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Force yourself to have sex with someone? (Ladies opinions please)
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I would like it if the ladies could give me an answer to this question please.
If you were to have sex with someone (a one night stand with someone you already know) and you didn't find them that attractive, and weren't that turned on, would you still force yourself to sleep with them?
My ex told me that she slept woth someone after we broke up. She knew the guy previously and said that it just happened, ewven though she wasn;t attracted to him. She also told me that he didn't try to stimulate her with his fingers or go down on her - he just got hard and stuck it in her basically.
She told me that it hurt her because she wasn't turned on by him and that he ripped her so badly that she thought she was on her period the next day because she bled.
I just can't understand how you could put yourself through that, surely if it hurt so much you would tell that person to stop?
If you were to have sex with someone (a one night stand with someone you already know) and you didn't find them that attractive, and weren't that turned on, would you still force yourself to sleep with them?
My ex told me that she slept woth someone after we broke up. She knew the guy previously and said that it just happened, ewven though she wasn;t attracted to him. She also told me that he didn't try to stimulate her with his fingers or go down on her - he just got hard and stuck it in her basically.
She told me that it hurt her because she wasn't turned on by him and that he ripped her so badly that she thought she was on her period the next day because she bled.
I just can't understand how you could put yourself through that, surely if it hurt so much you would tell that person to stop?
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Yes, she consented. It was her who "probably led him on".
No, she says she regrets it but I think thats just because it wasn't enjoyable and she isn;t a one night stand kind of person
Yeah, I'd believe that if she told me that, but she just keeps telling me she doesn;t know why - whiuch makes me think she did enjoy it. I would understand it if she said she enjoyed it, but the more she tells me how bad it was, the more disgusted I get that she actually forced herself through this just for sex and I don't want to think that the person I love and wanted to have a family with would be like that.
I am trying to understand if this situation has or would happen normally because in my mind, I would say stop if it was me, and if I was hurting a girl that much I would stop.
It was a one night stand and she's telling me this, I think she's saying she didn't enjoy it to make me feel better (we are considering getting back together) and all I want is for her to tell me the truth. I can get that we split up and she had a one nighter and if she enjoyed it then fair play to her; but it really gets to me that if her story is true that she could do that.
Exactly! But she told me it went on for around ten minutes. Is that possible that a consenting woman could put up woth that much pain for so long without saying "stop"?
I don't think she forced herself through this because she wanted sex. I can believe she got herself in the situation because she wanted sex, and then didn't know how to get herself out.
To be fair, I can see why. She was miles from home and had accepted a place to stay from him so probably thought that if she refused him sex after starting it that she was being rude, for want of a better word.
I think the problem here is me trying to get my head around the whole thing.
I say "think" because it's something I avoided thinking about, and it was a long time ago now.
When we were going out, once when we were getting intimate, I got a bit ahead of myself and wanted intercourse before she was ready and she shouted at me and didn't speak to me until the next day - and that was without me even putting it in! So for her to let a guy actually hurt her for ten minutes so much that she would bleed the next day does make me wonder a bit.
I think it's that she didn't stop it - because, you know, who wouldn't. I'm only guessing, but I think if I found myself in that situation, feeling that pain, I'd panic, and not be thinking at all clearly - making bad decisions.
katralla - I completely understand the stance you've taken throughout this thread, and I am a sympathetic person but I just can't get my head around the whole thing. I just wish that she could tell me what I know in my heart of hearts I want to hear
Trust has always been the issue in our relationship to be honest with you. I want to be able to, but I have to know if she's the kind of person who would hurt herself to spite me because that's a side to her that I've never seen before in the 3 years I've known her.
Because that would stop you feeling guilty.
Yes this happened. Yes, if you hadn't split up it wouldn't have happened. But it's not your fault.
The other guy should have known better, but didn't. She should have stopped it, but couldn't or didn't. Shit happens, but hopefully everyone learns from it - and hopefully she'll get over it at some point - because sex is going to mentally and emotionally be difficult for her.
I want to hear that she enjoyed it because then it would be normal, it would make sense to me.
That's my female perspective on it. But, you're not going to be able to do that until you firstly believe her, and secondly understand it a bit. Which is obviously what you're trying to do in this thread.
She won't have had bad sex to spite you, that doesn't make sense. It makes much more sense that she wanted a regular bit of one night stand saucy fun and things went wrong when the sex was bad. Like Big Gay has said, there are plenty of understandable reasons why she would not stop the sex, or not know how to in those circumstances. There is often an added element of pressure if you are in someone's house, you both were expecting sex and you have no way of getting home easily if things turn sour. In some ways, it is understandable that it could seem easier to go along with things.
She won't necesarily be traumatised.
I've done it myself. Though with not such painful-sounding consequences. I was lonely and everyone else seemed to be having a great time except me. So I hit on a man who seemed to be interested. I made all the running, so the guy just had to get hard ... I wasn't aroused, but I could hardly back out at that stage.
Needless to say it was totally unsatisfactory, and the guy had absolutely zilch respect for me. Just got up and put his trousers back on. If we had been friends before we weren't after.
Shaming? You bet. But it does happen. It was a long time ago and only my best girlfriend knows. I can talk about it here because you don't know me.