Damn womens mind games

Former Member

lipsy wrote:

but i think the point here is that renzo has only been seeing this girl for 3 weeks so she probably didn't want to come on all strong and so was just like yeh im not really bothered, when deep down she was.

i wouldnt say thats mind games either.

Yeah, you're probably right, she's not trying to play mind games, but at the same time, she shouldn't get annoyed when he doesn't do anything. She should either say she doesn't want anything so she doesn't look like she's coming on too strong and then be happy not to get anything, or sod it and say she likes being fussed over on valentines day.

Former Member

if she wanted something, she probably should have said.
If id said I didnt want anything, it would be because I didnt - ie at christmas, we both decided not to do presents.
I told him I wanted a valentines card though - I think men tend to think that if someone says they dont want something, then they dont.

I think for something like valentines day though, unless you REALLY know she doesnt want something, assume she probably does. Women do tend to do these mind games all the time. it doesnt mean theyre bad, it just means half the time the woman will be dsappointed, cos guys dont tend to be brilliant at deciphering them (in general, not in all cases obviously)

Former Member

stargalaxy wrote:

Yeah, her. The woman is always the boss in any relationship. I worked that out very quickly.

You want another mother not a girlfriend then, get a back bone!

Yeah its always a little difficult to work out what to do in this situation. I'm kind of seeing someone at the moment (i.e. we're shagging but not going out for dinner/ dates to the cinema) and she told me she didn't want anything for Valentines. I got her a card anyway so if she goes off on one for me not doing anything I can whip it out and impress her with my thoughtfulness and if she was telling the truth I don't look like a little love sick puppy.

Jon's V day motto: think ahead and be prepared

Former Member

Jon_UK wrote:

You want another mother not a girlfriend then, get a back bone!

Yeah its always a little difficult to work out what to do in this situation. I'm kind of seeing someone at the moment (i.e. we're shagging but not going out for dinner/ dates to the cinema) and she told me she didn't want anything for Valentines. I got her a card anyway so if she goes off on one for me not doing anything I can whip it out and impress her with my thoughtfulness and if she was telling the truth I don't look like a little love sick puppy.

Jon's V day motto: think ahead and be prepared

Excellent motto :thumb:

Former Member

*Stacey* wrote:

Its because girls what guys to go out of their way to do something special. If we just tell them what we would like, it completely ruins it. Its nice to know that the guy has given it alot of thought and not just taken the easy route by asking her directly what she wants. It makes it that much nicer! Any girl who says that they don't want to be spoilt on valentines day is lying. All girls like to feel loved and liked to be fussed over.

And telling them not to bother with buying presents will make this happen?

Drop hints yes but this girl was definately playing mind games.

Former Member

two types of girl say 'i don't believe in this valentine's rubbish': low maintenance girls, and very high maintenance girls.

when a low maintenance girl says it, what she means is: 'i think it's all a bit silly, and while i would appreciate any effort on your part, should you choose to make it, i would be equally happy with nowt at all'.

when a high maintenance girl says it, what she means is: 'of COURSE i believe in all this crap and i'm actually never going to forgive you for not buying me the biggest bouquet of flowers going and having it sent to my place of work/education so every bugger could see how loved i am. furthermore, should be stay together long-term, i will bring up this fateful day every time i wish to emotionally blackmail you into buying me something/doing something. you should be ashamed of yourself for even contemplating letting such an occasion pass without showering me with gifts, while i might get the shittest card in the shop for you and think that's ok.

for an easy life, i recommend either the low maintenance girls, or those who freely admit they like to be spoiled on v-day.

if your lady is the high-maintenance type, i recommend mind reading lessons.

Former Member

Abloodymen, kaffrin.

I agree with others that she probably just didn't want to be presumptuous and probably didn't set out with the intention of playing mind games. She just probably didn't want to seem too demanding, 'specially if you haven't been together long. But you're not a mind reader, and it all sounds like a bit of a pain in the arse, to be honest. I'm sure you'll be in the dog house good and proper, too. :nervous:

Former Member

Now i feel shite cos im not seeing her tonight and she says its work shes doing but i have a feeling it might be cos of this too. Bah. I know im seeing her tomorrow but with her mates so it isnt the same.

Former Member

well get her something and give it to her when you see her tomorrow. just something little. if i was her, id still appreciate it. better late than never.

Former Member

Renzo wrote:

She told me she didnt like Valentines day so not to bother with anything.

And you believed her?

Former Member

I realised a while back that men are too stupid to know when a woman is lying and wants him to be able to tell... so now I just tell the truth as much as possible, it's far easier.

Former Member

Personally i think she sounds very childish.

I cant be doing with all this say one thing but mean the opposite. ffs if people just be up front in the first place there would be no confusion!

Former Member

Blah wrote:

Personally i think she sounds very childish.

I cant be doing with all this say one thing but mean the opposite. ffs if people just be up front in the first place there would be no confusion!

Totally agreed here.

Former Member

I do hate Valentines day... I'd hate it even more if I were in a relationship. It'd piss me off if somebody did something for me because they were obliged to or following a crowd.

But back on topic...

I think it's people's defensiveness that causes them to lie, either that or she was dropping a hint.

Former Member

Jon_UK wrote:

You want another mother not a girlfriend then, get a back bone!

That's not what I meant, you wally!

Former Member

stargalaxy wrote:

That's not what I meant, you wally!

why do you say that all women are the ones in charge in every relationship then?
surely it depends on the relationship and the people involved what the dynamics are?

Former Member

rainbow brite wrote:

why do you say that all women are the ones in charge in every relationship then?
surely it depends on the relationship and the people involved what the dynamics are?

This is all in keeping with the cosy little analysis that men and women are completely equal in everything, especially relationships. Bollocks. It's women who are running them, they know it, we know it. I just wish people would stop burying their heads in the sand, and admit to this truth. We all know there's no such thing as a 50-50 relationship.

Former Member

stargalaxy wrote:

This is all in keeping with the cosy little analysis that men and women are completely equal in everything, especially relationships. Bollocks. It's women who are running them, they know it, we know it. I just wish people would stop burying their heads in the sand, and admit to this truth. We all know there's no such thing as a 50-50 relationship.

Never said it was. Theres usually one person who kind of runs the show a bit more than the other, and funnily enough - sometimes thats the male.
Maybe you need to be a bit more of a man SG?

Former Member

rainbow brite wrote:

Maybe you need to be a bit more of a man SG?

I don't know what your problem is recently, but please don't start picking fights on me. For someone listed as a Welcomer on the "View Forum Leaders" page, you really should know better.

Former Member

stargalaxy wrote:

This is all in keeping with the cosy little analysis that men and women are completely equal in everything, especially relationships. Bollocks. It's women who are running them, they know it, we know it. I just wish people would stop burying their heads in the sand, and admit to this truth. We all know there's no such thing as a 50-50 relationship.

Erm ... you base that on what? Whose in charge of a relationship depends entirely on who likes who more. If that is equal then relationship is equal. If girl likes guy more than guy likes girl then guy is in charge.

Former Member

stargalaxy wrote:

I don't know what your problem is recently, but please don't start picking fights on me. For someone listed as a Welcomer on the "View Forum Leaders" page, you really should know better.

Stargalaxy. My impression was the OPPOSITE. I feel that youre following me AND NMM round making snidey comments. Youve pissed me off. Youre not a newbie, youre just being a pain, and my "job" as a welcomer doesnt mean I have to censor my posts so you dont "look like an idiot" and if it does, then I`ll give up that job at the drop of a hat.
Im one of the most laid back people I know, so the fact you manage to piss me off is something of an achievment I guess. Youre obviously well skilled in the art.

Former Member

Jon_UK wrote:

Erm ... you base that on what? Whose in charge of a relationship depends entirely on who likes who more. If that is equal then relationship is equal. If girl likes guy more than guy likes girl then guy is in charge.

I agree with your analysis, but what I'm saying is I doubt there is such a thing as a truly 50/50 relationship.

Former Member

Jon_UK wrote:

Erm ... you base that on what? Whose in charge of a relationship depends entirely on who likes who more. If that is equal then relationship is equal. If girl likes guy more than guy likes girl then guy is in charge.

Its not even just that. without going too much into detail of the intricasies of my relationship, its got nothing to do with one of us being more keen on the other. Im just not naturally a very dominant person in a relationship. If that isnt taken into account, then I just feel insecure.

Former Member

rainbow brite wrote:

Its not even just that ... A lot of people are naturally a bit dominant or submissive, and sometimes people can go their whole life without really coming to terms and accepting that, or they may be in a relationship which doesnt nurture that. In that case how can they be really happy?

I've made no secret of the fact I've had very few relationships. I don't think that prevents me altogether from contributing to this, (and no, I wasn't saying that anyone had made that claim) but I admit it does affect my view on this. Happiness is, I suspect, something that is derived from more than a relationship. How many people are truly happy in their relationships? (nobody needs to answer that, it's more of a philosophical question)

Former Member

stargalaxy wrote:

I How many people are truly happy in their relationships?

Well I really AM. more than Ive ever been. Im not saying its 100% perfect all the time, but yes I am happy, and I think its partly because we both recognise the dynamics that suit us, and that doesnt mean I get bossed around or anything - far from it. Its subtle and its a very healthy realtionship which nurtures both of us.

Former Member

rainbow brite wrote:

Its not even just that. without going too much into detail of the intricasies of my relationship, its got nothing to do with one of us being more keen on the other.A lot of people are just naturally a bit dominant or submissive, and sometimes people can go their whole life without really coming to terms and accepting that, or they may be in a relationship which doesnt nurture that. In that case how can they be really happy?

Yeah good point. At the end of the day no matter how much i like someone i'm not going to let someone take charge of my life/decisions. I suppose individula level of independence is important as well.

Former Member

rainbow brite wrote:

Well I really AM. more than Ive ever been. Im not saying its 100% perfect all the time, but yes I am happy, and I think its partly because we both recognise the dynamics that suit us, and that doesnt mean I get bossed around or anything - far from it. Its subtle and its a very healthy realtionship which nurtures both of us.

Without going into details, it's quite apparent on the boards that you and nihilistic madman are very happy together, I wish you both well.

Former Member

STFU.

Renzo mate, she's been daft, if she says she doesn't want something, then doesn't get it, she needs to suck it up and deal with it. If she's going to muck you about, don't bother with her, it's a sign of immaturity.

Former Member

There was a quote I read recently somewhere or other that was something like "don't put the pussy on a pedestal".

crude - but you get the point!

stargalaxy wrote:

This is all in keeping with the cosy little analysis that men and women are completely equal in everything, especially relationships. Bollocks. It's women who are running them, they know it, we know it. I just wish people would stop burying their heads in the sand, and admit to this truth. We all know there's no such thing as a 50-50 relationship.

Former Member

Jon_UK wrote:

Yeah good point. At the end of the day no matter how much i like someone i'm not going to let someone take charge of my life/decisions. I suppose individula level of independence is important as well.

yeah, so if you went out with a woman who had a real dominant streak, there would always be a conflict. I think a lot of arguments and trouble in relationships come from not understanding who YOU really are and finding someone that really is the other piece of the jigsaw