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i do some excort work every now and then - no money = no date. Period.
So, if someone told you that you needed a boob job to become more appealing to men would you do it? I don't see why I can't just be myself?
This comment really pissed me off. You have no idea how I've been treated in my life. You have no idea the cruelty I've had to endure. The constant humiliation I went through. It was only when I avoided women totally that I began to feel safe. You defending all the women in the world is just as ridiculus as me blaming all the women in the world. You and I both know that there are good & bad women.
I'm gonna assume you're not a virgin. Because if you were you would understand the kind of pressure society puts on people to lose it. There's general consensus that people who can't have sex are weird or gay. Normally I don't listen to what society says but it can still get to me sometimes.
That's not gonna happen...
I don't really want to do it. But I don't have any other options. And I don't think it's fair that I'm being denied the supposedly the greatest experience in life.
As I've said that aint gonna happen.
That's wrong. yes there's peer pressure but I've never (or known anyone to eperience this) know anyone to have been called weird or gay because they don't have sex.
Stop going on as though if you don't have it, it makes you pathetic or you're going to die if you don't lose it within the next year or so.
I've sid it once and I'm going to say it again - if you continue to be the way you are, then it won't happen. However, if you just wait and are patient, then it WILL happen.
Answer me this then (anyone can answer this, actually) :
What's so great about losing your virginity?
Well, I have, to be honest. It's made worse because when you're not getting any it seems as though it's the topic of conversation in every pub and the subject of every TV show etc. I can understand his frustration. I have friends who haven't had sex in years and it effects them pretty badly from time to time. I suppose that's especially if you've previously been getting it, but yeah, I know my brain would be battered if I was in the original poster's position. I can see where he's coming from, and while it's hard to understand why he feels it's so important I think comments like this:
aren't helpful. I understand your sentiment but that is just a true blue cliche. A willing spreadeagled lady isn't going to fall into his lap as a reward for waiting patiently; I think he has his work cut out to be honest (but I don't think it's a lost cause).
Good. Being nice gets you nothing.
That's some bubble you live in. Or maybe it's because your a woman, female virgins don't seem to get any stick for it.
Not a popular opinion.
Lets see: I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't womanize, I don't like pubs, I don't pick fights for no reason, I don't lie just because I can, I'm not selfish, I don't steal, I don't do drugs, I could go on for ages...
I don't know. Fate? society? There's definately someone against me because every time things start to get good it just completely falls apart.
That would be a nice change. Wishing I hadn't done something rather than something I didn't do.
I don't know to be honest. It seems to be a big deal to everyone though.
Women do get stick for it. I have done.
And with an attitude that nice gets you nowhere, I'm not surprised you can't get laid.
For a start it's a brothel. I don't get why you're trying to goad me into doing it though.
It's because people like to bash me. I could start a thread saying "Aren't kittens nice" and have it turn into people telling me how I'm wrong and how everything wrong in my life is completely my fault then I'd have some prick barge in and start mouthing off about shit he doesn't even understand.
I shouldn't be surprised though. I've been defending myself from group attacks my whole life.
I don't think people are attacking you.
Do you want to change? By that I mean, do you want to have more confidence with women and stop fearing rejection?
Indeed. It may sound like we are attacking you, but we're just trying to help you.
Of course. But I don't know how to reverse the damage done.
Some are helpful. Some are blatantly attacking me. I don't mean to group you all together. I guess it's that defencive instinct I've got.
Well, I think that what people are trying to say to you. Only you can change yourself and if you don't try to then it is your fault. I know that sounds harsh but its the way it is, nobody can do it for you.
I think you have to face your fear and go talk to some women, it doesn't have to be with the intention of making a great friend/girlfriend out of it its just about talking for the sake of talking and the enjoyment of talking to new people. The more you do that the less threatened you will feel and by the time you meet the perfect girl for you, you will no longer be so scared of talking or even flirting with her.
I sense here you are about to reply with "she will only reject me"
Maybe she will, maybe she wont but whats the worst she can do anyway? Laugh at you, spit on you, tell you to fuck off? You can and will recover from any of those things and they are worst cases anyway. None of my female friends would be horrible to a guy for simply saying he liked them or showing an interest in them...not a single one of them.
I am not saying you should go and try and pull every girl you meet but I do think you need to start talking to some women just in an every day way, doesnt have to be flirting.
Oh right! It sounded like they were saying that all the things that happened to me in the past was my fault. I accept that I'm responsible for my future but I was getting pretty angry that people were implying that I somehow deserved my bad treatment.
Anyway, the thing I'm worried about is that I'm not very emotionally stable at the moment and I'm afraid that I would take a rejection a lot harder than I normally would and that it would make me spiral down into a really bad depression. And there's the possibility that I could end up being suicidal.
I guess I shouldn't even think about women at this point.
Well maybe not then, but its still important to get out and talk to people (well I think it is anyway) just silly conversations about anything.
I guess then you need to decide what you are going to do about how you are feeling. Go and speak to someone maybe?
Good luck with everything. xx
Thanks for the advice.
First of all: Happiness. I personally do not think it is necessarily wrong feel jealous of others for being happy. It's not a good habit, but it is somewhat of a natural reaction. For example, if you were a kid at a birthday party and everyone but you got cake because they ran out, would you not feel at the very least some slight twinge?
We all would like to be happy. Some of us have no idea what it is that would make us happy, but regardless, we want it. It is not fun being left out and seeing others have what you want, almost flaunting it. Almost.
What needs to be taken into consideration when that instinctive jealousy begins to seep, is that person isn't you, so ultimately they mean squat in your life. It's a bit difficult to explain.
The second thing I noticed was the discussion of society. Now, in this case (and others similar), society is partially at fault. If you are anywhere outside of the main-stream, your chances of connecting or becoming involved with someone else are exponentially less than an eqivalent in the stream. If you are initially more of an individual and less of a drone, you will be ignored until you do something such as expressing an opinion. Once you do that, you are practically banished unless your opinion was just like everyone elses.
Personally, I don't think relationships and sex should really matter all that much. There are things far more important that are significantly more productive than running around trying to chase a lady all while wasting time, money, and effort just to see her get boned by some creep.
My advice is to figure out something else to put your mind to. Something that is actually productive and something you'll benefit from and enjoy. Even if you feel like you're the only one on the planet after a while, it might keep you sane.
Berk! I remember that guy! ^^
Because I don't think you'd do it, for exactly the same reason you think everyone hates you all the time.
Aww, are we all meanies bullying you? Oh noes. Perhaps what we're saying is right then- bitter whingers don't win prizes.
Meh. I'm not gonna argue with you. You clearly need to mature a lot more. Maybe when you've left school and got a job you might actually say something useful.
Oh sorry. I must of interpreted it wrongly. I guess I am bit stuck in the past.
I almost choked reading that.
Well said too.