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Depression and Self-Harming - Please read

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote:
    Don't think i can wait 2 months. Fuck it.

    Hey... don't be so quick...
    2 months will go by quicker than you think. If you want someone to really talk to, PM me or something. Please?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Stick with it, you're doing well :). You now where I am if you need a moan :).
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm proud of you! You're taking each day as best as you can. =)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my dreams scare me more than real life does
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote:
    Gone
    Missed. :(

    Take care x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm starting to lapse back into old habits - I never stopped the bulimic behaviour anyway. I could stop it if I want but I don't really want, though I hate myself for not wanting to make myself quit.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote:
    Bye for now,

    Look after yourself, young lady :). I hope you are leaving this site for good reasons, and I hope you know my door is always open :).

    Chin up :thumb: .
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't know much about your-babe, but I understand her anonymity was over, and I'm sorry to see her go.

    Now then. I've been having one or two doubts this week about my therapy sessions. I had mine on Tuesday morning, and I left the room feeling distinctly uncomfortable. Today, my therapist was asking me questions about showing my emotions. She wasn't getting much of a reply out of me, so she tried a more direct approach. She went around the room, noting my reactions. (though she didn't tell me this at the time) One minute, she was leaning against the wall the other side of the room, the next she was sitting right next to me. I understand why she was doing this - it was to study my body language - but I felt very uncomfortable afterwards. And I'm not sure whether I should continue with the sessions. Any advice?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    this might sound harsh;
    Therapy isnt meant to be easy. You may not understand what she was gaining from doing what she did , but im sure she knows what shes doing and if u think u should quit just because u didnt like it, u dont deserve anyone giving their time to u.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just a quick note to say...

    I am so incredibly angry at myself to the point that I just wanna scratch my face off. And I hate to be so violent but I mean it. I just wanna cut myself so bad... It's like... I want to do it... just so I can see myself in the mirror and laugh at myself for being so stupid...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's it... So fed up...
    I have to cut...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Feeling a bit su. And it scares me :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Girl_gunner wrote:
    Feeling a bit su. And it scares me :(
    I know you've had a tough one this week, so I'm not surprised you're feeling low. But please don't do anything like that. :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wow... go me... I'm such a fucking fuck up...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have no real feelings/desire to cut at all, it really does seem to have gone for good. However the horrible nasty black clouds of depression are back - AGAIN. :banghead:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    IWishIWas wrote:
    I am so incredibly angry at myself to the point that I just wanna scratch my face off. And I hate to be so violent but I mean it. I just wanna cut myself so bad... It's like... I want to do it... just so I can see myself in the mirror and laugh at myself for being so stupid...

    It doesn't sound stupid, and I know you mean it.

    You're wrong, and you'll calm down afterwards and realise it.

    Hope you're OK poppet.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It always gets better after I've really hurt myself...

    That's why I don't get it... I mean, if self-harming helps me, then, is it really such a bad thing?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Not at all. When you hurt yourself, your body releases endorphins or something to cope with the trauma. Or so I heard.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    But...self-harm is always seen as something that shouldn't happen...something bad. But, if it makes so many people feel so better, I don't understand why it really should be so frowned upon.

    I mean, I've been doing this for years, and still I keep telling myself I shouldn't do it. But then, there's been a few times when I've thought: but it's good for you, it's making you feel better.

    Meh!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Self-harm works for many reasons. The main reason is purely chemical- the hurt releases endorphins in the blood stream, and these act to increase mood and release tension. The drawback is that, like any other drug, you need a bigger hit each time. What starts off as a tiny nick escalates because you end up needing to do more harm to get the same hit.

    A self-harmer isn't that far removed from a heroin addict, to be very honest.

    Like any other addiction, self-harming is destructive behaviour. It works, but at a huge cost, physically and mentally. It is bad- it is bad for you, and it is bad for everyone around you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can't stop now. I started again and I can't stop and no amount of "but you did 19 weeks, you never thought you'd do 2" or "Kate, Depression is a state of mind, you need to ignore it and it will pass" is actually helping. I broke down in Union council when someone told me I'd misunderstood a procedure, and just sat for half an hour unable to stop crying, but most of the time I can't cry. I hate this I never wanted to be back here.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've not had a good few days, I've cut this afternoon, I might end up doing the same later. I felt suicidal over parts of this weekend. I just feel utterly ashamed of myself and really don't know why I bother. I wish I was dead right now.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I feel exactly the same right now. I don't know what to say. :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    piccolo wrote:
    I feel exactly the same right now. I don't know what to say. :(
    Maybe we can hug each other? It doesn't sort the problem, but at least we know we're not alone. :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you do it out of anger?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Rachael wrote:
    Do you do it out of anger?
    Me or Piccolo? If me... yes, that's normally the reason.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Both I guess.

    Yeah. I do it when I get pissy. The only way to combat it is chucking things around but then I get yelled at. What else am I supposed to do
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Rachael wrote:
    Both I guess. Yeah. I do it when I get pissy. The only way to combat it is chucking things around but then I get yelled at. What else am I supposed to do
    In frustration, I tend to do one of three things. (1) Just grin and bear it, if possible; (2) Smash something to smithereenes - my last target having been a defective CD-R disk last Friday, or (3) self-harm. For me, it's not just anger, it's frustration too.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stargalaxy wrote:
    In frustration, I tend to do one of three things. (1) Just grin and bear it, if possible; (2) Smash something to smithereenes - my last target having been a defective CD-R disk last Friday, or (3) self-harm. For me, it's not just anger, it's frustration too.

    When its done I just feel stupid. Today I squirted cleansing cream over my desk. Go me
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