Ummm, cant think of a title :/

Former Member

My other half has been attempting to quite smoking for a while now, he's using nicotine patches and had a spell of about 4 weeks where he was off the fags totally just using the patches. Then he had a bad day at work and he said he needed to have a fag, we had an argument about it and he went and bought some. He said he wasnt coping on the strength of patch he was on and was going to go back to the doctor. So he smoked for about a week until he could see the doctor again, he got a stronger patch on Friday there and said "I'll start them on Monday".

Monday came around and he started his new patch, all was fine until last night. He was really restless and kept pacing up and down saying he was trying to keep his mind busy to stop thinking about it. Then about 10pm he said he had to go to the shop to buy some fags cos he had bad cravings, que another argument. I went to bed while he was out cos I couldnt face another argument.

So this morning we had a "chat". He said he feels like he's being forced into quitting and he needs to "prepare his mind" to quit. Having never smoked I cant understand or sympathise with him. He's wearing a nicotine patch and receiving (albeit a lower dose) nicotine through that so how can he still be craving a fag? It's not the physical thing of holding a fag, he's said that himself.

Im sick and tired of having the same argument, of going to bed not speaking. He wants to quit for our daughter, although he doesnt smoke in the house or around her, it's not nice him stinking of it.

What can I do to support him but also get him to get a grip and actually quit? Im sick and tired of having the same argument over and over

I think it's going to take something drastic from me to make him realise what he's got to lose but I really dont want to have to do that

Sorry about the length.

Former Member

Aw chick *hug*.
It sounds more like a comfort thing almost, rather than the strength of the patches. Having a bad day at work and so needing a fag, it's what he's always done and maybe he doesn't know how to cope without one.

Can he try any other ways to quit, like hypnosis or something?

Former Member

He tried hypnosis a few years ago and it didnt work, which was a nice waste of £250.

Former Member

To stop smoking you have to want to quit, sounds obvious but it's true. So no, nagging won't help.

I've actually been fag free since June 1st, it's not easy but I decided that I have so much to live for now. The first week is the worst.

Former Member

pictures of some manky lungs....they ought to put those adverts back on where the fat is coming out of the fags...or the advert where that womans attatched to that oxygen thing

Former Member

-[MoonRat]- wrote:

To stop smoking you have to want to quit, sounds obvious but it's true. So no, nagging won't help.

Although might sound harsh it's true and if anything every time you argue it's gonna make it alot harder to give up.
I gave up 4 years ago now, Chris didn't like it and it gave me another reason to give up.
If he doesn't want to give up enough he won't. He does need to get his head in the righ frame of mind. Thats the biggest thing.
Has he thought about trying the lozenges instead? Thats what i used and found them great as when you feel you need a fag you have one of those instead and you get that "hit" you did with a fag.

I know it's hard for you too. hugs.

Former Member

Although I've never been a smoker myself, my brother was for many years - he read Allen Carr's Easy Way to Stop Smoking and reckons it made it much easier for him - I've heard that from a few people. Might be worth a try?
Hope everything works out OK for you.

Former Member

My dad gave up smoking after 29 years. He used patches and the lozenges. He did try to give up a few years ago after an accident at work, but it never worked...

Former Member

As a few people on here have said, Mr Glittery has to really want to give up himself for it to work. Maybe he hasn't reached that stage yet, and no amount of nagging's going to speed the process up. Once he really wants to, it'll become far more doable.

My boyfriend had been smoking since he was 12 or 13 and is now 27. He'd tried giving up on a couple of previous occasions whilst at uni, neither of which lasted very long, but this year the combination of a relative becoming ill and dying of lung cancer and the prospect of the implementation of the smoking laws (i.e. having to step outside the pub for a fag in the middle of a rainy December night) gave him more motivation to quit than I ever could have done. He stopped smoking in mid March, no patches, just will-power and apart from the very occasional drag of a spliff and even more occasional cigar, he hasn't has a cigarette since. It's early days yet, but Im still proud.

Former Member

I dont "nag" him, Im more disappointed than anything when he has a relapse because I know that he wants to stop. Every time he is off them he says how much better he feels and then he'll have a bad day at work and it's back to square one again. He really needs to learn other methods of dealing with stress than lighting up.

Also the smoking ban is already in place in Scotland and that doesnt seem to have had any effect on him since he already goes into the garden to smoke and has done for over a year now. He's smoked since he was 14, he's now 23 so it's been a long time, Im not expecting a miracle overnight I just wish he'd see that there is someone more important than him in his life.

I told him about the Allen Carr stuff before but didnt give it a chance. I really dont know what to do anymore, Im not going to sit back and take it though that's for sure, drastic times call for drastic measures.

Former Member

Not quite sure what you can do to help though. If he feels load of pressure it will just make him want a fag even more.
Sorry to sound uncaring, i understand but i also know what it feels like from a smokers point of view.

Former Member

Glittery wrote:

Im not expecting a miracle overnight I just wish he'd see that there is someone more important than him in his life.

I'm sure he'll get there with time. I didn't mean you personally were nagging, I was making a general point.


Good luck

Former Member

As others have said you really have to want to stop yourself before you can expect to give up. You said though that he smokes in the garden and there is the smoking ban there now so really he probably doesn't smoke much around you in any case.

When I first met my ex-girlfriend 3 years ago I used to go on at her to stop smoking as I didn't really then. I started having the odd one then and then when she did quit she used to do the same to me. It didn't work and I still smoke but I'm not with her any more.

Former Member

Yeah, I'm afraid that it doesn't sound like he really wants to quit right now, and without that he could use all the patches in the world and it won't make squat difference.

Skive

Keep naggin him and he'll get fucked off with you. It's got to be up to him to quit. Support him but don't nag him.

Former Member

shane999 wrote:

You said though that he smokes in the garden and there is the smoking ban there now so really he probably doesn't smoke much around you in any case.

It's not him smoking around that's the problem, it's the fact that he has a daughter now and I want her to have her Dad in her life for as long as possible.

Thanks for the advice everyone