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Buses
BillieTheBot
Posts: 8,721 Bot
in General Chat
I live on a "super route", designed to make me ditch the car and take the bus to work, saving the gay black whales and the fluffy kittens and things. To help this there are no less than 7 buses an hour to and from town, to help me speedily swoosh along to work and shopping and things.
This means that one bus comes 5 minutes early cause the monkey driving it really needs a cig, and then the next five buses come late because the monosyllabic charvers driving them were too busy spunking off to kiddy porn in the gents at the depot. Four of these buses fly past you at the stop because they're full, and then finally the bus pulls up. Tonight is a good night; for my £40 a month I've got a seat. Sure, its next to a geriatric tramp who stinks of fag smoke and stale piss, but its a seat, so I'm grateful. At least the bus doesn't smell of the cauliflower farts of 37 sixth form boys.
Neanderthal Man grunts at the old lady who's taken 14 minutes to get onto the bus, and then away we go. 0-90 in five seconds, and then 90-0 in five seconds when the dozy old lady realises its her stop. The baby starts screaming, the toddler starts singing, the tramp starts farting, a bus load of teenage boys come and join in his methane chorus, and the bus driver doesn't know where the MetroCentre is because he's just come in on the back of a truck from Krakow.
Every day its like this, and I wonder why I use the bus when I have a car parked outside. If I wanted an irritating and smelly moron to drive me dangerously to work, I'd get the cat to be my chauffeur.
Fuck the gay black whale, I'm buying the biggest car I can afford, I'm going to fill it up with Esso petrol, and I'm going to park in disabled parking bays.
This means that one bus comes 5 minutes early cause the monkey driving it really needs a cig, and then the next five buses come late because the monosyllabic charvers driving them were too busy spunking off to kiddy porn in the gents at the depot. Four of these buses fly past you at the stop because they're full, and then finally the bus pulls up. Tonight is a good night; for my £40 a month I've got a seat. Sure, its next to a geriatric tramp who stinks of fag smoke and stale piss, but its a seat, so I'm grateful. At least the bus doesn't smell of the cauliflower farts of 37 sixth form boys.
Neanderthal Man grunts at the old lady who's taken 14 minutes to get onto the bus, and then away we go. 0-90 in five seconds, and then 90-0 in five seconds when the dozy old lady realises its her stop. The baby starts screaming, the toddler starts singing, the tramp starts farting, a bus load of teenage boys come and join in his methane chorus, and the bus driver doesn't know where the MetroCentre is because he's just come in on the back of a truck from Krakow.
Every day its like this, and I wonder why I use the bus when I have a car parked outside. If I wanted an irritating and smelly moron to drive me dangerously to work, I'd get the cat to be my chauffeur.
Fuck the gay black whale, I'm buying the biggest car I can afford, I'm going to fill it up with Esso petrol, and I'm going to park in disabled parking bays.
Beep boop. I'm a bot.
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Comments
Kermit, you should get my bus - there were only 5 people on it for the whole journey.
Although the day my bus takes 15 minutes is in the land of never-ever . 45 on a good day.
snob
This is exactally why I can't wait to get a car.
Why not walk instead?
A few things that I disovered on Wednesday that really annoy me:
- I have to get a bus to my new placement, but still have to walk a mile to get there
- It's going to cost me nearly 7 quid next week, just get up there twice and back twice
- The buses only run one per hour so I have to get the one at 7.42am and I don't even start until 9am.
I've hardly ever used it.
The Tube however is a marvel.
Yeah because we really want to promote small-minded intolerance and racism on the community page :rolleyes:
Ok so I'm not denying there are some funny bits in that post, but it's ruined by an obvious inability to resist looking down on people and just push it too far - the other passengers and drivers must be jumping for joy when they see you at the bus stop Kermit.
I agree.
Apart from the cost I've always enjoyed the bus. Especially the school bus.
However, I do agree with you about it being on the front ages. Some people would certainly be offended reading it on face value.
POTW?
Looking down on people? Hardly. Firstly I wouldn't describe bus drivers as people.
Perhaps if I hadn't been left standing in the pissing rain for half an hour for the umpteenth day this week because the bus driver couldn't be arsed turning up for work then I might actually have some sympathy. Perhaps if the bus driver could actually speak enough English to do his job properly I would have some sympathy. And as for the tramp, well, would you want to sit on a tiny seat next to some old filthbag who absolutely reeks of Lucky Strike and week-old piss? If you do, I can think of cheaper ways of doing it.
I look down on people who deserve to be looked down on, I defy anyone to say that they don't. And the scum that drive Stagecoach buses in this city deserve to be looked down upon, because they are the genetic equivalents of plankton. I still haven''t forgotten or forgiven the cunt who drove off whilst I was climbing on the bus, leaving me on the bus and my wife in the pissing rain at the bus stop. I hope he dies in a suitably nasty manner, and I mean it.
Maybe you all think its great value to pay £40 a month to be driven to work by a leery, sweary moron on a filthy bus, but I don't. If I wanted to be soaked every morning I'd step into the shower in my shirt and tie. If I wanted to be 20 minutes late for work I'd at least have an extra 20 minutes in bed first.
It's not snobbery or arrogance to not want to sit next to smelly tramps, and to not want to pay an extortionate amount of money to do so.
When i was a kid we lived sort of in the country and the buses were infrequent to say the least. You'd go to the bus stop and see some old lady.
'Excuse me, do you know when the next bus is to Eastbourne ?'
*looks at her watch*
'December love'
Ooooo really ? Have you got his phone number ?
I know someone that came 2nd in Mr Universe
Now i really really mean this. Have you got HIS number