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Should I Be Jealous Or Not?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
You all might have noticed my absence from posting threads in relationship section, well, i havn't had a reason to post recently, but i do now.
This is the history of the situation, my girlfriend and i have been off and on for a little while now. Mostly the off parts happen after an argument but the next day or a few days later we are on again and make up.
6 months ago or so back in July, before we got together as a couple and were just friends she asked out this guy who is a close male friend of hers. He said no, and told her he just wanted to be her friends and thats all they have been since. But, last week suddenly he announces he fancies her and wants to get together with her as a couple... even though he knows she has a boyfriend (me). I have never met him but he has always seemed an alright bloke as we have mutual friends.
Anyway, she told me i had nothing to worry about and that was that, but thn a day or so later she told me that now she knew he liked her, he was looking more attractive then before. She also said it was so unfair that he would decide he liked her now and not 6 months ago when she really fancied him a lot. I dont mind her fancying other guys, i fancy other girls but still, these comments bothered me.
So she sat him down and told him she had me and wanted to be with me and if he made her choose between us, he would lose and she didnt want their friendship to end. He agreed they should just stay really good, close friends.
But, as they are close friends they are spending a lot of time together including this Saturday night (Tomorrow). Originally her parents and brother were going out so he was going to go over to her house and they were going have dinner and watch dvds then he was going to get a lift him. Now, her parents and brother are staying in until late so she and he will be in her bedroom watching dvds... with only her very small bed to sit/lay on. And her at some point they will be completely home alone in her bedroom when her parents and brother go out.
So... I feel pretty jealous and bothered by the whole thing! And, although she has been totally honest about everything and told him she is with me and that is that and nothing will happen, i just am worried he will use it as an opportunity to make a move on her. Plus the whole thing bothers me.
And i can not talk to her about it because if i do talk to her about being bothered she will probably accuse me of not trusting her to behave faithfully and cause an argument with her, which i don't want to have.
So, yeah, im generally jealous and miffed!
Comments from anyone would be nice, please. Thank you!
This is the history of the situation, my girlfriend and i have been off and on for a little while now. Mostly the off parts happen after an argument but the next day or a few days later we are on again and make up.
6 months ago or so back in July, before we got together as a couple and were just friends she asked out this guy who is a close male friend of hers. He said no, and told her he just wanted to be her friends and thats all they have been since. But, last week suddenly he announces he fancies her and wants to get together with her as a couple... even though he knows she has a boyfriend (me). I have never met him but he has always seemed an alright bloke as we have mutual friends.
Anyway, she told me i had nothing to worry about and that was that, but thn a day or so later she told me that now she knew he liked her, he was looking more attractive then before. She also said it was so unfair that he would decide he liked her now and not 6 months ago when she really fancied him a lot. I dont mind her fancying other guys, i fancy other girls but still, these comments bothered me.
So she sat him down and told him she had me and wanted to be with me and if he made her choose between us, he would lose and she didnt want their friendship to end. He agreed they should just stay really good, close friends.
But, as they are close friends they are spending a lot of time together including this Saturday night (Tomorrow). Originally her parents and brother were going out so he was going to go over to her house and they were going have dinner and watch dvds then he was going to get a lift him. Now, her parents and brother are staying in until late so she and he will be in her bedroom watching dvds... with only her very small bed to sit/lay on. And her at some point they will be completely home alone in her bedroom when her parents and brother go out.
So... I feel pretty jealous and bothered by the whole thing! And, although she has been totally honest about everything and told him she is with me and that is that and nothing will happen, i just am worried he will use it as an opportunity to make a move on her. Plus the whole thing bothers me.
And i can not talk to her about it because if i do talk to her about being bothered she will probably accuse me of not trusting her to behave faithfully and cause an argument with her, which i don't want to have.
So, yeah, im generally jealous and miffed!
Comments from anyone would be nice, please. Thank you!
0
Comments
Its normal to feel jealous especially if you know what has been said between the both of them.
The fact that you know she asked him and he originally said no and then to change his attitude and start spending a lot of time with her while dressing himself up is confusing.
I think the thing that makes you miffed is his intentions. As people, we are always going to get jealous and be protective if we know that other guys/girls fancy our partners and starts spending loads of time with them. Its natural.
All you can do is trust her and go with the flow. If you find out that something did happen, then you know the deal and can do something about it. Apart from that, i advise you to just trust her and let her deal with him.
If you want to get the message across then maybe stand outside the window and put on Good Charlotte's "Get your hands off my girl" at full blast on a stereo. God i love that song! :mad:
If she really wanted to make it clear she was with you and there was no space for him, I think she would have done a more thorough job of pushing him away to be honest...hopefully she's just confused, and knows she really does want to be with you, but is flattered by his attention - but if I were you, I wouldn't give her too much space to work out how she feels about him.
Sadly there's no quick fix, and nothing anyone here can say to make you worry less. It's something we all have to deal with sooner or later. If it's any consolation at all, my best friend and I had a drunken one night stand before I got together with the boy, and even knowing this my bloke trusts me when I'm with my best mate (which is a lot). Just because we have a bit of a history doesnt mean I'd want to go there again. So if your girl says she's happy with you, and that the other guy would lose if she chose between the two of you.... well, thats enough isn't it? I'd be happy with that. Good luck anywayxXx
As much as things don't bother me, I think this one would if I were in your position.
Hopefully, any negative thoughts will be unfounded.
I know what i would have done with my ex if that situation werew to arise and thats to either call or go round there at the time they would be alone and if anything was going on i'd have beat the living daylights out of the bloke, but then i'm a pretty jealous person, we didnt really have much trust in that relationship and that is not really the best solution.
I would definately investigate though, he likes her, she likes him and they're spending an evening alone together in her bedroom....
I think maybe you should talk her, before it gets to tomorrow evening, and air your views.
If she cant be reasonable perhaps its going down the wrong path.
:yes:
sorry, that's not the comforting thing to say, but personally i'd be absolutely freaking out if i were you.
Defo suss !
Basically they spent the night in the living room watching a dvd i bought her, talking and hanging out and generally being stupid. Her parents even came home quite early and joined them, then he went home.
I think i can trust thats all that happened.
Still bothers me she has such a close friendship with a guy, especially one who likes her a lot, but they were hanging out like this before he ever told her he liked her, so, i guess they are going to try to keep on being friends.
Not to him though, just to something thats happening in her life she wont trust me enough to talk to me about. it's over
Without being too blunt. Bullshit. What on earth could mysteriously pop up that she can't talk to you about because she 'doesn't trust you'?! Sounds more like she doesn't have the guts to tell you something. Grrrr.
Commiserations though mate
just sorry to hear it
Was gonna say that yea, the same thing happened to me, and yea they were doing stuff, and denying it to my face. Maybe a blessing in a way, I got dragged through it for 5 months.
When I think back, the clue was, why did she suddenly want to spend time with him on his own when she found out how he felt. Sorry, not meaning to make you feel worse, sore point for me.
Hope things pick up soon, spend time with your mates cos they'll get you through times like this.
Then she wouldnt take my calls, ignored my texts and blocked me on msn. she did email me to say nothing is wrong with her, its just stuff she isnt going to talk about to me!
She prob has decided to go with him, thats what it seems like now after i pressed at her all night, but that didnt work.
Guess what people say doesnt mean anything and is always lies. You just cant trust anyone you care about!
Not true - some people you *can* trust.
Again, sorry to hear that it's happened, but it was obvious
She didn't exactly handle it well, but at least now you can move on relatively quickly and cleanly....
Aww.....I'm sorry....:( if it's any consolation, I feel the same about blokes....and I know we're not the only people who feel like that, just from reading these boards...so it sort of gives you hope that there ARE still people out there willing to treat people decently, and looking for a proper relationship based on respect, decency, etc......:yes:
I'm not surprised you feel totally disillusioned right now, no one would expect you to feel any differently. But facing facts you didn't do anything wrong, you couldn't have treated her any better or given her any more space to selfishly decide what she wanted to do about the relationship (last I checked relationships were supposed to be about the wishes of both partners). It's not fair at all that she's walked away from this with options and with her feelings intact, but that's the way it goes I guess. At least you know now, rather than the relationship continuing and allowing her to make you look like a mug. Someone else will come along and you'll wonder why you put up with a woman who didn't even respect your feelings enough to change her plans when they involved having a self-confessed admirer of hers in her room. Christ on crutches, I can't imagine that ever being acceptable to a boyfriend of mine.
Anyway there's no point blathering about it now, onward and upward and all that. The best way I can put it is in the words of that guru Dolly Parton - "if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."
Look after yourself mate, time for a bit of selfish and cathartic behaviour I think. Get out there and have a laugh :thumb:
condolences, bro.
Just a good thing it was a quick stab and not some eternal torment (if you try to look at the bright side). It has nothing to do with you, mate, she didn't snog him, because of YOUR suspicion, and actually it was WELL placed (the suspicion).
Good riddance. hope you get over it soon.