If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
What do you find most important/attractive in the other half?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
A somewhat generic question, but I'd be curious to know, for
a) a one-night stand / pull
b) a fling / casual / short-term relationship, and
c) a long-term / serious relationship,
what are the qualities / factors / attributes that matter most to you as to whether or not you'd find the other half attractive?
a) a one-night stand / pull
b) a fling / casual / short-term relationship, and
c) a long-term / serious relationship,
what are the qualities / factors / attributes that matter most to you as to whether or not you'd find the other half attractive?
0
Comments
a) a one-night stand / pull
Looks and if they're a laugh.
b) a fling / casual / short-term relationship
Looks and if they're a laugh. Easy going.
c) a long-term / serious relationship
Looks and if they're a laugh. Easy going. On top of this, I need somebody who has a good job, is self confident, self assured etc. I don't want to be a crutch from the get go, and so somebody with as few issues as possible.
fo' sho'
Ok in seriousness:
I've never looked for a one night stand or a short term relationship so I can't really answer that one. I'm engaged and so I'm going to call this a long term relationship - I didn't really look for anything as such, it just kind of happened. We fit, we work together and it just felt completely right and natural from the start, for both of us. So there isn't really a set of things that I look for and I wasn't actively looking for anything. Things just happened and I'm really glad they did. We were in the right place at the right time and we were both able to compromise on things like places to live etc that it just worked.
ONS - confidence, up for a laugh, honesty, their own house/flat (going back to mummy's always was the number one black mark), I'd have to be attracted to them but that doesn't necessarily mean they have to look like an underwear model.
Fling would probably start from a ONS so the same criteria really.
For things to progress to a serious relationship I'd need all the above + strength of character, love of children (and dogs), some common interests (or if not then at least a man who doesn't brush mine off as meaningless), a sense of adventure, creativity, vulnerability, ability to compromise, intelligence, generous, politically aware, sporty, well-read, has direction and ambition but is not a crazed climber of any kind of "ladder", has travelled/wants to travel, high sex drive, likes to debate/talk about issues, a broad mind, spontaneous, affectionate, trustworthy and trustful, independent.
I don't ask for much :thumb:
Looks, straight out and simple.
b) a fling / casual / short-term relationship
Looks and some sort of connection, probably not too fussed about an intellectual connection but just some sort of happy rapport
c) a long-term / serious relationship
Looks again to some extent (im a little superficial sure, but who isnt honestly?) and more importantly a deep connection, to enter into a ltr with someone i'd need to get along with them really well. I cant really explain it very well but some people just have what i'm going to call the 'smile factor', where just their presence or mention of them makes me smile.
size, accent, face, hornyness, teeth
b) a fling / casual / short-term relationship
pleasure potential, size, accent, face, money, education, family
c) a long-term / serious relationship,
views/politics, pleasure potential, accent, background/family/education, size, face, teeth.
a) Looks and confidence
b) a plus good in bed (where's the fun of a fling if they're crap!)
c) a and b, plus good job, independence, personality, ability to laugh at themselves as much as anything else, opinionated and prepared to stick up for those opinions. That certain spark that only exists between certain people.
b) looks, fun to be around, enjoy the same stuff to some extent.
c) the sort of person who when she's not around, you spend all of your time thinking about the next time she will be. Also someone where you're beyond the stage of totting up what's important/attractive, and they just give you that feeling (though generally you need the stuff from b) to actually be into them in the first place). All of that plus if you're talking properly long term, then all of the practical stuff too - want the same things from life, share similar worldviews, etc.
Depends on your definition of "good job" though, surely? More money doesn't equal a better job. What's better, a teacher or an accountant? A doctor or the chairman of the multinational corporation? A charity worker or a salesman? A vet or a member of the armed forces? "Good job" is about as diverse as a "nice personality" or "good sense of humour." Everyone wants financial security in the long term, but it's not necessarily what attracts you to someone in the first place, which is why no-one put it in the first two options. Just like someone's future plans don't have any influence on your attraction to them, but they might become an issue when the relationship gets more serious.
How you're judged by who? Each other or society as a whole? Because if it's the first, there's something sadly lacking in the relationship, and if it's the second, there's something sadly lacking in your own self worth imo. But anyway, not to get into that again, there's nothing wrong with valuing ambition, which isn't the same thing as a good job. A bank manager who's happy to be a bank manager forever would be worse off than a waitress who's saving up to open her own business or do a degree, by that criterea. But by your standards, you would be happier to introduce the former to your friends. Whereas personally, I think that the ambitions of a person are the quality to judge in a long-term relationship, not their job status. Not that I consider career ambitions to be particularly important to me in a potential partner. I'd find personal ambitions much more interesting, like wanting to visit a particular place, or gain knowledge about a particular subject, or have a family, or learn an instrument, or any number of other things. But that's just me. In the words of Bertrand Russell, "One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important." Words to live by if ever I saw them.
Hygene, looks, kissing technique
b) a fling / casual / short-term relationship
Sense of humour, kinkiness, non-posessiveness, spontanianity(spl?)
c) a long-term / serious relationship,
Being reliable, financially secure, mature, trusting, funny, well read, compassionate, adventurous
not necessarily. some people would rather be on the street than ask their parents/grandparents for handouts
In the long-term, someone spontaneous with a sense of fun who can hold a decent conversation. And long hair. My boyfriend ticks all boxes
Shes individual, unique, ok she has her issues but it makes the day more interesting and seeing whether i can be a good bf or not!