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Buses

BillieTheBotBillieTheBot Posts: 8,721 Bot
I live on a "super route", designed to make me ditch the car and take the bus to work, saving the gay black whales and the fluffy kittens and things. To help this there are no less than 7 buses an hour to and from town, to help me speedily swoosh along to work and shopping and things.

This means that one bus comes 5 minutes early cause the monkey driving it really needs a cig, and then the next five buses come late because the monosyllabic charvers driving them were too busy spunking off to kiddy porn in the gents at the depot. Four of these buses fly past you at the stop because they're full, and then finally the bus pulls up. Tonight is a good night; for my £40 a month I've got a seat. Sure, its next to a geriatric tramp who stinks of fag smoke and stale piss, but its a seat, so I'm grateful. At least the bus doesn't smell of the cauliflower farts of 37 sixth form boys.

Neanderthal Man grunts at the old lady who's taken 14 minutes to get onto the bus, and then away we go. 0-90 in five seconds, and then 90-0 in five seconds when the dozy old lady realises its her stop. The baby starts screaming, the toddler starts singing, the tramp starts farting, a bus load of teenage boys come and join in his methane chorus, and the bus driver doesn't know where the MetroCentre is because he's just come in on the back of a truck from Krakow.

Every day its like this, and I wonder why I use the bus when I have a car parked outside. If I wanted an irritating and smelly moron to drive me dangerously to work, I'd get the cat to be my chauffeur.

Fuck the gay black whale, I'm buying the biggest car I can afford, I'm going to fill it up with Esso petrol, and I'm going to park in disabled parking bays.
Beep boop. I'm a bot.
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think this is possibly your most amusing post ever.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Quite honestly, that made for a very amusing read. However, you are completely right.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i thought it was shit and offensive -especially the bit about bus drivers being monosyllabic charver and illegal immigrants who wank off to kiddy porn. wtf
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :lol: That should be on the "Rants" page!

    Kermit, you should get my bus - there were only 5 people on it for the whole journey.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My bus this morning was very full, which was a pain, but that did mean that it didn't have to stop in the poor areas, because no-one else would fit on.

    Which got me into town in about 15 minutes :D
    I love when that happens ;o.

    Although the day my bus takes 15 minutes is in the land of never-ever :(. 45 on a good day.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :D money. good work kermit
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    good post

    snob :D
  • Teh_GerbilTeh_Gerbil Posts: 13,332 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Good post.

    This is exactally why I can't wait to get a car.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This must be the English arrogance that they've inherited from the French (who they oh so hate). I wait 1 hour for a bus into town and I only live 3 miles from it. Wise yourself up!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wait 1 hour for a bus into town and I only live 3 miles from it

    Why not walk instead?

    A few things that I disovered on Wednesday that really annoy me:
    - I have to get a bus to my new placement, but still have to walk a mile to get there
    - It's going to cost me nearly 7 quid next week, just get up there twice and back twice
    - The buses only run one per hour so I have to get the one at 7.42am and I don't even start until 9am.
  • SkiveSkive Posts: 15,282 Skive's The Limit
    The nearest bus stop to me has a bus visit it 4 time a day. If I walk an extra mile I get to a bus stop which has bus pass once every two hours. It £6 for a return journey from the nearest town.
    I've hardly ever used it.
    Weekender Offender 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont often use the bus, even in the peak times when it comes along every 5minutes or so, there seems little point, the traffic in London is so bad I might as well walk.

    The Tube however is a marvel.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I used to get the bus in London to work but now its too far - it was great i loved it plus the congestion charge meant there were hardly any cars in the city and it greatly speeded up my journey and as i got on at the beginning of the route i always got a seat - raaahh
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just in time for post of the week :p
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    VinylVicky wrote:
    Just in time for post of the week :p

    Yeah because we really want to promote small-minded intolerance and racism on the community page :rolleyes:

    Ok so I'm not denying there are some funny bits in that post, but it's ruined by an obvious inability to resist looking down on people and just push it too far - the other passengers and drivers must be jumping for joy when they see you at the bus stop Kermit.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The irony of things is that say I wrote it for example, Kermit would have had a tantrum and accused me of all different sort of things. But because hes wrote it, its acceptable.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i just think that there are some really nice bus drivers and i'm a bit confused as to why kermit is saying that they're illegal immigrant peadophiles. thats not even funny.
  • SkiveSkive Posts: 15,282 Skive's The Limit
    lipsy wrote:
    i just think that there are some really nice bus drivers and i'm a bit confused as to why kermit is saying that they're illegal immigrant peadophiles. thats not even funny.

    I agree.

    Apart from the cost I've always enjoyed the bus. Especially the school bus.
    Weekender Offender 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I remember one bus driver was a Britains strongest man competitor.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    **Helen** wrote:
    Yeah because we really want to promote small-minded intolerance and racism on the community page :rolleyes:
    :rolleyes: It was a joke! Hence the the smilie, Helen. I was saying he knew lots would like it, so he did it in time for POTW.

    However, I do agree with you about it being on the front ages. Some people would certainly be offended reading it on face value.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't mind buses that much. Sure they're never on time, and there's the odd moody twat driving, but generally they're okay. But then maybe it's because I don't sit there basking in my own superiority, pointing out reasons why everyone else on the bus isn't fit to wipe my arse. I don't know.
  • SkiveSkive Posts: 15,282 Skive's The Limit
    I don't mind buses that much. Sure they're never on time, and there's the odd moody twat driving, but generally they're okay. But then maybe it's because I don't sit there basking in my own superiority, pointing out reasons why everyone else on the bus isn't fit to wipe my arse. I don't know.

    POTW? :D
    Weekender Offender 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    **Helen** wrote:
    Ok so I'm not denying there are some funny bits in that post, but it's ruined by an obvious inability to resist looking down on people

    Looking down on people? Hardly. Firstly I wouldn't describe bus drivers as people.

    Perhaps if I hadn't been left standing in the pissing rain for half an hour for the umpteenth day this week because the bus driver couldn't be arsed turning up for work then I might actually have some sympathy. Perhaps if the bus driver could actually speak enough English to do his job properly I would have some sympathy. And as for the tramp, well, would you want to sit on a tiny seat next to some old filthbag who absolutely reeks of Lucky Strike and week-old piss? If you do, I can think of cheaper ways of doing it.

    I look down on people who deserve to be looked down on, I defy anyone to say that they don't. And the scum that drive Stagecoach buses in this city deserve to be looked down upon, because they are the genetic equivalents of plankton. I still haven''t forgotten or forgiven the cunt who drove off whilst I was climbing on the bus, leaving me on the bus and my wife in the pissing rain at the bus stop. I hope he dies in a suitably nasty manner, and I mean it.

    Maybe you all think its great value to pay £40 a month to be driven to work by a leery, sweary moron on a filthy bus, but I don't. If I wanted to be soaked every morning I'd step into the shower in my shirt and tie. If I wanted to be 20 minutes late for work I'd at least have an extra 20 minutes in bed first.

    It's not snobbery or arrogance to not want to sit next to smelly tramps, and to not want to pay an extortionate amount of money to do so.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Skive wrote:
    The nearest bus stop to me has a bus visit it 4 time a day.

    When i was a kid we lived sort of in the country and the buses were infrequent to say the least. You'd go to the bus stop and see some old lady.

    'Excuse me, do you know when the next bus is to Eastbourne ?'

    *looks at her watch*

    'December love'

    :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    HIT wrote:
    I remember one bus driver was a Britains strongest man competitor.


    Ooooo really ? Have you got his phone number ? :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    RubberSkin wrote:
    Ooooo really ? Have you got his phone number ? :D
    haha

    I know someone that came 2nd in Mr Universe
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    VinylVicky wrote:
    haha

    I know someone that came 2nd in Mr Universe


    Now i really really mean this. Have you got HIS number :naughty::D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    RubberSkin wrote:
    Now i really really mean this. Have you got HIS number :naughty::D
    he has a girlf I'm afraid!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    bugger :(
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