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hate it

SystemSystem Posts: 8,596 Community Managers
I went back to my placement at the hospital this week after 6 weeks off (due to my marriage ending)
The first day back was fine, the second day was ok-ish, and today I went in, and just felt like id rather be ANYWHERE than there, so told them i wasnt feeling well and have come home. Ive felt doubts on and off for months, but kept plodding on. felt disillusioned, wondered if i was in the right branch of nursing, wondered if im just a shit student etc. Ive been doing it for 10 months and its a 4 year course.
Im also concerned financially. Ive been trying to get in touch with NHS grants for 2 months with no avail. Theres been a lot of trouble with them lately because theyre so hard to contact, but it means i cant get the extra money im entitled to for being a single parent now, nor can i get the evidence i need to claim housing benefit.
Its all too much and i dont think ill be going back :(

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Awww honey - don't give up just yet. Its always going to be hard the first few days back especially after this type of break.

    Stick it out to christmas (if possible its only a few more weeks) and then review your options - for the new year.

    There must have been something which motivated you to become a nurse in the first place and it would be bad to give up your dream just because you had one or two bad days. Additionally if you want to move to another branch of nursing it would probably be much easier to do it after you've completed the first year of your course.

    In what way is it hard to get in touch with the loans people?? Is it that they don't answer the phone or that they never respond to letters?? I'll see if I can have a think about some ways to communicate with them.

    Massive Hugs
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you've been through a shit time of late and no wonder you feel like quitting it all. when i started my placement at nursery i hated it, but after a year im loving it and would rather be there than at college. try and give it a bit longer, you may feel better again once you have gotten back into it and been there a bit longer, learned the routines again etc. if u still feel the same in a week or two, then have a big review - talk to your tutors or mentors about your long and short term options.

    whatever you decide, u've got loads of support and stuff here.

    hugs

    Kim x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Speak to someone at your university. Today.

    The grants unit are a bunch of useless bumbling fools.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kentish wrote:
    Speak to someone at your university. Today.

    The grants unit are a bunch of useless bumbling fools.

    I agree, on both points.

    As everyone else has said, you've been through a lot lately, and can't be expected to feel chipper and ready to face anything. Placements can be depressing and less-than-inspiring at the best of times, and when you've had the proverbial rug pulled out from underneath you in your personal life, I can only imagine it's a thousand times worse.

    You should definitely speak to your Personal Tutor (or whatever your University's own version is) about the way you feel first, even if you are 100% sure it's not right for you at the moment/ever. They'll be able to best advise you about the grant/benefit situation, as well as answer any queries you might have about switching branches. There's a huge problem with retention on Nursing courses (at least on mine, anyway!) so I'm sure they'll do anything to convince you to stay, but they should discuss it without having ulterior motives.

    Which branch is it that you're studying, by the way? Because that could be having a huge impact on your "enjoyment" of the course (maybe that's not the right word) and it's always possible to switch if you have a genuine reason or grievance. Something else it's worth thinking about - once you've completed a year then you "bank" that year for a certain period of time (at least where I'm studying) and therefore if you left and decided to return in a year or two, you wouldn't have to start from scratch once more. It's worth thinking about, although if you already feel a real lack of motivation and interest then maybe it's not all that viable.

    Anyway, before I babble anymore, I'll reiterate what I said about talking to your/a tutor or Student Services about it all. I know it's not a rash decision, but definitely think it through before leaving. If you need to vent, or anymore advice (although I don't know all that much myself :eek: ) then feel free to PM me.

    I hope you feel better, regardless of what you decide to do :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    at the end of the day you need to do what is right for you. but i would say that may be if you were to give it a little more time you might feel a little bit different, esp. if how you are feeling is a direct result of your marrage coming to an end. you should speak to someone at your university, and remember too that your university will have a counselling service if you need to talk to someone in confidance. on the finance matter, if you are struggling with the nhs it might be possible to access a hardship loan / grant direct from your university ~ but you would need to proove you are financially burdened. if the worst thing came to the worst may be you could intermitt some time off university, put your degree on hold for a bit and return when you feel better able to work at it rather than just quit?! also, it is probably best trying to stick it out until xmas - so that you can get maximum credit for what you've studied so far. but my advice would be: try and hang in there and talk to sombody if at all possible?! *hugs*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks for your replies.
    I spoke to my personal tutor before i took the time off anyway. The college were great about it tbh, and recommended that i took 2 months off. In actual fact i went back early!! I just feel that 10 months into the course I should still be enthusiastic about it, at least a LITTLE bit. Im also worried about how far behind id be when i returned, if i took more time off, and I really have been thinking about quitting, on and off since about 4 months into the course. Even before my marriage split up. I feel like ive given it a good shot, and I do know I want to work with people and in a helping/caring capacity, but I also REALLY dont want to have to clean up shit and crusty old peoples genitals - im sorry, I know that sounds like a really stupid reason, and its not a major major reason, because I can do it, and I dont mind sometimes, but I thought id find it less of a problem than I do. So many of the HCAs just dont even bat an eyelid, whilst im standing there, eyes watering, trying not to heave. I love the communication aspects of nursing, and I actually love the academic side, but i know id be one of those nurses they all complain about in the nursing times, cos when it comes to the practical side, I just think its such a shit job and dont enjoy it. I see the other nurses on the ward and think " is this what im going to be skint for 4 years to be like?"
    I was planning on sticking it out for longer because at least its an income with the bursary, but my 2nd months rent is due soon, and without being able to contact NHS grants, I cant get any help witht the rent yet. They havent responded to ANY phone calls - ive called them countless times in 2 months, and its always engaged. Emails are only answered with automated responses, and ive written to them too with no reply.
    This leaves me with £400 a month, which is quite a bit less than im entitled to now as a single parent, and with my rent of £560 due next week, I really need to get housing benefit ASAP.
    If I really loved the course, or even liked it quite a lot then id find ways round it, I know, but I fucking hate it. It makes me miserable.
    I have considered changing branches to mental health (which i am FAR more interested in), but I think im probably not even in the right place emotionally to do that right now. I could do with as few new upheavals as possible.
    Maybe ill try again in a while, but for the moment, I have my forms here to claim lone parents income support, and am planning on looking for work in a few months when im all ok again.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    have you thought about sticking with healthcare, but training in a different area? i don't think your reasons are stupid at all - it's your life and you shouldn't have to do a job you're not happy with.

    maybe something like radiography, or sonography, or something similar? it's just as hands-on and it's still helping people, but you'll tend not to be knee-deep in shite. there are LOADS of jobs in the heath service that you might enjoy.

    or if you are definitely interested in mental health, maybe you could chat to your tutors about taking a full year off (or however much you think you need to not feel all over the place) and then starting again in that field?

    i think what would be really useful is to speak to a careers advice type person. i know it sounds like the kind of thing you'd do at school, but it can be really helpful. they might think of things you'd really love to do but hadn't even realised it was a job, or thought it was too hard to get into.

    good luck with it all, anyway :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was going to suggest mental health if you don't like clearing up shit - being a CPN sounds much more like your cup of tea. But you are right that if you are worried about it affecting you emotionally then it probably isn't best to dive straight into it now.

    I think you should consider taking some time off and getting a different type of job for a while. That would give you an opportunity to analyse your reasons for wanting to go into nursing in the first place, and sorting out everything else on your plate too.

    Again, you're best speaking to someone at uni.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Good luck with your forms and stuff. I know as a single parent being full-time at uni is a massive finacial drain. Althought the Department for Work and Pension says that as a single parent you're entitled to Income Support if your income doesn't exceed a certain amount- my local social security office have decided otherwise and won't even send me a form, let alone listen to the arguement from me and the before department in a three way telephone conversation! And housing benefit!!! Don't get me started- they've decided that my student LOAN should be counted as my income as well as my student GRANT and the shitty £5 p/w in child maintenance I get, basicaly they've left me screwed! Would be better off sat on my arse watching Trisha all day! I am going back to being part-time in January as it's less hassle me thinks. Rant.......
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    RB...

    You are not a crap nurse if you boke at the smell of shite... you are human. Just some of us have a stronger stomach. But I understand where you are coming from. You are at a very difficult point in your life and you are a relatively inexperienced student nurse. I am not saying that it gets any better or the amount of shit changes but I feel you have to stick it out a bit longer. When you qualify, you could pick an area of nursing with very little basic care.. one of the benefits of nursing.

    Ask kentish says, talk to your tutor about transferring to Mental Health, communication plays a big part in MH nursing. Which may be the branch for you.

    Talk to the uni. who may be able to give you hardship funds or some money until you get the SGU sorted out.

    Final point... the SGU should hang their heads in shame... a number of people are having to quit their courses because of their incompetence and mis-management. CUNTS!

    If you ever need to talk, PM me or see me on the student nurse forum...

    Paul a.k.a Panthro
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thankyou. I appreciate it :)
    im definitely not going back. Im going to tell them id like to intermit for a year, because then I can go back if i feel ive made the wrong choice, but tbh, i probably wont go back. Im going to use my bit of time off to ty and get some voluntary experience in the mental health field, and then if i enjoy that, i will apply for that branch.
    I really am not in the right place to do my course at the moment though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hope you will be fine soon.
    release yourself, the sky is blue, the grass is green. the day will be fine.

    HOMEPAGE :blush:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :)
    Ive given up. Not even intermitted.
    might reapply in a few years to do mental health if i still want to then.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you think it's the right decision for you then good.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you have made the right choice RB, at the end of the day this is your career that we are discussing here and if you are not sure or have doubts then taking time out is probably wise, not to mention that when you have personal problems, for me it is near impossible to study or concentrate on anything! lol and i am just talking about breaking up with a boyfriend let alone a husband!

    I hear that about the nursing though, i have thought about nursing but like you, the whole cleaning up poo really doesnt appeal to me at all!

    Well good luck, i am sure everything will work out for you xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is there really that much poo then? I'm sure that's a REALLY dumb question but I've never thought about it before.

    RB - if you've done the right thing for you then there's no shame in that. Be kind to yourself.
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