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Housemate's girlfriend
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I live in a student house with 3 other guys, so we split the rent 4 ways each month. This is fine.
Problem is, one of the other guys here has pretty much had his girlfriend move in now. She has another house, but opts to live here as she likes us better. That's lovely, but still, she's even getting mail and parcels delivered here now. She has slept here every night since the beginning of October. And whilst I don't to be a bitch and whine (she is a nice person, the saving grace!) it feels a bit unfair to have an extra mouth to feed (we cook together and split food shopping bill - we make extra for her but she hasn't contributed £1 since 'moving in') when I wasn't asked or consulted or even notified.
I spoke to one of the other guys about it and he shrugged it off and said 'well, she's a nice person' so it can't be that big an issue for them. So I can't really bring it up in a big house meeting kind of thing. I just don't feel its a very fair situation. Again, she's very nice, but if you were living with a friend and then their friend / girlfriend moved in full time but didn't contribute towards rent wouldn't you be a bit peeved they hadn't asked you about it? (Since the house is part yours!)
edit: maybe im just grumpy but she just said nobody should put the washing machine on late at night because it can be heard in "their" room and wakes them up. Guests don't get to say that, surely? So if she is living here, which I am assuming she believes she is, how do I reclaim my rent? :chin:
Problem is, one of the other guys here has pretty much had his girlfriend move in now. She has another house, but opts to live here as she likes us better. That's lovely, but still, she's even getting mail and parcels delivered here now. She has slept here every night since the beginning of October. And whilst I don't to be a bitch and whine (she is a nice person, the saving grace!) it feels a bit unfair to have an extra mouth to feed (we cook together and split food shopping bill - we make extra for her but she hasn't contributed £1 since 'moving in') when I wasn't asked or consulted or even notified.
I spoke to one of the other guys about it and he shrugged it off and said 'well, she's a nice person' so it can't be that big an issue for them. So I can't really bring it up in a big house meeting kind of thing. I just don't feel its a very fair situation. Again, she's very nice, but if you were living with a friend and then their friend / girlfriend moved in full time but didn't contribute towards rent wouldn't you be a bit peeved they hadn't asked you about it? (Since the house is part yours!)
edit: maybe im just grumpy but she just said nobody should put the washing machine on late at night because it can be heard in "their" room and wakes them up. Guests don't get to say that, surely? So if she is living here, which I am assuming she believes she is, how do I reclaim my rent? :chin:
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In my experience of shared houses we've usually split the rent based on bedrooms - so if I've had one out of four rooms I'd pay a quarter of the rent. If I'd had a huge room compared to someone's small room I'd pay more - but not based on the actual number of people living in the room.
The issues around food and how the house is run seem like areas where there could be issues though - especially if your cooking commually, etc. It might be worth starting to talk with them about that as a starting point? Especially if things like when you can do the washing are suddenly changing.
I dunno how to talk to them. The guy has aspergers and is a bit funny anyway. E.g. he is -always- -always- right no matter what the issue.
This really rung true for me: http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2006/jan/27/personaleffects
Again though, she is a nice person, but I lived here for a year knowing the status quo, come back and there's an extra person who treats it like her house too and especially when she tells me what to do it winds me up.
edit: it would not be so bad if it was equal - these things are not unusual in student houses afterall - where maybe they spent half their time together at hers and half their time at ours. However, instead she has opted to move in here pretty much full time because she gets on better with us and prefers our house.
I don't treat her like shit. I think bringing it up to her would upset her. So what I have done thus far is put up with it and not mentioned anything. In your situation did you ask Rich's housemates if they minded you staying there? That would seem the courteous thing to do, and GWST appears to have done that since she was splitting the bills 4 ways anyway.
In my case it was simply a case of staying here 1 night and then never leaving and presuming that's ok.
Maybe I should reiterate that I do get on with her and don't have a problem with her, but it's not fair for people to move into other people's houses without the explicit ok of everyone in the house, perhaps with new arrangements made (e.g. how to split bills).
I wasn't saying that you do treat her like shit, but I understand that the situation is frustrating and I'm just saying that getting angry with her won't help matters. She might get upset but if she's reasonable she will understand why you're telling her. Maybe even ask her if she's spoken to any of her housemates first and try and find out why exactly it is that she doesn't want to be there?
If it bothers you you should bring it up in the house meeting. It sounds as though it does bother you.
Have you spoken to the others in your house? What do they think?
I think the best thing is just to mention it to them -you;re not being unreasonable. Just say that the bills and food are higher because of the extra person, so can you split it equally.
It shouldn't be a problem as I assume she's not paying for food and bills at her other house.
I'm just kidding, before anyone gives me a slap...
She has been excessively nice to me today, first she emptied my drying and put it my basket and brought it to my room spontaneously (she said it was because I'm ill she wanted to be nice) and then she offered to go to watch a musical with me Friday night (as I was saying I was struggling to find someone to go with). So now I feel a bit bad about having hangups about her living here. Not that I do specifically, but it is the stealth way it has all come about, I blame her boyfriend (my flatmate) more than her.
I think I'll see how the next food bill is and then perhaps mention it to her if she wants to make a small contribution if it is excessive. God damn nice people, ruining my discontentment.
That was nice of her. Why don't you dump a hot load in her basket.
Dude! She just wanted to get as close to your silky undies as possible! She wants you... she needs you... :yes: :thumb:
She wanted to be nice because you were ill? Nope. Nice people are nice regardless to your health status. She needs dealing with.