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Ok. Why?!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey guys. Sorry to be a depressing mare, but I'm having a bit of a bad day today.
The last time I spoke to my ex was on Friday; we got on ok but he said he had a new phone and wouldn't be giving me the number.
I asked if he'd be keeping mine and he said no, he didn't want it.
I texted him after I'd left, saying that I'd always have feelings for him but wouldn't contact him again and wasn't expecting to hear from him either - then realised that gave him all the power back so I sent another one saying "ignore my last message, it was stupid; of course my feelings will go. Hopefully when I get back from Devon I'll be over you totally. Take care". It was a silly thing to text, but at the time it seemed like a good idea! Lol.
Anyway he texted straight back from his new phone, saying "this is my new number. Shouldn't but don't always ring or keep texting me".
I replied telling him I didn't want it, it was better that way; at least for a few weeks and then didn't contact him again...until just now
Feeling a bit depressed today, so I sent this long stupid text saying how I can't handle this, still love him and wish he'd give me another chance to prove how much I care...etc etc.
Regretted sending it as soon as I'd done it, and he replied asking me to delete his number.
I phoned him asking if he meant it and he said yes. I asked why, and he asked if I was in Devon yet. I told him I couldn't until Thursday (did tell him that on friday, but hey) and he told me not to phone him, because he was in the pub and "they don't know you've got my new number" (meaning his mates and the people in the pub, I think).
I asked if he never wanted to see me or hear from me again and he said yes, then I asked if it was because he hated me and he said yes then I said ok and hung up.
He seems sure, but what I don't get is why he gave me his number in the first place! Especially after he said he wasn't going to.
Was he just messing me around again?!
The last time I spoke to my ex was on Friday; we got on ok but he said he had a new phone and wouldn't be giving me the number.
I asked if he'd be keeping mine and he said no, he didn't want it.
I texted him after I'd left, saying that I'd always have feelings for him but wouldn't contact him again and wasn't expecting to hear from him either - then realised that gave him all the power back so I sent another one saying "ignore my last message, it was stupid; of course my feelings will go. Hopefully when I get back from Devon I'll be over you totally. Take care". It was a silly thing to text, but at the time it seemed like a good idea! Lol.
Anyway he texted straight back from his new phone, saying "this is my new number. Shouldn't but don't always ring or keep texting me".
I replied telling him I didn't want it, it was better that way; at least for a few weeks and then didn't contact him again...until just now
Feeling a bit depressed today, so I sent this long stupid text saying how I can't handle this, still love him and wish he'd give me another chance to prove how much I care...etc etc.
Regretted sending it as soon as I'd done it, and he replied asking me to delete his number.
I phoned him asking if he meant it and he said yes. I asked why, and he asked if I was in Devon yet. I told him I couldn't until Thursday (did tell him that on friday, but hey) and he told me not to phone him, because he was in the pub and "they don't know you've got my new number" (meaning his mates and the people in the pub, I think).
I asked if he never wanted to see me or hear from me again and he said yes, then I asked if it was because he hated me and he said yes then I said ok and hung up.
He seems sure, but what I don't get is why he gave me his number in the first place! Especially after he said he wasn't going to.
Was he just messing me around again?!
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Comments
But on friday, I said I thought he's know he hasn't wanted to get back with me for a while, and he said "I didn't know...I still don't". Then checked himself and said "well I do now, after you lied"
It's things like that that confuse me. I know I'm reading too much into things.
And, if you are pregnant, I would recommend that you seriously think hard about your options. You don't sound mature enough to look after yourself, never mind another life.
He didn't have to give me his number if he wanted nothing more to do with me. I'd just texted his old number and told him he wouldn't hear from me again and that I wasn't expecting to hear from him either, so why not just leave it at that?
Maybe he didn't expect me to say I didn't want the number and his ego was a bit dented, I don't know.
He says I took things he said the wrong way and that may be true, but why say "I do think about you, you know", "I do miss you" or "I do want to get back together eventually, just let things die down a bit first"?
He could have just said he didn't want me.
You're not listening to what hes saying! you're just picking out the bits you like and then reading too much into them.
He didn't want to give you his number because you won't leave him alone, you pester him, always asking questions he can't answer. So he gave you his new number on the condition you don't do that. Maybe he just wanted you to have it because of the baby's sake -who knows. But its not for the reason you want. I don't think he's messing you around. I just think you're a headfuck and are casuing the whole mess.
From the small, hand picked snippets of what he has said, I still can tell you he isnt interested...so if you look at the big picture, and think about everything he has said and done, it should be blatantly obvious he is not interested in you, or ever getting back with you.
And if you dont calm down, you will lose him forever as a friend or even aquaintance
No he was not messing. He hates you for making him miserable.
God, I wish it would not have been phil growing a spine before you alasia.
hope that is the end now... At least he limits your options, since you wasn't able to pick what's best for you both.
the more u arse about the less likely it is he'll want anything to do with you
if he wants u back (which i dont think he does) he'll come back in his own time, and not a minute before....who knows, if you back off, he may even miss you, but right now, he's got u there, on the sideline, waiting for him, so he's in no rush
just back off a bit and u never know, if it's meant to happen, it will, if not deal with it
:thumb:
I understand that you're probably even more crazed about the situation than usual since you're pregnant. I feel for you, kind of. But -seriously - you need to catch yourself on because I remember telling you months ago that this was going to run and run and it has... getting worse and worse with every post you make. If you don't change your ways then it's only going to continue to go downhill, and while it's self-inflicted in terms of your own relationship it is putting the father-child relationship in jeopardy and that is pretty selfish.
I'm not at all surprised he doesn't want anything to do with you - at best he probably finds you irritating and melodramatic and at worst he possibly (as he has said) hates you. Leave him alone. When he's blown off steam he'll be back in touch with regards the baby, I'm sure.
I know that a week after we went on the break a month ago, he said he still loved me and wanted me in his life, but asked for space to sort his head out. I didn't give it to him.
I then kept pestering him, holding onto every mildly positive thing he said (when I know Lipsy's right, he was probably just trying to be nice. But the thing that got me was the "I do want to get back together, eventually" thing - he only said that about a week and a half ago!) and slowly his feelings disappeared. I get it.
All the way through I was just thinking; love doesn't disappear that quickly. To me, it doesn't. He put me through so much crap the first few months we were together and while I felt like I hated him at times, deep down I loved him. but maybe it wasn't love after all, it was clinginess and desperation.
On Wednesday I asked what he wanted and he said "ideally, friends for now. Then see what happens". I should have taken it as a hint (well not even a hint, he was actually telling me what he wanted!) and left it at that. But no...I had to fuck it up even more and keep contacting him!
I know I seem like I love the drama, but it's not that. The only reason I'm posting here is to vent, really. And to get a swift kick up the arse once in a while, which is what *ahem* 'certain people' are providing
It all helps me. I am going to leave him alone now (no choice, I deleted him number like he asked) for a minimum of 2 weeks, longer if I can stand it, then maybe try and see if we can get some semblence of a friendship going. Course I'll be hoping that it leads to something more and maybe it will, but I honestly can't see it happenening for the simple fact his frie ds and family keep saying they don't want us to get back together. And he wouldn't go against them - don't blame him because I've acted like a psycho!
For what it's worth, I normally handle break-ups loads better than this!
Think it's a combination of him being my first love/proper relationship (where I could see us being together long-term, usually I don't think like that) and being pregnant. I was sort of pressuring myself (and him!) to be back together by the time the baby's born, which is stupid.
What's more important is getting my life sorted!
Here's how up and down it's been over the past couple of weeks:
9th/10th Jan - stayed over at my ex's place both nights. It was really good. We slept together, cuddled up on the sofa, he was still calling me 'babe' and 'honey', it was just...nice. Weds (10th) I'd asked if he thought we get on better as friends than lovers and he said "we seem to be at the moment".
11th - he texted me to say he didn't want to see me again and it was over for good. I called him and one minute he was saying he didn't have any feelings, and the next he said he couldn't see me because when he does, he gets feelings and he doesn't want them. Also said something about his family hating me.
22nd - I asked my ex to meet me for a drink (non alcoholic for me, obviously!) and first he agreed, then cancelled and went out with his friends instead. I went to his place and tried to get answers about why he'd cancelled on me, which just made things worse.
23rd - called him and he said he was sure we wouldn't ever get back together, and he didn't have feelings for me.
25th- had a long chat about us, he said he wasn't ready for another relationship and it would take a long time to get over me. Ended on a good note.
26th - Said he wasn't sure what he wanted when I called him and asked. He said give him a day to think about whether we could meet up.
27th - met him on his bus to pick up some of my stuff, he asked me to stay and talk for a couple of hours, which I did. I brought up the sex thing; he said I could go out and get it whenever I wanted, I said I couldn't because the thought of sleeping with anyone else made me feel sick, especially as I'm carrying his baby. He said he'd only want to sleep with me. I practically asked to go back to his place, he said I'd only feel guilty afterwards and then made a joke saying he'd pick me up on monday and I could go back to his place!
29th - I said I knew we wouldn't ever get back together and he said he did want to eventually, but we had to let things die down first.
Also said he still had some feelings for me, and did miss me.
I texted a bit later on and asked if he wanted to see me, he said no and was really horrible (saying he'd call his family if I went over there).
30th - asked to meet him on his bus as another ex had just come onto me in a weird way (and it freaked me out) and he agreed. Ended up going back to his place and I persuaded him to have sex (didn't take a lot of arm-twisting!). He said "we succumb to each other easily"
We had a little argument when he tried to cuddle up to me, I pushed him away cos I felt awful for sleeping with him 'without feelings' and he said me pushing him away made him feel like shit.
31st - he wasn't going to let me stay over because he said we'd argue again, but eventually he let me, and we slept together again. With another argument about feeling like crap.
1st Feb (Thurs) - I'd asked to stay over again, he said he couldn't handle another night and that I was trying to rush things. Asked what he wanted and he said ideally friends for now. He took me home in the car where he said he couldn't get back together at the moment because we've been through too much. Left him on a good note.
Phoned him in the evening and I asked him not to contact me again, he agreed then I changed my mind...but he said I was right and it was better that way. Said he never wanted to see me again (I think).
Friday 2nd - went to meet him on his bus, he started off being in a mood and saying he ddin't want my number & wouldn't give me his, then we started chatting like normal again. I got off the bus then ran back, gave him a kiss on the cheek and said thanks for letting me stay over on tues & weds and apologiseed for being a pain. He said it was ok and he couldn't text me back as he didn't have any credit.
I sent the text saying I wouldn't contact him again but would always have feelings for him..etc, then he replied giving me his new number, but telling me not to keep phoning and texting.
I texted back saying I didn't want the number.
Today - sent the stupid long text saying that I couldn't handle this, still love him, wish he'd give me another chance to prove to him and everyone else how much I love him, and that I wouldn't hurt him again. He asked me to delete his number then I phoned and asked if he meant it. He said yes. Then asked if he never wanted to see or hear from me again, he said yes. Finally asked if he hated me and he said yes again.
I can see from seeing it all written down that I contacted him waaay too much, so no wonder he felt cornered and confused!
Maybe I did take a lot of what he said the wrong way, and I suppose recently he's pretty fairly consistent by saying he just wants to be friends...but can you see why I was confused, or am I just a thick bint?
You simply went too far. You've been an obsessive person who just won't. leave. him. alone. He clearly can't deal with it any longer and is trying everything to make it clear to you. You aren't even listening to him putting it as bluntly as a man can. He wants some space, he's begging you for it and if you care at all for him then GIVE IT TO HIM. And no, one day is not good, a week is not good, and a month is not good. Both of you have cut some very deep wounds in this short period of time and you two can't fix it together.
Please, for your own sanity go do something that doesn't involve your ex in any way and doesn't give you too much time to even think about him. You really desperately need it if you are ever going to see some light. As long as your life revolves around this man you will NEVER be able to function as a couple and it will just cause more pain and suffering for both of you.
His mother apparently doesn't want him to contact me, his friends and the rest of his family are against me (rightly so) but no one has told him to accept his responsibilities and at least stay civil with me for the sake of the baby! Obviously we do need a break from each other at the moment, I know that.
It's just no one has ever said it's wrong that he got two women pregnant in a row, left them both and then proceeded to call them 'nuts' - maybe his last ex was treated the way I have been? I don't know. He said it was just sex and she never really bothered to get in touch, but maybe she just gave up in the end.
If I wasn't pregnant, I'd find it a hell of a lot easier to just move on. But it hurts to think that when we were together he seemed so into having a baby with me, and now he's just not interested. I got a few days of him saying he was excited, but the rest of the time he hasn't wanted to talk about it.
Maybe he'll come round when I'm a bit further along, but I doubt it.
You don't leave him alone, you don't seem to have a life anymore. Everything circulates around him and you think keeping the baby of a man who's just the worst possible person for you is a good idea.
You keep clutching for ANY bit of hope he throws at you. You over analyse and you refuse to see that this is the worst possible relationship for you to be in. Real love isn't supposed to be as complicated as this.
If you love/fancy/care about someone you just throw most things aside and you are with them. You are suffocating him, and this isn't me saying you are suffocating him to leave him alone til he thinks about what he wants.
He needs to be away from you and you away from him. 48902048302 of people's posts are of them saying you should stay away but you keep refusing it and asking for all this stress you're causing.
Your poor, poor baby. Did your kid ask to be entered into this shiteous relationship? You are a terrible Mother to bring an innocent baby into this kind of environment.
You are a mental case because you're asking for all this crap you're rolling about in. Can you even remember life before you met him???
Just leave it, and let someone else post a thread in here for a change!
then have an abortion - it seems you only want this baby in hope of fixing things - like you thought it would fix things when you were together. And guess what - it didn't! A baby is probably going to make him more likely to go running for the hills.
You're most certainly going to be a single mother, and by all accounts are never going to be able to let go of the fact that you're not going to be with the father, and so will proceed to make his life a misery.
The fact that you keep 'reminding' him that you're pregnant isn't going to make him come back to you - he's going to be well aware of that fact but you seem to be using it as a 'bargaining chip' and yes, trying to lay a guilt trip on him! WE know you're pregnant, YOU know you're pregnant and HE knows you're pregnant. You DON'T keep need to telling us/him. You need to sort every other bloody issue in your life out pretty sharpish and THEN you can move on with this.
You don't seem stable enough to sort even yourself out, which is why I don't think you will make a capable mother.
I haven't quite come to terms with it...I just kind of feel numb and that's why I did consider abortion. I'm speaking to my doctor about how I feel tomorrow, but I'm fairly sure I won't be able to go through with getting rid of the baby.
I know I have support from my family, and ever since I called Phil the last time and he started calling my family names (including my two uncles, who he saw once on Christmas Day and who were lovely to him - he said "I could tell you were crazy from looking at your uncles", which I thought was so low...), I lost all respect for him and now I really don't want to see him again.
He can slag me off to his family for all I care and if they want to bury their heads in the sand and believe I'm not pregnant, well good for them.
They have an arrogant twat that gets women pregnant then fucks off (he's done it twice...) for a relative, who seems to think shouting and insulting someone's family is the mature way to handle things.
I know I've been childish too and handled things so badly, but I needed to say that, just to vent! Sorry
thats just nuts.
Obviously fucking just LEAVE the guy alone, stop obsessing over some guy that doesnt want you and start concentrating on building up your self esteem and getting ready for motherhood.
Honestly, your baby WILL suffer if all you care about is this guy.
I really DO think you got pregnant for totally the wrong reasons, and youre keeping it for all the wrong reasons too - It REALLY wont bring him back, and tbh, thats a good thing.
Youre gonna get yourself a reputation as a serious bunny boiler.
You really need to start thinking about your baby and get a bloody grip.
I know this will go totally in one ear and out the other, but im writing it anyway.
I keep saying though that I didn't have this baby for the wrong reasons...we were talking about it and trying for 4 months - ok so it was way too quick, but we were both thinking long term (at least, he said he was at the time) and when I had a false alarm in October, he got really excited because he was convinced I was pregnant, and told everyone.
We were happy at the time, I only started 'being a bitch' in November-December.
I'm not keeping the baby to get back with him, honestly the thing that's worrying me most about keeping it is that it will be a constant reminder of him - his other son looks just like him, and if this baby does I worry I'll start to resent it - and no child deserves that. I'm sure I won't end up feeling like that; once it's born I'll see it as my baby and not 'part of Phil', but I'll speak to my GP about my worries tomorrow.
You can only do that for so long.
Write a diary - your TRUE feelings and fears, and maybe then youll be able to work yourself out.
you sound like you dont even know yourself.
How am I lying to myself?
Hey - it's an opinion, and a valid one at that.
If I believe somebody isn't stable enough to be a mother going on the information that is provided me, then the two options that have been offered would seem preferable to bringing a baby into a fucked-up situation.
You dont just fucking PLAN a baby and then abort it cos you split up with the dad.
Yes - because that is no longer the plan! Thus a new option is provided.
If the relationship couldn't even make it past the early stages of pregnancy, planned or not, the fact that this girl seems to be a little unbalanced and unable to deal with things would lead me to the conclusion that keeping the baby would not be the wisest move.
People tend to plan MUCH longer than a few months for a kid, and they tend to be non-violent/emotionally fucked up relationships in this case. 'Planning' for a kid so early would seem to have been a mistake - and also it sounds like it was more a 'oooo - wouldn't that be nice' idea, as opposed to *really* thinking it through.
Regardless, I don't think he wants this baby - which leaves yet another fucking single mother trying to scrape by. I know enough single mothers and so many of them have nothing to do with the fathers... It's not easy, even when you're quite 'normal'!