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Update: the penny finally drops!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
This is my final update on the whole boring me and Phil thing.

I made an idiot of myself on Friday by basically offering myself on a plate to Phil. He turned me down.

After that I realised I'd pretty much hit rock bottom and lost all my self respwect and dignity, so I vowed never to contact him again. He promised he'd change his shift on Friday and Saturday because I was going out both nights, would had to have caught his bus home and I just didn't want to see him. He didn't change his shift on Friday, then saturday I got a text saying he was working after all and telling me not to catch his bus.

I dont like being told what to do so I got the bus; I'd been out with a (male) friend who walked me to the bus stop and I didn't talk to Phil. Haven't contacted him since then this morning, I got a text from him saying "just so you know. I want to be with Wendy but know I haven't a hope now. And yes we did sleep together. Had to get it off my chest".

I don't think he's say it if it wasn't true and I know it shouldn't hurt...but it does.

Ugh, he's a dick...
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    And i hope you don't pick the penny back up this time
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You say the penny's dropped, let's see if your actions match your words eh. I can't BELIEVE you tried it on with him, but sometimes you have to hit rock bottom and realise what a fool you've been before you can dust yourself off and get on the up again.

    It's only Monday after all, so I won't hold my breath that there isn't another installment to come. I have to say I think it's crazy to expect him to makes changes to his livelihood and alter his shift pattern at work because you "need" to get that bus... if you ever want to get past this then you [both] need to go about living a normal life, which might include seeing him from time to time if you live near enough one another. The fact that you're dancing around each other like a pair of eejits, and the fact that you're even discussing your weekend plans with him [especially immediately after he'd turned you down flat -- I'd have done one and never spoken to him again] says to me that neither of you is ever going to let it drop and become part of the past. What's it to him if you go out at the weekend? If he ends up having to see you then it's tough shit, basically. He drives a bus for a living, it's possible he might have to transport people he doesn't particularly like. There's little he can do about it other than suck it up.

    Fuck him anyway, what's he ever done for you other than bring out the inner crazy in you and then ditch you in a really difficult and lonely situation? He's obviously a spineless little shit, and as for Wendy... well bollocks to her, if you've any sense then you'll consider her welcome to him! At the end of the day, granted, I find your saga pretty infuriating - but I hope you get things sorted for your own sake and that of your baby. I hope the penny HAS dropped and you're not just blowing smoke, I really do. Look after yourself :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Whatever happens, you have much bigger priorities than him coming up, and I hope the baby gets more of the attention, time and care that it needs and deserves. Hope it works out for you both.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh, I told him last Sunday that I was going out on Saturday - we slept together that day (big mistake, regret it completely) and just said if it's going to bother him that I'll be on his bus (because I wasn't fussed about it) to change his shift. And he said he would both days.
    I said he didn't have to, but he insisted.

    I admit; I almost reacted when I got that text and was going to go and see him (no idea why!) but I decided against it. I certainly have no desire to contact him.
    A part of me would like to know if it's true; after all I was convinced they'd been cheating and he always swore they hadn't, as did she.
    But he'll never give me a straight answer and I'll just end up looking stupid.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    oh what. there will blatantly be more threads on this.

    WHY sleep with him - he's a class A twat!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    At least you know now.
    Still, it sucks to find that out, but its for the best.
    The guys a complete cunt.
    The right man for you wont make you feel or act like this.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    find it hard to believe you'll never contact him again, you say it in every "update" thread :(

    are you trying to convince yourself or us?

    ur pregnant, offering yourself on a plate to a fella who frequently abuses u verbally is a bit of a joke

    i feel really sorry for you and your child

    i wish you all the best x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont know why everyone is giving you a hard time Alasia tbh. I know you have made a lot of threads on this subject and done a few silly things but i think people just need to step back and realise that just because they can see all the facts clearly in front of them that it doesnt make a situation black and white.
    From an outsiders perspective of course it is easy to objectify things and make 'simple' decisions but on the inside when you wish so much for something to happen its difficult to listen to the truth.

    I think giving yourself as much space from this guy as possible is the best thing to do and it seems so does everyone else but people can say what they like it doesnt make things any easier.

    I'll be honest i've not read all your threads on this but how far along pregnant are you? Is it still early enough to take a holiday somewhere maybe with a few close friends or family?
    You just need to get away and get your head straight because when things are all messed up in there its easy to say how high when the guy asks you to jump..
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Must be a quid at least with all those pennies on the ground. :chin:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Littleali wrote: »
    find it hard to believe you'll never contact him again

    I find this hard to believe as well.

    I think it's really childish that he tells you not to catch his bus. At the same time, I find it also childish that you keep on asking him to change his shifs so that you can get the bus home without having to see him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    the only thing I can say is, that I hope it was a lesson for you, but I doubt it was.

    If I was Phil I would have called the cops loooooooong before on you, because this is not even a joke anymore. You are obsessed. If the story of you and phil was ever going to be a movie I certainly not going to watch it, or I'll be in the nervous clinic for a lifetime then.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Your not good for each other in a relationship, just stay out of each others lives as much as possible, I appreciate that may be hard with a baby on the way. And starting putting that babies feelings and needs first. That is your prioity now, NOT the car crash of a relationship you seem unable to walk away from.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    icey wrote: »
    I dont know why everyone is giving you a hard time Alasia tbh. ...........

    I'll be honest i've not read all your threads on this

    there you go then :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Exactly.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well theres no rule saying you have to read every single thread on the board. If you've had enough of reading and replying to threads by a certain poster then dont, but its hardly being helpful to put her down and tell her shes just going to make the same mistakes again is it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    icey wrote: »
    Well theres no rule saying you have to read every single thread on the board. If you've had enough of reading and replying to threads by a certain poster then dont, but its hardly being helpful to put her down and tell her shes just going to make the same mistakes again is it.
    I know what you are saying but sometimes people need harsh words to make them realise things.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    icey wrote: »
    Well theres no rule saying you have to read every single thread on the board. If you've had enough of reading and replying to threads by a certain poster then dont, but its hardly being helpful to put her down and tell her shes just going to make the same mistakes again is it.

    i didnt say there was a rule

    i just meant that if you havent read all of her threads, then thats probably why you dont understand why people are being "harsh" (although i dont think anyone has been in all honesty)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Remind me to never look here for support or advice if I've made some daft mistakes.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Remind me to never look here for support or advice if I've made some daft mistakes.

    i dont get your point... or icey's

    she comes on asking for opinions, we give them to her, we support her and wish her the best of look but we also offer her a critical point of view, which in my opinion, she needs

    it's no good sugar coating it, and telling her she's doing the right things, when obviously she isnt

    the point of making mistakes is learning from them, we are pointing out that she isnt, there's nothing wrong with that

    no one in this thread has insulted her so i dont see why you and icey feel the need to comment as thought they have

    i feel people are tiring of offering her advice when she seems to push it to one side and repeatedly go back on what she says she is going to do

    she is a 24 year old woman expecting a baby (well, thats her age on her profile, although i'm slightly dubious of thinking its her real age), and maybe she needs some harsh words to get it into her brain that what she is doing is wrong for both her and her unborn child
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't know about iceys thoughts, but mine came from reading the bits where several people basically said they didn't believe her (which I would personally take badly, even if it's not an 'insult' as such).

    If you're fed up, why not pipe down, rather than wasting your time.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i didnt say i was fed up...

    if she isnt listening to us now, i dread to think what she'd do if none of us were trying to drum it into her brain that this fella's a twerp

    even if us moaning on about him, makes her not contact him for 3 extras days, its worth "wasting our time"
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Where did I address that to you?

    As you said (this is to LittleAli now), it seems people are tiring, so if they are fed up, they should stop wasting their time.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There's no need to be glib.

    It's human nature to get frustrated when you see people making repeated mistakes, especially when you've followed their story (as someone like icey - by his own admission - hasn't) and feel somewhat invested... or at least interested in their welfare. Said frustration has never affected the quality of advice or the attempts at understanding and empathy that alasia has been given. I think it's quite rude to insinuate that the advice given and opinions shared with alasia so far are negated by the evident frustration or annoyance with the general situation... or that we haven't supported her.
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    :yes: I'd be really surprised if Alasia hasn't felt supported since she keeps coming back - which is usually a good sign :) (although obviously not so good if it's disheartening news). However, I can also see where icey was coming from with his post - this situation is relatively rare for the relationships forum and if I wasn't fully aware of the situation then no doubt I would react in the same way. So it's not been easy by any stretch, but you all know the score and what TheSite's about so as long as you don't forget that, then I think it's all good.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well done alasia. I really hope that you stick to your guns this time and that things get better for you. Once you hit rock bottom, the only way is up. Everybody makes mistakes, often repeatedly, but after a while you get to a point where you decide that enough is enough and then things can only get better.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Can everyone please stop arguing on my threads...I'll end up getting banned or something! I don't mean to cause trouble.

    Look, I'm 23 (not 24...til august anyway!) and I'm not thick.

    What I am is naive; which is where my problems have come from - I have this attitude of "I know phil and the situation, you don't". I admit that; and it's wrong.
    I DO read and take on board everyone's advice, but usually still go against it because I'm very impulsive and do stupid stuff without thinking. It's not because I've totally disregarded everyone's advice, it's just because I'm not thinking at that *particular* moment in time.

    One of my friends is also a psychologist (handy!) and I've been telling her the whole story in painstaking detail (just because it's easier to get an objective opinion that way); even she had trouble working out what Phil was on - one minute she'd think he did genuinely have feelings, then she didn't. He's even said himself that he makes it impossible for people to read him - and it's true, he does. When you're looking at him and he's saying this stuff; your brain is going "yep, that's bull" but his bpdy language, facial expression etc seem so genuine that you just ignore the rational side and just...believe. I've never met such a good liar. Or non-liar, whatever he is!

    At the end of the day all I'm guilty of is believing and trusting in the man I loved. Ok I got a bit obsessive with the texting, but he encouraged it by occasionally saying stuff like he still had feelings, did want to be with me..etc. I should have had more self-respect than to keep hanging on; should have just walked away, but hindsight is an easy thing to have isn't it.

    I realised what I was doing (eventually!) and stopped contacting him on Friday. Ok so it was only a couple of days, but I really had no plans to contact him in the future - in fact not texting/phoning/whatever made me feel a hell of a lot stronger than I've felt in the past 6 months.
    Then HE texted ME, winding me up about Wendy. He still seems to think I'm interested in knowing that he did lie in that text to upset me and they never slept together, but he thinks he still wants her and he misses her.
    Like I give a f**k!

    I've told him that too, and yes I did have to text him to tell him; hence breaking the no contact thing - but he kept texting me so it needed to be done.

    He's an idiot. An idiot that I loved and still have strong feelings for, but now I can see through those feelings and accept that he's a dick - one that I'd NEVER want to get back together with.

    Trust me.

    *phew* rant over!

    Sorry it's a bit random/jumbled, I just typed whatever was in my head at the time!

    ETA: Icey, Scary Monster, thanks for the support :) Ta to everyone else for the advice too.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i really hope it works out for you alasia, 'cause you seem like a lovely girl. he really doesn't deserve you at all and certainly doesn't warrant you spending any of your time thinking about him. please don't sleep with him again - you will just end up feeling used, he's getting what he wants and you're getting mixed signals and over analysing whatever he says to you. i hope that in time you'll realise that even though some people (including myself) have been harsh towards you, it has been in your interest and frustration at you not realising how much you need to stop thinking about him so much etc. i think you need to stop going over these things in your head i.e. thinking about what he said when he txt you or whether he txt you or not. it won't help, trust me! it might be hard but the sooner you allow yourself to move on the better.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if he texts you about anything other than the baby, delete it and dont reply
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Littleali wrote: »
    if he texts you about anything other than the baby, delete it and dont reply

    I was going to say the same. He just wants a reaction from you and likes the attention because he knows you'll give it to him.

    Hopefully once the baby is born all your attention will be on s/he and you'll forget about Phil or it'l atleast help you move on from him.

    I just hope everything gets better for you because you deserve it, for your sake and your childs. Good Luck :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I`ll probably get flamed for this, but id avoid him like the plague even when its about the baby.
    He made his decision, he doesnt care about his other kids.
    Having no dad is better than having a fucking deadbeat loser for one, and hes just gonna be a millstone round your neck that stops you getting on with your life tbh.
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