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She doesnt seem very interested in me anymore.
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
okay a bit of back story first.
My gf, before i met her was obssessed with some bloke for two years. He messed her about like a carrot tied to a bit of string in front of a donkey. Basically didnt do anything with her but kept saying he wanted her and then didnt.
He made her depressed, and cry and all sorts. When i first met her she was still in love with him. But like all my gfs...i think i went for her cos she was messed up. (well thats not the real reason but im sure u get me). We've been going out for a few months now, in that time shes made me insecure because he texts her, she lies to me about him and one day i looked down her phone to read all these dodgy text messages about how he'd like to shag her and all sorts.
But like always when she found out i was snooping im the one to blame. All her saved messages were from him, none from me. Anyways we spoke and i told her she either stops talking to him, sets the score straight with him (i dont mind her having guy friends, in fact thats why i lose girls cos i let them have lots of guy friends and stuff) or get rid of me and break my little heart thats so smashed up you couldnt even tell what it was anymore.
I dont think she did anything, ive tried talking to her about it, but its either my fault cos she turns it around and im insecure (hmmm wonder why that may be, being cheated on by girls, dumped for other guys, told im loved and then dumped among many other things). OR she becomes like a brick wall, in fact the brick wall is better because it doesnt cry at me if i ask it to talk to me about things.
So he's talking to her loads now, probably how much he wants her now he 'cant have her'. She doesnt seem very interested in me right now, never wants to call me or txt me, if i ask her if she wants me to come round all i get is a 'if you want'. Just now i said to her, 'u dont seem too interested so i wont bother', she just said okay and wasnt bothered at all.
On her myspace there was a little questionaire thing she filled in. About me one of the questions was 'Whats the thing you like most about NeoNero'. She wrote 'he's too nice to me' (havent i heard that one a BILLION times before. And what did she write for this other guy? 'Almost everything'. So im just too nice whilst everything about him she likes. Wow i feel great now huh.
My one and only friend tells me she doesnt deserve me and i should stop being nice to her and stop her treating me the way she does. I cant stop being nice, ive tried, but being nice is who i am. Even though it doesnt get me anywhere, just get hurt more because of it. Girls dont want nice guys, as much as they say they do they want a guy who they think they can change and who upsets them all the time and sleeps with all their mates. At least thats the experience ive seen to fill my view.
So i duno what to do with her, shes nice to me most of the time, grabs my hand, hugs me and tries to kiss me when im with her, but in the back of my head i know im second best. I know she'd dump me in a second if this other guy really wanted her. Hell ive even asked her and she said she'd dump me instantly if a famous actor wanted her.
So what do i do, carry on going out with her untill she dumps me cos im annoying and a crap bloke whos far too nice to people. Get rid of her and fall into an even more depressive state as no one else wants me except for all the girls who tell me constantly they want to shag me and then reveal months down the line it was just them messing about with me. Or hope she realises that since shes met me shes been happy (and shes told me this) and hasnt been depressed or upset whilst when she knew him all she did was cry and stay in her room depressed.
Either way except the last one i will be on here probably talking about suicide again and how i feel, not that anyone can really do anything what with this being the internet and all.
I really wana chat to this guy and tell him to F Off, of course if i do that then im in the wrong AGAIN, what ever i do is wrong. But she wont talk to him or do anything, so what can i do, cos if i do something im wrong, if i dont do anything he'll still text her constantly saying how much he wants her.
So what do i do? Sorry if the post is a bit mishmash, i hope it makes sense, but i duno what to do and just write what comes to mind
My gf, before i met her was obssessed with some bloke for two years. He messed her about like a carrot tied to a bit of string in front of a donkey. Basically didnt do anything with her but kept saying he wanted her and then didnt.
He made her depressed, and cry and all sorts. When i first met her she was still in love with him. But like all my gfs...i think i went for her cos she was messed up. (well thats not the real reason but im sure u get me). We've been going out for a few months now, in that time shes made me insecure because he texts her, she lies to me about him and one day i looked down her phone to read all these dodgy text messages about how he'd like to shag her and all sorts.
But like always when she found out i was snooping im the one to blame. All her saved messages were from him, none from me. Anyways we spoke and i told her she either stops talking to him, sets the score straight with him (i dont mind her having guy friends, in fact thats why i lose girls cos i let them have lots of guy friends and stuff) or get rid of me and break my little heart thats so smashed up you couldnt even tell what it was anymore.
I dont think she did anything, ive tried talking to her about it, but its either my fault cos she turns it around and im insecure (hmmm wonder why that may be, being cheated on by girls, dumped for other guys, told im loved and then dumped among many other things). OR she becomes like a brick wall, in fact the brick wall is better because it doesnt cry at me if i ask it to talk to me about things.
So he's talking to her loads now, probably how much he wants her now he 'cant have her'. She doesnt seem very interested in me right now, never wants to call me or txt me, if i ask her if she wants me to come round all i get is a 'if you want'. Just now i said to her, 'u dont seem too interested so i wont bother', she just said okay and wasnt bothered at all.
On her myspace there was a little questionaire thing she filled in. About me one of the questions was 'Whats the thing you like most about NeoNero'. She wrote 'he's too nice to me' (havent i heard that one a BILLION times before. And what did she write for this other guy? 'Almost everything'. So im just too nice whilst everything about him she likes. Wow i feel great now huh.
My one and only friend tells me she doesnt deserve me and i should stop being nice to her and stop her treating me the way she does. I cant stop being nice, ive tried, but being nice is who i am. Even though it doesnt get me anywhere, just get hurt more because of it. Girls dont want nice guys, as much as they say they do they want a guy who they think they can change and who upsets them all the time and sleeps with all their mates. At least thats the experience ive seen to fill my view.
So i duno what to do with her, shes nice to me most of the time, grabs my hand, hugs me and tries to kiss me when im with her, but in the back of my head i know im second best. I know she'd dump me in a second if this other guy really wanted her. Hell ive even asked her and she said she'd dump me instantly if a famous actor wanted her.
So what do i do, carry on going out with her untill she dumps me cos im annoying and a crap bloke whos far too nice to people. Get rid of her and fall into an even more depressive state as no one else wants me except for all the girls who tell me constantly they want to shag me and then reveal months down the line it was just them messing about with me. Or hope she realises that since shes met me shes been happy (and shes told me this) and hasnt been depressed or upset whilst when she knew him all she did was cry and stay in her room depressed.
Either way except the last one i will be on here probably talking about suicide again and how i feel, not that anyone can really do anything what with this being the internet and all.
I really wana chat to this guy and tell him to F Off, of course if i do that then im in the wrong AGAIN, what ever i do is wrong. But she wont talk to him or do anything, so what can i do, cos if i do something im wrong, if i dont do anything he'll still text her constantly saying how much he wants her.
So what do i do? Sorry if the post is a bit mishmash, i hope it makes sense, but i duno what to do and just write what comes to mind
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Comments
If that was a bit harsh and off the mark, I'lll read your tale again and see if I've got some other comment/advice...
She's with you because she wants to be with you, you've got to accept that otherwise you'll push her away, possibly into the arms of this other bloke.
Also in her msn she has the line 'I wont love you, like i love him'. I asked her what song it was from, she said it wasnt. So i asked her what it meant and she wouldnt tell me. Maybe im being paranoid, or maybe im just second best.
>>>hugs<<<
She needs to grow up, that much is definite.
Everyone's got their problems; but not everyone has problems that are barriers to a healthy, adult relationship. In fact most people can juggle their problems and their relationship, with a little help from their partner. I think your problem might be that you (whether knowingly or not) invite this state of co-dependency where you take on all of her problems, fret and worry about them and everything else in the relationship... it's a wonderful, selfless way to be but it's not very conducive to a newish relationship. She'll start to see you more as a shoulder to cry on, or as a load-bearer for all her problems. It's good to an extent but it seems she's starting to see you as that and not a whole lot else. This other guy doesn't know about her problems, it's not as complex, he's not offering to carry the weight of her issues etc... while she'd probably realise in time that he ain't all that, at the moment he probably seems like a freer, less complex option than you do. Sorry.
I know it's hard to step out of (or take a step back from) a relationship when you fear that being single again will bring about all of your own old problems and issues; but at least then you are dealing with yourself, someone you know. If you continue to entertain this relationship as it is then she's going to take that as the green light to mess you around, as well as seeing it as yet another sign that you're "too nice" and will shoulder any old shit she chooses to throw at you. Talk frankly to her; and make an informed decision that will protect your own heart and feelings. It will be hard if you have to break away from the relationship as a result of getting things out in the open; but I predict it'd only get harder on your heart if your perservered after she showed no signs of being more considerate toward you.
If my signifigant other said they'd dump me if a famous actor came along then I'd drop them like a hot potato. Unless I knew we were talking completely hypothetically and in jest, as I know that conversation would be were it between myself and my boyfriend. Is she just joking around when she says these things, or is she genuinely just biding her time until something [SHE CONSIDERS TO BE] better comes along? If it's the latter then you don't need that bullshit, mate, really you don't.
doesnt sound like it to me, sounds like she is lovin the attention, she is makin him jealous that she`s with u and makin u jealous that she`s textin him
if she still "loves" him, leave, you will never come close, if after a few months he aint out of her system, he never will be, leave her
Read your story, it's a little painful to be honest. The relationship is not working as neither of you are happy and you're the only one fighting to keep the two of you together. She still likes this other guy; more fool her. But you are being used, and you're standing for it; something must have massively undermined your confidence in yourself to the point that you give yourself little value; this isn't the way to be happy, get rid of her and start developing a little arrogance.
Sometimes you need to be broken to be fixed.
I loved her more than anything, and if she said to me she loved me to, I'd convince myself that was enough. But I just became more and more unhappy because the truth was staring me in the face that she was more interested in other guys than me, but she was staying with me because I was always there to support her when she was upset, I was the 'safety' guy.
We're not going out anymore, and it's good. I'm still in limbo a bit, haven't been single for a long time you see, and since every girl I've been interested in or such hasn't really worked out fantastically well
If you want my opinion, she may or may not be messing you around, but she's certainly not showing you respect and appreciation, and at the end of the day, she's sacrificing your happiness for her own. She shouldn't play the crying card everytime you try and talk about - trust me I know - it turned out in my case that she was doing it because the truth was she was seeing another guy for 6 months behind my back, the signs were obvious but I trusted her.
If she can't talk to you you've got to ask yourself what's so terrible she cant tell you?
Tru dat.
WoW ! I see what your are saying.
My opinion on the subject would be not to call her, not to make an attempt at seeing her.
Go out with your mates and meet new people. See how they react to you. Be conifdent. If this girl wants her ex, she probably will go there. Look after yourself as no one else in the world will ever always be there for you!
p.s. I used to be one of those guys i think :eek2:
Kermit, are you indeed a heartless bitch? :razz:
I would personally just try to comfort her as much as possible without being too nanny like, as well as support her like the Pillars of Heracles when she lets it get to her.
But pick your battles. Yeah girls may not prefer nice guys despite what they say, but it's a bit hypocritical to state that when your own situation condradicts it.
If it really bothers you, ask her. Ask her if she really does like (or 'love') him more than she you, and get an answer out of it. If she doesn't know, discuss it. You might as well try and get a straight answer, otherwise you'll end up beating around the bush for weeks being hesitant and timid, and meanwhile you might just be in the exact situation you don't want to be in. Consequentially, you'll probably end up getting hurt.
If anything your situation is at least entertaining.
You probably need to exaggerate this a lot more so its closer to the truth. I dont have...well i do have confidence, i can chat to girls at random quite easily, i aint shy in that respect, i click with certain people right away. But no one notices me, ive only had one gf who i havent met off a website (only because she wanted my money) and no one else is interested in me. Girls in clubs dont notice i am there, i am like a ghost, people walk through me, they dont apologise for pushing me, its like im not even there. No girl thinks im attractive, although you can judge for yourself with this picture i took the other night.
http://img102.imageshack.us/img102/7302/menewsb9.jpg
Not that i look like that 99% of the time (less of the wet shower look) but id hardly say im an ugly guy who looks dirty or discusting.
I had many girls rip my heart and one girl in particular destroyed it. I dont love anyone (except my parents) because i just think when they say it back they dont mean it. Because no one else ever has, my best friend (who was my soul mate apparently) hasnt spoken to me in a year and wanted nothing to do with me.
Right now in front of me is a wall full of pictures of me and 'friends' and ex gfs and im happy in them all. Except that not one of them speaks to me anymore.
I had an, well you could say argument but im not the shouty type with my gf. I go to her house all the time, shes ill right now so surely thats doing something extra nice right? Looking after her. But all she could care about is playing on the sims or watching tv. I even asked her if a tv show was on, would she see me and miss it or miss me and see it. She said she'd get me to watch it with her. The sims has a new add on pack out next week or something. I asked her if she'd see me and not have to buy and play the game right away. She said she'd have to play the game and not see me.
Wow i feel really valuable and wanted. She then got in a mood and as i was sitting there not saying anything she said 'you can go home if you want' I asked her if she wanted me to go, she gave me no definitive answer and just repeated the above line over and over again. So i left, waited at the stations for an hour (because the trains only come once an hour) in the cold whilst she was in her nice warm house playing sims or what ever.
I duno, she doesnt care about me, but then again no one does. I havent had a proper gf in 3 years before her cos no one wanted me. just girls i knew as friends telling me they oh so desperatly wanted to shag me. Which was all just lies lies and more lies.Because it never happened, no matter how many times they told me or sent me dirty pics or what ever.
I duno where im going with this post now, so im gona end it with, my only regret is not dying 3 years ago :crying:
If you stay with this girl, this is likely to continue and just make you feel even worse. My advise would be to take a step away and if she really loves you she will come and find you, rather than you going after her the whole time. You said that she was messed up when you met her - if thats the case she needs to speak to a counsellor or something and not pass her problems onto a nice guy like you to deal with.
And, don't have the attitude you don't have any friends - we're all your friends on here for a start
No girl will care about you till you care about yourself. When a girl ignores you, you find something more interesting to do. Don't ask her if she'd choose you or her computer game. Leave. Don't call for a few days, see her less. Keep yourself busy. If she starts missing you, then there's a relationship to save. If she continues treating you the same, then it's pretty much over.
but ive had it happen to me, and seen it with my friends. be happy in yourself, and you attract good things to happen to you.
as for this girl: find someone better, you are worth so much more than her. do you have time to take up a new hobby or something? something you've always been interested in? try joining a club to do with that interest, it'll open up a new social aspect to your life and meet new people. it'll take a while for those friendships to develop into the support that you seem to need, but at least you'll be actively doing something to solve that problem.
looking at your photo, no you're not ugly. can i ask what "style" you'd class yourself as? ie clothes n stuff.
well everyone's got their share of problems i think...it's how they deal with it that makes the difference. this girl sounds pretty immature and she obviously doesn't know (or seem to care) that she's got a good man. i think different girls like diffrent types of guys..you can't really say that all of em love guys that push em around!! but if you want a loving fulfilling relationship that's going to last more than a couple of months, then honestly i hate to say this, but this girl seems like dead weight n uv got to let it go....cos she doesnt seem like she's looking for the real deal.
if someone doesn't appreciate you as much as they should, then they dont deserve to have you...if they want to spend their lives teasing n mucking people's minds up that should be their problem and you should just step away...and keep away. hope this helps!
I got friends, well a couple since moving here, but like most people they only want to know you if u are happy or they have a problem, people dont like depressive people or helping others out it seems.
I dont think i would find someone, last time i split up with a girl it took me 3 years before i found my current gf, met loads of girls between that time who played lots of fun games with me for their own pathetic enjoyment.
I got told by a girl yesterday if she didnt have a bf she'd think i was really cute* and a great guy and stuff.
No girl, and i mean NO girl wants a cute guy. Cute is just a nice way of saying your not good looking. Cos every girl thinks im cute and wonderful, yet they dont want me.
I have interests outside of work, if you mean hobbies i dont have any that are social really, mainly because most hobbies are anti social. I go out a couple of times a week with my friends though, not that i feel any better cos i just notice even more how no one notices me around.
You may all be very nice people on here who take the time out to help, but sitting here in a room by myself on an internet forum isnt the same as sitting with just one friend in the same room and talking. Its not socialising at all really, as my mouth is still closed and not a sound can be heard apart from the keys on the keyboard.
Its not a confidence problem i have, i chat to anyone, people meet me and most always say how im really great and they like me and im funny and stuff. They just forget i ever existed when the night is over. Thats if i can get them talking to me in the first place, sitting in a pub say and no one wants to come over and talk to some guy. Now if i was a hot attractive blond girl then that'd be a different story.
Luke is probably right, i should dump her, but them im still alone with no one liking me and the guilt ive made her upset.
I get the feeling she'll dump me tomo anyways, i always get this same feeling, like a 6th sense i guess, then again girls are hardly unobvious about their true intentions when they want to get rid of me.
Shes been acting real funny since my last post here, she normally always sees me on tuesdays, yet doesnt know yet if shes gona see me or not. I asked her if something is wrong and if she wants to talk about it and she just said 'not at the moment'. Which obviously means to me she will get rid of me. Add into this she texts the other guy more than she does me (spending most of last night texting him) and well. i can see im useless and unwanted and dont fit in
Thats why i think about suicide a lot, i dont fit in. Im a white dot on a black piece of paper.