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What do you find most important/attractive in the other half?

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  • SkiveSkive No discipline. No morality. No respect. New ForestPosts: 15,269 Skive's The Limit
    tinkler wrote: »
    A some what generic question, but I'd be curious to know, for

    a) a one-night stand / pull
    b) a fling / casual / short-term relationship, and
    c) a long-term / serious relationship,

    what are the qualities / factors / attributes that matter most to you as to whether or not you'd find the other half attractive?


    A) Attractive enough to catch my eye. Got to find her interesting and be able to make me grin, and of course she's got to be willing. :D
    B) Same as A pretty much except that the "finding her intresting" becomes more imnportant. I can't just just keep fucking a bird I have trouble talking too. We have to be able to have a laugh.

    C) Same as A and B plus honesty/trust/loyalty.
    Weekender Offender 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Namaste wrote: »
    financially secure
    katralla wrote:
    money
    I swear I've seen on this forum in the part, people getting completely flamed and ripped to shreds for daring to so much as suggest that having money is / should be a key factor deemed 'attractive' when looking for a relationship, yet here its cropped up fine?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tinkler wrote: »
    I swear I've seen on this forum in the part, people getting completely flamed and ripped to shreds for daring to so much as suggest that having money is / should be a key factor deemed 'attractive' when looking for a relationship, yet here its cropped up fine?

    I think the difference is they mentioned it once each. You did prattle on about it a fair bit. ;) No point provoking yet another argument, chap.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's not just the amount of times it's mentioned, there's also the context of the other person's expectations and their understand ing of what you're looking for from them and why. If you go out with someone as a fun fling but let them think you are or could be serious about them as that is an easier stance for yourself to take, I see that as much more questionable than having a fling with someone and openly enjoying the different aspects of each other full disclosure of what you're after.
  • SkiveSkive No discipline. No morality. No respect. New ForestPosts: 15,269 Skive's The Limit
    g_angel wrote: »
    I think the difference is they mentioned it once each. You did prattle on about it a fair bit. ;) No point provoking yet another argument, chap.

    Exaclty. Tinkler stop bringinbg this thread back round to the same old shit you've harping on about since you got here.

    Monety is a factor for a lot of people, it has to be for any sort of comfortable life but it's not the be all and end all of a relationship. Nobody's baging on about it quite as much as you.

    Also noticed how arrogance hasn't cropped up once.
    Weekender Offender 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Skive wrote: »
    Exaclty. Tinkler stop bringinbg this thread back round to the same old shit you've harping on about since you got here.

    Monety is a factor for a lot of people, it has to be for any sort of comfortable life but it's not the be all and end all of a relationship. Nobody's baging on about it quite as much as you.

    Also noticed how arrogance hasn't cropped up once.
    :yes:.

    Being financially secure is a semi-important factor in my relationships (I don't have flings or one night stands), I would never say that it was a necessary factor. I am fortunate enough that my OH has a very good job which pays well but I would still love him even if he didn't. He knows that I'm going to be going into a job which will never pay amazingly well but he doesn't care.

    Anyway, on topic, important points for me are looks, appearance (i.e. if they look after their appearance rather than just not bothering) and hygiene, how easily I can talk to them (like, with Rich, even when I first started talking to him I found him really easy to open up to), how accepting they are of my little issues, whether my family gets on with them, if they are confident but not over-confident. Probably other things, I am quite picky, but it doesn't matter 'cause I have my perfect man already ;o.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    a) a one-night stand / pull
    b) a fling / casual / short-term relationship, and
    c) a long-term / serious relationship,

    a) How pissed we both are... lol

    b) Looks... some common ground.

    c) B criteria and then... Not too clingy, Honesty and trust.

    I don't think I ask for much but struggle to get to even B lol
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think "lack of debt*" is more important to me than how much money someone earns or has saved up.

    *excluding student loans from the SLC because most of us have those and they're manageable.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tinkler wrote: »
    I swear I've seen on this forum in the part, people getting completely flamed and ripped to shreds for daring to so much as suggest that having money is / should be a key factor deemed 'attractive' when looking for a relationship, yet here its cropped up fine?
    Nobody's described money as being attractive. They've described it as a practicality that they have to consider in a long term relationship, which is what you asked. It doesn't attract you to someone, but it's something you need to consider, just like whereabouts in the world they happen to live is something you need to consider. But you're not going to be more attracted to someone who happens to live in a more convenient location, because that has nothing to do with attraction.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's a really good way of putting it Iws
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tinkler has made clear previously that he regards someone such as me, who works in a low-paying job, with contempt. He'll be pleased to know that I feel the same way about over-paid idiots like him. Regardless, the point about money and jobs is an important one. There are millions of people out there doing essential jobs and earning very little money. Let's say that you met a person and found out that they were, for example, a bus driver. Would you think any less of them for that? What if they were a doctor or a nurse? They're highly-skilled jobs, yet earn a pittance. Does that mean they should be regarded in a poorer light than some prima donna footballer who earns £100k a week - around £100k more than most of them actually deserve?

    Let's also consider another aspect of the money issue - gender. Men are raised by society to be protectors and providers. This is still true to a debatable extent today. I've gone out previously with someone who earned over twice as much as I do, and it caused no problems. Yet it's entirely possible I could meet a woman who earns a six-figure salary and not want a relationship with her. Is it the fact she earns so much more that would bother me?

    Not in itself. If it means that a skinflint like me gets to keep more of his own money, I view that as a plus. No, it's the different lifestyles that would cause the problem. The fact she had a bank balance that was so much larger than mine wouldn't bother me remotely. But if she wanted to go on around five or six holidays a year to a villa in Spain, for instance, I'd recoil in horror. That sort of lifestyle simply doesn't interest me. If she wants to enjoy her own money, the money that she has worked hard to earn, fair enough. She's more than welcome to. But don't drag others along to something they don't want to do!

    However, I suspect a lot of men would be very uneasy going out with a woman who earns considerably more than them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stargalaxy wrote: »
    Tinkler has made clear previously that he regards someone such as me, who works in a low-paying job, with contempt.

    To be fair, I don't think he has said that at all. He's hardly overpaid at £30k either...!

    The rest of your post is valid. Some good points which will certainly be relevant to some people.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Talking about one night stands and pulling in clubs,am I the only one who worries that the girl Ive pulled isnt actually a girl?:nervous:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The Leaf wrote: »
    Talking about one night stands and pulling in clubs,am I the only one who worries that the girl Ive pulled isnt actually a girl?:nervous:


    HAHahahaha - you know, that has actually happened to me. Thankfully I figured it out when I got back to 'hers' and lighting conditions had improved (and the drug induced haze had cleared a little).

    I went to sleep. My mate (we thought we were on for a threesome) didn't quite figure it out until it had gone waaaaaaaay past where he was comfortable with...! :lol: It took a month for him to see the funny side.

    It's one of my favourite stories to tell people as it goes on quite some time and involves a bondage room...! :D Just quality. I love random nonsense like that. Just always worth a tale or two.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    for a one night stand- a sense of humour, normally a rock fan of some kind, sexy hair, and lush lips
    for a short term- the above, less maybe the rock fan, thats not essential, plus, a nice cock, and a good conversationalist
    long term- its the eyes i fall in love with....have to share some interests, they have to be able to give good cuddles, have some prospects i.e. be a student that wants to do something with their life or in work...i'm not dating unemployables any more! they have to be very supportive, and be ok with dealing with emotions, they have to be a foodie. I couldn't go out with someone that doesn't apreciate good food, Open minded- sexualy, spiritualy, politically, etc. someone that i would be happy watching me read the observer on a sunday, whlist listening in on either a politics show/some random 6 music stuff/radio 3 in PJs with egg yolk down half the top, and for them to still think i was beautiful both inside and out.

    the trouble is i know who that person is.... :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nobody's described money as being attractive. They've described it as a practicality that they have to consider in a long term relationship, which is what you asked. It doesn't attract you to someone, but it's something you need to consider, just like whereabouts in the world they happen to live is something you need to consider. But you're not going to be more attracted to someone who happens to live in a more convenient location, because that has nothing to do with attraction.
    Excellent way to explain it, thankyou.
    stargalaxy wrote:
    Tinkler has made clear previously that he regards someone such as me, who works in a low-paying job, with contempt. He'll be pleased to know that I feel the same way about over-paid idiots like him. Regardless, the point about money and jobs is an important one. There are millions of people out there doing essential jobs and earning very little money. Let's say that you met a person and found out that they were, for example, a bus driver. Would you think any less of them for that? What if they were a doctor or a nurse? They're highly-skilled jobs, yet earn a pittance.
    What? How the fuck an I remotely "overpaid"? In fact I've had people here take the piss out of me for what I earn given how hard I work. I'm extremely hard-working and am not excessively paid. £30k + sales commission for a demanding 60hr/week job, and ~£10k for a 20hr/week venture I've put a huge amount of time and effort into over the last year initially at zero pay. I deserve every penny for being so much more hardworking and innovative than peers. And before you say bus-drivers and coal-miners also work hard, did they work their bollocks off getting a string of A-grades at school and developing the skills required to be successful, no! How can I be deemed "overpaid" when half my friends earn 6 figure annual bonuses in banking, doing relatively jack shit when it comes to effort/hard work, but just getting lucky pushing the right buttons to make their bank money (and as we've seen in the press recently, still get paid well when they make a loss)? And in your above post you think doctors earn a "pittance"?? Its like the highest paid job in the country after finance and sport/music, most senior doctors are on £100k+ !
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    And in your above post you think doctors earn a "pittance"?? Its like the highest paid job in the country after finance and sport/music, most senior doctors are on £100k+ !

    Some senior doctors do. Not all. And excluding GPs, the majority of those doctors still do things like night duties etc. And it takes years before the salary takes a jump at consultancy - which not all doctors will achieve. A year 4 registrar (in London) *might* be on around £36k. My friends who have just qualified will start on £24k if they're in London, £21k if they're outside. Taking into account 6 years of training, including A levels, 'skills development' and debts around 30-40k. Oh, and the removal of free accomodation in hospitals, effectively a £4-5k pay cut. A relative of mine has just taken a job in the city. His starting salary is £40k, perks and bonuses not included.

    It's by no means a career where you can't pay your way and have enough disposable income to have some fun, but it's by no means anywhere near the 'highest paying job', not unless you're doing private practice as a transplant doc or orthopod.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm attracted to ambition. :) When I meet guys that have a clear sense of direction in their life it's usually pretty sexy. Confidence is also an important trait, whenever I meet guys that play themselves down I get the feeling that if I gave them a chance, somewhere down the line I'd crush them out of frustration.
  • SkiveSkive No discipline. No morality. No respect. New ForestPosts: 15,269 Skive's The Limit
    tinkler wrote: »
    Excellent way to explain it, thankyou.What? How the fuck an I remotely "overpaid"? In fact I've had people here take the piss out of me for what I earn given how hard I work. I'm extremely hard-working and am not excessively paid. £30k + sales commission for a demanding 60hr/week job, and ~£10k for a 20hr/week venture I've put a huge amount of time and effort into over the last year initially at zero pay. I deserve every penny for being so much more hardworking and innovative than peers. And before you say bus-drivers and coal-miners also work hard, did they work their bollocks off getting a string of A-grades at school and developing the skills required to be successful, no! How can I be deemed "overpaid" when half my friends earn 6 figure annual bonuses in banking, doing relatively jack shit when it comes to effort/hard work, but just getting lucky pushing the right buttons to make their bank money (and as we've seen in the press recently, still get paid well when they make a loss)? And in your above post you think doctors earn a "pittance"?? Its like the highest paid job in the country after finance and sport/music, most senior doctors are on £100k+ !

    *YAWN*
    You are seriously boring mate. Almost every thread you make, you bring back round to the subject of money and your job and your friends jobs.
    Weekender Offender 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Skive wrote: »
    *YAWN*
    You are seriously boring mate. Almost every thread you make, you bring back round to the subject of money and your job and your friends jobs.

    To be honest, some of the regulars here are just as bad by bringing it up in whatever thread he makes.

    Although I admit he could certainly contribute to killing the subject by just not rising to the bait everytime it's put in front of him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Skive wrote: »
    *YAWN*
    You are seriously boring mate. Almost every thread you make, you bring back round to the subject of money and your job and your friends jobs.
    Wtf? Someone called me an "over-paid idiot" so I responded to that. I'm not going to sit here and let people make claims about me which aren't true and just allow it.

    Anyway for anyone who cares re my "shame about the face" thread, she's definitely going to go. Just met up with an ex who I realised I'm still totally into, and genuinely wholly "fancy" rather than current girl I'm not so sure about. Broke up with ex because even though I liked her she wasn't someone deemed pretty by peers, not someone I could have as arm candy / accompanyment to client socials, but looking back I don't care less about any of that, it means nothing compared to how happy she could now make me as she's so adorable (not good-looking in a conventional sense but I'm really into her), I want her back.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you sometimes get drunk before you post here or something?
  • JsTJsT TheSite Graduate Posts: 18,267 Skive's The Limit
    tinkler wrote: »
    Wtf? Someone called me an "over-paid idiot" so I responded to that. I'm not going to sit here and let people make claims about me which aren't true and just allow it.

    Anyway for anyone who cares re my "shame about the face" thread, she's definitely going to go. Just met up with an ex who I realised I'm still totally into, and genuinely wholly "fancy" rather than current girl I'm not so sure about. Broke up with ex because even though I liked her she wasn't someone deemed pretty by peers, not someone I could have as arm candy / accompanyment to client socials, but looking back I don't care less about any of that, it means nothing compared to how happy she could now make me as she's so adorable (not good-looking in a conventional sense but I'm really into her), I want her back.
    ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..........
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tinkler wrote: »
    And before you say bus-drivers and coal-miners also work hard, did they work their bollocks off getting a string of A-grades at school and developing the skills required to be successful, no!
    And how do you know that? There's bound to be a bus driver out there who's got a degree. Who knows - they could have worked for several years in a high-pressure job in the City, got fed-up of it, moved to another area and decided to take a completely different job. Perhaps that man driving the bus is actually one of the people running the company who runs that service? And besides, who are you to state that the man emptying your bin doesn't have a string of A-Levels to his name?

    What makes anyone think that A-Levels and degrees are always the best indicator of intelligence or ability? Not everyone is academically minded, and long may that be so!
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