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Housemate's girlfriend

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I live in a student house with 3 other guys, so we split the rent 4 ways each month. This is fine.

Problem is, one of the other guys here has pretty much had his girlfriend move in now. She has another house, but opts to live here as she likes us better. That's lovely, but still, she's even getting mail and parcels delivered here now. She has slept here every night since the beginning of October. And whilst I don't to be a bitch and whine (she is a nice person, the saving grace!) it feels a bit unfair to have an extra mouth to feed (we cook together and split food shopping bill - we make extra for her but she hasn't contributed £1 since 'moving in') when I wasn't asked or consulted or even notified.

I spoke to one of the other guys about it and he shrugged it off and said 'well, she's a nice person' so it can't be that big an issue for them. So I can't really bring it up in a big house meeting kind of thing. I just don't feel its a very fair situation. Again, she's very nice, but if you were living with a friend and then their friend / girlfriend moved in full time but didn't contribute towards rent wouldn't you be a bit peeved they hadn't asked you about it? (Since the house is part yours!)

edit: maybe im just grumpy but she just said nobody should put the washing machine on late at night because it can be heard in "their" room and wakes them up. Guests don't get to say that, surely? So if she is living here, which I am assuming she believes she is, how do I reclaim my rent? :chin:

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry to hear it's all getting a bit disrupted there ShyBoy, never easy when things start to suddenly change.

    In my experience of shared houses we've usually split the rent based on bedrooms - so if I've had one out of four rooms I'd pay a quarter of the rent. If I'd had a huge room compared to someone's small room I'd pay more - but not based on the actual number of people living in the room.

    The issues around food and how the house is run seem like areas where there could be issues though - especially if your cooking commually, etc. It might be worth starting to talk with them about that as a starting point? Especially if things like when you can do the washing are suddenly changing.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well the thing is, last year it was just 4 of us, and we inherited that mindset that loads of things were divided by four like bills etc. and everything went nicely. Then one of housemates gets a girlfriend and now she has effectively moved in despite this not being in the contract. So really he is subletting his room to her (for free) and there are incremental costs that we all incur from the minor like increased heating / water / showers / whatever to more significant e.g. increased food usage.

    I dunno how to talk to them. The guy has aspergers and is a bit funny anyway. E.g. he is -always- -always- right no matter what the issue.

    This really rung true for me: http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2006/jan/27/personaleffects

    Again though, she is a nice person, but I lived here for a year knowing the status quo, come back and there's an extra person who treats it like her house too and especially when she tells me what to do it winds me up.

    edit: it would not be so bad if it was equal - these things are not unusual in student houses afterall - where maybe they spent half their time together at hers and half their time at ours. However, instead she has opted to move in here pretty much full time because she gets on better with us and prefers our house.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Having been the "girlfriend" in this situation (because I hated where I was living and so spent toooooooo much time at Rich's house), I would just like to say maybe try talking to HER and mentioning that you feel a bit uncomfortable with her being there but not contributing to bills/food. Don't just treat her like shit because you don't like her being there because that will make her resent you all. From experience.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Franki wrote: »
    Having been the "girlfriend" in this situation (because I hated where I was living and so spent toooooooo much time at Rich's house), I would just like to say maybe try talking to HER and mentioning that you feel a bit uncomfortable with her being there but not contributing to bills/food. Don't just treat her like shit because you don't like her being there because that will make her resent you all. From experience.

    I don't treat her like shit. I think bringing it up to her would upset her. So what I have done thus far is put up with it and not mentioned anything. In your situation did you ask Rich's housemates if they minded you staying there? That would seem the courteous thing to do, and GWST appears to have done that since she was splitting the bills 4 ways anyway.

    In my case it was simply a case of staying here 1 night and then never leaving and presuming that's ok.

    Maybe I should reiterate that I do get on with her and don't have a problem with her, but it's not fair for people to move into other people's houses without the explicit ok of everyone in the house, perhaps with new arrangements made (e.g. how to split bills).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I didn't, because they seemed to be ok with it to my face and I figured if there was a problem they would say something to ME, then they started bitching about me to HIM (while still being all nicey nicey to me) and I stopped going. That's why I said speak to her rather than him (especially if he won't admit he's wrong), because otherwise she'll feel like you were stabbing her in the back a bit. I will point out that I did *all* of the cleaning in their house while I was there and I did cook and help out that way so it's not like I wasn't doing anything at all. I couldn't afford to pay bills but I did help out in other ways.

    I wasn't saying that you do treat her like shit, but I understand that the situation is frustrating and I'm just saying that getting angry with her won't help matters. She might get upset but if she's reasonable she will understand why you're telling her. Maybe even ask her if she's spoken to any of her housemates first and try and find out why exactly it is that she doesn't want to be there?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She should be paying her share for things which increase your outlay, so that means stuff like food and electricity.

    If it bothers you you should bring it up in the house meeting. It sounds as though it does bother you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you should say something soon else it will get to a point where you've just had enough and you will prob end up having a huge row about it. Just be honest about the situation, explain that you don't have a problem with her but you think it only fair that if she is gonna stick around then she should contribute towards the cost of things, especially food. I don't think it's an unreasonable request at all, I'm sure I would feel the way you do if I were in your situation.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    As mentioned, she should contribute to bills and food. Rent's obviously fine as she's in her boyfriend's room but the other things, she should definitely be helping out with.

    Have you spoken to the others in your house? What do they think?

    I think the best thing is just to mention it to them -you;re not being unreasonable. Just say that the bills and food are higher because of the extra person, so can you split it equally.

    It shouldn't be a problem as I assume she's not paying for food and bills at her other house.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If the girl doesn't comply, then get the landlord to do the dirty work :-)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would go with what the others have said and talk to her about it rather than him. It doesn't even need to be a formal, sit down chat, just casually drop it into conversation. Something along the lines of, oh hey now you're staying here permanently we're going to need a few quid towards bills and food especially, if we're going to continue eating together then obviously it is going to cost a bit extra, how does X amount for food and Y amount for other bills sound to you?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would try reasoning on £25 per week on food plus £5 per week on bills/shared internet. Booze and mobile contract is obviously extra.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is she fit? If she's not contributing financially, maybe she should be making her contribution "in kind"... ;)

    I'm just kidding, before anyone gives me a slap... :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is she fit? If she's not contributing financially, maybe she should be making her contribution "in kind"... ;)

    I'm just kidding, before anyone gives me a slap... :)

    She has been excessively nice to me today, first she emptied my drying and put it my basket and brought it to my room spontaneously :confused: (she said it was because I'm ill she wanted to be nice) and then she offered to go to watch a musical with me Friday night (as I was saying I was struggling to find someone to go with). So now I feel a bit bad about having hangups about her living here. Not that I do specifically, but it is the stealth way it has all come about, I blame her boyfriend (my flatmate) more than her.

    I think I'll see how the next food bill is and then perhaps mention it to her if she wants to make a small contribution if it is excessive. God damn nice people, ruining my discontentment.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ShyBoy wrote: »
    first she emptied my drying and put it my basket

    That was nice of her. Why don't you dump a hot load in her basket.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ShyBoy wrote: »
    She has been excessively nice to me today, first she emptied my drying and put it my basket and brought it to my room spontaneously :confused: (she said it was because I'm ill she wanted to be nice) and then she offered to go to watch a musical with me Friday night (as I was saying I was struggling to find someone to go with). So now I feel a bit bad about having hangups about her living here. Not that I do specifically, but it is the stealth way it has all come about, I blame her boyfriend (my flatmate) more than her.

    I think I'll see how the next food bill is and then perhaps mention it to her if she wants to make a small contribution if it is excessive. God damn nice people, ruining my discontentment.

    Dude! She just wanted to get as close to your silky undies as possible! She wants you... she needs you... :yes: :heart: :thumb: :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ShyBoy wrote: »
    She has been excessively nice to me today, first she emptied my drying and put it my basket and brought it to my room spontaneously :confused: (she said it was because I'm ill she wanted to be nice)

    She wanted to be nice because you were ill? Nope. Nice people are nice regardless to your health status. She needs dealing with.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    And her being nice shouldn't mean you don't ask her to contribute to food and bills! You're all paying more because of her - she needs to pay her way, otherwise she's getting food, water, gas and electric for free!
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