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Job vs Fiance...

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sugar_mouse wrote:
    hoenstly....just get shot of him! your lives have taken 2 different routes; and he isnt willing to comprimise. do not let your dream go because of him - get yourself a job (whether it be permanent, or supply, whichever gets you the best experience+allows you to pay off your debts quickest). Also, why do you let him control you? he can stop you going anywhere, and he shouldnt try emotional blackmail in order to persuade you not to! you clearly dont trust him+he doesnt seem to trust you....so end it hun!
    I don't think that's necessarily true. Sometimes people just need a shot in the arm to realise they're being a twat about something. If he thinks he's gonna lose you, he might realise that he can't try and control your life, and realise that you are actually more important to him that staying at home. Or he won't and you'll end the relationship knowing that you weren't as important to him as he'd have you believe. If it's meant to be, you'll find a way to work through it where neither of you have to compromise. It's hardly the biggest dilemma a couple has ever faced and got through.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well i'm probably just saying what other people have but you have worked hard for what you've got and you should go for it in my opinion. if he really was the one for you, he would support you in following your dream - and in my opinion, he wont need to give up his own dream to do this since i agree that plumbers are needed everywhere.
    speak to him, tell him clearly how much this means to you and that you plan to do it, with or without him. if he really loves you, he will be willing to work together with you to come up with a compromise. if not, then at least you found out now before you give up your dreams for him
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    intrepide wrote:
    well i'm probably just saying what other people have but you have worked hard for what you've got and you should go for it in my opinion. if he really was the one for you, he would support you in following your dream - and in my opinion, he wont need to give up his own dream to do this since i agree that plumbers are needed everywhere.
    speak to him, tell him clearly how much this means to you and that you plan to do it, with or without him. if he really loves you, he will be willing to work together with you to come up with a compromise. if not, then at least you found out now before you give up your dreams for him

    Well said:)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if you give up your dreams of being a teacher and stay where you are to be with him, you'll end up resenting him and youll stop loving him and then all your hard work will have been for nothing and your sacrefise will have been for nothing, i wouldnt give up your dream youve worked hard and you deserve to do what will make you happy.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    job
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just for the record, the happiest couples I know, are happy because of each other, not because they have the job of their dreams, or think they have the job of their dreams.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fiend_85 wrote:
    Just for the record, the happiest couples I know, are happy because of each other, not because they have the job of their dreams, or think they have the job of their dreams.
    True that.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fiend_85 wrote:
    Just for the record, the happiest couples I know, are happy because of each other, not because they have the job of their dreams, or think they have the job of their dreams.

    That doesnt mean you should give up your ambitions though.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Basically I would agree with the concensus of this thread, and from what you've said I think you are going to go for job over boyfriend regardless of what anyone says. Trusting your instincts is all you can really do! I am however going to go to bat for the boyfriend here on one point, I think people are rather unfairly coming down on him like a ton of bricks when really all he's done wrong (in terms of jobs vs fiances, as the controlling issue is another thread entirely) is to change his mind.

    As a side-issue, I think it's cod pyschology to say that people who want to stay where they've grown up and have a network of friends and family are somehow lacking in ambition, are boring and not going to go anywhere in life. That is just subscribing to the old cliche about bright lights, big city equalling success. It may be true for people who want to see their name in lights but for teachers, plumbers, shop assistants, nurses etc they have as much chance of finding a job in many smaller towns as they do in the biggest city. I also find the vein of snobbishness running through this thread regarding small towns = small minds to be pretty backward. I'm sorry, it's total bollocks. Also what's this about relationships coming and going, but jobs lasting forever. Granted, some people's relationships might be like that (and indeed it sounds as if the OP's isn't exactly ideal) but I personally have more relationship security than job security. You can't generalise that job is always going to come before signifigant other, though I would say that if you do have to question it even for a second then that's your answer right there.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    exactly. There will be PLENTY of time in the future when youre tied down and cant pursue your dreams. If you dont do it now, you could well regret it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    how does having a partner stop people from persuing their dreams though?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    how does having a partner stop people from persuing their dreams though?

    It doesn't necessarily STOP them but it can hold them back.
    It's one of the reasons I don't really want to settle down too soon, because I don't want to be stuck here, I want to make the most of all possible opportunities.

    People who are single are more open to all options such as working overseas, moving to another city to follow their dreams etc. I'm not saying people in relationships are not, just less likely.

    In my experience anyway I've done a lot more when I've been single.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fiend_85 wrote:
    Just for the record, the happiest couples I know, are happy because of each other, not because they have the job of their dreams, or think they have the job of their dreams.

    I agree with you however I feel not having money, struggling to make ends meet, with university debts to pay off would not help. I know that some of my friends who although in a happy relationship with kids and everything they ever wanted are still unhappy as they are in a dead end job that they do to get through life and to pay bills.

    I worked in Somerfields for 3 years and detested it. ABSOLUTELY hated it because it was not stretching me far enough! Others however love a 9-5 job they can leave at the end of the day with little responsibility. I love being a teacher, it is what I have worked for and hence being a teacher (making me happy) will allow us to be happier. There is no way I would be selfish and bring a child into the world until we both are economically and emotionally safe and we both will be when we have the jobs we want.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I really don't see the dilemma, if he was my boyfriend I'd give him a kick up the backside and say if he really wanted to be with me for the rest of his life, then he'd realise that tradesman jobs such as plumbers are needed EVERYWHERE, and that he shouldn't hold me back from getting something which I've worked so hard for.
    My boyfriend is a tradesman and said he'd be prepared to move anywhere I'm required to live for a job. However I'm not sure if we'll still be together when I finish uni.
    What exactly is holding him down in Cornwall? Are you sure it's not just lifestyle, family and friends rather than his job?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I kind of remember posting this a while back, a little bit immature and annoyed about a situation. I have since given up on supply teaching. I notice above that someone said that supply can earn more money than teaching or that I should stay as supply is much better. I have now given up teaching altogether as I did supply for over 18 months but no permanent job came of it. I did not move but for other reasons such as family and settling down happy in Plymouth. I am now married to my boyfriend and we are so happy. he is still plumbing but has suggested we move. At the time of posting I noticed that the OH was good friends with a girl she caused quite a few probs for us but we maturely worked through them. We got married in April and I couldn't be happier. I took a job as a tutor teaching adults and was made redundant last week am out of work again but some of teh peopel on here were so right relationships should come before a job. It was the best decision I ever made and I couldn't be happier.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I :heart: a happy ending, although I'm sure your story isn't done yet. :p Grazs on tying the knot and good luck finding a new job.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *DEVIL* wrote: »
    I kind of remember posting this a while back, a little bit immature and annoyed about a situation. I have since given up on supply teaching. I notice above that someone said that supply can earn more money than teaching or that I should stay as supply is much better. I have now given up teaching altogether as I did supply for over 18 months but no permanent job came of it. I did not move but for other reasons such as family and settling down happy in Plymouth. I am now married to my boyfriend and we are so happy. he is still plumbing but has suggested we move. At the time of posting I noticed that the OH was good friends with a girl she caused quite a few probs for us but we maturely worked through them. We got married in April and I couldn't be happier. I took a job as a tutor teaching adults and was made redundant last week am out of work again but some of teh peopel on here were so right relationships should come before a job. It was the best decision I ever made and I couldn't be happier.

    A message from your maid of honour! You and your hubby are totally meant to be together and it's not nice that people on here were calling him a twat! You would make a brilliant teacher and I think you should start supply teaching again in September. It is hard to get work here and your hubby could probably get a plumbing job anywhere, but at least for now he has a decent job and you are starting afresh. You worked hard at uni and worked hard doing supply teaching, perservere and I know it will all work out :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel wrote: »
    Strange isn't it.


    Just seems such a "Northern" or "small town" thing to do. I can never get my head around it...

    Bit off topic, but that'll be me then :thumb: I've got all i need where i am and don't feel the urge to give any of it up and move somewhere else. Sometimes some of us are happy with the lot that we've got already :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Carolina wrote: »
    Bit off topic, but that'll be me then :thumb: I've got all i need where i am and don't feel the urge to give any of it up and move somewhere else. Sometimes some of us are happy with the lot that we've got already :)

    Yup - I still can't understand it. Just a differing of outlooks :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    GLAD it all worked out Devil :)
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