Going out with 'friends'

Former Member

Short and simple. Girlfriend goes to cinema with male friend. Just the two of them. What do you reckon? There's the rational part of me which says if it was a female friend I wouldn't mind so why should this, but I doubt I'm alone in not liking it too much.

Former Member

Well if I was in that situation, I would be mad but then again I couldn't trust my ex,he always cheated on me with his ex so yeah..If you trust her and know shes a good girl then you should'nt have a problem. I know when I was going out with my old bf he didn't even like me talking to guys and that just caused more fights for no reason considering I was best friends with this one guy before we had even got together.

Former Member

I'd like to be able to feel alright about it, but I just can't. I can't help but feel uncomfortable.

Former Member

Museman wrote:

There's the rational part of me which says if it was a female friend I wouldn't mind so why should this

exactly. if you completely trust her, you wouldn't mind. and if you don't trust her, you should think about why you don't.

Former Member

i think it's only natural to be a bit..well, uneasy about it. but if you trust her, there's no problem. at least she's not keeping it from you!

Former Member

But what about the part of you which is always bound to wonder why they'd rather go with them than you? It's not as if we've been living in each other's pockets and need time apart... see each other a bit but not loads.

Former Member

lucifer devil wrote:

i think it's only natural to be a bit..well, uneasy about it. but if you trust her, there's no problem. at least she's not keeping it from you!

have to agree.

i'd go to the cinema on my own with a male friend just like i would with a female friend. and believe me, i have no intention of getting it on with any of them.

i think if she was being dodgy about it, she would have lied about who she was with so you didn't get suspicious.

Former Member

well its normal to be worried or wonder the things that are going threw your head. I would ask her how it went with out trying to invade or make her think you dont trust her.

Former Member

Sounds dodgy to me, but then thats how i'd feel and i'd probably kick up a fuss about it. None of us can really answer though as we dont know your girlfriend so none of us know what she is like. Does she normally do stuff with her male friends? or has this suddenly come out of the blue?

Former Member

If it was dodgy she probably wouldn't have mentioned it in the first place.

Nothing wrong with her socialising with male friends. After all she is with you, and that is what matters most.

Former Member

Thanks for your thoughts folks. You make some very fair points. I'm sure many of you know how hard it can be to think rationally in relationships. I still think it's a bit odd... ah well :chin:

Former Member

Museman wrote:

Short and simple. Girlfriend goes to cinema with male friend. Just the two of them. What do you reckon? There's the rational part of me which says if it was a female friend I wouldn't mind so why should this, but I doubt I'm alone in not liking it too much.

Are you jealous of him? Do you trust her that little? I think you've got some issues mate.

We all have friends of both sexes who we perhaps met/got to know before we got with our current partner and to be honest, we all need space once in a while to go out with our mates and if your boyfriend or girlfriend can't respect that, then personally I'd tell them where to go.

Former Member

There is always an opportunity for something to happen with a 'friend'. Even if you trust them it doesn't mean they won't do it.

Not bitter at all...

Former Member

I'm even worse then you, my bf is currently out with a mixed group of mates, ive been oput myself and am pissed, had a really great night and didnt think about him much at all (in a worrying way that is) but since i have work tomorrow and have had to come home im majorly thinking about him, specially as i text him bout 20mins ago have no reply yet. keep wondering who hes with what hes doing ect, think im jealous hes still out but same time im worrying how fit the girls are and why hes not thinking of me hence not checking his phone...tho i didnt think of him much when out....mabye i have bad double standards i dunno.

Former Member

Cheers for that Matt and others.

Thunderstruck, you appear to be in the small minority with your views. It seems it would bother most people. I thought as much. I also even think many people who would claim to not mind would probably be a bit unhappy deep down.

Former Member

Museman wrote:

I'd like to be able to feel alright about it, but I just can't. I can't help but feel uncomfortable.

Yeh, you see the whole idea of going out with just one other person feels too exclusive to me. I wouldn't be happy with my bf going out with just one female to the cinema. Don't settle well with me.

Former Member

Id be pretty upset if my girlfriend felt like this about me going to the cinema with a friend....hell cinema/a drink/just plain old hanging out....the fact that the friend is female shouldnt matter anymore than it does if they're male. I dont mind if she does something without me with one of her male friends...Friends are friends....maybe im missing the point ? :S

Maybe im too new age for this thread. lol

Former Member

I can see why you'd feel uneasy about it - I'd probably feel the same about my boyfriend going out with another girl.

Do you know the guy your gf's going to the cinema with? Is there any history between them? Perhaps it's a film she knows you wouldn't like, or perhaps it's something the friend is interested in and he's got noone else to go with so she's going, more doing him a favour really!

Former Member

its quite annoying when people think just because you are friends with the opposite sex that it means you want to jump their bones.

ive actually have had a girl recently sod me off because my best friend happens to be female and she couldnt handle it. bad stuff.

Former Member

If my boyfriend ever got annoyed with me going anywhere with my best friend (male) then I'd be really pissed off. But then he wouldn't. I'm having my best friend stay with me for four days and the bloke is really happy for me, and trusts me even though we've only been together a week. Can't say the same for Lewin's girlfriend though. Ho hum.

I guess it would depend who it was, and who they were going with. I used to get jealous if my ex even spoke to another girl, but then there are guys who I wouldn't care if they were going out with another girl as long as I was told.

I echo the point that if she told you, it is more than likely it is nothing sordid and you're overreacting.

Former Member

I can definitely see where you're all coming from. I suppose it is very context sensitive.... I know they've been friends for years and years and rational thinking would dictate that if there was anything there it would've happened by now. Like I say, I really wish I could feel alright about it. I am naturally quite jealous....

Former Member

*x*franki chicken*x* wrote:

If my boyfriend ever got annoyed with me going anywhere with my best friend (male) then I'd be really pissed off. But then he wouldn't. I'm having my best friend stay with me for four days and the bloke is really happy for me, and trusts me even though we've only been together a week. Can't say the same for Lewin's girlfriend though. Ho hum.

I guess it would depend who it was, and who they were going with. I used to get jealous if my ex even spoke to another girl, but then there are guys who I wouldn't care if they were going out with another girl as long as I was told.

I echo the point that if she told you, it is more than likely it is nothing sordid and you're overreacting.

Cheers Franki, I guess your post goes to show it all depends on the circumstances. You were very jealous if your ex even spoke to someone, but would be put out now if your current man got annoyed at you going somewhere with a guy friend.

She came round and saw me last night when she got back and was absolutely normal with me....

I guess like plenty of you I have 'baggage' and worry that history will repeat itself.

I'm hoping she turns out to be different. I really like her :thumb:

Former Member

If they've known each other that long and nothing's gone on then it probably won't.

Ummmm I dunno what else to say that hasn't been said already.

Former Member

Museman wrote:

Cheers Franki, I guess your post goes to show it all depends on the circumstances. You were very jealous if your ex even spoke to someone, but would be put out now if your current man got annoyed at you going somewhere with a guy friend.

I should point out that my ex was a bit of a serial cheater . I'm still wary, but I don't judge people if I don't know their past.

I can understand you being wary, but try not to let it affect your relationship. As I said, if she's told you she's going with him it's unlikely anything's going on otherwise she'd have lied.

Former Member

MattLiverpool wrote:

I don't blame you for feeling paranoid, who wouldn't.

Well me, for starters.

The wife goes out with male mates from work, and I've been to the pictures several times with girl mates without the missus. I know she won't go and cheat on me with them, and she knows I wouldn't cheat on her.

I really don't understand why people get so paranoid. I don't understand how someone can have a relationship without being able to trust their partner. It's not a criticism, I just don't know how they can have a fulfilling relaationship without trusting their partner implicitly.

If you are being paranoid it is your fault, and to restrict anyone else's movement because of your behaviour is really rather odious.

Former Member

Museman wrote:

Thunderstruck, you appear to be in the small minority with your views. It seems it would bother most people. I thought as much. I also even think many people who would claim to not mind would probably be a bit unhappy deep down.

Or maybe it's because I'm in a fully trusting relationship...

Former Member

If there's any trust in the relationship then you wouldn't be bothered.

Former Member

Well i gues i'd be in the minority also then. I'd be completely trusting, as you should be in a relationship, without trust what is their? I agree with Kermit's thoughts

Former Member

MattLiverpool wrote:

Jelousy and the feelings you get when you think your partner is out with someone of the opposite sex is felt by everyone and is a natural instinct. It's that battle again inside people where logically they know they can trust their partner, but the feelings inside are a little uncomfortable at times for some people. I get jelous, I just don't act on it and listen to my head. but jelousy is definatly one of the strongest emotions.

But you'd only get those emotions if you don't trust that person.

Former Member

I honestly don't think it's as simple as to say that 'if you're jealous then you don't trust them'. As Matt kind of said, jealousy is a very common and for many a very natural instinct...

Ah, I dunno.... :banghead:

Former Member

It's all about trust and communication. If she didn't tell you then I think you have all rights to be suspect. The only way that you are going to clear your head is to look in her eyes and ask her. Don't blow it out of proportion until you know the truth.

IF.....you have good communication and trust then who she goes to the movie with, male or female, shouldn't matter.

Museman wrote:

Short and simple. Girlfriend goes to cinema with male friend. Just the two of them. What do you reckon? There's the rational part of me which says if it was a female friend I wouldn't mind so why should this, but I doubt I'm alone in not liking it too much.