply who she is to the utmost of her capabilities. To think otherwise betrays a belief that being a thinking, creative, productive and fulfilled woman is, somehow, not enough. That no action will ever be the equal of giving birth.

    I'd recommend tracking down the whole chapter on this topic if you haven't already - it made me smile a lot.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i know loads of people that are childfree, both through choice and through circumstance, mostly heterosexual people too.
    a few now want to try in their 40s but ill be surprised if it happens now
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Annaarrr!! wrote: »
    Nope, dreamt about my own kids for as long as I can remember :P And I get broody other the smallest baby-related things :P

    :yes: Same.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Weirdly, today I found myself having a nosey around the kids clothes section of primark and saw some really cute stuff and found myself thinking 'This would look adorable on my 3 year old cousin' and wanting to get some stuff for her. When she was 18 months old and I looked after her for a couple of weeks I found myself getting excited over what I was going to dress her in. So maybe there are some maternal instincts there - even if it just pretty clothes. I still don't really want any of my own though
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know that I do want kids, but I definitely don't want them now as I'm currently far too selfish and enjoy my freedom. But I like developing people and I'd love to do that for kids of my own, so it'll happen one day. If it doesn't happen biologically, I'd happily adopt.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Other people's children are great. You can do all the fun things with them and then- crucially- hand them back to their parents afterwards. I don't think getting on with other people's children necessarily means you actually want one of your very own. My daughter's Godparents love her and love playing with her, but they never wanted children and have actually taken steps to make sure they never will have children.

    It's shitty hard work when you do want them, never mind when your heart's not really in it
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Plus everyone thinks their own kid is the dogs bollocks. It doesnt mean you have to! and I dont think that necessarily indicates a lack of paternal/maternal instinct.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Plus everyone thinks their own kid is the dogs bollocks. It doesnt mean you have to! and I dont think that necessarily indicates a lack of paternal/maternal instinct.
    I saw the cutest little pack of socks for newborns and thought of you! Haha sorry off topic
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i would never ever have kids.

    first off, i've never liked them in general (i'm not against them,) i just find them to be extremely annoying sometimes. loud and everything

    the second reason (and probably more importantly) because of my mental/ physical health. i can't look after myself and most days don't make it out of bed.. so i figured it would be unfair on the kid- i couldn't give them the time and attention they needed.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lady emily wrote: »
    i would never ever have kids.

    first off, i've never liked them in general (i'm not against them,) i just find them to be extremely annoying sometimes. loud and everything

    the second reason (and probably more importantly) because of my mental/ physical health. i can't look after myself and most days don't make it out of bed.. so i figured it would be unfair on the kid- i couldn't give them the time and attention they needed.

    That's a really mature decision. I think too often people have children to fill a 'void' in hope that it will fix mental health problems. It may help those that just take to it and enjoy it but that certainly isn't everyone and then it's just a bad situation for both parent and child.
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