If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Take a look around and enjoy reading the discussions. If you'd like to join in, it's really easy to register and then you'll be able to post. If you'd like to learn what this place is all about, head here.
Comments
Yeah, we're an emotional bunch :yeees:
He has lots of female friends, but I don't know many friends who talk like that. The second she started getting sexual, he should have told her he was happy to be mates but nothing more. And if he'd told me she was a friend he wanted to meet up with, I'd be fine with that. But he didn't. He didn't mention it at all, he didn't say he was going to meet her, I didn't even know she existed. I tell him about all my friends and if I'm going to meet someone, I tell him.
I don't let my male friends speak to me the way she spoke to him because, to me, that's being more than a friend. And, finally, the context in which she told him she was wearing the skirt was more than just a passing remark. I'm not stupid.
Perhaps I have gone over the top, but by refusing to talk about it for three months he's kind of made me feel this way. Perhaps I didn't 100 per cent trust him to begin with and therefore read his texts. But why is it neccessarily ME with the problem? If he had been open with me right from the start, I wouldn't be in this situation.
Why does he has explain anything to you? I think YOU are the one with the problem - he hasn't (IMO) actually done anything wrong. Unless it's considered 'wrong' to have friends of the opposite sex?
Your boyfriend doesn't need to tell you everything. If I had a boyfriend, I wouldn't expect him to tell me everything.
He hasn't actually done anything wrong, and it isn't wrong for him to have secrets from you. Relationships are about trusting the other person to tell you the important things in life, but not neccessarily knowing every tiny small detail of that persons life. He sounds like he may have been slightly naive in his dealing with this girl, but nothing more.
You have however broken that bond of trust between the 2 of you by reading his texts. If you have a relationship where you've discussed it and neither party has an issue with the other reading texts, then thats fine, but you obviously aren't in this situation and I'm not surprised with the way you've been acting over the whole sorry situation that he's clammed up and wont speak about it.
You need to look twice at where this relationship is going and if you can actually trust him.
Dear oh dear, this is all getting very judgemental. If you're just going to be rude about it then it's a good idea to stop replying to the thread to be honest.
Vick, it does sound like there might be more to this situation than was first presented. It sounds like you going through your boyfriends phone has opened up a whole can of worms that has been festering for a while. If you're able to have an open and honest, non-confrontational conversation with your boyfriend then you might have a good chance of working through this.
This article may well help: Communicating as a couple. Kazbo has also given some sound insights. take care
Personally I don't think anything rude has been said. To my mind, we're just stating what we're thinking, which is obviously quite clear to many of us.
Ok, that's understandable. But while I know you're just giving your opinions, no-one deserves to be flamed when they are going through a difficult or confusing situation. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone has different expectations and boundaries when it comes to relationships. I'm not saying post kiss-ass sympathy, I'm just saying a little empathy goes a long way.
I've already said that if she was just a mere friend, I would have no problem with it. But I'm sorry, that's not how you talk to friends. If a man started saying sexual things to me I would simply say, "I'm sorry, I'm in a relationship, but I like you a friend", or whatever.
In case anyone actually cares, I spoke to him last night about it all. It didn't "take me three months" to do something about it; it's taken HIM three months to actually answer my questions.
And doesn't all that depend on the person, your history, your situation? If you had a boyfriend, you might find that perhaps you felt differently about that, depending on the situation.
Oh and you're right. None of us are 100% secure about everything in life, of course not and I'd say most of us have done things like this and regretted it after. I know I have in the past, but I wasn't secure in that relationship, I did lack trust and belief that he was telling me the truth about things and I think people here are just trying to open your eyes to something like that being the possibility in your case as well. No one's saying it is, just trying to make you look deeper for why you did it and make sure there aren't underlying issues.
But I hope his answers have put your mind to rest and you can move on from this in your rel.
Yes, looking at someone's phone is a sign of a lack of trust, but sometimes it isn't a one-way thing. The reason I felt unsure about things was partly because of my own insecurities, but partly because my b/f is very closed.
Does your boyfriend know that you feel a bit insecure?
Is there a reason he has low self-esteem, something that has happened in his past that he hasn't dealt with properly etc. When people aren't happy in themselves they find it very difficult to open up and discuss things properly because they don't know how to deal with it themself, let alone knowing how to deal with someone elses ideas on a topic as well. But you just have to trust that if there is anything that major he will open up and tell you.
Just wanted to quote this, because it's hilarious :cool: