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what IS confidence and how can you gain it?

SystemSystem Posts: 8,629 Staff Team
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    the ability to be yourself
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Warming up? Posts: 16,688
    I think confidence is doing what feels right to you without caring what others think. As for how to gain it, I'm not sure, I'm still trying myself. Maybe the way is to... not care about what others think? Perhaps.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Confidence is gained when you stop apologising to the world about whom you are and start to embrace it. It means being able to do things for yourself, but to also be aware of your own limits, and imperfections. There is a fine line between appearing confident and appearing cocky.

    Are you, by any chance, asking about how to be more confident dealing with women, or about confidence in a more general sense?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lets say both to be on the safe side.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Confidence comes from learning acceptance. We cannot be confident without accepting who we are, and are not. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I see what you mean.
    How can you show confidence when dealing with a girl?
    I would say what do you talk about but I dont believe you can talk about anything.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    \
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    example please?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's being willing to banter with people. They'll point out flaws, imaginary or real, and you can laugh and take the rip back, or go along with the joke. It takes a bit of practice tbh. I'm trying to think about what happened the last time my team were taking the rip out of me. But it happens so often that I can't remember specifics.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    example please?
    if someone else gives you an example and you use it...
    its not exactly being yourself is it!

    if you try and be someone you're not, the girl will pick up on it and more often than not it comes out as being quite sad tbh :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I mean an example of banter, I wasnt gonna use it just make sure what you mean
    for example if someone says "oh your shirt looks funny" as a joke and I say "I was thinking the same thing about your face" as a reply (in a jokey way)

    or say "yeah It was all I could find"

    like that?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Something like that :). To put yourself down in a jokey fashion, you'd come out with something along the lines of "I thought it might rub off on me, but it hasn't worked yet" ;).

    Being spontaneous works best. Just say what you think is appropriate at the time. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    just make sure its tasteful and non-insulting.....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    just make sure its tasteful and non-insulting.....
    :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, you'll find a lot of couples will tend to take the piss out of each other quite a bit. Oh, and learn how to handle compliments. Don't disagree with them (this goes for everyone) it's irritating. Use them as a cue to either make the other person laugh, (by taking the piss out of yourself or them a bit usually), or use them to move the conversation on. Best one ever, off Friends Kathy: "You have really great hair" Chandler: "Thanks, I grow it myself." Bit easier when you have lines written for you though. The key to taking the piss out of yourself, is knowing that what you're saying isn't really true. If you really believe you're thick or ugly or whatever, then it'll show when you try to take the piss.

    But in general, I'd say try and be positive most of the time. Talk about what you have done rather than what you haven't. What you like rather than what you dislike. People who are constantly moaning, or appear fed up all the time don't tend to be that much fun to be around.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    \
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To put yourself down in a jokey fashion, you'd come out with something along the lines of "I thought it might rub off on me, but it hasn't worked yet" ;).
    Smooth. :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wouldn't say this personally but would this count?
    (just an example)

    (I approach a girl)
    me: what are you doing
    girl: im waiting fot someone
    me: well if Brad Pitt doesn't turn up Ill be over here....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Perhaps, it's a little cheesy. It'd make me laugh and I might chat to you until my mates turned up.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wouldn't say this personally but would this count?
    (just an example)

    (I approach a girl)
    me: what are you doing
    girl: im waiting fot someone
    me: well if Brad Pitt doesn't turn up Ill be over here....

    Something like that would probably work quite well, on some people. The trick is that everyone is different - we all react differently. It - unfortunately - takes time and experience to build up the skills needed to interact with other people. You'll make more bad comments to start with but you'll soon learn the knack :).

    Basically, you just have to along with whatever feels right at the time. You can't sit at home and come up with lines that you think will be witty - you'll spend so long looking to use them that you'll end up forcing them out at the wrong time.

    Just say things that would amuse yourself - if the other person enjoys it, then I guess you've found a pretty good place to start :).

    Don't be too disheartened when things go wrong, either. It happens to everyone, no matter how old they are or how 'experienced'. It is human to make mistakes, but it's wrong to not learn from them. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    For the OP


    as long as its not a personal jab - everything is okay, but it's cruel to take the piss - its funny to make jokes about people as long as they know you respect / like them. Never take the piss - eg deflect a jibe with a personal remark, as that leads to trouble. People can't help the way they are, if you try and deflect a jibe the common mistake is to accidentally go for the gullet with a knee -jerk remark... that's a bad thing. I guess it's all about not being to precious about what people say at the end of the day - only your friends count... anybody who doesn't know you and takes the piss is asking for trouble.


    Says my mate Gemma.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thing is though I haven't got the guts to go up to a girl or look at the pretty ones.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why don't you start off simple, like joining a sports club (a mixed sports club). I used to be quite shy around guys, but when you're mates with some it gets a whole lot easier.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wouldn't say this personally but would this count?
    (just an example)

    (I approach a girl)
    me: what are you doing
    girl: im waiting fot someone
    me: well if Brad Pitt doesn't turn up Ill be over here....

    Some people could pull that off well, but most couldn't.

    Instead of delivering a set piece, just make some idle conversation. Start off maybe with what's the time and then bitch amusingly about buses being late, something like that.

    You don't need much confidence because you're not putting dignity on the line - and you can end up getting in their panties more easily than you might think.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hehe
    you said panties....
    just kidding

    My biggest fear is that a girl (the pretty ones imperticular) would tell me to fuck off if I try to speak to them or look at me like "Why are YOU talking to someone like ME!?"

    silly I know but....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't know ANYONE who is like that in real life. So that kind of complete bitch must be easy enough to avoid.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My biggest fear is that a girl (the pretty ones imperticular) would tell me to fuck off if I try to speak to them or look at me like "Why are YOU talking to someone like ME!?"

    "I figured it was about time you had a chance to sample a glowing conversation with someone who isn't up their own arse. I thought I might actually benefit you somewhat, but I now realise you are too shallow and insecure to realise the possible gains of using your mouth for a beautiful conversation, rather than sucking a different cock each night. Goodbye."

    :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To prove this theory that girls aren't really like that I made it a task one day to chat (or at least say hi) to as many girls as possible. I managed to do 7 in one day and they were all really nice.
    Still, Its just a thought that stops me dead in my tracks.
    just out of curiosity...
    how many people can go up to a girl to chat to them to get to know them?
    do girls like being acknowledged (for instance being said hi to?)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it's nice when you can get a bit of banter going with someone randomly. I am not the kind of girl that will ever give my number to a guy that I don't see regularly and is genuinely a mate of mine. but talking to people, maybe in the queue at a post office would really build your confidence. Maybe if you spotted a reverend in the lunch queue at your local PO you could say to the lovely lady behind you. "he must be here for births marriages and deaths while we're waiting" haha chortle.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if you get a reaction of some one up themselves or a snob, cut your losses your not going to get with them or even be friends with them you may aswell get a clever insult and wind them up before walking away.

    oh an my favourite approaching thing, done as a joke of course, "of all the bars in all the town of all the world" - in a kevin and perry voice
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