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I would say that leaving your family on christmas day when you're not seeing them much as it is due to work commitments is pretty selfish and it hurts me so much. I don't know what the rest of the family would say if they knew but I do know that it would tear us all apart.
It doesnt matte about all that lipsy, cheating is decitful and painful, low and selfish. The examples I read up were just about the shag, which may be worse then some1 having an affair with some1 the say they love.
I mean if they genuinely love some1 else, maybe they are less blameless coz they really couldnt help it, but a shag? thats just cold. I think if it was the affair I'd be more bothered they didnt love me and loved some1 else rather then the shag itself.
sounds like a get ou tof jail free card, no saying he owuld just saying how it migh tbe interpreted.
I'm sorry to hear that too Sarah, I hope you all find some kind of resolution...it must be an awful situation to be in, so don't feel like you're alone with the burden of your knowledge of the affair (if nothing else, we're all here).
I just don't
What you say about love or just a shag and what is worse - I'm not sure. My mum seems quite involved with this guy and I think there is more to it than just sex (if they do that, not that I want to know). She has books from him about how he is her guardian angel and she sent me a text accidently just before she went on holiday with my stepdad and sister which was meant to go to this guy. It said how she was sending him all her love and that his heart will keep her strong until she returns to him (thats how I first found out something was going on). So I think it is more than just a fling especially as it has been almost two years now. It's not only selfish that she doesn't only love and share her emotions with her husband but I think it's also selfish leading on this guy and giving him some of her love but still coming home to her family at the end of the day. It's not fair on anyone and it most likely isn't fair on herself trying to juggle between the two and hide it. This other guy knows she's married and knows about me and my brother and sister - I've met him and spent the day with him and my mum just pretending that nothing was going on whilst I knew and really didn't want to be there. So I think it is unfair on everyone involved. As much as I dislike this guy because he's taken part of my mum away from us, I have to feel sorry for him as he lies in bed at night alone thinking of my mum sleeping next to her husband.
I hope all that makes sense - I do tend to ramble so I'm sorry!!
How is that unequivocally true?
I respectfully disagree, I think it's more adult to face the consequences of your actions. But we're not discussing what's "more adult", anyway.
(OT: Sarah, it sounds like your Mum's being incredibly unfair to you. It's one thing for her to have a secret affair, but it's another thing entirely for her to burden you with the keeping of said secret. I know you're not going to want to threaten her with telling your Step-Dad or anything, but is there any resolution in sight...will she ever leave for this guy? Or is it just an affair, granted a long-term one?)
I am honestly not sure how I'd feel if a gf of mine cheated on me. I guess I'd want to know, coz I am a seek the truth kinda guy but then I would no doubt end it with her, even though I loved her and she may say she wanted me. I mean if they do it once then they can do it again, maybe not the next week or month but years time maybe, it will still be there. The potential for them to hurt you again and I imagine it must be easier, 2nd time round to cheat then it is first time.
still I say all this and I am single so haven't got this to worry about at the moment. BUt I read all them stroies, all the real confessions, all the things I have heard an dknow from friends and its just so depressing and concerning. Someone can marry you, stand right there and say they love you and only you and want you and then just have sex with someone else on a honey moon or something. Its scary.
I strongly agree that cheating is wrong and selfish. I also consider pressuring your partner into agreeing to an open relationship would be wrong and selfish. Expecting your partner to not have sex with anyone else is clearly selfish, but it is not wrong. No, but describing open relatinships as cheating anyway is.
Everyone is built different psychologically - people's needs vary. People don't suddenly choose to have an affair because they can - they feel the need for it, and that need is outwith their control. It's instinctual for some people, and can't be helped.
Sorry, I forgot to say but my mum doesn't know that I know, or if she does know then she has never let on. I have no idea whether she ever realised that she sent the text message to me instead of to the guy. So she is burdening me with keeping a secret directly but I feel that I have to. I can't even let on to my mum that I know because I think it will just ruin the relationship we have. I still love her as my mum but I hate what she is doing and I can't stand the fact that she thinks she can get away with it. I know I could possibly do something to stop it happening but at what cost? I think it would be far worse than how I feel about it at the moment. I can't see a resolution except for if he dies, which is quite possible. He used to be an alcoholic, live on the streets and even used to drink meths. He is partly disabled and has home help to give him a bath (which is how my mum knows him because she works for home care and he is one of her clients). Mum will never leave my stepdad because she has security with him, but I can't see her stopping seeing this guy until he dies. I am kind of worried about that time because if my mum loves him like i think she does then how will she be able to control her emotions and then maybe that will be when it all comes out. My sister has made a few comments to me before about them being close and texting each other but I told her she was being silly and dismissed anything going on because I want to shelter her from it. She is 4 years younger than me and still living at home and my stepdad is her dad so it may be worse for her if she found out. Suppose I'll just have to wait and see what happens in the future.
Thanks for all your kind comments
I dont get what you mean in your next bit, you agree cheatitng is worn and selfish, I neer said anyone should pressure someone into an open relationship, I think thats wrong and you agree, and I never said expecting you partner NOT to have sex with someone else is wrong, far from it, its right. Faithful relationships require them not have sex with others, its not selfish or wrong.
I think open relationships are cheating, but I don't want to ban them or owt liek that.
Lipsy- I was merely typing aloud, considering the fact that a love based affair is more excusable then a pure sex one. I didn't say it was right in fact I think its just as wrong.
Spliffie- yes, that is interesting. Its sounds alot like addiction what you describe and there are sex addicts and people who sabotage their relationships by cheating as a psychological impulse. I guess you may not condemn those people, tho how much of it is uncontrollable is debatable.
Thank you
Nonsense. if your relationship requires something of your partner it is ipso facto selfish. To argue otherwise is pointless.
Loves much more important to me and I could easily go without sex myself. As long as I have that feeling of love then who needs sex? Its only a physical action. Loves a feeling.
Thats my views anyway.
But, I don't think Felix was saying a relationship can't work without constant sex from the day you meet, just that in the long-term (or indeed, forever) a non-platonic relationship can't work without sex.
If it did, how would it differ from a very caring, affectionate friendship? Even the Church cites that a marriage has to be consumated for it to be binding.