Fidelity?

Former Member

Okay... hypothetical situation for you all..

If you had been in a loving relationship with someone for the best part of a year, who had had quite a few gf/bfs before you (15+), but you suddenly found out that he/she had cheated on the majority of them, would you lose any sense of trust for that person? Keeping in mind that they had waited 10+ months to tell you, and had always slated others for infidelity? And that these incidents of cheating followed no regular pattern - i.e. not just with girls/boys they've just got together with, but long-term (18 months+) partners too?

And do you believe a leopard could ever change it's spots?

Former Member

I think that I would see these admissions as a sign that they were ready to move on and therefore they were not planning on cheating this time. The previous slatings of others for being infidels could possibly be a way of expressing their own guilt and disgust at themselves for the way that they had treated others in the past.

I do believe that leopards can change their spots!! I do believe that I changed mine so why shouldn't others!!

Former Member

I'd say I'd be inclined to believe they wouldn't cheat if they had been upfront and honest about it, and not cheated many times. I've cheated once and wouldn't lie about it - once was enough. However, I don't think I could really trust someone who has cheated again and again, especially on long term partners, if someone cheats repeatedly, it doesn't seem that they're sorry or have much intention of changing, especially if they've kept it under wraps.

Former Member

Just thought I'd add... what if you'd also jointly experienced a series of 'firsts' with this person? would that make the relationship mean more to your partner? or would cheating still be as likely?

and what if this partner had accused you of cheating a number of times (without evidence or even cause for concern)? would this also be showing their guilt from past-cheating/insecurites from being cheated on (once)?

Former Member

Depends on the guy. I know a guy who has no problem cheating on the first person he has married.

In this situation, how did the person suddenly find out? Was it from the guy or another person?

Former Member

the partner told the person. though the partner has become increasingly honest about certain things he has kept from his gf (for no reason) in the past.

Former Member

FilthyChav wrote:

and what if this partner had accused you of cheating a number of times (without evidence or even cause for concern)? would this also be showing their guilt from past-cheating/insecurites from being cheated on (once)?

Def smells fishy. When I was being cheated on, I said something to my ex like, "Ooh, who are you going out to impress?" And he went nuts. Accused me of thinking he was cheating (when he was) and then tried to make out I was cheating on him, because I was 'keeping my phone hidden' etc :rolleyes:

As I said though, depends on the person.

Former Member

partner says he is only worried about gf cheating because she is a guy-magnet and he is not good enough for her. 'parrantly. :yeees:

Former Member

i reckon you're either the kind of person who cheats, or you're not.

non cheaters may actually cheat once or twice, but they'll either be in a bad situation with the current relationship, or it'll be an accident, they'll be totally gutted about it and they'll never do it again.

cheaters may appear to change their spots, but as soon as a relationship gets difficult, they'll jump back into bed with mr/ms bit on the side.

cheaters occasionally become non-cheaters, but in my experience it's incredibly rare.