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Comments
Yes, it does get better, and the things that hurt you now will fade and be less painful.
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Do you have something you can do to distract yourself from SH and thoughts of SH? It might be a lame idea, but it kinda workes for ally mcbeal- get yourself a happy upbeat theme tune and hum/sing/think it to yourself when you feel down.
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NOt the case with me, as nobody knows. But i do tend to screw things up myself by being distant.
Hope you're ok
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Hang on in there sweetie. Tommorrow may be better than today.
x x x
I'm really not alright now - one minute he's telling me he can't stay away from me and the next all he wants to do is block me on MSN.
Asked him for something earlier (via email) and he basically told me that I've got to stop being selfish but I don't know what he means by that and I know he won't tell me.:(
Yes in a word. It's made my OH have a different perspective almost of me I think. When I feel down- bascially a cry for help if I mention it- he says I'm emorionally blackmailing him.
Not necessarily- he doesn't really understnad SH or depression like a sufferer would I guess.
Not really tbh, I have a few reasons for that, but mainly I find it very hard to open up sometimes, and to talk about it or explain it as I feel so ashamed.
Its your way of coping though-if he went out and got smashed when he was annoyed or did something it would be the same thing-its just a different method that is seen as wrong-ok i know its not perfect and i hate having to rely on it myself but what gives him the right to judge how you cope and condem you cos its not right in his eyes
I agree, my ex didnt understand at all why I did it and refused to listen to me when I tried explaining things to him so I gave up confiding in him. If they have no experience of it they can accuse you of all sorts (trying to kill yourself was one of his favourites).
Sofie: You can only explain so far and for so long to someone, if their still not understanding after all this time, I would fail to see the point to keep doing it ans wasting my time when I know it not going to make a blind bit of difference.
Hyper person: Apart from various people on here, hardly anyone knows I SH, and that the way I want to keep it. My parents still dont after about six years or so and I have no desire for them to find out.
totally agree, I havent had the trying to kill yourself one from anyone though.
sorry just gets to me at times and ive had that myself and do understand where there coming from sorry
It's ok, you have nothing to apologise for anyway
To be fair, he was a complete utter twat and had no understanding of empathy and other peoples feelings. It still pisses me off after all this time. Oh well he'll be out of my life forever soon (hopefully)
Reading the way that people react to SH has really wound me up. Nobody has any right to judge you on the way that you deal with problems, as long as you're not harming them or anyone else in the process. I think that SH is widely misunderstood though. A lot of people see it as a 'cry for help' or a 'failed suicide attempt' when actually it's just a way of dealing with pain or stress for sufferers.
Turning mental pain into physical pain makes it so much easier to deal with. Watching the bloody drip out can be like watching the pain drip away. That sounds fucked up though to people that don't SH.
I don't think that they mean to be judgemental, but they do find it hard to deal with. They worry about the sufferer and want to help; when they realise that there is nothing that they can do to help, they often resort to guilt-trips or blackmail.
From my own experience though, it really is because they care and they just don't know what to do with the information. They need to try and distance themselves from the problem whilst trying to stop the harming continuing.
I seem to have got over my SH phase again for a while. Presently battling the urge to throw up everything that I eat though. Seems to be slightly better today but yesterday was just a constant fight with myself.
I don't understand it. My life seems to be back on track. I'm out of the shit job and doing supply and everything is less stressful. I started training yesterday for the Moonwalk that I'm doing in May so feel really good about myself.
Why why why do I want to undo all this good work by going down the bulimia road again? Do I just thrive on having a 'problem'? Is that what defines me? Am I scared of being happy? Am I concerned about what a boring fucking life I would have if I didn't have some problem or other to focus on all of the time? What kind of a person am I that I need something like this to keep me going?
I'm sick of looking in the mirror and hating the person that I see there. I want to like myself. I want to stop stressing over every little thing. I want to stop having a problem.
take care
I just assumed that when I reached my late twenties that my life would be sorted out and I'd be settled and happy. As it is, my life is sorted out and I'm pretty much settled. It's just the happy thing that's causing me problems. I just wish that I could pinpoint what the problem is.
If only it were that easy, eh?
Hope that things are getting better for you. xxx