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I suggest Mr. Eno as a temporary measure for finding peace.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKw5mbcE7VY
A technique some people use (though not me admittedly) is to write things down and compartmentalise the situation. Obviously things like the future are scary and upsetting but right now it's not something you can directly change.
The big question is whether you're happy right now and if not, whether you can be happy in the future in this relationship with realistic changes, or whether you can't be happy or the changes are unrealistic / too difficult.
But at least with the single-lonely you have the opportunity to go and make friends of your own. Find a club or something of one of your hobbies or interests and make friends that way (I, er, still need to do this...).
Its scary, I would like to be able to just fall back in love with him, and I totally understand that this situation is not all of his doing, it always takes two to tango, but I can't sort myself out and just watch him to continue on regardless pretending its all ok...he genuinely thinks that asides from my depression there is no problem with our relationship. I just don't think he can see that I'm unhappy within the relms of our relationship.
And i am psychoanalysing all of this like a MF and its only half past nine...
I contacted him today to get clear about where he and I stood, and asked him if he would come to relate with me, and he just said no and got angry. I won't talk to him because he just gives me a monologue about what i'm doing wrong, and he just keeps on not understanding what I'm saying about how I feel.
The way he's behaving right now, I really don't want to continue the relationship. I just want to try and make this amicable..
So he dictates to you what he thinks is wrong with you, but wont listen or change when you have made suggestions to him?
I hope everything goes ok for you whatever happens.
From reading what you've said on here, it's all about you. Reading through your posts, it's all 'I want', 'I need', and then references to 'him'. There's very little about 'us' or 'we'. Unless there's a magic way things can become more balanced I've not got great hopes. A long term relationship is about a life together, not about what you need a partner to be for you.
Its still very painful and raw, and at the end of it i really did realise that I wasn't just sabotaging it at all, it wasn't healthy for either of us, and we both want each other to be happy.
We left it all on good terms, so hopefully we can be friends after a few months, but we'll see how it goes....
Now starts the healing
*hug*
I just feel so much freer now, like I can actually live my life the way I want to now
*deep breath* He really has just shown his true colours, and I'm so glad I'm out of there now!
Onwards and upwards
Seems like after all this time and hard thinking you are happy with your decision;
Well done on being so strong this is always very hard - keep posting as much as you like, in no way do you keep "moaning about all of this".
*hug*
I've told him to give me some space, I'm not sure what game he's trying to play but I'm not joining in. I'd rather be lonely than have to tow the line and pretend its all OK.
I'm moving on, he needs to as well, rather than just self destructing himself liek he is now. Tbh, I couldn't care less, I just don't want to be involved.
Is that heartless?
I think asking him for space would be a normal reaction to breaking up and certainly isn't unreasonable.