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6 months on...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I thought I should bring this topic out of my thread in H&W and see if anyone might be able to be of help.
I broke up with my ex 6 months ago and we kept in contact for the first 3 months then I decided I couldn't hack it because I still wanted him as a friend and a lover but I knew that he didn't have the time for a relationship and the fact that he couldn't see how shit a thing his best friend had done to me (he professionally and personally slated me after firing me from managing his band, and since my confidence to do pretty much anything to do with music and having a social life has been shot).
So I cut him out of my life 3 months ago. But over the past few weeks I've been missing him. I've sat and dissected the reasons behind it and I decided to meet up for coffee. It went really well, although it made me miss him more. My heart sunk like a stone when he told me about his new girlfriend not because he has one but because from what he's told me about her she's pretty much everything I wish I could be, but anxiety etc stops me from doing.
I don't know what to do with myself right now, I'm off guys I just wanted to meet up with my ex as a friend and try and have a friendship at least but I feel so shit now, especially seeing as he seems to have changed quite a bit.
I suppose the whole experience made me just hate myself a bit for what I've become and for being so fucking headstrong...
What do I do now?
I broke up with my ex 6 months ago and we kept in contact for the first 3 months then I decided I couldn't hack it because I still wanted him as a friend and a lover but I knew that he didn't have the time for a relationship and the fact that he couldn't see how shit a thing his best friend had done to me (he professionally and personally slated me after firing me from managing his band, and since my confidence to do pretty much anything to do with music and having a social life has been shot).
So I cut him out of my life 3 months ago. But over the past few weeks I've been missing him. I've sat and dissected the reasons behind it and I decided to meet up for coffee. It went really well, although it made me miss him more. My heart sunk like a stone when he told me about his new girlfriend not because he has one but because from what he's told me about her she's pretty much everything I wish I could be, but anxiety etc stops me from doing.
I don't know what to do with myself right now, I'm off guys I just wanted to meet up with my ex as a friend and try and have a friendship at least but I feel so shit now, especially seeing as he seems to have changed quite a bit.
I suppose the whole experience made me just hate myself a bit for what I've become and for being so fucking headstrong...
What do I do now?
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But you're right...
I got out 2 days a week to college and otherwise I get too anxious to go out on my own most of the time. Fucking vicious circle though and I don't know how to get out of it.
For the last two years I sat most days at home myself. The only reason I did not meet up ex-girlfriends is probably because there aren't any. An old friend of mine I wasn't in contact with for some time has a good radar for this and recently called me out on it. Now she is figuratively kicking my ass back in gear and I pretty much work or be in the university library picking up studying for my degree again which I did nothing for the past two years. I know exactly the bane of having too little things to do with your abundant leisure time, but it's not going to go away by itself.
+1 :thumb:
Sound advice.
I can't relate, sorry. Everything that ever held me back or prevented me from doing something was overcome by Nike: "Just Do It." I defy my crippling arachnophobia by watching and going near spiders. I would fight my fear of leaving the house (if I had it), by going out of the house, but staying nearby so I can return if need be. I'd go father every day until the problem went away. You don't need to tell me how hard Just Doing It can be. I know that. And I am sure some people have it harder than others. Still, the solution is always the same. Some things are still very difficult to me, but I think many of the problems we have are interconnected and when you start working on some of them, the others solve themselves too, or just stop being problems or it gives you the power to solve them.
This at least is my take on things, because I am a bit old fashioned about therapies and medication. If others can do it, why shouldn't I too? Fake it until you make it.
It's hard. Randomboy left me in November but we were still seeing each other weekly until he went to Vietnam a few weeks ago. I'm finding it very painful tbh. So I do relate to what you are going through.
Do you get plenty done when you are at home? Are you still knitting? I find knitting very therapeutic and it can be done alone or in a group. Also I like to paint and use oil pastels to draw when I am alone. I do quite emotive pictures and find it helps me express myself.
Do you have panic attacks? I recently read a good book called Panic Attacks by CHristine ingham. It was quite helpful.
I'm looking at local knitting groups, once my best friend has moved in (and I've taught her a bit) I'll go with her.
I feel so bloody limited :,(
Knitting groups are great. I go to a couple of different ones. It took trying out a few to find my favourite. I met one of my now best friends at a knitting group last year.
I will get there, I hope!
I know it's hard but you need to have complete closure from this guy and realise you are beautiful and amazing. You don't want or need to be anything but yourself; because you are amazing how you are. Plus wouldn't you rather have a boyfriend with amazing friends not someone with friends like this. After all, people are friends because their similar. I know it's really hard and I probably didn't make much sense, but just ride this trouble out. I promise it will all get better and you'll feel better and look back and be so glad. Hope all goes well
I'm getting there, I've just been writing an email to a friend and as I was writing it it just put some of it into perspective. Its loneliness. I need to get over that and become more confident on my own two feet before I do anything else...