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compliments

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    how do I approach the subject though?

    Just tell him. Pick a quiet moment when you're alone (unless you go in for dramarama in the street, not a fan personally) and tell him that he doesn't say enough nice things about you and it kinda makes you feel like he doesn't care. He's not psychic, unless he's being a cock on purpose, in which case probably best avoided.

    If he's showing you up in front of his mates, fight back! Say something like 'why would you say that, it's kinda harsh". Then he'll be the one shown up. Unless of course his mates are cocks too, in which case the previous advice applies again.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    last time i did that though, he flipped. like i said, he's really SHIT at talking about how he feels. he can't deal with it and freezes up. last time i tried to talk about something similar, he told me if i question his feelings again, we are over because it offends him.
    It's not about his feelings though is it. You're not questioning how he feels, you're just questioning why he can't say you look good.

    Tbh if after 7 months he can't deal with telling you how he feels then how long is he going to take? After 7 months me and Rich were so comfortable with each other that I was pooping while he was in the shower.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thinking about my relationship with Rob tonight. Dont know whether it's because I've had a bad week. Dont feel like we are on the same level at all.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    First off, if by 'nice names' you mean things like 'Princess', I'm not surprised he doesn't call you that. I think it's disgusting. Princess is something Dads say to their 8 year old daughters. It was so creepy when my friend's ex used to call her that. And 'babe'. Ewww, it's just so GROSS. So maybe you should bring this up with him? If you really want to be called these names but he isn't doing it maybe you should find out if it's because, like me, he doesn't like calling you names like that.

    And if he's cooking you a meal etc then he blatantly cares =]
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thinking about my relationship with Rob tonight. Dont know whether it's because I've had a bad week. Dont feel like we are on the same level at all.

    I get weeks like that. Went through one with my bf a couple of weeks ago. I really felt like we were going two completely different directions. Then something random happened that made me change my mind. I can't even remember what it was, it was so random and insignificant, but it was enough to make me sit up and see that really it was okay.
    Hope things work out.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i get down when i see my friends getting caleld nice names like "princess". he doesn't call me anything like that but people are dfiferent yeah?

    God, yeah. If Mr O called me Princess I think I'd puke on him.
    he did say when we first told each other we loved each other though thta he didn't want us to turn into a couple who said it all the time.

    You mean like one of those couples who are happy?

    Everything you write is about what he thinks and about what he wants. What about what you think? What about what you want? Relationships are about two people, not one.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    he does, just only when ive made a super effort like when i go out or when im half naked which involve the words "sexy" and "hot" :| i want to be told im pretty. its weird cuz when we first went out, i told me i was beautiful, that i had lovely hair and eyes nad now i just feel as though he thinks he doesn't have to carry on.

    Well tell him where to go tbh. If he has said it to you before and now he's not then there's something not right.

    Shit, if Rich only told me he thought I looked good when I went all out he'd be gone. Yeh, it's nice when I've done all my make-up and my hair and stuff and he tells me I look beautiful, but it should be about them making you feel good when you feel shit, not making you feel better when you know you look good.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ps - id never poop in front of my fella :p im not that sort of girl. ill have a wazz but thats as far as it goes and always will. even that feels wrong. i like to remain ladylike!

    Even if you were desperate to go and he was using the shower?

    I only do it because I'd rather do it with him there so his housemates don't know it's me. I can't do it when he's looking at me. But it doesn't matter anyway, the point was that we're so comfortable with each other that we can do that. We can sit and have farting competitions if we so wish because we've seen and done all the disgusting stuff and it's just normal now. Like the period thing. I thought my period was over (fucking should have been after eight fucking weeks :mad: ), and we were having sex and because we haven't been able to for a long time, we got rather into it and when we were done he had blood all over himself, but he didn't care and he went to the bathroom and got me tissue and a tampon and stuff.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

    don't want to be called "princess" or anything like that but like silly names and stuff. i think its just cuz my mates are like that. im constantly seeing lovey dovey facebook messages on my mates wallsa nd eurgh. i think thats totally unlike him though so i think thats going to be something ive got to accept.

    Yes, I think it is. It might be a shame that it's not what you're like but it's something I think you'll need to get used to.
    Me and my bf never leave each other messages on Facebook and stuff. I just think it's really childish. When I tell my bf nice things it's for him to hear, not half the world.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i feel so crap after reading everything on tehse 3 pages.

    :crying::crying::crying:

    im so fucking shti.

    Don't!
    I think what the underlying problem here isn't about your relationship with your boyfriend. He seems to really care about you. What the issue seems to be is your insecurities about yourself. Rather than demanding compliments off him, explain how you feel about your body and yourself. Let him know that these things really do matter to you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i feel so crap after reading everything on tehse 3 pages.

    :crying::crying::crying:

    im so fucking shti.
    If thats how you feel after reading what are pretty normal replies to the question you asked...you need to sit back and think of what is acceptable to you in a relationship.

    If you decide that you can't cope with not being complimented, then you need to make that clear to him. If he doesn't change then you should leave him, if at that point you decide not to...then you've just given him the ok to continue putting you down.

    This isn't about you loving him, its about how much he loves you....enough to change how he treats you? or not?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think you need to concentrate more on the good things that on the fact that hes not complimenting you that much. you said it yourself that you think he has problems opening up and stuff. i think the fact that he walked twenty minutes in the rain to get you wine because you felt crap and that he said hes going to cook you a nice meal and stuff is that sort of things you should be thinking of! he obviously he does care about you if he is doing those things or else he really wouldnt bother.

    i dont agree with the criticising you thing thought but we've talked about that before...

    i'll add a different view to these love crazy couples in this thread :p and say that my boyfriend and i have been together just over a year and he doesnt give me compliments all the time! it can be rare, but the thing is when he does give them (and he does!) i sort of feel like they're more special because they're not all that often and i know hes really meaning them. not that the other people in this thread dont. the other day we were just lazing around in bed and he was like 'e...i love you you know' and we dont say it all the time and it just makes it more special! i feel like it can get over used. i dunno i might just be waffling on now haha.

    franki tmi girly :p hehe :]
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i'll add a different view to these love crazy couples in this thread :p and say that my boyfriend and i have been together just over a year and he doesnt give me compliments all the time! it can be rare, but the thing is when he does give them (and he does!) i sort of feel like they're more special because they're not all that often and i know hes really meaning them. not that the other people in this thread dont. the other day we were just lazing around in bed and he was like 'e...i love you you know' and we dont say it all the time and it just makes it more special! i feel like it can get over used. i dunno i might just be waffling on now haha.

    :yes: Yup, I agree!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i dont get compliments all the time from my boyfriend. I think I compliment him more than vice versa and i do wish he would compliment me more, but im ok with it because i actually feel pretty secure as to how he feels.

    I think the lack of compliments is bothering you because you dont actually feel that secure about his feelings for you. He doesnt let you know by his words or by his actions it seems.

    Im sorry its making you feel worse, but I think whats being described are just normal relationships. Your boyfriend sounds a bit emotionally backward and quite aggressive really, telling you not to ask him about his feelings because it offends him - wtf? How is your relationship going to develop if you cant talk about your feelings together? Youll just end up a nervous wreck not knowing how the hell he feels.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i feel so crap after reading everything on tehse 3 pages.

    :crying::crying::crying:

    im so fucking shti.

    I know what you mean :(

    But try to remember that it isnt worth comparing your relationship with other people's. They wont all be the same. The things that make someone feel special wont be the same for you. You mentioned that he cooked you a meal and went out to buy you wine. Just reading that I am so jealous with how undeniably sweet that is of him! I can see why you're upset when he refuses to talk about these things but really the point I wanted to make is that your relationship will not be the same as another couple's. Your relationship has it's own quirks and differences. That's the beauty of it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    all that and you think he is mean?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not everyone in the world, but I am a firm believer it's the little things that make a relationship, and it's the little things that will break it. You have got to be on the same page, cause if you're not it doesn't matter how much you love each other, it's never going to work. Read any of the 2 million 'Is love enough?' threads for more evidence.

    Tbh I think you need to put your foot down, cause it sounds to me like he's in the driving seat here, and what he says goes.

    Also, fwiw, you could say 'I love you' every second of every day, and if you mean it every time, it never becomes meaningless.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    edited for various reasons that I'm probably not going to be allowed to disclose.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im not trying to make out that my boyfriend is horrible. i have said several times that i think he loves me deep down. i posted this thread because i was/am concerned that he doesn't compliment me and talk to me about how he feels.

    No one's saying he is. If I thought that my advice would be to leave him immediately.

    You asked for advice on this issue, and that's what you got. I'm not sure what kind of answers you were expecting?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Olive wrote: »
    No one's saying he is. If I thought that my advice would be to leave him immediately.

    You asked for advice on this issue, and that's what you got. I'm not sure what kind of answers you were expecting?
    :yes:

    You clearly are unhappy otherwise you wouldn't have asked the question in the first place. All we did was give you the answer to your questions, so we won't apologise for them not being what you wanted them to be. Just because the advice given wasn't what you wanted to hear is no reason to be ungrateful when we were just trying to help you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Me and my boyfriend compliment each other all the time and call each other babe, darling and the rest. It's just the way we are and it's how we vocally express that we're madly in love. But that's our relationship and the type of people we are. Every relationship will be different because people are different. Perhaps your boyfriend has a more closed personality when it comes to his feelings. It might be the way he was brought up or just the type of person he is. If you speak to him about it then he might be able to put more effort into saying nice things and making you feel good or you may just have to accept it's not going to be like that.

    It's obvious that he cares for you and likes your company, but I believe a loving and successful relationship needs to be built on more than spending your money and doing a few nice things. You need someone who you can be honest with and share your fears and dreams with, someone who will support you in the bad times and will be at your side in the good. Most of all they need to make you feel good about yourself and it sounds to me like this boyfriend doesn't do that. I doubt you would end this relationship because you love him, but just be careful that you don't come out at the end of it feeling even more shit and insecure about yourself than you might already do.
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