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Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello, I am new to TheSite.org forum. I was sent here from the mental health forum because they're having difficulty registering. Where do I start? In a sense, i'm not looking for help, pity or any of those other unnecessary emotions that will be triggered through reading this post. I guess I just wanted you all to relies something before we start engaging in a conversation. There is so much detail to be said in order for you to get the whole picture but never the less, it doesn't matter how much of the picture that is revealed, you will find it hard to put yourself in my place, the thoughts, the emotions and the bitter, dark place i've somehow strolled into. A place which has my sense misguided, a smile can trigger rage, a hug will be declined whether family member or not, same thing with love. A place where trainspotting is a lot more like hatespotting. Although it is not hard to miss, all you have to do is open your eyes and you'll find it almost everywhere and even in the unexpected places. I relies that I am randomly blabbering on but yet again, it helps me to release a small amount of tension so much that my rage can be neutralized a bit. I will continue to post so feel free to read along whether it interests you.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's funny how much information you can get from eavesdropping into conversations. I found out so much about a person which is meant to be close, in fact a family member. It's also funny how you come to relies that a family member has it in them to have a sour mouth with the ability to spit venom with their words without having any remorse. You can put the rest of my family down with your cruel choice of words but not me, no. I am already shackled my blood partner but don't be so quick to let your guard down now. I have my own bag of tricks, so you stay out of my way and allow me to leave quietly now.
  • ReenaReena Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,375 The Mix Regular
    Hello MindOvRot. I hope you don't mind, I just wanted to say hi, and of course no one can even imagine how another feels as we are all unique individuals. TheSite is a fab place where you can be yourself, great to meet you. xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Anyone who views this thread, feel free to read my poetry that I've started to post in the creative forum if you enjoy reading poetry. A heads up warning, it is dark and deep but it really depends on the person. It's definitely not happy, cheerful, look at the pretty flowers kind of poetry.
  • ReenaReena Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,375 The Mix Regular
    MindOvRot wrote: »
    Anyone who views this thread, feel free to read my poetry that I've started to post in the creative forum if you enjoy reading poetry. A heads up warning, it is dark and deep but it really depends on the person. It's definitely not happy, cheerful, look at the pretty flowers kind of poetry.

    There can't be light without dark. xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am confident you mean without negativity there can't be anything positive. Which by that you mean hatred gives birth to love? I seem to disagree with that statement. It's more or less a torchlight in a dark forest with me. I am trying to reach the torch so I can see better, get more control over myself, my actions and my life. The ghosts and ghouls that haunt me seem to be pulling and tugging at every part of my body. A struggle in simple terms.
  • ReenaReena Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,375 The Mix Regular
    Ghosts and ghouls like to surround you and keep you from the light. I remember that.
    Without suffering there can be no compassion. I like to think my negative experiences of my past make me more considerate of others, and perhaps make me a bit wiser.
    I think it's the way of the universe, a balance of light and dark. Sometimes our personal balance gets out of whack. xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I want to become a carpenter, i'm already at college and i'm going to an interview for an apprenticeship but can I trust myself around sharp tools? It's been on my mind lately.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    College tomorrow, I can almost taste their joy on the back of my tongue, the smiles, the laughter. I really do love it when people smile at me, hoping for me to return one but I don't and they are thinking "Asshole." XD
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't automatically think someone is an ass if they don't smile.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    But you still get put into a category whether you like it or not. People collect up information about you and decide whether or not it's ok to communicate with you. It's how the mind works, we can identify who is dangerous or who has the most in common etc.
  • ReenaReena Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,375 The Mix Regular
    Who cares what others think about you, its how you see yourself that's important. xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Which is why I said I find it funny when people give me negativity. I laugh because I am doing exactly the opposite to what they want me to do. Unfortunately I don't laugh out load, I just have a inner smile.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Today wasn't the best. Went to college to do carpentry, couldn't find it in myself to even cut wood straight, it just went at an angle. I could tell my teacher was pissed off, did most of the work for me which wasn't what I wanted. Got really stressed, when break came I just went home on the bus. It's ironic when you want to become a carpenter yet you can't even do the simplest task of cutting wood. Felt a bit useless, lost a lot of morale. Although I'll go in tomorrow and apologize. Maybe i'm being too hard on myself but I want to become a carpenter so my mum and little sister can move out of my Nan's house due to the fact that when my dad left he didn't give my mum any money so we lost the house to mortgage. I haven't been paying attention to my emotions lately, I've been feeling a bit flat. I will become a carpenter no matter what, even if it kills the person I was before, even if I have to be fake.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Everyone has to be fake at times. I've found it's the only way to get through.
    Welcome to thesite, feel free to PM me if you ever fancy a chat. I can relate a lot to the things you've said.
  • ReenaReena Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,375 The Mix Regular
    MindOvRot wrote: »
    Today wasn't the best. Went to college to do carpentry, couldn't find it in myself to even cut wood straight, it just went at an angle. I could tell my teacher was pissed off, did most of the work for me which wasn't what I wanted. Got really stressed, when break came I just went home on the bus. It's ironic when you want to become a carpenter yet you can't even do the simplest task of cutting wood. Felt a bit useless, lost a lot of morale. Although I'll go in tomorrow and apologize. Maybe i'm being too hard on myself but I want to become a carpenter so my mum and little sister can move out of my Nan's house due to the fact that when my dad left he didn't give my mum any money so we lost the house to mortgage. I haven't been paying attention to my emotions lately, I've been feeling a bit flat. I will become a carpenter no matter what, even if it kills the person I was before, even if I have to be fake.

    Carpentry is a skill, if you rush it your skill will only be so-so. Take your time and you'll get there. The better you are, the more work you'll get.
    It's great you want to help your mother and little sister, but what does your mother say. I'm sure she wouldn't want you to put yourself under unnecessary pressure. But I can understand that, I want to make some money so I can help out my family. My parents have done so much for me, I want to be able to say here's some cash, now take it easy.
    Have you talked to your teacher about how you're feeling? I got a lot of support at college when I explained I was struggling with depression. I got extra time and help, if you feel up to it, it could be beneficial to you to say something.
    And with being fake, it's like Broken-Angel said, sometimes it can help to be fake. I know when I was dealing with awkward customers I'd smile and pretend they weren't behaving horribly, necessary for a pay check.
    Hope you're having a better day today xx.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Reena wrote: »
    Carpentry is a skill, if you rush it your skill will only be so-so. Take your time and you'll get there. The better you are, the more work you'll get.
    It's great you want to help your mother and little sister, but what does your mother say. I'm sure she wouldn't want you to put yourself under unnecessary pressure. But I can understand that, I want to make some money so I can help out my family. My parents have done so much for me, I want to be able to say here's some cash, now take it easy.
    Have you talked to your teacher about how you're feeling? I got a lot of support at college when I explained I was struggling with depression. I got extra time and help, if you feel up to it, it could be beneficial to you to say something.
    And with being fake, it's like Broken-Angel said, sometimes it can help to be fake. I know when I was dealing with awkward customers I'd smile and pretend they weren't behaving horribly, necessary for a pay check.
    Hope you're having a better day today xx.

    It's maybe because I have turned into something that wants to be the best at what he does. To crush his opponents when it comes to presenting the skills learned. If I do not force myself then how can I ever learn faster than the others. I did that last time and it wasn't a good story, I don't trust councilors any more. I overslept today so no college for two weeks now because it's a holiday and I don't need to go in on Thursday and Friday. Hopefully within the two weeks my apprenticeship contacts me for the interview so then I can start there before having to show my face in college again.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You can aim to learn faster than all of the others in your group, but if you rush things you won't get them right, and you won't get better.
  • ReenaReena Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,375 The Mix Regular
    MindOvRot wrote: »
    I did that last time and it wasn't a good story,

    You said it yourself. Why rush the learning process to be better? There is no guarantee that being quicker means you'll be better. Like the saying goes; slow and steady wins the race. By slowing down, focusing on the learning you can be the best at what you do, then learn how to be quicker, you'll get more jobs that way. xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Reena wrote: »
    You said it yourself. Why rush the learning process to be better? There is no guarantee that being quicker means you'll be better. Like the saying goes; slow and steady wins the race. By slowing down, focusing on the learning you can be the best at what you do, then learn how to be quicker, you'll get more jobs that way. xx

    That makes sense, i'll note that and try it on for size.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You took a lot from me, I promise i'll be there to spit on your grave.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why! Why! Why! Why am I so confused, why can't my brain cope, why does it break down? Why! Why! Why! Fuck your life and your worries, I am independent, I am different. I can be, but can't feel, I can hurt but can't do. I am not you. I am me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How much longer must I walk the streets, How much longer must I be neglected, How much longer must I continue to live as cow in a herd
  • ReenaReena Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,375 The Mix Regular
    MindOvRot wrote: »
    How much longer must I walk the streets, How much longer must I be neglected, How much longer must I continue to live as cow in a herd

    Why follow the herd? Let everyone else do that while you step out of the ordinary. xx
  • ReenaReena Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,375 The Mix Regular
    Hi MindOvRot how are you?
    Heard this song and after reading your poetry I wondered if you might like it.
    The Pierces - Sticks & Stones
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=FAU2Pf78fXE
    -it may not work, my computer is playing up.
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