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It doesn't sound like he was paying much attention...
g_angel. You weren't there!! How could you possibly know whether or not her boyfriend was paying attention?!
Blah, it's great you brought it up with him. I hope things work out well
"he laughed at me and then started giving LAME compliments like "you cook a good roast dinner", "you are good at wasting lots of money", "you can be good at moaning" and when i asked him what he likes about me, he was like "ahhh, im not getting into this""
Isn't a great start - at least, not the way she's written it out. I should have written "doesn't sound like he was taking her seriously". That better?
Fair enough she's brought it up, but he pretty much fobbed it off, taking the piss and then turned it round on her, making her feel like she has to work harder, where he doesn't have change a thing.
Nicely played, so he doesn't have to feel bad, IMO.
If it wasn't like that, then fair enough, but the OP has a great way of writing so he looks really bad.
Do you compliment him? It's not just a one way thing, you do it to him and he may be more inlcined to do it back.
But if, like you say, he's not good at saying thingslike that then you might just have to accept it.
I've edited the name, I suggest you do the same.
With regards to the rest, I've given my opinion. Almost everything she has written about him recently has come across like he is taking the piss. That isn't my fault.
He doesn't sound capable of discussing anything that matters to her. To me, that's bullshit, as it's obviously bothering her.
:thumb:
Completely agree with this.
This.
You need to be open with him about yourself and about the things you like, the things you don't like, the things that scare you, the things that motivate you, ALL the things that make you who you are. Otherwise is he even having a relationship with you, or with a girl who you've invented so he doesn't get to see the real you? Cause the latter is just a recipe for disaster.
This.
You haven't told him about your past and you lied about your AD's so how is he going to know that you have low self-esteem and that you need a confidence boost every so often?
To be honest I think that if you want this relationship to last then you're going to have to tell him the truth about everything. That's a fairly significant thing for him to not have a clue about. What happens if you relapse? You're not going to be able to go to him because he won't know about your history.
I, personally, would rather have the occassional compliment when he actually means it, instead of all the time, because he felt obliged to.
Also, returning to a previous point. I would rather him tell me that he really enjoyed his roast dinner than him calling me Princess. It tells me that he appreciates what I have done, rather than call me a pet name.
Now, the matter of confidence is different. If you need someone to call you 'Princess' or whatever infront of your friends in order to feel confident, then that is your issue and not his and it isn't something that he needs to rectify.
I, personally, feel you need to sit down with him, tell him the truth about *everything*, including past and present crap and then let him make up his own mind. He needs to see the real you otherwise you are living in a pretend world. Which isn't healthy.
The fact that he has done lots of wonderful things for you - eg the trip to Venice - tell you a lot about how he feels about you. You need to repay him with some honesty. And not forcing him to do / say things that he obviously feels uncomfortable doing / saying.
But some men aren't like that. My husband isn't. He isn't the sort to just come out with 'i love you' out of nowhere and he isn't the sort to say 'you look nice' whenever I wear something new / different or whatever. But I know he cares and I know he loves me and I know he would do anything for me. Just because your friend's boyfriend does it, doesn't mean that yours would.
You desperately need to sit down and have a conversation with him, though. I'm not saying it will be an easy one. But you could even use the tv show last night to bring it up - 'I'm worrying about the way you reacted to the show last night as I have suffered with mental issues in the past' or something in that vain.
And you are right - it is your issue, but you are meant to be in a loving relationship so you should be sharing your insecurities. Relationships are two-way. And right now, he seems to be doing a lot of the leg work. And I do think we know where you are coming from, but you don't seem all that happy with the responses you are getting, which is why you are getting a tad frustrated.
I think people do understand that you need to hear this because you feel insecure and find it reassuring. But by pushing down those insecurities it might be that your need to have a positive view of yourself reinforced becomes less likely. The more you act confident around him or pretend not to be insecure then it becomes even less likely that he would understand that you need that in your relationship.
Having parts of your past you feel you can't talk about may be difficult though, because even if you have moved on it may be something you'll always be insecure about him not knowing. I can't say how you could broach the subject or how he would react, but it might be worth considering if your own insecurity plays a part in convincing you that he would consider you a freak for being honest.
Often people can be very different when dealing with issues that affect someone they love rather than when its a stranger on TV. Whatever you do decide, try not to assume that he would think the same thing about you.
Also, it won't be fair on him when he realises. If you can see yourself being with him for the forseeable future then I think it's only fair that you let him know.
My bf and I have so much baggage and we've told each other things that we could never tell anyone else. But it doesn't freak us out, it just means that we understand each other more.
everybody is different, just because he's not saying it doesn't mean he's not thinking it but if you think it's becoming a problem then maybe start complimenting him or actually speak to him about it.